The baboon story

On the way to work this morning I heard a story of a baboon hunter who set traps to catch a baboon. He dug holes deep enough for the baboon to just reach in and touch the bottom and filled the holes with salt. The baboon loves the smell of salt and will reach into the hole and grab the salt and not let go; because the hole is narrow the baboon cannot remove his fist from the hole without letting go of the salt, he struggles. For days the baboon struggles and eventually dies from exhaustion, unwilling to let go of the salt.

Ask yourself this, what are you holding onto that is slowly wearing you down to the point of exhaustion? With this New Year, what can you let go of that you think you need but by letting go may make your energy and performance level that much stronger. Is what you are doing helping you get closer to your goals or keeping you from reaching them?



"What we think or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only thing of consequence is what we do."
John Ruskin

happiness is contagious

Your HAPPINESS begins with YOU. Don’t wait for “someone” or “something” to provide it to you. Create it, chose it, live it…
it will be contagious.

Wash away the attitude

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."

Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx
1890-1977, Comedian and Film Star


Wow, time and time again I talk about attitude and circumstances. We have our up and down days, we can chose how we act and how we react, and sometimes it is so easy to get upset, to allow our mood, our circumstances or other people get us down in a flash, I am telling you that it is just as easy to get yourself back in the positive, shake off the "frustration", "disappointment" or "annoyance" and move on. It takes way more energy, time and aggrivation to stay "pissed" off then it does to let it go, and wash it away. Let go and enjoy the moment, because each moment you spend mad, frustrated, upset, pissed off, bummed, is a minute you lost that you could have been happy, enjoyed or missed! Think about it, then LET IT GO! Life is too short and precious to waste time. And a negative attitude however "better" you think is makes you feel is a HUGE waste of your time, because a negative attitude or outlook, doesn't change your circumstances- Only your actions can do this. And you are more likely to act and be effective, if your attitude is positive.

little things can add up

At work I have been doing a daily quote or inspiration to my team members to keep myself in check and get them going for their day ahead, Yesterday I sent a quote about how you can chose your attitude despite your circumstances. I think however when the circumstances are going your way, (or the way you think they should) it is a lot easier to have that positive attitude. It is the little things that can sometimes add up and amount to more than even one significant good thing. The more we can show gratitude for the little blessings, the more I think we spread them.
Tuesday was not such a good day for me, I was feeling sick and I will spare you all the other little crazy occurrences, that I know should not have affected my attitude, but they did, it is that trickle effect sometimes. If I would have focused on the things that were positive more, I probably would have had a better day, but we are all human. However, I will share with you I had some small little things that started my day out well and I hope to continue to notice the good and let it overcome any obstacles or disappointments. I woke up and my husband knew that I was still not feeling well, he offered to get our son ready AND take him to his mom’s on his way to work, I somehow in my hurry made a really bad cup of coffee, so I decided to pop into the circle K to grab a good fresh cup, I emptied out my cup from home and filled it at the circle K, when I got to the counter the man looked at me and said with a smile, “ it is on the house, I hope you have a great day.” Wow, I was stunned, I even asked if he was sure, he told me no problem, there was hardly any traffic and I got to work on time. Ya for me, I had a pretty good day and at work and felt good about all that I had accomplished, I tried hard to compliment others in order to spread my since of cheer and happiness for the day. Sometimes it is easy to do this and other times it is not, but despite what we have going on at the present moment, there is always another chance, another day and another opportunity we have to get better at who we are. Whatever it is that you are passionate about commit to doing it. Whether it is as simple as making another person smile, or as large as dreaming you will be a successful author someday. Believe you are destined to do great things and make it happen.
"The moment you commit and quit holding back, all sorts of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, will rise up to help you. The simple act of commitment is a powerful magnet for help."

Napoleon Hill

Christmas angel

Every once in a while there is a person that comes along in your life that makes a light bulb go on inside your head. Someone who helps you realize you do make a difference. Someone who says something that really clicks in your mind and changes you forever. It isn't that you don't really know what they are saying, it isn't some new discovery that shapes you, it is just a reminder of who you are and what you stand for; a recognition of what is standing in the way of that person you truly are. They just reiterate to you and believe in you enough to make that difference or drive that you have simply bounce back, it is almost instantaneous. That little gesture or conversation can change your life for the better and those around you will be grateful. Those who are affected may not know exactly why the difference or the "old" you has returned, but believe me they will be grateful. I thank my Christmas angel for reminding me that life is about choices, that I can't fix every situation no matter how hard I want to or try, that I can't always be disappointed in myself if I can't fix it, I can't allow myself such a heavy burden of thinking others expect so much of me, then being so hard on myself when I can't deliver. Sometimes I can only add value, I can only be sincere, humble, genuine and I have to let go of the things that are beyond my control. May 2012 bring peace in my heart, kindness in my actions, compassion in my voice, patience in my teachings and much much more beautiful things.

frustration

So what did our parents do when we were kids. How in the world did we get by in the car for a trip or long drive let alone 30 minutes. I thought I had the routine lengthy drives (since we live out so far) down pat. Pop in a movie and I am good to go. Maybe an occasional "mom" or needing attention for a drink or to look at something but pretty much engrossed in his movie enough not to whine or bother me. Oh, but what happens when he is so used to this routine and the movie player stops working. The myriad of questions and talking doesn't stop, the whiny voice the persistent talking and then screaming if he doesn't get down or that he wants to "drive" mommy's car. I created a monster! UGH. So I magically slip on the CD player with a Disney CD, of which there are 27 songs and he only wants to listen to the ones where he hears Mickey's voice- which amounts to listening to the same 4 songs over and over again. Well then what happens when mommy's CD player becomes frozen on CD 4 out of 6 and you can not skip, move or eject the silly thing and it just won't play a song for anything. I think I decided that was about the time I really really needed a vacation away, from EVERYTHING! LOL! No seriously, how did we as kids go from practically no car seats and be able to entertain ourselves with toys in the back seat or looking out the window. I am so disappointed in myself for making the movie watching such a routine that when it isn't there the child doesn't understand why it isn't working and why mommy can't just fix it or go grab a new one at the store on the way home. There is no pleasing or reasoning with a 2 year old, who I have trained to watch a video when he is in my car. So I have decided that there must be some other way or avenue to break this habit but keep my sanity in the meantime while I re-train him to play with toys, look out the window or some other form of entertainment. I think that it is definitely doable it just make a few trips to re-train him and allow him to see that those things are not necessities, they obviously weren't for me and guess what I survived and so did my mom. 2 may be young for a person to truly understand the concept, but it sure is worth teaching that we can not and will not always get our way, and throwing a fit about it exhausts energy and really isn't worth the fight.

Continuing Calm

So the other night I received something in the mail that was pretty disturbing after I had already thought it was taken care of, and of course it was 5:07 pm and too late to call and question or straighten it out. Of course. How often does stuff like this happen and put us into a tizzy where we get upset and our brains get the best of us and we think the worst. I decided after getting a little upset of course that I would just wait until the next day because getting upset really wasn't going to fix or erase or give me the answers that night that I was looking for. I actually let it go, I fell asleep at a decent time and I didn't wake up bothered by it in the middle of the night. The next morning I did think of it again and had a little bit of anxiety, however on my way to work I told myself that I needed to just wait and then deal with the issue, if it was even an issue or a mistake. Getting worked up about it prematurely only depletes my energy and strength. The next day I was given the happy news that indeed it was a mistake and that I didn't have anything to further worry about. What a huge relief off my shoulders and a lot less energy that was depleted from me getting worked up over nothing. Don't get me wrong, I did get a little upset, but a lot less than I normally would. Sometimes there are many things in our life that are definitely beyond our control and depleted our energy whether it is premature or is really valid, still doesn't fix whatever the issue is that arises. So the next time you are faced with an issue and you can chose to worry yourself into anxiety or be patient and see if it is truly and issue and if not feel relieved and if it is then take the necessary steps to do what is needed.

Actively Listening

So I order a peppermint coffee with cream from the coffee cart at work yesterday, the guy proceeds to repeat my order and then I start talking with the person next to me no longer paying attention. The lady goes to ring me up and I hand her my debit card, before I realize she says $3.88 she has already swiped my card. I say to her, $3.88 your large coffee price on the menu says $1.95( which by the way is still way more expensive then circle K! lol) but nonetheless I am dumbfounded. I ask them why so much and the coffee cart guy says that I ordered a latte. A latte? Really? I nicely say, I ordered a peppermint coffee with cream and you repeated it back to me and even asked me if I wanted skim or whole milk... well actually I wanted cream, but I said 2% meaning for him to mix he skim and whole... Anyway, I said well I really just wanted coffee, how much is that, he said $1.95. I asked how I should have ordered it to get coffee and he seemed confused. I again mentioned that I didn't order a latte, and instead of saying oh I am sorry about that he proceeded to tell me the difference in price between espresso and plain coffee... um okay... anyhow, I nicely mentioned again that all I wanted was peppermint coffee, so the man (notice how I am not calling him the barista; far from it) says he will remake my coffee with a very agitated look on his face, like I should have just taken the latte and been happy with it, and the lady proceeds to dig through the tip jar to give me the difference between what she charged my card and a cup of coffee.
So not to be rude here, but I think if there was a little active listening involved in what I wanted maybe it wouldn't have leaded to frustration on any one's part. This is why I say, BE interested in what others have to say, Don't just ACT interested, it may make all the difference. Oh and did I mention this was the 2nd mistake the guy made in the very few times I have purchased coffee at this particular stand... I am thinking trend here.
But in all actuality I guess the blessing here is that I should be grateful that I have a job and a coffee cart in the first place.

Thanksgiving

Today I am thankful for a loving supportive family. A healthy beautiful son.
For friends that I hold dear to my heart and love me for me.
For those who fight for our country to give me the freedom that I take for granted everyday.
For my home, my car and all of the things that I am blessed with.
For 4 days off from work, and a job to return to.
For recognizing opportunities to make myself a better person.
For my health.
For the sunshine and gorgeous Arizona weather.
For many many other things, simple, true and cherished.
For those of you who read this, what are you thankful for?


Thanksgiving is recognized once per year. This year I challege all of us to spend 5-10 minutes a day reflecting on those blessings that we have and don't always recognize because we take them for granted. Appreciate the little things they make all the difference.

endless possibilities

So my signature for my books is The possibilities of your imagination are endless, DREAM BIG! Might I just add that action is required. Dreaming is just a part of getting to where you want in life. Most people don't just sit around and good things fall in their lap. You have to take the actions necessary to fulfill those dreams, wants and desires. You have to not allow the road blocks, and believe me they will come, stand in your way. You have to work hard, put time, energy, effort and enthusiasm into what you are trying to accomplish. Believe in yourself and your dreams, believe that those dreams will make a difference. Don't stop trying if it is something that you really want. Pursue all the necessary angles. Don't give up, and be okay with failing, you can try again or in another way. Sometimes there are many different possibilities on your way to success and they may not all work the same way to get you there. Keep trudging along, gather as much support as you can. Be willing to sell yourself, your idea, your product and be passionate about it. Don't be afraid to ask others for their help along the way, but remember to always be grateful for what you get, what you have and what you are looking forward to.

Power of BELIEF

I recently had the opportunity to listen to Suze Orman speak at a work conference in California last week. I don't know that I went in with a very high opinion of her, but sure came home with one.
There were 2 things that she said that really stood out in my mind.
1: "The elephant keeps walking when the dogs keep barking." meaning that just because others are telling you no or wanting you to stop don't think that you can accomplish something you set out to do, if you truly believe in yourself and your mission you will keep going until you reach where it is you are headed. Just like the elephant who keeps walking when the dogs are barking and nipping at his feet, eventually the dogs stop and the elephant keeps going. BELIEVE that you can do it.
How many of us quit at the first sign of doubt from those around us? Why? Do we really think we are not worthy of our dreams or goals. We need to stop this bad self talk for sure, it really isn't going to get us anywhere and will probably force us to act in a way that will make the bad stuff come true.
2: When you feel powerful you attract people, people control money, therefore when you feel powerful you attract money. So in other words, when you BELIEVE in yourself and your abilities, others will follow suit, when you put out there that you are never meant to be, have or do anything, that will also come true, when you BELIEVE in yourself, your actions will accommodate, when you don't BELIEVE in yourself or you think you are nothing, you will act in this way.
Therefore I say BELIEVE that you are destined to do great things with yourself, God made you unique and you have something to offer. God made you to serve others and others to serve you, which in turn serves HIM. You will attract those who need your service through your qualities and talents, and attract those who can serve you with their unique qualities and talents.
We should all share in the attraction of what we can give and what we can benefit from. We are not strong enough to be alone in this world, but we do have to BELIEVE that we as individuals have something wonderful to contribute. We are our own worst critic but we can be our best BELIEVER too.

anxiety

So you know you are a mother when.... I am leaving on a business trip tomorrow, I am not so much sad to leave ( I am) but I am anxious about the possibilities. Nervous that if I am not home and something happens and I am hours and hours away that I won't know what to do. Aren't I the one who is constantly telling others not to worry so much about things that may never happen. It exhausts energy and diminishes chances of actually enjoying yourself, instead of living in the moment, you are living in a future of things that may never come. It is really sad, but I think that we all tend to get trapped by this from time to time. The best thing is to recognize it. You need to catch yourself in the midst of the negative thoughts and anxieties and reflect on the here and now and what is happening around you. Soak in the good, the beautiful and the blessings that you have, look forward to the positive future and know that even sometimes preparing for the worst, really doesn't prepare you at all, especially if it never comes true.
Take heart in knowing that there are some things in life you cannot prevent, be at peace with knowing that you can only stretch so far if you give it all you got.

Feedback for Life

It is amazing how someone's positive feedback on your efforts can really uplift your spirit. It almost makes me wonder why we don't try harder to compliment and point out the positive things that others do. If we notice something we feel is in good character, or goes above and beyond a normal gesture we really should let that person know. We shouldn't take for granted that that is just their demeanor. Even if it is just in the cube over from us and we really like something someone else had to say to the person on the other end of the phone, or we are praising someone for something little that they did even if they may not think is any big deal at all. I love to give out "thank you's" at work, even to the people who are just doing their job, but if you do it with a smile, you do it without complaining, you are quick to respond or I can tell someone simply enjoys helping people, I am going to point it out. It is nice when you recognize other people doing the same.
After sitting through a 2 hour presentation at work, my boss said to me thanks for your questions, I was a little confused and kind of felt the need to ask him why. He just said that he was grateful that I asked questions and participated in the session.
I think that this appreciation, though little and probably not thought necessary by most people, really shows that he is willing to be involved and engaged in his employees. I think in most situations, no matter what the relationship is, the little things do go a long way. They add up and over time can really make a difference in your outlook and your ability to continue to spread a positive message onto others.
It is these little steps that really don't take too much effort at all on our end to make a difference in someone's life, attitude and outlook.
So today pay some positive energy forward onto someone else, what you may think is only a little gesture, may make all the difference to that person.

Stopping Time

Do any of you remember the show back in the late 80's early 90's where the 3 year old girl discovers her father is an alien and she has super powers, she can stop time with her fingers and do or fix things. I just imagine sometimes what I could do if I have this power. Sometimes in the hectic days that I have I want to be able to just stop, rewind, or take a breath.
The little irritants and things that happen throughout any given day that sometimes just seem to push you over the edge of your sanity. You wake up a little late and think that you have extra time to do a few things before it is time to get ready for the day. Then your kid wakes up (on the wrong side of the bed) and throws a fit at just about everything you want to do, following you around the house wanting to be held. You decide to put him in his chair in front of the t.v. with breakfast so you can scramble around, hair half fixed and one eye of makeup done, trying to finish getting ready to get out the door, he throws a fit and doesn't want to eat anything, he just wants to be held and you have to think to yourself, "why today". You finally retreat to your bathroom just in time to hear your kid scream, you go rushing out and the dog threw up on the edge of the carpet, (couldn't have went slightly to the left and hit the wood floor I suppose) so then you have to stop everything you are doing, shove him outside and clean it up as your kid still whines from his chair that he wants to be held. You finally finish getting ready, everyone is dressed, you quickly throw the dishes in the sink promising yourself you will do them as soon as you get home, because honestly who is going to see they aren't done anyway, and you gather the 15 bags of stuff you "must" take with you. You walk out to put your kid in the car seat and he looks at you and says "mom, I poo", Seriously? Can your day get any more hectic? You load the car of your "stuff", grab the kid and go back inside, quickly change his diaper wash your hands and try again. You get a mile from home and realize that you left your cell phone on the changing table. You wonder to yourself, or maybe even scream out loud, "CAN THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE", can anything else possibly go wrong?
So you start out for the 3rd time that day already wishing you could stop time to get the things you need done in order to catch up to the time where you are suppose to be at in your day, or you just want to crawl back in bed pull the covers over your head and try again tomorrow.
These are the days that I need to remind myself even more of all the things I have to be thankful for and how much they outweigh even the multitude of frustrations that we can experience; including waking up late, unforeseen circumstances, dog's vomiting, crabby kids, traffic, accidents on the freeway, forgetting stuff at home and so on and really look down and be grateful that our shoes at least match!

Constructive Criticism

I was talking to a student yesterday who reminded me that sometimes we need to seek out feedback even when we think it might hurt our feelings. If we are truly wanting to improve our self we need to seek the feedback we need to do this. We need to let others be honest about their impression of us and we need to alter ourselves and stop trying to change others around us. Sometimes it may not be what we want to hear, sometimes we may be shocked to hear it but the ability to receive the constructive criticism can make a huge difference in our own life and how we get a long with others.
As hard as it is to receive the feedback I think it is even harder to give it. Not everyone is receptive to hearing what others have to say about them or willing to take it in and evaluate and improve for the future, but just as much as we want to hear what others think of us to help our self improve, we need to be just as honest and give that person our perception of them. Although we can't make that person take the feedback and do something with it, we can offer it and let them decide how they want it to make an impact on their own life, and in turn on others.
Today I am grateful for those who give me that feedback and allow me a chance to make myself a better person, because that is what this world is about, not being better than someone, just being the best YOU you can be and making a difference in other people's lives.

Women, Do me a favor today!

When you get pushed and pushed and pushed so far that sometimes you just want to throw your hands up and yell "ENOUGH ALREADY" can I catch a break? Can we get ahead? What is my lesson I am learning here? What is my next step?
I am still a firm believer in that yellow sticky note on my bathroom mirror, pointing me in the right direction, I promise I won't even tell anyone I found it. I know, I know that takes everything out of the fact that we have choices in life, we can choose what it is that we do, what our attitude will be and how we will face any circumstances, doubt, actions of others and so on. But sometimes, the circumstances, they SUCK, I'm just saying.
Sometimes I think we feel like we are the only ones that have certain circumstances and that we are the only ones experiencing the set backs, struggles and demands of life, but I think we would be surprised that even the people we think have it all put together or the ones who seem like they can juggle 27 projects in one day are also experiencing the struggles, they just hide it better than we do.
As a women, a mom, a wife and a daughter; academic counselor, Realtor, Scentsy consultant and children's author and the plethora of other titles that I am sure I hold, I know that life's demands can take a huge toll on our spirituality, health, mood, relationships and much more.
As a woman who strives to be perfect and multitask like many of us do, I have to keep reminding myself every day that I AM NOT PERFECT, say it with me, I AM NOT PERFECT! When we expect this from ourselves, people around us start expecting it as well. It is like the old principal saying- Under promise and over deliver, they will all be impressed. Over promise and fall short, the disappointment will follow- Don't do so much or promise so much (even with the best intentions) because you are not only going to set yourself up for disappointment, you will train others around you to be disappointed as well.
So today do me a big favor - look at yourself in the mirror and say I AM NOT PERFECT! I like me for who I am and what I can do, I will do my best today to be the best ME I can be, to not compare myself to others; their looks, abilities or financial situations. God made me unique and I will use my talents, abilities and strengths not only to be the best ME, but to lead others by my example, and I will expect no one else to be perfect either, I will love and forgive and cherish every moment of this day.

calm and collected

So I don't know how many people have vision boards, but I did one about 5 years ago and put lots of clippings, pictures and things that aspired to, wanted or wished for on it. It is about 16x20 so pretty big. I had it hanging in my office until we built it in and there was no place for it to hang, so I hung it above the closet doors in the spare bedroom where I work out. I first got the idea from the movie The Secret and since have heard a lot about these vision boards, there are plenty of things on it that have come true, my mountain bike, my little boy and my published book baring my name- and some that I am still waiting and hoping for. The concept is pretty simple, what you put out there in the universe you will get back. So just remember that goes for good and bad things, if you are constantly saying you are late, you are late, if you constantly say you have bad luck more bad luck will come your way, if you truly believe that good things will happen to you, they will.
Anyway enough about that. My day yesterday had a few things that I thought worth mentioning in my words, however last night I was truly drained when it was finally time to go to bed, and I did just that, went to bed, so the computer did not get my words.
The one thing that did happen to me after about a year of struggle and worry was resolved and I was extremely grateful and relieved when the worry, turned problem, turned obstacle, turned burden was somehow not of too much concern for me anymore, I wished for the positive outcome, I envisioned the positive outcome and even though it took what seeemed like forever and caused some problems along the way, and although it wasn't exactly as I would have had it, it turned out to work out in my favor nonetheless.
When I got home from work I needed to grab something out of the spare room and when I walked in lying smack dab in the middle of the floor was a magazine clipping of the words "Calm and Collected". It was hanging above a picture of my dream tub (this is funny for me to say, since I really never take baths, that I have a dream tub) on my vision board.
The fan was on high so I am sure that is exactly why this clipping fell off the board, however, out of all the things on this over sized board to fall off, this wording was exactly what I was feeling at that moment and time. Was it a sign that I could move on and put my past issue behind me, that that chapter- that door was finally closed and I could spend more time looking toward the future of good things to come? I don't know, but I sure hope so.
For those of you who know me well, I am generally a positive person, I look for the good even in the most difficult or bad situations. That is how I keep my faith, my hope and my belief in myself and my goals and dreams. That is how I wake up every morning knowing that I am here on earth for a purpose and that I can brighten someone elses day and serve people.
I am grateful for the blessings I receive, for my family and loved ones who support and comfort me.
Count your blessings, instead of your crosses. count your gains instead of your losses. Count the yes's, instead of the no's. count your friends instead of your foes. Count your full years, instead of your lean. Count your health, instead of your wealth, and count on God instead of yourself. - Author unknown.

calm

So my new goal for this week is going to remain calm. I tried this a few days, no matter what happened to me I took a breath and counted to 5 and remained calm. Because really what does getting upset do? What does yelling do? What does bitching about the situation really do? In my opinion, NOTHING, it doesn't change it, it doesn't erase your circumstances, it doesn't stop time or allow you to go back and change the course of events, it doesn't do anything but temporarily make you feel slightly better and yet at the same time overwhelmed and you exert a lot of energy in the process. I think that if a situation is happening that is really beyond my control, I must face it head on and just deal. In many situations I feel like I am spending half of my day sometimes following up on things that other people say they are going to do. No matter who or what. For example someone from a bank or insurance company who is "checking" into your claim, and 3 days later after hearing nothing you have to follow up. But you know what, I may as well call and follow up because frankly I am the one seeking the answer and I guess instead of bitching about what someone didn't do to inform me of something, I might as well just find out.
So onto my new calmness for the week. Hopefully I can stick to it.

the dang post it

So apparently I am still waiting on the dang post it, I really don't care where I find it, preferrably my bathroom mirror, refridgerator door, steering wheel of the car, wherever it is delivered I would like it to be quick and sooner than later. I know I have said on several occassions that I am looking to find what it is that God wants me to do with my life, what direction to take and how to use my talents to the best of their abilities. I guess with the start of the book it is on its way, however I am looking to do something useful in the meantime.
With life full of so many choices, we are constantly in a battle with ourself whether we make the right ones or not. We can take steps, think we are headed in the right direction and end up empty handed, leading us to yet another fork in our road wondering if we just wasted our time or were suppose to learn a lesson. They say things happen for a reason and it may be much later on that we find out, if we ever find out why.
Take for instance the fact that my dad passed away in high school, I know that if he didn't I may have never ended up in Arizona, met my husband and ended up with such a beautiful son that inspired me to write and publish my first children's book, did my dad really have to die in order for these things to happen, probably not, but it led to the choices that I made that brought me here.
I am now at a cross roads where I am faced with decisions that may affect the course of my life from here on out, and how do I know that I am taking the right path or leap or even what direction to take that fork in the road. I will put my faith and hope in what I believe and follow what not only feels right but falls into place.
Again, "faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain and what we do not see. - Hebrews 11:1.

Faith in what you don't see, trust in what you have

So sometimes it is hard to see that everything is going to be okay. When you go into a new adventure, a new project or start a new task. Do you have the support you need? Want? Are you expecting too much support or reassurance to get you through? How do you know that you won't fail? How can others believe in you if you are unwilling to believe in yourself. Does it show? What do you do to prevent yourself from getting upset? Having anxiety? Or worrying about the outcome your future?
We are only human and we tend to worry about what other people will think of us and if we will disappoint anyone else. Sometimes I think we are our worst critic and because we are afraid of disappointment in our self we somehow think everyone else thinks of us as a disappointment waiting to happen, everyone is constantly critiquing our choices, decisions and actions.
Are they really? Or are they worrying about themselves and not all that interested in criticizing what we are doing? I think that is the case more often than not. How do we get over it? How do we not allow our stress or anxiety to be taken out on someone else because we think that they aren't supporting us or they aren't doing or saying the things that we expect, do we really expect them to know exactly what we want them to do or say? Can we really control someone else or how they feel? Isn't that the reason that we are all individuals and we are different, why is it that we feel that someone else should read our mind or think exactly like we do? We shouldn't but often times I get caught in this trap as I am sure plenty of other people out their do as well. The trap of making someone else feel inferior or feel bad for the things that they say or do, when they are just being who they are and saying what they feel, even if it isn't exactly what I want to hear or expect. Sometimes it is hard to be easy on another person when you are being so hard on yourself. This is often the root of a lot of arguments and fights that most married couples have.
There is truth to the Men are from Mars... women are from Venus concept... and all the other like self help books out there. No matter how many of these books I have read about how men and women are different and should be treated differently, sometimes I fall into the trap of expecting things from my spouse that aren't necessarily something that is natural to his nature, in having these unnatural expectations I think we set our self up to be disappointed in that person, as they do us sometimes. Do we thank our spouse, our parents, our children, our friends when they do support us, do we thank them for the little things, do we thank them often? Or are we pointing out the things that they are doing wrong, the things that bother us or upset us and taking for granted the good that they do and we see in that other person. What attracted you to that person in the first place or made them your friend?
Don't you feel much better when someone takes the time to notice what you are doing right, I sure do, when they praise you for the little things you do? I am not saying to say "thank you" every minute of every day, but by showing it in your body language, your actions, your smile. By spreading your positive opinion and experience about a person to either them or others around you, it sets such a positive tone for your relationship and really doesn't take all that much effort if the person is deserving of it. How much more energy does it take to vent or express our disappointment in someone when they do say or do something that disappoints, hurts or frustrates us. If we did the same spreading of news when they helped us, said something sweet or acted in simply loving way, what awesome energy that we could create that would overpower the negative things and make them not seem such a big deal. Maybe we would harbor our indifference less, communicate better and not allow anything to build up that we crack when we are under stress or pressure. Tonight I am not so sure anyone reading this will have a clue how to even relate to what I am saying, maybe I am blabbing on and on for only the purpose of venting my own frustration out in words on paper that I seem to express at a much better level than verbally. Sometimes verbally I stumble, I am not quick to respond unless sometimes it is lashing out, which I know isn't the best method of communication. Sometimes I wish I could write everything I feel when I am upset, this way I can control what I say and get my feelings across to the other person in an effective manner, but I am sure just like me that opportunity isn't always feasible, especially in the heat of the moment. Sometimes we do and say harsh things, we can be rude, we can talk quickly without thinking it through. This isn't helping improve any form of verbal communication and doesn't really fix any of the frustrations we have with others. Sometimes in certain situations we don't have time to think before we talk, we lash out of fear and frustration at another and it doesn't make the situation any better. We have to learn that we are constantly trying to better ourselves every day, we are granted a new day every 24 hours to try again, we can't let past arguments rule our current situation, we have to remember that we can not change anyone but our self, we control only our actions, our words and our thoughts and our attitudes and reactions to those around us, but we cannot control those around us. Realizing this and remembering it is half the battle.