So, this mama over here had a hard time yesterday not
rescuing her little boy. We live in Arizona for goodness sake. Who doesn’t need
water? I drink water all day long. But I
told him to bring me his water jug out of his game room before he went to bed,
and I found it when I went in there about 8:30 the next morning to grab
something. If he would have brought it to me, it would have been upside down on
my drying pad next to the sink and I would have seen it and remembered to fill
it up when I made his lunch. My immediate reaction was to clean it out, fill it
up and deliver it to the school. Then I realized, he had a drink in his lunch, I
would hope the school has some sort of water fountain or way to give him a
drink if he needs it and PE wasn’t until 6th hour which is almost
the end of the day. Besides, he didn’t call me to bring it to him. I need him
to be a little more responsible sometimes. It is just life and a part of growing
up. When he got in the car after school, the girls complained he drank all
their water. See I knew he would find some somewhere… GEEZ.
Monday night he made a promise to me that if I fed all the animals,
he would do it morning and night the rest of the week, he was just drained from
the 1st day at a new school and filled with emotions and tired I get
it. The night before his stomach was in knots and he was nervous. I know this decision
to switch schools has been weighing on his mind for the last couple weeks since
he decided to move. He was not sure if he was making the right decision. I know
how my mind gets exhausted when I overthink a situation and I have years of
experience on him on how to deal with it to lessen stress and anxiety, he is
just beginning to start to figure it out.
I made him feed yesterday
morning despite his pleas and he ended up being late for the carpool, I was mad.
Just FYI I am a yeller, not proud of it, but I sometimes lose my patience and
composure, shocking right? (I kept
telling him to get going, he told me he had time.) We argued over his inability
to judge time and his procrastination, he was supposed to wake up and study for
a Spanish Quiz and ran out of time for everything (irritated at him but again
realizing he got that procrastination trait from me, I did best when I crammed
for something at the last minute, it was fresher in my mind then if I would study
for a week, somehow I always made it work at the last minute ( and to be honest
still do), so here we go again with him inheriting or learning my worst traits
too! UGH! He took the paper out in the
car and I told him to look at the paper right before the quiz and try to
picture where everything was in his mind. He either needs to learn better prep skills or
how much time he needs to fit the things he thinks he can do in his head. I
still struggle with this sometimes. Somehow it always works out in my head
better than in actual time.
We had a lengthy conversation on the way to school, but I took
him to school, so I didn’t make the other mother late for work, but I didn’t do
his chores for him either. Keeping promises is important and I don’t want him
to learn that not sticking to a commitment is acceptable. I have given him a lot of leniency over the past year. We prayed that this
school year will be a good one for him, that switching school is the ticket to
finding something that he needs in his life to grow and become a better adult.
Tears weld up in my eyes as I thanked God for all our blessings despite our grief
and struggles, I choked up and had a hard time finishing. Life isn’t fair sometimes
and despite my positive personality, my silver lining mind, or my faith it
still stings. He grabbed my hand. Ugh, I wished that I didn’t do this right before
school, after our fight, but I guess it makes me human and shows that my
emotions are real, and it is ok to express them and not hold everything in.
After school one of his carpool friends let me know, he
already made a new guy friend (warms my mama heart) and they already ganged up
on her in History class (which they both actually raved they like the class and
teacher so far- good news). (She giggled
as she told me.) I wanted to say well, boys usually tease you when they like
you, but I wasn’t about to embarrass anyone they are friends and I value
that he has such great friends and although I love this girl, I am ok with it,
they are young, and I am certain life will get complicated sooner than I am
looking forward to. Then she told me about another kid that bothers her, she said
he never knows when to stop or leave her alone, she said I guarantee I fight
this kid at some point, she can hold her own, I tell you, but she shouldn’t
have to even worry about that.
Perfect opportunity for a teaching moment for Paxton, when a
girl tells you to stop, no matter what it is, respect that, there is a fine line
between playfully telling someone to stop and actually wanting them to stop, so
unless you have a true relationship where you know the difference, don’t go
there. I know he probably hates my “little
talks” but he is at a vital age, where there are crazy influences and influencers
all around him. His mom is going to be the
best advice to follow in most situations… Steve is no longer here. He was
supposed to teach him all these valuable boy lessons, to be there for him when
he had “questions “and give him the “talk.” It still irritates me that he didn’t
do some of this before he died, even though I pushed him it was time. Kids
these days know more earlier on then we give them credit for, and I don’t think
he was ready to accept that… he kept telling me soon.
This wasn’t supposed
to be my department unless I had a girl and so I am I am winging it, on faith,
principal, a little bit of common sense oh and plenty of wine. (I know I tease
about wine a lot, but I haven’t had any since Saturday… so we are good just in
case anyone is concerned about my drinking habits…. Lol.) We can do our best to plan life, but if you
don’t prepare for kinks, curves, twists, turns, setbacks, and tragedies, you
are probably not doing life right, it will never be perfect and we can’t
prevent a lot of circumstances, nor can I make him act a certain way. I am not
trying to make him a perfect kid, I am trying to prepare him with knowledge, education,
and good examples on how to be a strong, decent, kind adult with a purpose to
fulfill, that of which I pray every day is revealed to him to carry out. I have never been a teenage boy but coming
from this previous teenage girl and a well-rounded woman I know how I deserve
and want to be treated. I don’t see social media or his 2-year older best
friend teaching him how to treat women accurately. No offense. He has his dad’s good friends in his life if
he needs them, but I also want our mother-son communication strong. And being a
woman, I think I qualify as the best influencer on how he should treat a woman.
I don’t have all the answers and I am bound to fail, but I will continue to try
to be the best mom possible.
Last night he had plans to ride with the girls but had a
headache after school ( I guarantee he didn’t drink enough water) took Tylenol
and slept for 2 hours. Of course, when it was time to go to bed, he wasn’t
tired, go figure. Getting him up today was a tad bit easier than the day
before however. He had to shower and feed and actually told me it wouldn’t be his fault
if he is late for carpool, because he had to do both, so he asked if I would
feed for him just this once. I almost laughed out loud but composed my serious mom
voice despite my interior thoughts. “Nope sorry kiddo, you made a promise.” I
am set on him sticking to this promise he made me… How many days do we have until
the end of the week? LOL! Welcome to having a typical almost teenager (who lost his dad), what a fun
time of life to look forward to…. Send wine please.
As I sat typing this blog, the song that Paxton and I listened
to repeatedly while Steve was in the hospital, and we played for him over and over on the
phone came on my Alexa and a peace came over my entire body. I hadn’t heard it
in a while, and I was reassured I got this. Timing is impeccable if you
are in tune with it.
By the way, he thinks he aced his Spanish Quiz... I'll keep you posted.
Fires
I remember how You told me
That life may not be easy
And everything that I need
You've already given me
I remember how You told me
I can trust You completely
So why am I doubting
When You proved that You'd fight for me?
You've walked me through fires
Pulled me from flames
If You're in this with me
I won't be afraid
When the smoke billows higher, oh and higher
And it feels like I can barely breathe
I'll walk through these fires
'Cause You're walking with me
I'm changed by Your mercy
Covered by Your peace
I'm living out the victory
Doesn't mean I won't feel the heat
You've walked me through fires
Pulled me from flames
If You're in this with me
I won't be afraid
When the smoke billows higher, oh and higher
And it feels like I can barely breathe
I'll walk through these fires
'Cause You're walking with me
I can face anything (anything)
'Cause You're here with me (here with me)
I can do all things (do all things)
'Cause You strengthen me
I remember how You showed me
The price of my redemption
Lord, how could I question
When You proved that You'd die for me?
You've walked me through fires
Pulled me from flames (pulled me from flames)
If You're in this with me (thank you, Lord)
I won't be afraid (I won't be afraid)
When the smoke billows higher (higher)
Oh and higher (higher)
And it feels like I can barely breathe
I'll walk through these fires (I'll walk through)
'Cause You're walking with me
I'll walk through these fires (I'll walk
through)
'Cause You're walking with me
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Jordan St. Cyr / Kristen L.
Nordhoff / Micah Darrel Kuiper
Fires lyrics © DistroKid, Kobalt Music
Publishing Ltd.
No comments:
Post a Comment