When being sentimental is too much. I don’t know about you
but over the years I have accumulated so much stuff. People who bought me stuff
I collected as a kid, more clothes, shoes, household items, gadgets… the list goes
on and on. I have written before about the amount of tools my husband had,
things that didn’t work, things that took up space just in case you needed them
down the road. He would buy a tool for a 1-time project instead of renting or
borrowing it from someone else. Granted Paxton has a lot of cool barely used
things that he may want for his own garage in the near future or down the road.
But the more we accumulate the more we have to store , sift through and find a place
for. We have over an acre of land to store things, but do we really need them,
there comes a point when it just becomes CLUTTER!
I recently started purging a lot of extras, not only in my garage to be more
organized for myself and our needs as opposed to how Steve stored, found, and
used everything, I got rid of the dolls and Precious Moments my godfather started
collecting for me as a kid. I removed a lot of what Steve considered things to
keep in case of need, that I will never use, the remaining “antiques” and
collectibles of my mom’s stuff from when she died almost 10 years ago that I
just didn’t want, scraps, pipes, fencing pieces etc laying around our yard. I
saved the stuff that suited me the best and the rest I tell myself is just
stuff and I parted with it.
We recently pulled the trigger and decided to build a pole
barn, big enough to store Paxton’s boat and keep it preserved, a place to park his
toys and tinker on projects. In addition to his love of cows/cattle and his
quest to own his own operation someday, he has recently signed up to start welding
school his Junior year as part of a technical vocational program through the
school system. Steve was self-taught and it reflected in a lot of the beautiful
projects he did at our home. I am proud of this kid and his goals and want to
encourage him to stick to his passions and love what he does.
This new building will hopefully give us room to park both
his 68 Mustang and my car in our normal garage. I don’t see this panning out because
we still have a lot of stuff, but I remain optimistic! There is nothing that
this momma can’t wait for more than his license. He already drives better than
I do, can hook up any trailer you want, back it up, maneuver it is tight spaces,
get unstuck from mud, re-hook up a trailer that falls off the truck mid trip,
change a tire even though he had only observed Steve do it once, but never
tried it. His potential is endless. Not to mention, he looks like he's of age and even has a little mustache growing. He is ready to be handed a set of keys and
although I want to savor his youth, I would have hand over the keys yesterday
if he wasn’t such a responsible kid who was afraid to get caught and delay
getting his license even longer. Smart choice.
This purging talk is leading me to tell you how this year pulling
down all my Christmas stuff that Steve helped me pull down every year (mostly),
my friend and his son got roped into helping after Steve died when he was putting
in my new tile floors, Paxton and his buddy, Aidan, have helped as well. Sometimes even when Steve was alive, I would pull
down as much as I could on my own because I knew it was a lot. Some of the
containers were heavy so I eventually bought more containers to redistribute
the weight! I am certain that encouraged me to buy even more stuff when I saw
something I liked, why, because they still had room in the containers and who
isn’t a little jealous of the new stuff every year that you see when all the
Christmas stuff comes out in stores (Hobby Lobby is the worst! And how can you
not take advantage of 50% off!)!
I love my tree but secretly I have wanted to redecorate something
for years now! I broached the subject of redoing it this year in a cowboy
theme, with horse shoes, boots, cowboy hats and the works and Paxton was very adamant
about not changing that up so I backed off and decorated my normal tree, mainly
because of cost that I didn’t need to spend on something that goes up 1 month
of the year, especially when I still liked my tree. At
least last year I was honored to get to go shopping and decorate a tree with a
snowman theme for Mark and Maxon. So fun! Sometimes I think interior design
would have been a fun and fulfilling career. I think I got the decorating bug
from my mom, definitely a good trait to have learned and I enjoy. So, thank you
mama for a good eye for piecing things together.
The key to all this no matter what you collect or what you
buy is to purge the old to make room for the new, don’t add to it! Of course it
would be nice to have choices, but that comes with needing more space, most of
us don’t have. As I pulled down 17, yes 17 Rubbermaid containers of various
sizes from the attic, along with 3 wreath bags, front porch signs, multiple
Christmas trees, a life sized candy cane (Steve made me after he made one for a
friend at her request and I fell in love with the look for outside), a Santa
mailbox and a partridge in a pear tree… (haha, just kidding) I reflected on
what I had, made a vow that when opening each container if I didn’t use it last
year or previous years before that, or was not going to put it out this year,
WHY was I saving it! Let it go! The answer really was not only well, what if I
decide I want it 3 years from now, or someone gave it to me as a gift, or I had
it as a child or it sparks a cherished memory, or frankly it is ugly but I just
can’t part with it for some reason or another, a nagging feeling of guilt. But just
as I just mentioned the things we purged from our yard or garage, or my
childhood collectibles, it is just stuff, and yes, we paid for and will never
recoup that money, we got it as a gift and looking at it reminds us of a
certain person dear to our heart, but is it currently fulfilling us?
I immediately thought of clothes in my closet. My weight has fluctuated my whole
life, and I try to hold on to clothes that I may fit into again no matter which
way my weight goes. But it just clutters up my closet more and more. And who doesn’t
want to buy new clothes when they lose weight anyway? However, I have noticed
that when this happens your weight doesn’t necessarily fall off or get gained
in the same places as the previous time and we all know that sizes are not true
from brand to brand or one dress to the next, but we hang onto it with hope
that it will fit exactly like it did previously and somehow give us the warm
fuzzy feeling good about our body we had when we first tried it on. Plus, our
tastes change! Not only in our taste buds as we age, but our style both in
clothing and decorating and a lot of other things in our lives.
So I am here to tell you to let that shit go!
It is so freeing! I went through every one of those boxes as I opened them up,
just like the year my mom died, and I had less than 30 days to get everything out
of her house. It was stressful but I am so thankful for they way I handled it
when I reflect on it now. I could have rented a storage unit, threw everything
in there, paid for years for storing stuff I didn’t need or want and call it a
day. Instead, I made piles, throw away, give away, keep for me and
keep because I just wasn’t ready to part with. Fast forward to Friday of
last week, and I did the same with ALL the Christmas stuff I had! I decided I
didn’t need to have a red/white tree in honor of my mom outside that every year
got affected by the sun and rain and the lights hadn’t worked for years, you
know that one tree I put up for the last 4-5 years frustrated with the lights
every year! Could I have went out and bought a new one? Absolutely, however was
it necessary? And who was I doing it for? Her? Me? Paxton? The few years before
she died she had a small table top tree that she decorated for herself. She is
probably up there cheering me on for simplifying. This year it is about what I
like, what I want and what makes me joyous, not stressed out and overwhelmed
because I think I should!
The house lights frustrate me every year since Steve died, the
one thing that I cannot do by myself is my lights, there is just something
about potentially falling off a roof that scares me, and I ask for help, even
though I just want to do it all myself. I would love to just forget about
lights, but there is something satisfying about pulling into the driveway in
the dark with the house glowing with festive lights this time of year! Last
year Mark bought me all new lights and when I took them out of the storage this
year, I was going to try to get as much hung as I could except the peak but
really couldn’t remember how we did it, or which set started where, you can
only plug so many in together before they don’t work and I only have so many
outlets and the lights would have to be conveniently ending where a plug is
located. Being impatient as I can be sometimes when I want something done and
cannot do it myself, I am sure I was a little more whiney, PMS’ing and
sentimental than I needed to be with Mark yesterday. Living almost an hour away with his own house
to decorate, he was a trooper ready to problem solve although he was probably
rolling his eyes hidden by the phone in between us. He somehow calmed me down,
which he has track record of that effect on me and reassured me that we would figure
it out and actually got online ordered all new ones just in case we can’t. Thank
God for Amazon so we can also send them back if they aren’t needed.
Back to the piles. I filled up the back of my truck with ALL
of the things I decided to get rid of and it is fulfilling to know that when
Christmas is over and everything goes back into the attic not only will there
be less trips up the stairs and less back issues from being bent over up there
putting stuff away, knowing that anyone that helps me or has helped me in the
past would be pleasantly surprised I am sure to see what I have eliminated is a
bonus.
I love Christmas, don’t get me wrong, but I think I put too
much focus on showing others and maybe fooling myself that the stuff we see is
what makes us more in the Christmas spirit, but if it frustrates us to get it
there is it really worth the hassle? Christmas spirit is not measured by the amount
of stuff you have or the display in which you set out but in the kindness you
lend, the things that make you smile, the things you do to make others smile, the
gratitude you collect, and the love you share. The magic of Christmas is in the
true meaning. No matter what you might be struggling with this year, or every
year at this time the joy to be found is not in the stuff that we have but in
the little things that we experience.
Psalm 118:24 wants us to trust that God is present in every
moment, big or small. Whether you are grieving, having a difficult day, a
frustrating moment or are having a hard time finding something positive in your
day, you can choose to find joy in a small blessing, the sunrise or set, a kind
word someone offers you, a compliment, or a moment of peace. We are surrounded
by good all around if we seek it and share it with others we are winning.
Quote from my Christmas card this year.
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be
seen or even touched but must be felt with the heart. – Hellen Keller.
