I haven’t written for a couple weeks. We are back in Arizona, and I promise you when we got to the Chicago airport last night, I checked my bags before going through security, LOL- (just a little FYI for those of you who read my last blog.)
Paxton and I enjoyed our non-rushed time in Indiana, free of
expectations and deadlines, household demands and time commitments. To be
completely honest it was exactly what we needed and at the time we needed it,
March when we originally planned to go, I now know was not, and am grateful my
gut feeling stopped us from going then. There is something about taking the
time to relax, rejuvenate and refresh completely without caring about the consequences
of what you are missing out on from your busy schedule. I haven’t had the
luxury of really letting go since I have been in real estate (this is my 21st
year) due to the nature of the business. I wrote an offer on a beach in Hawaii a few years back for goodness sake. This trip I will say has been the closest I
have ever gotten to letting go without the worry, frustration, and guilt.
For those of you I didn’t contact, didn’t see multiple times,
or didn’t even let know I would be in town, I appreciate no hard feelings. I
saw a very limited number of people. I needed to disconnect, to not have a
schedule, to process my mental health, my feelings and reconnect with who I was
through nature and just being there. I enjoyed fishing, watching Paxton in his element, playing in
the woods, lots of lake time and sun, exercising every day, reading books, watching
birds, listening to the frogs and birds and nature sounds all around me, seeing the deer and wild turkeys, squirrels, chipmunks, muskrats and beavers do their thing, listening
to and playing in the rain (maybe not so much the tornado or the power/water
outage we had for 21 hours) but the also the company that I did see.
I don’t think I am very photogenic; I am super critical of
myself most of the time. I can take 30
selfies, like none of them then delete them all. These girls who know all the
right angles… yep, I just may be a little jealous of you. My photographer friend said to me once that you are truly smiling when your eyes are smiling, this I believe is something from the inside out. I
happened to capture a photo on my cousin’s boat on the lake where I grew up that
I felt looked decent enough to post, since I did have fun and was relaxed, and because I only had to take one, I posted it. I received so many compliments and even phone
calls about this photo. Wow, I had no idea. I was kind of embarrassed for posting it. I am humble
and too much attention doesn’t sit right with me most of the time. But I loved the fact that
others recognized it… I wasn’t fishing for the beautiful or gorgeous comments… what
these people recognized was far beyond that. This picture signified to me that when
you are your true self, you don’t care what others are thinking about you, you
totally let go and you are relaxed and calm, even if your hair is a mess from
the wind, your smile and true character shine through and that is what shows,
not necessarily your outward appearance, but a reflection of what you feel
inside. It has been a long time since I can say I truly felt that way. You can
create your own happiness, but sometimes your circumstances make it seem near
impossible to do so and it reflects in your outward expressions and attitude and ability to create that happiness, the kind that isn't forced but true.
My aunt’s property that I have been able to enjoy for the
past 30 of my 43 years since they purchased it is lots of acres out in the
middle of nowhere, it is truly a place you can go and unwind, disconnect (for
the most part) and be yourself. Her neighbor friend made me a shirt; it is the state of Indiana
with a heart for where her house is and says Home Y'all. I am in love with this shirt. It isn’t
where I am from exactly, I grew up about 2.5 hours away, but I don’t believe
home is necessarily where you are from, but where you feel like yourself the most,
where no matter what, you can feel happy, and want to continue to come back there.
I have had several people since Steve passed ask if I would
consider moving back “home” to Indiana, where most my family is. My answer is still no… I would never say
never, but I have no intention of it. My life is in Arizona and has been for
the last 25 years. I am established here. This got me thinking, what is home? Of
course, I looked up the definition, would you expect any less?
1. n. the place where one lives permanently, especially
as a member of a family or household.
I also came across these two:
2. n. any person
or place that fills your heart with joy, warmth safety and security, a place
where you are loved and welcome.
3. n. a place that feels like a tight hug: Where time stands
still for just a moment, where the noise of the outside world is blocked out
and where you can breathe it all out after being tense all day. From the moment
you enter the door, you are safe, you are warm, and you are exceptionally
loved.
Number 3 is my favorite. Not only did I experience this
while I was gone, but I was ready to at this point in my process of moving
forward. I know I can have this feeling at
home now too. I know your circumstances have a lot to do with it, but I also
feel it is something you can create. Who you choose to spend your time with and
what makes you happy are in your control. Not everyone is the same, that is
what makes us unique. Stop competing with everyone else’s idea of happy. We all
have a next level of relaxation we can go to in any situation. Practice this
and choose wisely. Let go of what is beyond your control, stop rushing, smell
the flowers, enjoy the walk, be silly, try new things, don’t try to fix, plan,
or prepare for every circumstance in your life, you are bound to get
disappointed. (Take this from my experience with overthinkers anonymous. LOL) You
can take what you have and make what you want. I know I can make my home or any
“home” truly home, just by stopping to create my happy, breathe and let go of all
the noise of the world with those that I truly love, whether family or friends.
To find your calm and accept and create happiness you may just need to be ready for it, timing is everything.
It's all about finding the calm in the chaos. – Donna Karan
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