Ah Ha Moment via silly song

During my leadership training class on Tuesday, Heidi asked if we had ever had an Ah Ha Moment- a moment of clarification... I gave some story that was more about my character than a moment where it became clear to me that I could or should do something- maybe not the best example. Last week was filled with many stresses, frustrations and inaccuracies that I experienced, I am sure you have all been there at some point, where it seems something new each day or a few let downs a day. How do you get out of a slump of these happenings, how do you react to what is going on around you? Is it a domino effect? There were times when I just wanted to give in the towel, let someone else win or I was so mad I wanted to fight hard and waste my energy for something that wasn't going to change, no matter how much I felt I was right. Both giving in and sometimes fighting can waste more energy when a person's mindset is not in the right place. Sometimes venting and LETTING GO is all you need to move on and re-motivate yourself. Why rehash the same thing over and over again, why do we as humans feel this helps us cope- the more people we have on our side of the story- the better we feel, but do we really? This is life and we can't always WIN- but we can learn from our loss, failures and disappointments. I was feeling particularly lost the other day when I encountered a Real Estate transaction situation that I would normally have went to my greatest Mentor in the business, my mom, to get advise. I called around and got some other opinions but realized that I had the answer inside me. My mom may be gone now, but like Paxton says, "I can talk to her anytime I want"- my biggest disappointment is that she doesn't talk back... but does she? She gave birth to me, she raised me, she influenced me and she is inside of ME! What better answer could I reach then to reach inside of me and listen to the voice that knows right from wrong, that is intelligent and knowledgeable, that can be creative and compassionate and pull my answer from there. This morning I had that "Ah Ha" Moment... When Paxton and I were working on his flashcard site words for school. He has been getting hung up on the word that... 2 weeks ago he was caught up on "the" always saying "it" first when I would show it to him, that problem was solved when we read 3 books in a row together that all had a lot of the word "the" every time I came to it I would make him say it.. now no problem with the word. This week the word "that" was giving him problems. Today on the way to school I made up a silly song about "that" being a hat with a t... luckily I can't sing to you because you are probably more critical than my 5 year old, LOL! He knew the word "hat" and therefore I made it a fun song to remember, in the moment I started singing and he laughed, I realized that was my mom, coming out of me- for you see that is how she taught me many things in life- make it fun-relate it to something you already know...she often sang silly songs or made up phrases for me to remember what I was learning, for we all have the power inside of us to do the things we want to do as long as we reach in and listen.

Unspoken Gratitude

It has been several months since i have used my daily reflection blog to post my thoughts and feelings. I used my mom's caring bridge site a lot during her illness to not only keep our family and friends up-to-date but as my way of getting my feelings out there about the whole situation we were in and the experience that I had. I love to use my writing as my therapy of sorts. It has been a little over a month since my mom passed away. I have had every negative emotion that I could possibly think of in that time. Some more prominent than others. I have wanted to crawl in a hole, cry, throw things, break things, cry some more, yell at God, scream out loud, give up, fight, swear, vent about how life isn't fair.... and then I remember, I can chose how I react, like the eulogy I wrote for her, I can become bitter or I can become better. I can survive- or I can thrive. I can take my experience and I can make a message for all people. We are human, we miss those we lose, but we are still here, we have a purpose and I don't think our purpose is to be a victim, or be passive in this life. It is to take what we experience and make ourselves and others better because of it. I may be one person, but I can touch lives with my upbeat, positive attitude and love for those around me. I have had a few conversations with people regarding their lack of preparation for a loved one's death, to mothers and daughters or fathers and daughters who do not have a good connection or even a good relationship with one another, and it makes me reflect on even though I considered my mom my ultimate best friend and I feel cheated in losing her so young, I also know that I am grateful for the relationship I had with her for the time that I had and the preparation that I had for her eternal exit no matter how short lived it was. So I begin to live again through my writing, through my passion for my family, my career and my hobbies and thrust on forward toward the future that I will help create. Breath, Relax and Let Go- for we don't always know where the road is leading us, but nothing is a waste of time if you use your experience wisely.