You know what hiccups are like,
sometimes no matter what you do or what you try to get rid of them you just
can’t shake them. Sometimes you get frustrated
and agitated because it’s like they’re never going to end. You may not see
relief in sight.
How many times have you gotten
hiccups where they just sneak up on you and you’re not quite sure what you did
for them to develop. But more than anything you just want them to go away.
They’re not comfortable and not convenient! The longest case of hiccups was
Charles Osborne from 1922 to 1990 68 straight years of hiccups. I couldn’t even
imagine having hiccups for a whole day let alone 68 straight years.
What causes hiccups is when you
swallow too much air so even though we think sometimes they sneak up on you
there an accumulation of too much air being swallowed at which time your
diaphragm contracts, but your lungs fail to expand. I really do love the science behind things.
To me grief is sort of like a case of the hiccups. Sometimes it sneaks up on you when you least expect it, sometimes it’s been building for a little while, but you don’t recognize the signs just like when you’re eating too fast you’re swallowing so much air because you are eating and drinking and socializing which causes you not to really think about what you are doing. Depending on the extent of your circumstances, grief’s side effects may only last a moment, or they could last for weeks at a time. Imagine living with those negative side-effects from grief continuously for 68 years of your life! No thank you!
Unlike Mr. Osborne’s hiccups, most of us can control our mind, our thoughts,
our self-care, self-talk, and our level of happiness despite grief. Our mind can
make us weak, can make us sick, can pull us through, heal our bodies, and
choose what it believes and how you talk to yourself. Your mind is the most
powerful thing that you will ever own. The things that you say to your mind the
things that you create in your mind are your own work of art. The best thing
that you can do is talk kindly to yourself, give yourself grace, lift yourself
up, and move forward with confidence that we all are struggling from some
internal battle- choose to win yours. Free will and mind control are assets to
be mastered when controlled in the most positive ways.
Yesterday morning was a
struggle I woke up super late – 7:09 I haven’t slept that long in forever. We
had 30 minutes to get Paxton awake and out the door for school. It didn’t quite
go as smoothly as I would’ve liked. After quite a few arguments and realizing
he was just going to be late, then accepting it, he insisted that he needed to
eat breakfast although he probably eats breakfast two-three mornings out of the
five a week generally, today had to be one of them. His hair wasn’t fixing right,
he couldn’t find both his shoes and we were just arguing about everything. He was delaying on purpose, and I could tell. We
argued on the way to school instead of starting our morning off by praying
which we normally do. The bickering was so heavy, and I had enough! I said some
not so nice things and his long-awaited tears just flowed, bottom line he missed his dad and it had built up enough to explode. I knew this has been
building up for a little over a week, but he never could pinpoint what he
wanted to say and in order not to create scenarios in his head for him, I didn’t
pry previously. I would rather him organically
tell me what is wrong.
I let him unload. The things that came out of his mouth are some
of the same things that I have felt and I’m sure he has been having a hard time
talking about. Sometimes we think shoving them deep in ourselves will make them
go away or put somewhere we don’t have to face those fears or anxieties. Of course, the first thing out of his mouth
was WHY????????… But are we to know why… I am not
certain that is part of this life on Earth, to try to figure everything out, no matter
how hard we try or want to. Maybe we are simply not supposed to know why.
He proceeded to let me know that he was mad that his dad died so
young, he was relatively healthy, mad at the doctors for not doing something sooner,
or being able to fix him. That people with lots of other health issues were able
to recover from Covid, why couldn’t his dad? He was mad that he couldn’t
remember what the last thing that he and his dad had said to each other, or even
when the last time they talked before Steve could no longer communicate with us
was. All valid curiosities. I know what the last thing that Steve and I said to one another was,
and for that I am grateful, I could play it over in my head and I have several times, but I
don’t know what the last thing that Paxton and he said to each other was.
I want to say, and I hope, that it was I love you because I
truly felt in those two weeks of his consciousness while he was in the
hospital, that they made it a point to tell each other they love each other
before they would hang up the phone. I remember Steve saying as a kid his dad
never really said that he loved him. And so, he always made it a point to tell Paxton
that he loves him. Steve’s dad loved him, but it just wasn’t verbalized in the
way that Steve and Paxton shared.
Paxton emphasized the fact that he was mad that he couldn’t
remember. And therefore, I think in this traumatic event that he went through
he may have a little PTSD. We had a complete discussion as I drove around the
neighborhood several times as he wasn’t feeling confident enough to walk into
school with wet eyes. We discussed his feelings, we discussed the consequences
of “what iffing” our situation, we discussed having to move forward and what
his dad would or would not want him to think or do and how he would want him to
treat other people and how he would want
to be remembered and even though he isn’t here, which is his biggest challenge
as a boy, he feels that he should be, and you know what kiddo? So, do I.
This afternoon I went to my monthly luncheon of powerful woman Realtors
who ironically do not discuss real estate but gather for that extra connection,
that deeper meaning into our hearts, souls and minds, the ones that make you
think, make you vulnerable, make you aware, and show that you are human in turn
making you a better Realtor. The hostess had an envelope of 14 questions
that she randomly pulled out and handed to each of us. When I read mine, after
the morning I had with Paxton, I was reminded that God divinely puts not only
people, but things in our path for a reason at the right time.
My question was What is something that you would say to your
father that you never said? How will/would it be received?
Wow what a powerful question, with never a right or wrong answer.
How appropriately placed in my hands to answer on this particular day. As most of my readers know my
father died when I was 14 and having this experience as well as a mother who
had to learn how to raise me on her own have both been situations that although
not what I would wish upon anyone, I am grateful I had experienced to help me
through what Paxton and I are now going through over the course of the last
year +. Life is sort of funny that way. Prepping you for something without you
even knowing it.
And by the way I answered that I would thank him, for what he
taught me, the experiences that I had, and the traits that he passed on to me
to help create who I am today and for me having to experience what I did, to be prepared for now.
I called Paxton on the way home to see how he was doing, he let me
know he sat in his boat for over an hour talking to his dad about fishing. I was
grinning on the other end and my heart was full. I shared with him that I talk to Steve sometimes
too when I am lying in bed or driving in the car by myself. I didn't for a really long time, but now sometimes it just feels right.
This week ended with a brave little boy on his way to manhood, on
top of what seemed like a tense and not so smooth week for both of us for
various reasons. On Halloween night he broke his thumb playing football. Today we
learned from Ortho that it was his growth plate and they had to put it back in
place. I will let you form your own picture in your mind of how that went. He had a head full of fear and a body allowing
his anxieties to creep in, but he allowed them to do it without numbing it first and he did so
good. It took a little motherly calming and visionary skills and reassurance
that it would be quick and back in place before he could even think about it. I knew how much strength
that took and how much he hurt, especially the throbbing afterward. 3 hours, one
enormous red cast, a note to skip PE and heavy activities for the next 4 weeks,
reassurance that he can still fish in the next 2 tournaments, a promise from
the Physician’s Assistant that he will be clear in 4 weeks with a different
cast to try out for school football, and be able to play without a cast in 8
weeks (just in time for the season to start) a visit to DQ, the rest of the day
out of school, and hanging out with friends and he seems to be in good
spirits!
Wouldn’t it just be great if we could wake up one morning and it
was all just a crazy nightmare. But that is not how our lives were supposed to turn
out. No matter how many what if scenario’s we can create in our head this is
our life, Steve had an expiration date and this was our fate. Paxton can pull Steve from deep within him any time he wants to remember him, what he would suggest, recommend, or decide based on what he knows and
remembers of him. He can be all the good things he remembers most about his
dad. He can be confident that our happiness was important to Steve and still is
and Steve would want for us to continue and carry out our happiness because
just because his heart no longer beats ours can again.
As some of you might know Danny Gokey was on American Idol several years ago as a contestant who when he shot the video for getting on the show his wife was battling an illness and struggling to stay alive. When he did the show, his wife had passed away, but he went through with it anyway and he became a very powerful Christian artist that I admire and respect. If you have the time, it’s six minutes long, but watch this video and listen to its powerful message. You too can move forward from whatever you have experienced.
My beautiful friend amazing and gifted We love you 🥰
ReplyDeleteThank you!
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