Wednesday, September 18, 2019

Having a Funeral for Perfect




If you are anything like me there’s a lot of noise in your head at any one given time.
 We often run worst case scenario’s over and over in our minds more than best case scenario’s. Sometimes we make up things that other people are thinking about us saying about us or reasons that something goes the way that it does, especially when it comes to pleasing my family! I admit I am a people pleaser… sometimes this is a strength and other times it is a weakness. I just really crave people being happy! Often it is a mission for me…
 More likely than not, we have absolutely no idea what someone else is thinking we just like to think they’re thinking the worst-case scenario. Mind you I’m very rarely thinking bad things about other people. So, I am not sure why I take up time in my mind to think about what they’re not thinking about me. It’s that struggle with self-confidence type of thinking that someone is always thinking negatively about me. I hate thinking that someone is disappointed in me doing something incorrectly or not to their liking. Sometimes that gets me in a heap of trouble at home when I automatically think someone’s thinking something that they’re not. It can really make me defensive, moody, and sometimes just not pleasant to be around. Even though there’s nothing for me to feel this way about I create an illusion in my head to often justify the negative things I am thinking about myself… the whole negative self-talk scenario.
This morning I had great intentions of getting a lot accomplished and everything falling into place trying to prepare for a trip to go out of town in less than 48 hours. What all do I need to fit in, buy, pack, get ready for my house sitters, take care of the animals, clients etc.! Let’s just say life happens and lots of stuff went wrong this morning, but not a single thing was that BIG of a deal, but still got short with my kid on the way to school and ended up crying. It’s so easy to get inside my head and try to figure out things I could’ve done better to make it have worked out any way other than it did. However sometimes shit just happens. And it’s beyond our control.
NEWS FLASH- We are not perfect, and it is silly to think we can be or can control what is!
Stop analyzing everything!!!  Sometimes I waste so much time analyzing things I forget about the here and now and the things we can accomplish if our brain wasn’t in the past trying to find a what if. I saw a couple friends running into the grocery store this morning for a few things, and it reminded me that we are all often in the same boat trying to fit in perfect in our lives, time for ourselves and our girlfriends, that woman/mom stress relief time to bond and connect. Over-stressed, overworked and feeling like we must accomplish everything with some impossible deadline instead of just going with the flow. Often God or the Universe has different plans than we do. Stop trying to correct what is supposed to be and embrace it! Move on push forward. Fresh start. Be happy from here.
My friend was telling my son the other day that her and her daughter had a funeral for perfect. Plan one for your perfect… celebrate that funeral and then bury perfect and just enjoy life as imperfect as you are!

Wednesday, August 21, 2019

Don't Bunt, Hit that Dinger


If you always do what you’ve always done you’ll always get what you’ve always got. Sometimes change is scary however sometimes change is needed to open doors to endless possibilities that you never thought you could imagine. Sometimes change is the right decision sometimes it is not.  If you have a dream pursue it. It might be a little bit more of a time commitment, a longer drive, more wear and tear on mom and dad’s trucks, longer hours changing or eating in the car. But you’ll never know unless you try. 
In life no matter what you pursue if you’re passionate about something give it your hundred percent take advantage of what’s available to you, no matter how old or young you are sometimes you can never move forward unless you take that risk.  
Here is to a new adventure, a new opportunity and a little sacrifice. 
I guarantee you will do great things my child.

Sometimes we are so afraid of change we are not certain whether it is a good or bad thing. We may be worried of failure... 99% of the time that is what holds us back, the thought of failure or the nagging feeling that someone may say I "told you so". But honestly sometimes doors are open that we should embrace and walk right thru and sometimes doors are open to help us realize what we have is already good and that something "new" might not be the  "what" we should do but shows us what we don't want.
I know I know that sounds two-fold and super confusing! So how do we really know we are making the right decision. I don't know if we do until we take that step sometimes. I try my best to lean on God and prayer to help me make those decisions... Sometimes these decisions are not a permanent change but a stepping stone or a learning experience. Life is a journey you know, and we should constantly learn and educate ourselves...
Recently both Paxton and I have had opportunities presented that may or may not take us to new heights, new experiences and successful pursuits. You might think that door open means that you have to walk through it!
 I am hear to tell you that as much as I would like that to be the case, his opportunity presented him with a chance to make a step in the forward learning and growing process, mine however dangling like a carrot and something I may have had thoughts of pursing in the past or maybe even in the future, just doesn't align with the decision I made this year to lessen my load, to put more emphasis on my true goals and my dreams, writing, riding my horses more, spending more time enjoying my family, watching my son pursue his goals. This "opportunity given would give me a chance to help more people, but it would also make a heavier load that I don't know if worth the trade for time and money. Am I capable of the challenge, you better believe that I believe in myself 100% on this opportunity that I COULD do it, but I also believe in myself to know when it is the right thing to do to say NO. I don't feel at this time I could commit 100% to this pursuit and therefore it isn't fair to those who would be affected.
I do love helping people and I love that God calls me to serve others, however sometimes there are limits as well as timing issues. I am grateful that others believe in my abilities enough to be presented with these open doors, however prayer, talking to people who have done what you are presented with and writing down pros and cons and discussing things as a family, can lead you away from the open door in front of you. And with that I must leave the decision I made and move forward.
If you are not going to give it 100% commitment or you can't, just reconsider doing it. Follow through with your pursuit for the maximum effectiveness.
Don't Bunt.... Hit that Dinger. 

Monday, August 5, 2019

“Be yourself; everyone else is taken.”



Day 4 of my journey to be a healthier me!
The start to a new week!
 I have decided that nutrition is definitely important! Making better food choices is definitely important! Working out more consistently doing something you enjoy is an energy and mood booster, For SURE! Having a list of go-to foods when grocery shopping and preparing to always have a healthy choice verses a convenient choice at my fingertips. I have never been a soda, junk food or fast food junkie… I just don’t eat routinely, and sometimes I may have a few too many bites when taste testing making sure my meals are savory and well received… also, I think I have mentioned I love to bake things. Banana cake and vanilla bean ice cream are my favorite sugary treats and I love pasta! But I also love fruits and veggies – which when most people “diet” they have a hard time trying to like things they don’t to make changes… I don’t need to be convinced to like those things… just to choose them over the pretzels, the pasta, the brownies and the wine… by the way… the wine isn’t on my toss out list!
This isn’t a change for a while… it is a change forever… but with this change I can guarantee if I don’t let myself have what I want occasionally it isn’t going to stick. I’ll be the first to admit I need to cheat, or I won’t be able to beat this habit of inconsistency. I can commit to working out more! Enjoying the things I like to do like swimming, rollerblading and Pilates and not forcing myself to try things I hate like running or going to a gym.
Let’s be real people, I am not interested in lying to myself and completely switching to flour free, dairy free, sugar free, mayo free lifestyle! I just can’t do it! I was a sickly kid growing up with lots of limitations on what I could eat- My mom sent along my own Sara Lee pound-cake to birthday parties so I could too enjoy something with the other kids as I had allergies to 38 different foods when I was born, I grew out of this eventually and sometimes I blame the lack of control as I developed a better tolerance of these things as I aged ( I say some things still upset me but I don't have the severe reactions I once had)  on what I eat an enjoy on being deprived of it for so many years.  I cannot commit to never eating a piece of pizza or enjoying normal pasta, Dairy Queen, or my favorite banana cake! Committing to change 100% is an automatic set up for failure, maybe I will never be model material (face it guys I am 40 with a short torso anyway! And did I mention I like to cook/bake and eat!) So let’s say I am going to commit to 95% of my week making better choices and 5% allowing myself to have what I want… but tweaking it just a little. Even when eating my healthy home cooked choices which we do most of the week on a regular basis anyway, I just exercise a little better portion control… sometimes I don’t think we realize we eat when we sample, or have seconds… I will take smaller portions and less samples to make sure it is “good”. I will eat consistently so that I don’t eat all day and then eat too much at night!
 When I cheat or go out to dinner I need to remind myself that I can’t ship my leftovers to the starving kids in Africa, so I need to stop feeling guilty for leaving them on my plate to be thrown away, when I am full I need to put my fork down and not eat like I will never have access to this savory food again! I can choose a  small plate of nachos avoiding seconds, 1 piece of pizza and a couple wings instead of 2 or 3 pieces of pizza, I can order pasta and eat 1/3 of it choose a mini blizzard instead of a small- and definitely not ALL of these things on the same day! LOL!  
I am here to tell you if you make unrealistic, unreachable goals for yourself no matter what you are trying to achieve you will not succeed.  I have known this in other aspects of my life and not sure why I haven’t applied it to this one! I am an instant gratification person I want what I want when I want it and losing weight hasn’t been any different, when I get an idea in my head I want to see it out and I really don’t like to wait for results! In some things it great because I don’t procrastinate but in others, I get impatient and tend to give up if the results don’t start to show quickly. I need to take this one day and step at a time and be patient with myself. Instant results don't usually lead to long term results as you can bounce back to your old ways quicker than you can form a new habit!
I am the first to tell you I am an open book, For years in Real Estate I have shared my failures and my successes with those who want get into my type of business… I do not hide anything that has or hasn’t worked for me, because you know what… what works for me may or may not for someone else. I feel like no one can really steal my ideas and show me up or take over what I have worked hard to establish, we don’t have the same personalities or delivery methods, besides there is plenty of business out their for all of us.  A lot of Realtors are super successful doing open houses, I am here to tell you I hate them, I don’t really like doing them and it is not part of my business plan. I do them occasionally out of obligation, because I am a full-service Realtor I do on occasion, however I would find another agent to do them 99% of the time!
 Do YOU! Find what works for you! You will never be able to follow someone else’s plan and make it work for you fully no matter what they try to make you believe! I don’t have the same body type, style, metabolism or desire of the Master Nutritionist I went to see, but that doesn’t mean I can’t take her tips, tricks, dietary choices and discipline and incorporate what works for me in my life. Use your resources, ask for advice, shadow people you look up to, but make sure that you take what you can get, take other’s ideas, learn from those who are successful but with every means possible create your own plan and goals.
“Be yourself; everyone else is taken.” – Oscar Wilde

Saturday, August 3, 2019

Sink or Swim, I'm Diving In.


Hey guys I did a thing this week I decided to finally take control of my life and do something for me. For years I’ve used taking care of others as a coping mechanism for all the different things that I’ve experienced in my life the heartache, the pain, the tragedies- the stress. Somehow taking care of others not only makes me feel like I’m serving God’s people it also helps me defer the problems and issues that I have. But over the years I have allowed it to come first before taking care of myself. All of us know that if we don’t take care of our self first we don’t really have the strength to take care of others not to full capacity at least !There’s so many stories you hear of people taking care of others not taking care of themselves and they end up dying because they didn’t know there was something wrong with them. How awful! And sometimes they die before the person they were taking care of. 
Last week I went to the dermatologist for a check up. It really sunk in with me after them telling me that my skin was healthy but the one thing that stood out was when the nurse asked me what medications I was on. Besides a vitamin for cellular health I take that my cousin recommended a few years ago and the occasional Tylenol and Sudafed, I don’t take any prescriptions at all. This is the second time I’ve been to the doctor recently that has asked me that question and the look on the face of both was a little bewilderment. Actually this nurse asked me twice just to confirm I think that I didn’t forget to mention something. Leaving that office it sunk in knowing that both my parents died young at 54 (at 14) and 66 (at 35) 20 something years apart from each other- That my goal is too far exceed their longevity. As a 40-year-old woman there is no better time than now to start taking care of myself. To let go of all the excuses as to why my career, my family, my household/farm chores and my community come before I take care of myself. Why I can’t work out or take a few extra minutes to make that better food choice! 
Guys I’m not talking about becoming selfish. I’m talking about caring for my body that God gave me to take care of on this earth so that I can carry out what I am here to do in the best way possible. This will allow me to take better care of everyone else which service to God is my passion. I love helping others! 
I’ll be the first to admit that even though I am the one in charge and I know what to do I needed a little help. This week I went to see a master nutritionist who is going to help me get myself back on track. I’ve had a lot of heartache and pain in my life and eating not only because A- I love to cook and B I love to eat I eat when I’m stressed or as a coping mechanism food is good and my schedule can be less than predictable sometimes. I’ll be the first to admit my routine sucks. I’ve never been a huge person who loves routine. And honestly that’s why I chose to be an entrepreneur and not work for someone else. I definitely don’t like those constraints. I love the unknown I love the last minute and I crave new things and situations. 
After last winter of putting in a $40,000 pool and I’ll admit to you this I am not ashamed of how much it cost because I worked hard for it! It is something that I wanted my son and his friends to be able to enjoy for years to come. But why stop there. Why can't I enjoy it! After years of swimming on a team in junior high and high school and a little bit of casual swimming in college, pools became less and less accessible the older I got and the more responsibility I had the harder it was to find the time. But you know what I love to swim and what better exercise to get then something that you enjoy doing. Besides a few late nights with Paxton messing around and swimming a few laps I haven’t “swam” in years! My boys went fishing this morning, I grabbed my Speedo goggles I bought just for me, my cheap Walmart 1 piece bathing suit (I may need to go shopping soon) and a towel. I set my timer, turned on some tunes and dove in swimming for 30 mins straight... I may be regretting it in the morning. (I’ll keep you posted) But I did it for me. And you know what it couldn’t have come at a better time! It reminded me of how much I love it, I miss it and I think I can make it a habit again. 
40 is the new 20 right? 
In the words of Steven Curtis Chapman 
“Sink or swim I’m diving in. “

Monday, July 22, 2019

The complain train is stopping... Get Off!



It is so easy to get caught up in complaining depending on the day or what is going on in your life this can dictate the length of the train. 
Picture sitting at a train track waiting.. the longer the train usually indicates the amount of time you are stuck and wasting your time. 
Complaining can be a huge time waster. Most of the time complaining doesn’t get me anywhere it just temporarily makes me feel better I guess, but does it? Or is it wasting my energy on something negative affecting my otherwise positive mood!? 
The other day I made a post complaining, had plenty of people comment on my right to bitch about something unfair but it didn’t change my situation or make it right. It just caused a negative atmosphere that probably would have continued if I let people continue to comment. But I decided it was enough negativity to spread so I deleted it. 
Sometimes it is hard to get off the train once you are on it thus creating it to become longer as you gather validation by others who join you. 
Our weather here is beautiful eight months of the year and the other four months I catch myself complaining A LOT about how hot it is, then when the monsoons come and it gets humid I complain how hot and sticky it is! Not wanting to go outside and enjoy our otherwise beautiful weather! 
I have to remember that I don’t shovel snow and we are very blessed to have air-conditioning both in buildings, our home and our cars which a lot of other people here and in other countries do not have the opportunity to have. We also have plenty of access to pools whether it’s a community pool a friends pool our own pool where we can dip in and cool off and still enjoy going outside. Yet I still catch myself complaining a lot about how hot it is. 
I was reminded today listening to the radio that there are people in other countries in the 120° weather who are there fighting to protect our country in full uniform with 70+ pounds of gear on their back’s. This was a HUGE reminder to put an effort into complaining less and instead stopping to take a minute to pray for their health and safety- those individuals enduring heat and stress and the unknown protecting me.  
With access to just about anything in this country it’s a wonder why we even complain at all. We are so accustomed to having things at our fingertips that when we don’t or it’s not working out that way we want it to the best next thing to do is complain. If you’re having a bad day take a moment to reflect on those who don’t have the opportunities that you have and just say a short prayer for them to get your mind back on track get off that complain train NOW and be thankful for what you are blessed with even when it looks like others have more, there are others who have less, much less. 
Ephesians 4:29
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

Back to school Anxiety for Moms




I think the only thing routine in my life is my morning coffee- and I have even shaken that up a time or 2 giving it up for Lent. I don't feed my animals at the same time everyday, I don't do laundry or clean my house on the same day every week...The point I am making is that I love when things change, I can do anything that I need to do if required, I am adaptable, but I am not a huge fan of routine, I like spontaneity, I like accommodating last minute changes, I crave new things, new experiences and meeting new people!
When the market was horrible and I took a 3 year job that required my same day punch in and out… I got stir crazy, I was unhappy sitting in the same desk and I did everything I could think of to go back to my unpredictable, every changing world of Real Estate and I haven’t looked back. In a nutshell I probably would have been diagnosed with ADHD as a child- but as an adult I can use it to my benefit. I can move from one project to the next and back and I always seem to get things done on time no matter if I procrastinate.  I love to be busy, I love challenges and I am not a routine person. I don't sit still for very long very well, I am honestly shocked that I can enjoy a whole movie at one time. I don't have any particular tv series I follow, I change my hair color often, and when I try something new and get bored I move on without hesitation. Probably why I don’t stick to any work out or eating plans… I get bored, EASILY! That is why real estate is definitely right for me… not predicable, always changing, every situation is different, even situations that are similar have different outcomes- I love balancing different deals, different people and different circumstances. I am constantly working with different personalities! I LOVE it, it keeps me on my toes and I am still helping people, which I truly believe is what I am called to do, Serve Others!
So this year, when I didn’t have a role as a PTA board member anymore, I didn’t have any deadlines to meet, I didn’t have the commitment to get things ready for the beginning of school, or be there to sell things at Meet the Teacher or the first day of school meet and greet… I was not prepared or motivated to get started and honestly didn't even go to meet the teacher, School gives me anxiety! Contrary to popular belief, even though I did well in school somewhat because I was smart and somewhat because the stuff I didn’t get I made a point to do well so I didn’t disappoint myself. School gives me anxiety for my kid as well.
Every year I hear the moms and parents talk about how they can’t wait until their kids go back to school, some are pulling their hair out even before our already short summer is over. I am over here praying that the summer isn’t over, I hate the routine. I love having my kid home! The anxiety of getting Paxton up on time, having to get him to school on time, stressing over getting him to brush his teeth, what is for breakfast, what is for lunch and to get his shoes on and making it out the door without forgetting something- and if I have an appointment early getting myself ready, the animals fed and doing things around the house if need be. Knowing I only have so many hours before he has to be picked back up and trying to fit everything in between. Finding somewhere for him to go if I won't make it home  It totally stresses me out! Some of you are probably thinking I am a crazy person, but I would rather have him home and take him with me wherever I need to go, which most of the time I can.
75% of my life is mostly made up of me making my own schedule, being flexible for clients, having to change things to accommodate others and not really sticking to a set schedule…Believe me, I work hard and most people don’t even see what goes into real estate behind the scenes- but a lot of it I can do when I want, where I want which doesn’t work for everyone but it works for me. So yes, I am that mom that gets anxiety when I must go back to a routine like my kid going back to school…
I know he already hates school and trying to shelter him from my anxiety really doesn’t work. I am not good at hiding my emotions and sometimes my lack of excitement for routine and his resistance to wanting to go to school clash and cause unwarranted arguments, and maybe even yelling before school! This sucks and just causes more anxiety! 
This school year my goal will be to take my mom’s advise of taking 3 deep breaths before reacting, trying to remain calm that I am not going to get my kid to like school no matter how hard I try to get him to see the value, so I may as well just stress less, go with the morning flow and find the positive in my struggles and my anxiety of being late or running behind, because in 5 years  we have never been late even once. 

Monday, July 1, 2019

Who writes your story?

I passed a marquee at a church yesterday and it said "God is the author of your story, stop trying to steal his pen." I am not really a controversal person, but I really don't agree with this statement to an extent. I think God gave us free will, best example, Adam and Eve. I think we write our own story, we make our own choices; however we can do so with God's guidance and help, but we have to ask, we have to trust and we have to believe that he will guide us in the right direction, even if that means failing at times.
To an extent I believe in fate and to an extent I feel our choices create the series of events that happen in our life. If I never chose to go to college in Arizona I wouldn't have met Steve, I wouldn't have had Paxton - I would have a different series of events that have happened to me in the last 22 years.  Sometimes good, sometimes bad, and most definitely learning experiences, but not the ones that I had. I got scholarships and I had choices as to where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do, but if I would have made different ones, I would be in a different place with different circumstances.  We could sit back and do nothing and hope for the best or we can pray, we can ask for guidance and we can believe in our path and create our future- by taking actions that align with our goals, our purpose and our passions.
You can go through life or you can grow through life (- Chuck Fazio) you get out what you put in.
Don't sit back and let someone else write your story, but don't do it blindly. Have a why, a purpose and a misson/goal, ask for God's guidance and input, and have a plan!
We all have a purpose here on earth, find yours. Associate with people who build you up, have like interests, have succeeded in areas that you want to excel in- Be coachable, be flexible, stop comparing yourself to others, BE YOU and do it well. Make your story count and be confident in your choices. Seek Guidance -
"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."- Proverbs 16:9