When your bible verse of the day “cultivate a rhythm of
reflection” and your daily inspiration quote pictured above and a reel you
are sent intertwine what you have in your heart to write about, you sit down
and make it happen.
Well hello there, let’s catch up just a little. The last
blog I left you guys with how we all stumble and slip in life and that we need
to concentrate on being a little more surefooted like the deer, confident and
competent in our choices. I told you about me dating and how Paxton was not too
happy about it but knew he had no say in the matter. Fast forward to now.
In life any decision you make can probably involve your intuition
or gut feeling if you truly listen to it. Sometimes we tend to fight that gut
feeling… is it just insecurity? Is it our fear of the unknown? Are we not ready
for the next step, so we get nervous? HMMMM… I don’t know. I think your gut is
pretty spot on. If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. When we want
something to be right, want it to work, what do we do… keep trying. Sometimes
it becomes forced and no longer enjoyable. If you have followed me since the beginning
or know me well at all you know that I get intuition a lot. I knew on my first date
with him, I would marry Steve, I even came home that night a called my
childhood bestie Alana and told her. He married me 6 years later, but my gut said,
“this is the guy.” In 2001 I got on an airplane that I fought my boss at the
time about even going that day… the engine blew in the air, and we had to turn
around. Your gut can push or pull you from things if you are in tune with it
and know how to listen!
You all know I am not a quitter, and so 7 weeks into this
new dating scenario, when my gut just told me this isn’t for you, I kept going,
I was vested some, I liked the attention that I was receiving. He was a nice
enough guy, we had fun times, chemistry… I could make this work… Paxton hadn’t
met him; I hadn’t met his kids. We were enjoying getting to know each other and
all the hype that surrounds that newness, until I just “knew” it wasn’t right.
I spent the next 2 weeks trying to convince myself that I could make it work,
there was potential there. Were the good things overriding the bad, or were
there more things I was trying to explain or convince myself I could live with?
I mean come on NO ONE is perfect, including me and I have tendencies and idiosyncrasies
I could probably write a book about that you either love about me because it
makes me me, or it drives you out of your mind crazy, this is probably the best
time to run. LOL
I don’t think anyone starts out at the beginning of a relationship
to hurt the other person or with a negative attitude to the detriment of the
future of it. Over time, when you learn more about how the other person ticks, or
what they withhold from you and how much they value your worth, when words of
affirmation don’t match actions even if you think the intentions are genuine
seeing it actually play out and not just talked about is a huge indicator of
what the future could look like and that is when things and feelings begin to
change. We all have a past, things we have done or are ashamed of, and it doesn’t
always indicate our future but sometimes when it spills over, it can overwhelm
those we bring in at a later date, who don’t know what we dealt with in our
past or what we are already battling in our head, especially when avoiding it instead
of putting it on the table so we are aware of what we are dealing with, can make
the other person not really know how to respond to the other.
People change all the time, but do they really or do they
change over time? We have learned through our life experiences how to act and
react and be who we are. Can people transform and change for the better, yes,
but it takes a lot of work, and you must be right with yourself before you can
be right with another person. We all have baggage, but those of us who are
confident in what we bring don’t often mesh with the person who just thinks
they are ready. We all have demons from our past, but not everyone has come to
terms with or dealt with them and that is when future problems can arise in relationships
because even though the stuff you have experienced in your past may still hover
over your new relationship, you don’t know how to control it to avoid mixing it
in. Guard up or down some of us can’t hide what is truly beneath, some of us
have great potential to be that ultimate match, but with some work. Remember I have
said, we can’t control how other people act or react, or what they feel inside,
but we can choose to brush it under the rug depending on the extent of the
balance of their past with their present status and future intentions or we can
choose to walk away until we are ready accept someone’s balance and integrate
it into ours. But remember future intentions no matter how genuine can lead to
empty promises, so be careful that what you are willing to put up with your
future may or may not end up like promised, talking and doing are two different
actions.
A harmonized, balanced person takes
effort, when that person integrates someone who is still battling their past
and hasn’t learned to balance it with their present can alter all the progress
that person has already accomplished. Shocker, I am a fixer, I don’t like to
see anyone struggle, I help when I can, I try to be patient, caring, kind and
forgiving. I am encouraging but will also call you out on your bullshit. If I
have learned anything in the last almost 2 years, is I am and will always be a
giver, but I will not sacrifice who I am, my beliefs or wear myself down trying
to help you get fixed. I will put 100% into someone who is trying to fix themselves,
but I deserve more than bits and pieces of them while they are doing it. I owe
it to myself to maintain my level of healing that I have already achieved and
to continue to increase my happiness along the way. I don’t like to see someone
struggle, my goal will always be to do as much as I can to help that person get
ahead or feel loved or fix whatever is broken that is fixable. I want to believe everyone is good and has
potential. When helping someone no longer makes me happy getting them to happy,
or they start to bring me down with them or pull me down while I am trying to push
them up and it affects my current state or energy is when I know it is time to
pull away and bring myself back to center. I know my worth and my value and when
even though it can be appreciated it can also we taken advantage of and I vowed
I would never allow that to happen because I respect myself and want to be not
only a good example to the child I am raising to be a good adult, I also owe it
to myself to stay happy, healthy and thriving.
My friend in Florida, a fellow
widower, sent me a reel this morning of a lady who said sometimes people who
come into your life who are fucked up and your job is not to save them, they were
brought into your life to observe to provide a reflection so you can save
yourself.-ladyspeech Let that register all you fixers out there like me who
want to help and save everyone we can, I have a servants heart by design but I
am confident using it should not be to my detriment and we aren’t meant to save
everyone.
Previous traumas and things that don’t
serve your current or future purpose should no longer take up space in your
present- yours or anyone else's. - danirae
This song came up
yesterday in my suggestions for apple music- rather appropriate and timing is
everything.
Nothing Left
Halle Kearns
Someone somewhere probably needs me
Who would I be to let 'em down?
Ready to pick up whoever's calling
'Cause I'm too scared to think about
If I stop am I still worth loving, oh
So I'll give, and I'll give, and I'll give
You can take what you need from me
But I heard you wanted a forest
So I started planting the trees
Yeah, I'll give, and I'll give, and I'll give
'Til I'm running on empty
Yeah I'll give you everything I got
'Til there's nothing left of me
Soul's worn thin like the bottom of my old boots
Time for myself is a waste of time
But don't know when I added on all this pressure
To put their needs before mine
But I'm told this is why people love me
So if I stop am I still worth loving?
So I'll give, and I'll give, and I'll give
You can take what you need from me
Yeah, I heard you wanted a forest
So I started planting the trees
Yeah, I'll give, and I'll give, and I'll give
'Til I'm running on empty
Yeah, I'll give you everything I got
'Til there's nothing left of me
So I'll give, give, give
Give you strength 'til my body is weak
When your world is feeling too heavy
I'll put the weight on me
Yeah I'll give, and I'll give, and I'll give
Even though it's been killing me
Yeah I'll give you everything I got
'Til there's nothing left of me
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: David Asher Mescon / Kendall Grayson Brower /
Halle Keams
Nothing Left lyrics © Speaker Full Of Seeker Music, Wyatt
Road Publishing
Love your posts Dani! Amazing writing❣️
ReplyDeleteThank you!
ReplyDelete