Spring Cleaning- New Life

So I indulged my husband's inner child and gave the okay to get chickens, huh you might say chickens? what are you going to do with chickens? Well, some friends of ours that we visited with a few weeks ago had full grown egg-laying chickens and Paxton and Steve fell in love with them like two little kids.
They lay eggs I suppose so that is a plus, free-range farm fresh eggs! The baby chicks they are pretty cute and they don't cost much. They are small right now and need more care but it is a project the boys can have together since they always seem to be into something new. Last night Paxton informed me " I want to take care of them mom." Cute- I pray that he stays that loving and caring as an adult with a good heart.
I was really against having these things at my home, one more thing in the mix of life to be responsible for but last night watching these adorable little chicks find their way around their new home, looking for water and food, pecking at each other and taking in their environment it reminded me that as humans we too have this feeling of desperation, helplessness and confusion at times.
The guidance, wisdom and direction of others can sometimes make or break us. Our inner voice can sometimes make the difference between going for the goal and falling behind because of our negative self talk. Life is what we make of it, life consists of the steps we take and the choices we make. Use your words to encourage yourself as well as others today. Chose today to start your life new and fresh, spring clean your mind and give yourself the chance to shine, back up your words with actions that are consistant to your goals, dreams and thoughts in your head. Seize any opportunities that come your way.
Live your life while you have it, before it is gone, Life is a splendid gift, There is nothing small about it. - Florence Nightingale.

Proud Confessions of a Toddler

Sitting in my office the other day my little guy who is 3 comes up to me and says, "Mommy?" "Yes dear, I said." "You might get mad at me but I wanna tell you something." "I said I promise I won't get mad if you tell me the truth." - He didn't really lie the day before, he had just not told me the whole truth. I accepted his apology, we talked about my disappointment and what he could do to avoid this happening again. He agreed he would not make this choice again, and we had a good day. I had mixed emotions after reflecting on this small but almost adult-like 3 year old conversation I had had. On one hand I was pretty upset that he had lied about it in the first place, thinking to myself, Oh my goodness the lying is already starting and he is only 3, but I quickly changed my way of thinking when I realized how proud I was of him coming to me worried that he may get in trouble but willing to confess that he did wrong and be punished, if I saw fit.
When I was growing up, sure I remember getting spanked, talked sternly to and yelled at, but the thing that sticks out the most in my mind was not the fear of the punishment that I might experience for my actions but the disappointment from my parents that I had chosen to do wrong. I always felt safe coming to them and letting them know what was going on with me. They instilled in me at a very young age that God is good and gracious. We can sin but he will accept us back over and over again. The fact that my parents taught me that above all love is the strongest and even though we can upset someone, God also wants us to extend forgiveness. I know I will not always have control over the decisions that my son makes or how he acts or treats others, but I do hope I can raise my son to be an honest, caring, loving and forgiving adult. I hope to be a good example and not only teach him right from wrong, but give him the ability to make mistakes and learn and grow from them.
Yesterday in church the sermon discussed the prodigal son from Luke 15:11-32. The younger son dishonored his family by asking for his inheritance and then going and blowing it on frivolous things, the older son stayed and was loyal to his dad. When the younger son came back the father welcomed him with open arms back into the family. The older son became angry and questioned the father's fairness. The father said, "everything is yours my son all you had to do was ask." The father loved both of his sons even though one had done wrong. This truly is the power of forgiveness that our heavenly Father shows us every day.

 

Psalm 103:8-12 The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

Frustrations escape me-

So the thing is when you are frustrated, your life becomes frustrated, those around you tend to get frustrated and it makes for a rather negative atmosphere. Sometimes it is hard to always be the positive one, having to constantly remind yourself to be in a good mood, to turn around the negative and make it a positive, to be encouraging to others but also yourself. I am my biggest critic. I am the one that puts so much pressure on myself to perform to my expectations and sometimes it is hard to forgive myself when I can't seem to fit it all in or make something work. Catering to my family and work and letting go of my needs as a person. When I do take time out for myself, I feel guilty or like I have fallen behind in my day to day expectations that I think everyone else places on me. But do they? Or am I just being unrealistic of myself and placing these thoughts and words in other people's mouth because I am thinking they want me to perform a certain way. I go and go all day and by 8:00 I am exhausted. Waking up at 5 and getting out of bed at 6 to start the day with no interruptions. Sometimes I falsely schedule things that I think I can get done in a certain amount of time and then something pops up to crush my plan and makes me rethink my schedule and or course of action. Yes, I know that I am rambling but sometimes it is just good to get out the frustration as to be able to move on with the day and the tasks at hand. To let go and to reconvene- for a better start.
Today I will look at my schedule. I will prioritize my events. I will give myself more time than needed to complete things and if I get them done sooner- all the better.
A Realtor friend reminded me yesterday that:

“Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends, and integrity. And you're keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls...are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered.”

-James Patterson, Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas.

Available

This weekend in church our Father discussed how so many of us tend to be so super busy we don't have time available to schedule any incidentals, and most of the time no time for ourselves.  By the time we cram pack our days and weeks with all of the things we have scheduled whether it is a work, with kids, chores at home or errands we MUST run,  we often have no time or energy left for much else. We over schedule and often times double book ourselves and commitments. We are often too busy being busy.  Sometimes we don't even feel that we can cancel something we have scheduled for something that may pop up at the last minute that may be more important. How do we determine what is important? We say well maybe we can fit it in between getting off work and picking the kids up from daycare- oh wait that is only 20 mins, the drive would be longer than that. If you have a calendar like me, I am a busy body and I feel like if I am not constantly doing something I am wasting time. If I really look at some of the things I am doing though, I probably am just wasting time.  This weekend I rescheduled my household duties to help some friends. Do I love a clean house, YOU BET, does it make me feel organized for my week, HECK YES. In my opinion however, a person is more important then dusting. Yesterday I dropped what I was doing to run an errand to help someone out, was the paperwork I needed to do there when I got back, to my dismay yes, unfortunately no one else did it for me! LOL.
God wants us to be aware when He is calling us. Is he dialing our phone numbers, texting or tweeting? No, but his people are.  HE is not standing outside our boat directing us to cast out our nets in the middle of the day when least expected. But like Peter, HE is calling us to be fishers of men. HE wants us to be available to help HIS people when they are in need. Whether it be a pop-by where we stop to say hi to someone who may be reaching out that we haven't noticed until it is too late. A shut in, a family friend, a widow, someone who is struggling with a loss, needing help to move, someone who may not ask for our help, but that God is directing us to connect with when they need it most. Are you too busy to listen to HIS calling? Can the laundry and household chores wait another day? Can you go to dinner, see a movie or shop another time?
With technology today we should be aware and available to see and listen to what we are being called to do, who we are being called to influence and interfere in their lives with our smiles, kind words, and our time. They are putting it out there, on Facebook, Twitter and all kinds of social media updates! Are we tuned in to other people's needs? Or are we too busy posting our own status? Time is precious to all of us, but sometimes what we think are priorities are just things that keep us busy. Stop today and read some of these posts, call up someone you haven't connected with in awhile, listen to what you are being called to do. It may not only benefit that person, but you as well.
Careful planning puts you ahead in the long run; hurry and scurry puts you further behind. Proverbs 21:5 MSG

I do

I often wonder how some marriages stay together and others fall apart. Granted they say people change over years and due to circumstances, however everyone and everything changes on a daily basis. Some people chose to grow together and some apart. The key to staying together- compromise- loving that other person more than yourself, giving unselfishly, making sacrifices and building that other person up and showing your support, understanding that you cannot change a person unless they want to change, committing yourself and not giving up- (I am not talking about abusive relationships or extremely negative circumstances) just your average 2 people who fall in love and together grow and prosper with life occurrences that most people go through. I am not one to judge others without being in their shoes, but I do know from what I have seen over the years and getting older that some people give up too easily, because it is easier than trying.
Today on the news they showed a couple that have been married for 80 years who won the 2013 Worldwide Marriage Encounter award (a Christian marriage enrichment group based in San Bernardino, Calif., that organizes a search each year to promote the virtues of lasting marriages and inspire young couples.) Growing up my parents were a part of this Marriage Encounter group where they traveled around and gave enrichment weekends to help other married couples enrich and enhance their relationships and marriage by teaching them how to most effectively communicate with one another. Not only did I see changes in my parent's communication while growing up, it changed the dynamic of my family life. I was young when my dad passed away, but I still remember learning some of the things that they did to make each other feel special and keep the communication between them open and healthy.
Many people now get  married a lot later than 17 like this couple did, so if we live until 97 I will not beat this 80 year mark, however we can take it as an example of how life can bring us blessings if we follow some simple advice.
Before their 80th wedding anniversary in November, John and Ann Betar told ABC News that they considered themselves "blessed."

"We are very fortunate. It can be repeated and repeated," Ann, 97, said at the time. "It is unconditional love and understanding. We have had that. We consider it a blessing."

Though the couple is hesitant to give out marriage advice, their secret to so many happy years together is simple: compromise and don't hold a grudge.

Congrats to the Betars who will be receiving their award at their granddaughter's home this Saturday! May they be an example to all of us as we move forward.

Saying Goodbye

Many of us dread the day when we will lose a loved one. Whether we are young or old we will experience a loss of some sort from some one that we know. No matter what type of loss or how the person is connected to you it will in some way effect you and make you value the miracle and the beauty of life that we often take for granted everyday. The saying goes, enjoy the people you love every day, make them know how much you care as if it were the last time you will see/talk to them, it may be.
My husband's best friend lost his mother yesterday after a short battle with cancer, she was a young 58. She was the kind of person who was always smiling, whose smile would light up a room. Her peppy bubbly attitude brought her many friends. She was very well liked and would bend over backwards to do stuff for her family and friends. It is amazing that these types of people, the ones who have the most impact on our lives are often the ones that we lose before we think it is their time. We often wonder why the time is shortened or why we have such a short period of time to say goodbye to some and a longer time for others. This isn't something that we will probably ever understand, and trying to would just take too much energy with no result. Maybe those who hang on longer take a harder time convincing that the family/friends they are leaving behind are truly going to be okay. From all we have heard about Heaven and afterlife the person we leave will be more than okay. We are hoping for something we do not have yet, and we are waiting for it patiently. -Romans 8:25 NCV
We often wonder why some live to be so old and some so young, why some barely have a start at life, a chance to make their mark and others live long and die simple. Examples you see every day, in your own life, in the news, amongst family and friends. From these same friends' little baby boy who 4 years ago never had the chance to take his first breath, to my best friend growing up who died at the young age of 10 from cancer, to an acquaintance whose son dies in their early 20's in an instant in a car wreck with absolutely no warning, to my dad who died when I was 14 years only 2 months after being diagnosed with cancer at the young age of 54 to my grandmother who lived to be 96 and just didn't wake up one morning.
You should value life on a daily basis, thanking God for what you have, who you have and what you have accomplished every day. Wanting less, complaining less and living life to the fullest as if tomorrow will never come is the key to your happiness that you create. Be content in your current state, it is okay and healthy to want more as long as you enjoy what you already have. Don't take it for granted. When you accept rather than fight your circumstances, even though you don't understand them you open your heart's gate to God's love, peace, joy, and contentment. - Amy Carmichael

Here is a poem I wrote shortly after my father died I will share with you today:

Meet Him in the Sky

 

I sit and watch the tide go by,

My emotions stirring deep inside.

I watch the lonely flower grow,

Realizing I must now let go.

The birds soar high in the sky,

Why do I want to cry?

It’s hard to live in a new way,

But I must take it day by day.

As the wind blows its gentle breeze

I know one day I’ll feel “his” free.

Walking through the woods I see

God’s little signs of eternity,

They warm my heart with memories

As I look up to the trees,

I recognize the sweetest song,

And now I know it won’t be long.

He is waiting for me somewhere up there

Watching over me with tender care.

As the wind blows it gentle breeze

I know one day I’ll feel “his” free.

The wind is calling its magic words

“Don’t worry I’ll be here” I heard.

Through all the doubts in my life

This thought would overcome my strife.

I couldn’t help but think of he,

The man I wanted here for me.

The peace I felt just then

I knew would come again.

As the wind blows its gentle breeze

I know one day I’ll feel “his” free.

-Dani Miller

 

Work on yourself change starts here

How often do I catch myself reliving what someone else should have said or done. IE: what I would have said or done.  I hope this is human nature and we all catch ourselves doing this from time to time, or on a daily basis to an extent. We often blame how someone else acts or speaks saying what we should have/would have done in that situation. Reasoning with our minds how another person should act/speak. But isn't that the beauty of being individual, of each one of us having different talents, thoughts and personalities.
We do not control what others say or do no matter how hard we think we can influence them. They are their own person just as we are. We cannot take responsibility for how another person speaks/acts or interacts with others. We cannot judge someone or make them speak or act in a way that suits us.
Not everyone has the same idea's, beliefs or thoughts as we do. Therefore it is unfair to group everyone into the same category, ethical or moral space, and we cannot push any sort of belief, change or lifestyle on those who are not accepting. One has to be willing and want to change in order to accept something new, be passionate about it and move toward a desired lifestyle.
I need to start with me. I need to be willing to accept others as they are. Be an example of what I wish to see in others, open up my beliefs to allow for all that life has to offer, pay attention to others visions and goals and help them develop themselves most effectively, praise the positive and change my attitude and mind. I cannot change others unless they are willing to change. I cannot accept responsibility for what others do or say especially adults. I can only be responsible for my actions, thoughts and words.
In order to raise my ability to most effectively treat others with respect, kindness and love. This week I am going to test myself by keeping a journal of all the things that those closest to me do positive. Reflected on the good in my life and not the things that I would do differently or change. I am hoping that by being grateful and praising the good that more good comes and that slowly the negative things or the things that I would change would not be an issue or as noticeable as when those are the things that are concentrated on. I especially need this with myself and therefore I am going to include myself in my journal. I know that I am my worst critic and my self talk can be very negative. Starting with myself this week and including those around me, I hope to see the changes unfold for a most positive and uplifting week ahead.
As the saying goes, you can't always change your circumstances but you can change how you look at them and your attitude.
Be the change you wish to see in the world. Mahatma Gandhi

If you plant it and nourish it, it will grow.

Sharing my daily reminders list:

The present moment is my point of power

Somehow everything works out

If I take good care of people, life will take good care of me

People will pay me to feel the passion and energy I breathe into my career and creations

I am worth having anything I love

Sometimes I can't change my circumstances but I can always change my attitude

Happiness isn't something that happens to me it is something I create

Wanting more is healthy and natural as long as I don't forget to enjoy what I already have

Enjoy the people I love as if it is the last time I will see them- it might be

 

What I learned from Mr. Everit's Secret- Thanks Alan Cohen for writing such a great book.

If you plant it and nourish it, it will grow.

Doubly Blessed

Today is a great day in history! One that has brought me 2 blessings, 65 years ago God placed my mom on this earth to love and serve him. She has instilled in me the true meaning of love, God's promise to free us from our sins. She raised me the best she could and I think I turned out pretty good. :) I couldn't ask for a better mother to have loved me, been there for me, support me, raise me, give up things for me and show me how to be a great mother as well. My mom would do anything for me. Her love is so strong that the bond we share really keeps me going no matter what. I can be all sorts of shades of color with her and we always understand that love supersedes no matter our attitude, circumstances, or mood for a day. I love her with all my heart and am proud and thankful that she is such a huge part of my life.
I am grateful to God that he brought me to Arizona 16 years ago with a plan. A plan in which would not have been carried out if I stayed in my home state. I met an amazing, loving boy who turned into a respectable, loving husband and father, who continues to bless me with his presence and love no matter what shades of color I am. He continues to support me and gave me such an awesome blessing in our son. I will be forever falling in love with this man over and over again in new ways as long as I am alive. Trials and tribulations, sure, arguments, disasters-joys, strengths and blessings! Yet it all comes down to LOVE and how strong it is.
Without love there would be no forgiveness, without love there would be no joy, without love I would not be who I am today; so to both of you, thank you for coming into this world, thank you for loving me unconditionally, thank you for your forgiveness at times, your understanding and patience with me through everything. I would not be the person I am today without you in my life.
                              HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO an Amazing Mom and Husband!
                                                                    YOU ARE LOVED.

Making Connections

Sometimes in busy day to day activities and lists of things to do you can get caught up in all the things you need to get done.  You have lists of things to do, paperwork to complete, interruptions that you don't expect. You can hide behind your computer screen, technology and fuss with the paperwork, bills, tasks and such that you can get overwhelmed and forget about the outside world (sort of). You can get comfortable in your atmosphere, especially if you work from home.
It is really when you truly get out there and make it happen verses doing the things that in your list that you really begin to grow and blossom. I am not suggesting you ignore what is on your list, just prioritize it.
 For anyone who is in sales or promotes a business or service, you have to remember that the business, although sometimes- mostly doesn't find you. Sure you can get referrals, you can make connections from a computer or a phone, but that face-to-face connection you make can sometimes be 10 times more powerful.
Getting out and about to promote yourself, connecting with people on a human level verses hiding behind today's technologies will help you stand out often times from your competitor. Do you have a business, service or trade? Are you spending your day maximizing what you can to, how you can become an expert in your field, how you can gain loyalty, trust and knowledge to help you go the extra step. What can you do to stand out, become the best you? These are the things you need to consider. Make a list and then get out there and do it.
 Nothing says great service more than learning and knowing all you can about what your potential client or customer is looking for, connecting with them on a personal human level and giving them the best service/product that you can. Stand behind what you do, make adjustments for what you don't and see how far it will take you.
In the last two days I connected with 1 person a day who could use my service because I was in the right place at the right time and I asked the right questions. If you are confident it what service/product you provide they will feel confident in you.
I encourage you to get out today, meet a new face, call some old connections and just see what might come you way.

"Action is the foundational key to all success." - Pablo Picasso

Making others happy

Do you ever feel like by doing good unto others it makes you feel happy in return? I know that if I do something nice for someone I do get that warm and fuzzy feeling inside that helps in some ways benefit me more than the person I am helping. It makes me feel human, connected. It doesn't have to always be big or spectacular. A smile to a stranger, a kind word of encouragement, a simple text or email picture that may make someone smile or laugh could make all the difference to not only you but that person.  Smiling can sometimes make us happy even if we are going through a lot.
Volunteering to help out whether it be for an organization, a neighbor or friend. I recently went to visit a friend in a nursing home who isn't doing so well. I know that she is stuck there and there really isn't much she can do about it, it is dreary and boring and by no means a 5 star resort even though they got a 5 star rating.  She is probably depressed and unhappy on top of her ailments. These types of situations where you not only have to go see someone that you may not want to remember that way, but you have to see them in pain and suffering and that can sometimes reflect on our own happiness. It can make us in turn feel depressed or sad.
In a way we have to look at it as an opportunity to feel blessed with our own situation no matter how unhappy, stressed, confused, or difficult our life may seem to be. Sometimes the littlest gestures that you can do for them, whether it is the reaction you would get from a healthy person, or just a little nod, chuckle or smile can make all the difference in how a person leaves this world. Sometimes we learn a lot from the most difficult times in our lives.
How do you want to leave this world? Have you made your mark? Have you spread love and joy to others. In light of some recent happenings in my life I have reflected on what type of person not only I think I am, but how I want to be remembered. Am I living every day with knowing that I will leave this world remembered that way? If your answer is no you may need to do a little soul searching, because no matter whether someone thinks they can predict that their time is up, we will never know how much time we have until it is gone. Live for the NOW, Take life one day at a time, focus on what truly matters.
 You can be a workaholic trying to have and get the most you can to provide for your family and all their wants and needs, working your butt off so that you can spend more time with them in the future.  But if you work too much now, and there is no tomorrow for you, did you really accomplish your goal. My kid is 3, does he want me to buy him things sure, does he want to do things and go places sure, but what is most important to him is the time I spend not the things he gets, spend more time with the ones you love and less money and I bet that makes all the difference.
"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone." Audrey Hepburn

Suck it Up!

Do you ever feel like you have had a long hard day and it isn't even half over? Have you wanted to lock yourself in your room and just sleep until tomorrow and start over. Has a string of events started that is really beyond your control but somehow you blame yourself for all of it? You just want some sympathy, someone to come home, make you some dinner, take your kid and dogs to the park, and get you some space- or pull your hair out lock yourself in your closet and scream really loud! LOL!  Man, has it been that kind of day. But then you remind yourself that you need to remain positive, because those negative situations and events that you are harping on are just in turn causing more negative situations because that is where your mind is focused. What you really need is not sympathy it is a swift kick in the butt from someone (probably yourself) that you just need to step back, take a few minutes to walk away, say a prayer, take a deep breath do something else and start again with full force, a positive attitude and some gusto! It's only 1:30, life isn't ending from my roller coaster ride and I think I will give it another try, I have plenty of hours left in the day. By the way, thanks mom for taking my buddy away for some picture taking so I could pep up and reorganize my thoughts. You are my blessing today.
May all of your day be filled with chances to escape, re-think and re-connect for the most positive outcome.
Dani

Blog Hop?

I was recently invited to do a Blog Hop. What is a Blog Hop? That is the same question that I asked. Sherry who asked me to do this with her, answered these same questions on her blog about her "next big thing" calling it "Roots" at this time while in the process of writing. You can read and then hop over to the next author from this email and read about them. So therefore it is blog hopping.

 

 

I am hoping that I will be able to sell enough copies of Paxton and Mali Find Their Boat this year in order to go ahead with my next publication. I was able to make my first one happen with help from family and friends pre-selling copies as well as a small loan from some friends! I hope to not have to do that again to make #2 in the series happen. I am looking forward to 2013 and hitting up as many schools as I can to sell the 5000 copies I will need to make this happen. Looking forward to any friends and family connections at the local schools to get me in to do presentations or local author reads to the kids. Talk about writing and kids goals and dreams. Grade levels Pre-K- 2nd make this a perfect opportunity to promote, sell and share my story.  And by local meaning have car will travel. Anywhere in the state.

 

Here is my "Next Big Thing"

 

What is the working title of your book?

Paxton and Mali Go To The Lake

Where did the idea come from for the book?

After having my son I was inspired to break into the author realm with Children's books and work my way up to a novel eventually.

Book #1 of the Series-

Paxton and Mali Find Their Boat

In book #2 they go to test their boat at the lake.

What genre does your book fall under?

Sports/Recreation - Children's

Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

This would be cute, I do believe that mine would definitely fall under the cartoon range, but my son and my friend's little girl who I modeled the character's after would probably be good choices to turn into the cartoon characters. I am thinking a cartoon series that would fit well on Disney.
What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

Paxton and Mali let their imaginations roll as they take there next adventure to the lake where they test out the new boat they "bought" in book #1.
Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

More than likely an agency I am not an illustrator and I loved what my current publishing company did with the ideas and photos I gave them for the illustrations. I think the characters and colors truly pop!
How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

 probably 1/2 of a 3 hour car trip I dictated it to my mom and she wrote it down while I was driving.
What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

I want to say like Berenstain Bears! Think big right?
Who or What inspired you to write this book?

My son Paxton, my love of fishing growing up and my husband Steve who loves to fish and whose Bass boat the book's boat is modeled after.

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

The books explore a child's imagination, tell a simple story of girl teaching boy how to fish. Every book will have a watermark copy of my son's hand on the back!  

 

 I had the opportunity to meet up with a new author by meeting her sister in law at a local craft fair! I am glad that I was able to be introduced to her and her work. Meet Sherry Rossman and check out her books at http://sherryrossman.wordpress.com

 

Her new book is available at Amazon for the Kindle- hard copy coming soon! http://amzn.to/Z3bcwP

The Guardians watch, help, and serve as warriors for the King of Kings. Most cannot see these mysterious angels, but Goodwin cat can. Join him today as he shows how they work in the lives of his family and all children.
For children 4-10

Remember to let me know if you have an event at your child's school or I can set up a time to meet with your children's teacher or principal to discuss what I can do for the school.
 

hearing for granted

Over the past few years my husband's grandmother, who is now 96 has been slowly losing her hearing. True for the past almost 15 years I have known her she has worn hearing aids however, they did help her be able to hear and carry on a conversation with us a lot more so than recently.
I had the pleasure of picking her up from my sister-in-laws last weekend and brought her out to see the lights in the neighborhood and our tree and decorations. We tried talking in the car a little but it was extremely hard.
Paxton got extremely frustrated from the back seat trying to "tell her something" He kept saying I want to tell Grammy something. I had to keep reminding him that she can't hear, and at 3 years old I don't think he gets it. He can hear, I am sure he wonders why everyone can't hear.
I had a babysitter growing up who had 2 other sisters and one of them was deaf, she occasionally watched me, she could talk with a muted tone and could hear to an extent but not really, and I always thought how hard that would be, but I guess that is what sign language is for, even when you see little kids that can't hear and it amazes me how awesome it is that they can communicate. But elderly and brittle hands is probably not the best time to pick up such forms of communication.
Paper and letters will have to be how we remain patient and calm trying to tell stories and explain things to her about what is going on in our lives. When I was working full time away from home for awhile there I would write her a letter and mail it to her of the things we had done over the past week. My sister-in-law suggested this to my husband and we thought it was a great idea. When my husband asked me the other night if I was still doing this and I have to admit I was not. We try to get over to see her with Paxton once a week, but true the communication when there is still tough, so the letters will now continue. I can't imagine how lonely it is to not share in the conversations around you, especially since you once could.
I left Paxton at home when I took her home that night and in the car she asked me questions but when I responded she couldn't really hear me and it was too dark to drive and look over at her so she could see my lips. She tries to answer based on what she thinks you have said to her. I nodded a lot.
On my way home by myself listening to Christmas Music I had time to really reflect on this.  A simple thing like Christmas music that I take for granted I will be able to hear every year, became a blessing to me. A woman for over 90 years was able to communicate and understand without things having to be written down for her until recently. I decided that was my cue to be reminded that things can be taken from you  in the blink of an eye or gradually and you will have to adapt, and may never have something that important to you again. Sometimes my kid whines, sometimes he talks a lot, sometimes he won't be quiet, and I get rather irritated wondering why he just can't be quiet,  but truly if I had my hearing taken from me I would be wishing I could hear those sounds again.

As Guilty as I charge myself

Yesterday I allowed myself to feel at peace with something I forgot to do. I am one of those women who feels like they have to be superwomen at so many things. I want think and act like I can handle it all and sometimes it just kicks me in the butt. I get so upset and disappointed in myself when I don't or forget to do something that was important to someone else. For any of you who know me, I am into a lot of things. I do a lot for my family members I work hard and try to be everywhere for everyone. I think that I put more harsh and unrealistic expectations on myself more than others place reliance on me. Maybe sometimes I blame their reliance on me as a reason why I am so stressed. I need to keep reminding myself every day along with everything else I remind myself of, that I can only do so much. I need to stop putting extreme expectations on myself.
I recently had a bunch of blood work done wanting to blame my testiness, hormonal imbalance, moods, weight gain  and such on something that was wrong with me. I am happy and glad to say that nothing came back wrong with my blood work, I am just a little crazy in the head! HA! I am sure some of you can relate.
This has brought me to the conclusion that I just need to take the time for me. To breath, to exercise, to stick to something consistent that will probably help the rest of my needs become met, to collect my thoughts before stepping out there and trying to tackle the world for others. This in turn may make me better at tackling the world for others. Will I continue to put the needs of others first, probably, but I also need to learn that if I am going to do that, I need to proceed with caution, I need to under promise and over deliver. I need not to place unrealistic expectations on myself and I need to laugh off the silly mistakes, that will not be remembered.
Yesterday I got Paxton ready for school, grabbed his gift for exchange and his backpack, drink and gift for teacher, got to the school and read on the board, pj day! Wow Dani, nice one. Paxton was the only kid without pj's on. I felt extremely terrible, like all the other mom's looked at me like I was a failure- did they, probably not, but I allowed myself to think that for a short while, because I felt like one. I felt like I was suppose to make sure I looked at the school calendar and remembered such an important thing, but allowed myself to get busy or wrapped up with other things that I did not. Lesson learned put Paxton's school calendar on my calendar!
I asked my little man, bless his heart, if he wanted me to go home and bring back his pj's? He replied, "no mom, that is okay" and went off to play with the other kids. I went to the car feeling guilty still but with the amount of errands I needed to run, glad I didn't have to make the 8 mile trek home and back again. I conversed with a friend over email who reminded me that tooth fairies sometimes even forget to leave money. Not only did it make me smile it made me remember that we are only human, as mom's we are going to try to make everything perfect for our kids and family, and it is only us that allows our self to feel that guilt whether someone else places the blame or not.
When I picked him up he didn't want to come home he was having so much fun at the Christmas party and breathed a sigh of relief knowing that this is only the beginning and probably not the first time I will forget something. I am glad I have such a loving little boy and I hope to raise him to be an amazing adult.

Christmas Crunch Time

Aw according to my son's Snoopy Christmas Countdown Clock there are 4 days, 17 hours 2 minutes and 31, 30, 29 seconds left until Christmas Day! For the first time in years I feel ready. I am not stressed, I am not rushed, I paced myself. I am happy, and whatever I haven't gotten to, I am just going to enjoy these days that I have to be Merry and Bright.

After the recent events of last week I am truly grateful to have a family and a child that I can wrap my arms around tight, that I can spend time with. I need to make the time count. I need to savor the NOW because it can so easily be taken from me and I can never get it back. There is no rewind button.  I could have all the possessions in the world and they wouldn't replace my family being close to me in the flesh able to touch and appreciate.
The presents are bought and wrapped, the cookies are made for the neighbor's gifts. Preschool exchange gift is wrapped along with the teacher's gift. I am going to run a few errands today to take some things back, I have one last trip to the grocery for the items I need for cookie baking day, for Christmas Eve and Day dinners, I have perogie filling made, just need to make the perogies. I have my annual cookie baking day with my nieces planned for Saturday! I can't wait it is so much fun. This year we will throw Paxton in the mix and I will remember to remain calm that they are only kids having fun and a little wasted flour, sprinkles, sugar and mess are nothing compared to spending time with them enjoying making memories.
 My hubby decided to try his hand at tamale making this year so Sunday we are having a tamale making party. (honestly I am not a tamale fan, but they should be fun to make). I wanted this Christmas to be meaningful, to teach my son the true meaning. Together we purchased a special Santa key that we fixed up and added a little saying for Santa and his reindeer to get into our door, (thanking him for coming to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ), since we don't have a fireplace for him to get down. We bought and have read our daily bible sayings (and of course my son ate the chocolates) from the advent calendar. We decorated together, talked about the manager story and Paxton has decided that Christmas morning Jesus' birthday cake will be white with  mini red and green M&M's . We can celebrate Christmas morning and sing Happy Birthday to HIM.  Paxton has had fun watching his elf hunt, fish, ride on dinosaurs, eat Nutella and get it on his nose, grow candy canes in the backyard and hang from the lights. This is the first year he wasn't afraid of Santa Claus, climbed right up on his lap and told him what he wanted, ( a truck/trailer and boat- from Bass Pro and a skateboard)  It has really been a fun filled season full of new and interesting things now that he is the age where things make more sense to him. I really have enjoyed it and can't wait to make these memories traditions year after year.
This year we gave to the church food drive, donated a few of my books to the Cardon's Children's Hospital and thanks to a dear friend the Children's Hospital in Salt Lake City, UT, as well as donated to the United Way in lieu of Scentsy's original plan to donate a Scentsy Buddy for each child  to the Sandy Hook School Children, due to gifts not being accepted. This is truly the season for giving and I want my son to learn that is is in giving that we receive.

“O Divine Master, grant that I may not seek to be consoled, as to console. To be understood, as to understand. To be loved, as to love. For it is in giving that we receive. It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.” ~St. Francis of Assisi

How Do I Pray For The Families Of Sandy Hook?

I know that usually I am the writer on this lovely blog of mine, however I received this great and powerful blog post today from Lysa TerKeurst of Proverbs 31 ministries, and I wanted to share with every one. For more visit Lysa's page at http://www.proverbs31.org/



There are things mommies aren’t ever supposed to find.

They aren’t supposed to find themselves in a firehouse frantically looking for their child. They aren’t supposed to find their child’s name on a list of those who won’t be coming home. They aren’t supposed to find a dress to wear to their child’s funeral.

They aren’t supposed to turn their calendar and find a date circled for the birthday party they were supposed to be planning next month. The one that won’t be.

Or walk to the mailbox and find their child’s dentist appointment reminder card. The receptionist forgot to pull that one out.

Or find a book they know their child would love. Only half way to the check out counter they remember, they’re gone.

They aren’t supposed to find these things.

They aren’t supposed to find that grieving for a child is like navigating a path with chasms so wide their continued steps seem impossible. Terrifying. Hopeless.

I know these chasms. I watched my mom stare at them. I saw her wish she could fall in them and never have to take another painful step. I wept over everything she found reminding her my sister was gone.

That’s how I know what God would have me pray right now. For the families of the loved ones that lost so much last Friday. But especially for the mommies.

The mommies that even right now are finding things no mommy should have to find.

I want my prayers to slip into those chasms and somehow fill them. I am asking God to show me. Make me aware of the specific things those mommies might find in the months to come. When the black dresses are hanging in the closets. The media has packed up and gone home. The cards stop coming. The neighbors are back to normal.

And in the quietness of her own grief that mommy finds something. Something that breaks her heart all over again. And in that space of pure grief, she feels horrifically alone.

Please Lord, let my prayers go there. Prick my heart to fill that chasm with layers of prayers from my mommy heart. Let me take the deep grief of that moment so she doesn’t have to be so alone.

Though she won’t see me or hear my prayers, may she feel an unexplainable sense of Your presence. And know. You.

That’s what I pray she does find. You. With her. Comfort. Peace. Healing. Hope.

Oh God, show us how to pray.

“Know that wisdom is such to your soul; if you find it, there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off,” Proverbs 24:14.

Related posts:

1. Pray for Me?
2. I don’t want to raise a good child
3. The most powerful way to pray for our kids

plan, purpose, passion

This week is a new week. I am going to work on my schedule that I made for myself during the week from my mastermind group at the office and concentrate on finishing each task as I am doing it. My biggest struggle while multi-tasking or having the ability to work from home, I tend to jump from one project to another without finishing the first, I allow interruptions, because somehow in my mind I feel like if I take care of it on the spot, it won't have to go on a list for later and people will appreciate me being on top of it.  I think this is hurting rather than helping me fit as many things into a day that I can, because I never fully finish what I am doing to jump to the next thing and I have to go back to it anyway. So I am going to take each task and do it unless an emergency arises.
I often listen to other agents/lenders voicemails that return calls within 24 hours or certain times of the day and thought to myself, how do they get any business this way. Most of my clients want service the minute they call/text or email. I put myself in their shoes, I want what I want when I want it or I get anxious sometimes. But maybe this isn't the best way to give service if I am not fully committed to what is at hand because I have several projects going on in my head or on my desk.

  So for those of you that are used to me answering on the first ring, texting back right away or emailing you the minute a question arises, my purpose this week is to help each person fully, finish each job/task/project at one time if possible and to see if I can't get just a little more done on my list that I intended and thought I could. I am going to work toward allowing myself more peace knowing that I cannot control every thing that comes my way, the issue/problem/question will probably still be there in 30 minutes when I am done with whatever I am working on. That I can do my best, but give my efforts to making the most of my time. With a plan, with a purpose and with passion.

what motivates you?

What motivates you? What drives you to wake up every day and go out there and do something with yourself, make something of yourself? For each of us I am sure it is different and it can be more than one factor. Is it for you? For someone else? Is it worth it? Does it allow balance in your life? These are all questions we have to ask our self when deciding what to do for our jobs/careers/life goals. Do you get comfortable with what you are doing and don't keep pushing yourself to do the things you want and lose time? I know that I do. Giving up is easy, being comfortable feels nice, yet for me sometimes some things are missing. When I work harder and get the results I want, I am happy, I am satisfied, I feel great and accomplished. I am not sure why it is so hard to get motivated to start with sometimes.
I think the biggest struggle example that I have is my intention to work out. I ALWAYS feel great after a good work out, but I seldom am really motivated to actually work out, even though I know the results will boost my self confidence and energy. Same goes for my work, my book, etc. Sometimes I put first the things I think I should be doing and save some of this stuff as selfish things that can be pushed back.
I know that with the Thanksgiving holiday I slacked off a little more than I probably should and now I am racing to catch up and try to keep up with my leads and not lose anyone because I am busy and may not be available at the exact time they are looking for me to help them. I had in the back of my mind that everything would be okay and then one of my closings fell through that I was banking on to take that extra "week" off, even though I was working I wasn't working like I should have been. Do we need to give ourselves a break every once in a while? Sure but we still have to be cautious of how it will affect the outcomes in the future. That is when balance and calmness, patience and flexibility have to be my constant daily reminder, as well as my motivating factor, my family.

My family is the most important tangible thing that I have, and keeping up with my goals and aspirations gives me the flexibility I need to make the time with my family happen. I need to just keep remembering to keep my eye on my goals, go over my motivations every day (even though I know what they are) and keep the faith and belief that God is there for me to see me through any obstacle I have and that I believe in myself enough to know that I can do anything which I set my mind to and really really want.

100% Control

I have talked about reactive situations and re-creating myself to be the best me that I can on several previous blogs. I was recently reminded of how my defensive nature can sometimes ruin an immediate situation because I don't have the time to stop and let something sink in, I just immediately lash out with sometimes negative comments that don't usually make the situation any better, and most of the time worse- even though that may not be my intention. I would never intentionally hurt some one's feelings, but sometimes that is just what happens. I am again glad that I can take constructive criticism (once I truly think about the situation- I wish it was more immediate so I didn't lash out).
What we say and what comes out of our mouth can easily be apologized for and often if not most of the times forgiven and maybe forgot about, but never taken back, as if it didn't happen.
I don't know if any of you are like me in the fact that you have really high expectations of yourself and how you should be to others, how the things that you touch and are a part of your life so easily get absorbed into something that you feel responsible for, even if you cannot control the person or thing, you somehow feel that you "the internal perfectionist" that you are should not allow it to happen, but honestly no matter how many times that I have felt like I should be able to control a person or situation simply because it affects me or would make me somehow look bad, I honestly can't take responsibility for anything that I don't have 100% control over- on the other hand; MY REACTION- 100% control.
So in other words, I don't have 100% control over my family members, what they do or say, how they feel or react, a real estate transaction that another person causes to not go as smoothly as "I" had planned, or some one's positive or negative reaction to something I say or do. So why is it that I feel responsible to justify or defend something that I cannot fully control.  Sometimes I feel like the elephant trying to balance on the beach ball trying to juggle it all when I need to just stand on both feet and take in only what I know that I can handle- all the other things that I "think" I can handle often tend to be the "reactions" that I really could have avoided.
I can control my reactions, my weight, what I put into my mouth, how much I exercise, the words that come out of my mouth, my intentions, my effort, my talent God has given me, my attitude, how I treat others, the time I spend with those I love,  my spending, etc. So therefore, today I will concentrate on the things that I know that I can control allowing my peace of mind, balance and stability to ensure that even though I cannot guarantee that I will not have the reactive/defensive moments in the future, I will have the ability to control having them less because I am focused on the things I can control and making myself better in the categories that I KNOW that I can.