Do Over Day

So still on my “am I ruining my kid kick”! What does that look like to me… so many deals are made each day. I know I have said one day at a time over and over and I really truly think I mean it because honestly what else do you do? We may all mostly be stuck at home where you would think it would be easier to keep a schedule, but the fact of the matter is it is so freaking hard! You guys! The lack of structure and time that I am experiencing is super crazy, since I am NOT a super structured person to begin with! I have a kid with a short attention span, unless he is playing that video game; he has no siblings so no peer interaction, unless he is playing that video game and truly with a personality like mine being “by yourself” can suck sometimes. God help him, I think! LOL!  I love being at home honestly, but I am truly a social person. I love connecting in person with others and I love entertaining. So, does he. I think he spends way more time at home with his friends here than he does at his friends’ houses normally. Like me he is more comfortable at home, but just as social as I am.

Everyday we make a list of the things he needs to do and everyday due to me having something pop up for my work schedule, an email to attend to, a call received, a deal in the works, a current deal situation change, stopping to give advice to one of my peers in need, someone who wants to see that house at the last minute; even though it is mostly at home, he pushes my buttons to alter what it is he is supposed to be doing, since I am being interrupted- and honestly guys, 8/10 times I just go with it. I just let him have his way, change the schedule or alter what he should be doing… so I can attend to my thing. He is mostly getting what he needs to do, but the lack of discipline I am displaying is really weighing on my parenting skills. Yesterday we ended up fitting “live Fortnite”  pool addition with new squirt guns he got for Easter, tennis ball bombs and water cups filled with some special life juice game for over an hour (even though I was outside the pool) then his first welding lesson via dad’s instruction instead of the intended reading  (which was decreased from 30 mins to 10 with a promise that today he would read for 40 mins) and baseball practice, which yesterday only included working some arm band exercises instead of drills as well.

I have said that all of us are experiencing this unsettling, unnerving, scary/unexpected time in our lives differently… how am I to say that my child or my spouse is experiencing the same internal battle and feelings that I am… I can’t, so therefore I rely on just giving them as much space and grace and mercy as I can, altering the schedule to accommodate their needs at the time and hoping that it enriches them but doesn’t allow Paxton to lose or loosen any skills he already has.

Hopefully his “deals”  for what he does and is suppose to accomplish during the day either is short term and doesn’t really affect how he can potentially get away with things in the future just by arguing or bargaining with me or anyone else of authority for that matter, or he becomes a great lawyer because of it… LOL. But to continue working myself, keeping current deals together, attending to those future deals, maintaining client relationships and keeping up on the daily and sometimes hourly market changes, helping him navigate schoolwork, trying to maintain healthy meals, exercise for both of us and sanity, keeping my house clean, working on projects that I never have time to do and staying positive can really be exhausting… especially with high expectations of myself and what I think I need to have accomplished in a day!

Again I ask God for Grace and Mercy for myself and for my family as we all navigate through this mess hoping that it will make us stronger, we will be more grateful for what we have, take less things for granted, eliminate or alter the time spent on the things we realize are not necessary and get back to the things in our schedules that we do miss and make us happy. I miss watching Paxton play baseball the most and enjoying the intensity and love of the game! But for NOW… one situation at a time, decision at a time, one day at a time and one household at a time. No 2 situations can possibly be exactly alike. Do what you can, and if today sucks, give your family and yourself the Grace to start over tomorrow. I think I will concentrate for now on letting my kid be a kid, sooner than later,
God willing he will have plenty of time to still learn to be a responsible adult. 

You don’t arrive at a great performance by a magical process. You arrive at it by day-today slogging. -Glenda Jackson

I have always grown from my problems and challenges, from the things that don’t work out; that’s when I’ve really learned. – Carol Burnett