“But did you die?”
Back in November I organized a girl’s trip to see my Country
Artist crush, Eric Burgett- (Love it All Goodbye and some other great songs) -when I say crush yes, he is
good looking, but his music speaks to me and the relationship he portrays on IG
and FB with his wife and how much she means to him is so refreshing. These days
so many people tend to take others for granted or lose out on romance in a
relationship to focus on the hook up portion of it. I haven’t dated in a long
time but from what I have seen a lot of my girlfriends go through the pursuit
doesn’t seem to have as much effort as it once did and what I have dabbled in
thus far in the last few months the effort is lacking. I think too many girls
tend to settle for what they can get instead of waiting for what they are
worth. I get sometimes as women we lack patience and just want everything to
fall into place but focusing more on the journey than the outcome can seriously
put us in a better place to receive what we deserve.
Our trip came together and what originally started as asking
4 other girls, one who didn’t go because she had been out of town the previous
weekend, another that had something come up at the last minute and she canceled
and one girl who happened to be in town and went instead turned out to be an
epic trip. The 4 of us drove to Vegas on a Thursday night and rented an Air b n b.
All 5 of these girls are my friends and I have a different bond and
relationship with all of them. But this specific group of 4 of us seemed to
form a bond together that could never be replaced or interrupted. Sometimes you
can get a group of girls together who all know each other but through 1 mutual
friend and not everyone gets along, understands or is fulfilled by the group as
a whole. This particular group just fit.
For those of you who know me well enough, or have ever been
in a car with me, you know that I can get you there safely, barely, “but did
you die?” So that was the motto of our 1st trip, along with a
bunch of other coin phrases that I will not bore you with because you simply
weren’t there and it wouldn’t be as funny. This particular phrase has applied
to a lot of different situations that the 4 of us have been through, talked about,
experienced and lived over the last 3 months since our 1st trip.
Sometimes serious, sometimes funny, and most definitely eye opening in some
cases as we each ride our own roller coaster of life toward the path of our
future, separate, but with the support of one another. No judging, no lecturing,
a lot of crying, laughing, and most importantly fun.
We just got back from our 2nd Epic Trip to Fort
Worth Texas last week. Again another fun-filled trip complete with a Historic
Haunted Brothel Hotel experience where we were able to get away from our
everyday lives, aware of but partially removed from our responsibilities back
home, able to let loose, have fun and maybe do a stupid thing or two… like
someone losing their phone the very first night and guess what Jinn isn’t the
best driver either so there is that…” but did you die?” Haha! Refreshing that I wasn’t the only one
who is easily distracted while driving. We cried again, laughed, and most
importantly had fun! We renewed each other’s spirits, had some eye-opening experiences,
and came back ready to tackle whatever it is that we need to work on the most.
Just being around other girls who may be going through similar feelings but different
situations, in such close quarters, with absolutely no judgement, is enough to
help you continue with your own journey, battles and triumphs alike when you
return home.
During our visit we happened to be at a little outdoor bar live
music venue and a lady the table over from us was wearing a hat that said, “but
did you die.” Of course we had to go
up and strike up a conversation, she had ordered it online and we swapped
stories. As we headed to the airport on Monday we stopped at a little Indie
town for some shopping and drinks. The minute we walked in the store the first
tee shirt I saw said “But did you die.” It was a basic boring black with
just white letters so I asked the owner if he had hats. They did, the ones that
you can remove the Velcro patch and have any saying you wanted. They happened
to be out of that patch when I noticed a hoodie that had the same saying on it.
If you know me well I could probably own as many hoodies as I do cowboy boots.
I love hoodies. So we each bought one because well, why not it seals the pack.
Fast forward to Tuesday when I woke up and put said hoodie
on for the day, it was chilly in Florence, I just got back from a 4-day trip
where I was renewed but exhausted and just wanted to be comfortable. As I
sifted through all the things I had to do that day I realized I had my grief
share group that night that I facilitate at one of the local churches and I
literally just laughed out loud. I thought to myself, can you imagine what in
the world those people would be thinking if I showed up in that hoodie to our
group. Some of those people are so new into their grief that the appropriateness
may have been lacking for them to think it was as funny as I did, especially
since they don’t know the context or the backstory of it. So, I changed.
You could take that saying in a lot of different contexts
just by your tone of voice, and someone who just reads it could interpret it in
a lot of different ways. Funny how
sometimes what we intend something to sound like when we express it someone
could totally take another way. This is why again I stress communication is so important,
texts and emails can be totally taken out of context, tone is absent, and
without an explanation it could be a disaster. I then
began to think to myself, Dani, you just lost your husband a year and a half
ago, and that saying never once crossed my mind to be anything other than what
our girls trip made it to be… a funny saying that we can get through all of life’s
struggles, twists, turns and sometimes barely hanging on, but we are still here,
living our life, hopefully to the fullest. Each day is a blessing. It made me
truly reflect on the saying in my own situation. “But did you die? “I
did not, just yet. So, I need to embrace every moment, learn from my
mistakes, be a better person than I was the day before and truly enjoy and embrace
my journey. I am still here for a reason and not everyone has been given that
chance to live longer so I feel it is my duty still being here, to bring light
to those around me, share my experiences to give hope to others to keep going,
laugh at life and accept that we are all going to die someday, so if we have
the opportunity to say… “but did you die” we must still have something important to do
here, take charge of your life and make it count.
7 rules of life
1.
Let it go- never ruin a good day by thinking
about a bad yesterday.
2.
Ignore them- don’t listen to other people. Live a
life that is empowering to you.
3.
Give it time- time heals everything if you
embrace it.
4.
Don’t compare- the only person you should try to
beat is who you were yesterday.
5.
Stay calm- it is okay not to have everything
figured out. In time you will get there.
6.
It’s on you- only you are in charge of your own
happiness.
7.
Smile- life is short, enjoy it while you have it.
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