Jolt in my Day!

When your day is going great and that one thing changes everything....that JOLT of energy that redirects your thoughts, actions and reactions for the day... do you let it effect the rest of your day? Or do you keep on going on like the great day it had been? Well for me that depends. Was it something someone else did and it is beyond my control, it can be forgiven or is there really nothing I can do about it... or is it something I caused, forgot, messed up or could have prevented? The latter is usually when I get upset with myself, and dwell on it for the remainder of the day, trying to figure out how I could have avoided it or been a better wife, mother, friend, Realtor. I know you all know what I am talking about. That self talk in your head where you beat yourself up for doing something stupid and then immediately want to call a friend to explain the situation to get confirmation that you really are human, we all make mistakes and you are not in fact that bad person you are telling yourself you are. Paxton went to baseball camp and his first day I got him ready with his bag, I dropped him off and grandma and grandpa's to take him to the Salt River Fields where the Diamondbacks spring training occurs in Scottsdale, for the 4 hour camp. After already 2.5 weeks of him on winter break, I took the time to get some work done, groceries and a few other things. With this being the first year my mom is not with us, I have been trying to do as many things as I enjoy during the holidays, slow down my pace and really live my life rather than the fast paced everyday hustle bustle that usually occurs around my being. I had a gift certificate from a friend from June for a nail salon (yes, June... I also have a massage from April... you can tell I treat myself often!), so I went to treat myself to a gel polish. As I am sitting in the waiting room enjoying my relaxing but accomplished day my cell phone rings. I immediately cringe at the tone of Steve's voice as I know I did something very wrong. He proceeds to tell me that Paxton's baseball glove is not in his bag. I get defensive and say that I took out the catcher's mitt he asked me to so it didn't get lost and I left the other. I hadn't fully realized that the other was Steve's mitt, not Paxton's mitt. (They are completely different colors!) Immediately my self destructive inner voice started it's chitter chatter- "should I have asked Paxton if it was the right one, should I have known better, was I in a hurry, have I ruined his first day of baseball camp that we invested money into and now it is going to suck for him? Will he be embarrassed? Should I offer to drive to North Scottsdale with his so he at least has an hour or so with the right one? For those of you who don't know, I live in Florence (probably 65 miles from the training camp!) it was about 1:30 and I probably wouldn't get home, get the glove and get to him until at least 3:30... the camp was only until 5:00. I offered to Steve to do this and he said "no, he will just have to make do with mine." The disappointment in his voice was not even remotely close to my self-talk -I am a horrible mom disappointment in myself. After hanging up the phone, I got up from the waiting room and went to my truck. I was thinking, I don't deserve to get my nails done if I can't even do the things I am suppose to right! I also immediately dialed the phone to seek out that friend for reassurance. I quickly hung up before it rang. I stopped, prayed to God that I would remain calm and not dwell on my disappointment, not seek reassurance from my husband, my child or my friends. I would simply apologize to Paxton for the error and go about my day as if it hadn't alter my stellar mood, cause it wouldn't if I didn't let it right? I am in control of my thoughts, my mood and my attitude, despite my circumstances. I calmly walked back into that nail salon and sat down to wait my turn. Just a little less calm than before but not quite as antsy as I could have let myself be. Leaving and going home to sulk wasn't going to change what happened. It wasn't going to make my mistake any less, calling a friend wasn't going to make my disappointment in my self go away, it was just going to create a pity party that I would be able justify in my head that I am a normal mom and feel better about it. Do I really need that? No, I really don't. Man, was it really hard! After my nails and taking my groceries home to put away, I needed to run to the Safeway store for an item that they didn't sell at Walmart. As I walked up to the store, there sat two of the mom's from school, enjoying their Starbucks and chatting! They recognized me and asked me to join them with a coffee when I got what I needed inside. I responded that I had too much to do and thanks for the offer. As I walked through the store grabbing what I needed, my self talk turned to reflect on my day. Would 20 minutes sitting to chat with mom's my age really mess up my schedule? Did I really even have a schedule? Don't I work for myself and make my own schedule? So as I came out of the store, I looked in their direction and one of the ladies moved their purse and I sat down. They recognized what I needed when I didn't. 20 minutes to just sit and chat and not have a plan. I sat and we talked for about the 20 minutes I mentioned I didn't have. One of the mom's mentioned that her mom was fast paced and teased her for being the way she was, easy going and less stressed than the mom. The mom was always needing to complete tasks and get things done to feel like she had accomplished something- I reflected that I WAS IN FACT Her Mom in a way! This mom shared her ability to enjoy her time with her kids, her time to relax and always knows that she can clean it later, make it later, do it later! The mess isn't going anywhere, the house doesn't have to be perfect and the tasks that we think are pressing, we often create them as pressing in our mind. Relax, reflect and focus on what is important... this made me understand that the way my day started and was going until my mistake was pointed out, was much more enjoyable, stress-less and made me happier than what it could have turned into if I allowed my one mistake shift my whole day and punish myself for the mistake I made. So my wish for all you mom's out there that are too hard on yourself. When something gets you down, when you make that mistake... regroup in your head, say a short prayer for guidance, let it go and focus on the good in your day. If you dwell on the mistake, have a pity party in your head, seek other's approval, reassurance of your doubt, or apologize over and over to the person that you wronged... you are making a mountain out of a moehill as they say... and mountains are even harder to climb and get over to the other side.