Spilled Coffee, Door Dash and a Purpose

 

I really cannot comprehend how one single cup of coffee could make such a mess. Sitting at my computer yesterday morning, trying to get some work done and Paxton’s cute innocent(lol) puppy comes running through the doggie door and right up to me and somehow the next thing I know the cup of coffee is all over my huge table, covering the bench, splashed on every chair and the legs of the table as well as inside the pocket of my handmade leather tote bag sitting on the bench. The way the scene looked you would have thought the whole pot spilled. There went the stellar start to my day- the first day I felt semi-normal in the past 5! I was praying that just didn’t set the stage for what I was going to encounter for the rest of the day, I have had enough disappointing days in the past week. I had to remind myself it was just spilled coffee... nothing worth ruining my day over. 

Rewind to Saturday, I was laying in bed when my phone rang, 7 AM on the dot, my sister-in-law never calls that early in the morning, I knew before answering… she spoke with tears in her voice. Her mom, my mother-in-law, had passed. She had been struggling health-wise since Steve passed away and had been in the hospital for almost 4 weeks, not seeming to rally from whatever was causing her to decline, maybe a broken heart.

This past week has been sad, chaotic, challenging, overwhelming to say the least. A boy of 13 who has lost his great grandma, dad, 2 great uncles and 2 grandmas – 4 of the 6 in the last year and a half. That is really a lot for any young person to take in.

He has struggled with anxieties, school, and everything else I have mentioned over the last year and a half of these blog posts. Overcoming these obstacles is a must, but a challenge and at his young age even though everyone tells us he is so much more mature than his actual age, even his counselor, he is still a kid, and processing just the loss of his dad statistically could take 3-5 years, and I have said there is no real timeline, everyone handles things in their own time, so all of this in a short period of time can really take a toll on a person, especially a young one. Do I feel like he can handle and overcome this, do I feel like he is destined for good things to come, hands down I do. God has a purpose for him, and I am excited to watch him on his journey. He may not be going the conventional route, but I truly believe he is destined to do great things. Do I wished everyday that I could fix it all for him? That I could make it all go away and make his life less hard? You bet I do. Do I fully believe he needs to experience the things that he is in order to prepare him for his purpose, if I thought anything less than this I would not be giving God, the Universe or him enough credit. I don’t know that I believe in chance.

This week has been hard. We have had a few different disappointments and stress factors on top of her death to deal with, Monday we may have taken a day to do absolutely nothing but cry, stay in our P.J.’s all day watching Netflix and for the first time in my life we ordered Door Dash with my $100 gift card someone got us when Steve passed away. I just couldn’t function. I didn’t want to think, feel, or interact with anyone other than Paxton that day, I just wanted to be. I felt like a complete hot mess, and you know what… I was ok with it… It is ok to fall apart occasionally if you know with the utmost confidence that you are not going to stay there and you can bounce back to your natural positive self, make peace with your experiences and continue to move forward. 

This week I started up a grief-share program at one of the community churches in the area. I made a post about this on Facebook to get the word out to others that there is a group program available for those who have experienced a loss to take part in and perhaps help them heal along the way. Everyone’s journey is different but knowing that others may be able share similar thoughts and feelings, no one wants to feel alone in their process, however, I think people often do.  I was approached and knew in my heart that God is calling me to do something other than what I am doing now to help others through their struggles. In writing I have been able to help myself heal and move forward and maybe a few people here and there along the way. What I experience and what I write is sometimes rawer than others, but I always try to make it appeal to a larger audience for a higher purpose. No one should ever feel they are alone in the thoughts in their head, no one should feel like there is a only one right way to do things, no one should feel abandoned in being able to talk about what they are experiencing from emotions to thoughts, feelings and doubts. Neither we nor our circumstances are ever perfect.

I know my journey and writing from my heart comes from grief due to loss from death. I have had several people who have reached out to thank me for something that resonates with them who are grieving the loss due to a divorce. This is where I know that God is using me for a bigger picture, one that involves helping those who need to hear what I have to say and can apply it to their life or situation. I don’t believe there are limits or restrictions on my audience if I am doing what I am doing with pure and honest intentions.

My initial grief share group in my opinion was successful, I had 6 participants, people shared what they wanted, everyone was able to relate to someone else there, lift each other up, encourage and resonate with fears, doubts, and emotions that other participants were experiencing, there is potentially always going to be someone who has some of the same thoughts, feelings, anxieties and frustrations as you do… you are never alone.  Week 1 of 13 down and I already have take-aways that I can use myself going forward. If I was asked to be a participant and not a leader, or if I was asked 6 months ago to lead a group at this capacity, I don’t think it would have resonated with me… always remember trust the timing of your life.

I see you on the days you move mountains. I see you on the days you don’t get out of bed. Whichever day it is today, you are beautiful, strong, and brave. I just wanted you to know. Stephanie Bennett-Henry

We can rejoice, too. When we run into problems and trials. For we know that they help us develop endurance. Romans 5:3