Catchy title right? You can learn a lot of life lessons from fishing. I grew up loving to fish. Bobber, worms, bee-moth bait... simple pole real Midwest lakes. Catching Blue gill, Sun fish the occasional Bass or Catfish (my dad loved to catfish- most profound memory, the stinky bait he used sooo GROSS- I think I still could close my eyes and smell it) , nothing fancy at all. I fished until I caught some or lost interest. I am more of can I accomplish that rather than how many or for how long. After meeting Steve, AZ man-made lakes and all. He was a different kind of angler, the seriousness, the competitiveness and thrill of the chase I never really enjoyed, nor the getting up extra early to beat the sunrise, whipping across the cold water or baking for hours in the sun, to maybe walk away with nothing, to be honest I don't remember a time fishing as a kid that I didn't at least catch something! But I tagged along with him that is what you do when you want to spend extra time together. You learn to participate in some of their interests. It was just a different kind of fishing then what I was used to and I am perfectly happy to read a book when I got bored.. this is the difference between a hobby and a passion.
Paxton inherited the passion. He did a year on the High School Bassmaster's fishing team, and enjoys the what I call "hunt." I have been spending a lot of time on the water with him especially this year since he has 2 months until he gets his license and has had a hard time finding people to go with him on a regular basis or that are as committed to going. A few weeks ago we went Pike fishing in Northern AZ with Mark for the weekend and their focus and skills where way above my level of commitment and interest. I tagged along for fun and caught a couple fish to their 50ish... haha. The one thing I know that Paxton and I have in common is that we want to be good at it the first time, we often don't leave ourselves room for error, or give ourselves enough grace, we don't want to be a bother to anyone either. This I experienced the guilt of when I got stuck on a rock, broke off a lure, or wanted to switch baits, not fully trusting my line tying skills. But I will tell you one thing, no matter how good you are you are bound to get stuck sometimes, break off a lure or miss the big one, nothing will ever be PERFECT, because none of us are. There is always room for improvement, and it is never to late to learn something new.
Things have been flowing and shaking the last month or so, we have enjoyed making some great memories. Nothing is without hiccups though. Still struggling as a single mom and as a mom in general. We all want what is best for our kids and I pray everyday I don't mess that up. A recent conversation about failing as a mom has allowed me to establish a new set of boundaries that have been bent (in all directions) over the last few years partially due to guilt, taking ownership of things that are not my fault, and pure exhaustion. No one tells you that going through Perimenopause, loosing a husband and raising a now teenager can be so mind consuming and time consuming! I almost want to tell you all to fast forward through this NetFlick series and let me know how it turns out. Just kidding, then I would miss all the memory making!
Summer break has come to an end! Paxton just started school this week! 3 hours of online classes and 2 hours of welding school Monday-Friday at CAVIT (Central Arizona Vocational Institute of Technology) is his new reality. Super proud of this kid to have goals for his future. I have never pictured him as a college kid and that is okay by me! Trades are necessary and can make phenomenal careers. His hands on mechanical knowledge and common sense from his dad and entrepreneur spirit from me no doubt will aid in his success and future endeavors. He is embarking on his 5th year of raising steer and pig for butcher and selling them, restoring his dad's 68 Mustang with our neighbor Marc, trying to advance his fishing skills, enjoying his motorized toys, and strumming up ideas for future advancement and goals he wants to achieve. But ya know, he is still a teenager and drives me nuts at least a little everyday. Sometimes things don't go as expected, sometimes I let him down, heck sometimes I let myself down. I take the world on my shoulders and want to fix everyone and everything most days! It has been a commitment I need to remind myself everyday that I am only capable of doing my best without a manual and that everything builds character, brings a lesson, or offers growth opportunities all a part of shaping us into who we are supposed to be.
Fishing with Paxton yesterday with a hurt shoulder (don't worry I finished my 8th book since summer started and added a little color to my summer glow- so I feel semi accomplished) built patience on both of our ends. The wind was obnoxious, the lake was at least 15 feet lower than the last time we went, the bite was not instant, and the challenge was on. He may have only caught 2, but I am proud of his determination not to give up when the bite and conditions are less than favorable especially from the very start. I could have done without the impatient attitude or frustration from him, (but we all have to unleash it sometime to avoid the buildup and explosion we often encounter- I am quick to correct him, but should just be quiet and give him his moment) but I also view this as a future quality that when he wants something he is going to dedicate his time to getting it despite the obstacles that present themselves, even if there are a few cuss words spat out. He caught his 2 just before we left, he was almost ready to leave at least 3 times before that, which would have resulted in getting skunked. In life the next big thing could be steps away, minutes away or right around the next cove. If you want it bad enough, you will keep trying and eventually succeed. The more you fish the greater the opportunity to catch. Despite my fears of fu--ing him up... I think he will turn out just fine, not perfect, but something to be proud of, I helped create.
Last night on the way home after our mini blow up from the frustrating conditions, he was driving and we were going about 65 through the mountains when a javelina decided to nonchalantly cross the road. Knowing that we were going to hit it no matter what I braced myself, didn't yell or freak out but remained quiet as to not alarm or alter the natural instincts of what Paxton would do if he was by himself in this situation. And you know what fellow Mamas?! As much as I want to be the teacher, sometimes I need to step back and let him learn. I was so proud of myself, he kept the wheel straight, did not attempt to slow down, speed up, stop, or swerve. There was no saving the little piggy unfortunately. He hit the front of the truck went flying through the middle and out the end of the boat trailer. No damage to our truck or trailer. Although I hate to see that this harmless creature (just trying to get from point A to B) had to be eliminated in the process, I am super proud of how we both handled the situation we were facing. Sometimes it is a split second decision. Remember my friends, there will always be javelina that walk across your path, it is not about what life hands you, it is about how you respond to what you are dealt that counts.
Things I have learned in the last few months from a 15 year old Angler who is an old soul, wise beyond his years and more like me than sometimes I want to admit.
*There is a difference between a hobby and a passion. Respect that.
*Not everything he gets frustrated or upset about is my fault.
*Stop making it about something I did wrong- I am not inadequate I am a good mom.
*Be quiet instead of quick to respond I can't fix everything nor am I expected to.
*Not everyone has the same knowledge or performs at the same level, don't expect them to.
*We all need a little help once in awhile, no one should expect us to be an expert at everything.
*The more you fish the more you will catch, the more you practice the better you will become.
*Everyone gets stuck, loses the big one, or breaks their line and loses a lure.
*Sometimes it is okay to get angry (we all have three years olds inside) as long as your not hurting someone, throw your fit then let it go.
*There is a technique to setting the hook to get your catch, both in fishing and in life, learn yours to get what you want.
*Don't quit too early, the next fish might be THE ONE.
*If I ever write another book (not a children's one) this might be the title. HMMM..
