Who killed Fuzzy?

I never thought I could cry so hard over a dead caterpillar.. Seriously... what a crazy tragic event yesterday. Let me take you back. Yesterday morning Steve found this cute little caterpillar in our flower bed at our cabin. Of course Paxton couldn't wait to put him in his little bug jar and transfer him to a home complete with sticks and leaves for his enjoyment. He was super excited like a kid can get. He had a new pet, he even named him Fuzzy. He and his grandpa discussed how caterpillars spin into a cocoon and become butterflies. Paxton noted that caterpillars are kids like him and then he grows into an adult and so does a caterpillar when it becomes a butterfly. His plan was to bring him home, have him sleep in his room and then transfer him to our hibiscus plant to get ready to transfer into a butterfly. We stopped at DQ on the way home for lunch and he asked me to put Fuzzy in the front so the dogs didn't bother him. It was cloudy when we parked and I put him on the dash.... to my detriment after 20 minutes at DQ when we got back Fuzzy didn't make it... UGH! Seriously I killed the caterpillar. Paxton was so upset, poking it, moving the container trying to get it awake. He even suggested maybe he was sleeping or getting ready to make a cocoon and just not responsive... ummm... no sorry babe, Fuzzy is dead! I was so upset that I put him on the dash... Why didn't I just take him to DQ with us? Why did I put him in the window instead of on the floor? What in the heck was this mama thinking! How dumb! What an idiot... man did my inner self talk start exploding in my head and I even think said out loud how stupid I was! What a horrible trait to have and pass along to your kid.. the constant negative talk and putting myself down as if I wasn't a human being and should be perfect! Right?! How many of you have done something remotely dumb and beat yourself up over it? Paxton and I were in tears... I can't even imagine what Steve was thinking driving as he didn't really say much and just let us both cry... over a caterpillar... OMG! Paxton fell asleep and I continued to battle my issues in my head... when he woke up I asked if he was still mad at me... he said no, I didn't realize until later he was blaming himself and he was beating himself up for being a horrible pet owner... He said he has killed beetles, ants and fire flies he has caught... he was telling me he was a bad person, it was all his fault and he couldn't take care of them and keep them alive... he insisted he was an awful person... Way to go mom I thought... wonder where he learned this behavior! Wow what a check... mamas.... I know that we often feel like we should be perfect, we shouldn't make mistakes but when we do and we display how mad we are at ourselves and create these perfect expectations that we cannot always live up to, we are reflecting this behavior on to our children who are like little sponges looking up to us and wanting to be like us.. so if we are constantly negative talking to ourselves whether inner or outwardly... our child is taking note.. and you better believe is developing these same behaviors! What a crazy wake up call this was to know that my child thinks he is a killer at 7 years old... what will the next 20+ years of damage due to his self esteem! I need to take a hold now and be a better role model to him, give myself a break- be human make mistakes and move on! This was a caterpillar what if it was something a tad more serious- what would the focus be then? We can always strive to be better people everyday of our lives, but we also need to be kind to the person where it matters the most! Yourself! Paxton went to bed ( we actually argued over who killed Fuzzy ( I wanted to take the blame so my kid didn't think he was a bug murderer!)) thinking he was a horrible person... we prayed about it and he woke up this morning still sad. I reminded him that these cute little living creatures are wild an survive in an environment that is right for them. When you take something out of their normal environment and try to make it survive, sometimes it is a struggle, sometimes it doesn't work out and that is not what God intended for them. Bugs lives are short lived and Fuzzy's was a little shorter than most probably who had the chance to become a butterfly. His adaption skills were not developed enough to become a beautiful butterfly in Paxton's controlled environment! Lesson learned bugs are cute to look at, fun to catch but are not pets and we risk them dying when we take them out of their familiar environment, the one they are intended to pursue and thrive in... I am looking forward to a bible study this summer concerning this very same issue! Me, Myself and Lies.... and how to cope with our inner struggle and negative self talk that steals our self confidence and rips away our self esteem by beating ourselves up! I am sure once I read this book and follow the study for 5 weeks I will have much more insight to write about. For now, remember... be kind to yourself! It is more important than you think!

Take Time

Time....It is what most people complain about not having enough of... We say it over and over again,"I wish there was more time in a day; I wished I had more time to do this or that, I wished I had time to finish a project, clean the house, get prepared for an event, relax, enjoy the weather, go on a trip..." The list goes on and on. What we often don't realize or take for granted is that we do have time if we make it. We are the ones who create our schedule, make our decisions and set our own expectations of what we need, want and the activities we do. Often people overload their schedules with many things to keep them busy or the things they feel are what they need to do, not only to be happy but to fulfill some sort of lack of something or status quo. Honestly how much or how little you involve yourself in, your children in, your family in... you are deciding what is necessary and what is not. Sometimes we have enough, but we are unable to accept what enough is or to see that enough is not always attached to a number, Enough is a way of thinking. Balancing life sometimes is most important. We may want to try, experience and shove as many commitments as we can into a day, a week, a month, a year or our lifetime. But the more we do the less time we have to enjoy the things that are most important to us. Paxton really wanted to play basketball for Paladin this summer as he really enjoyed last year, he most recently made the All-Star baseball team which will be further commitments of practice and tournaments and if God willing a Championship Series in California in July (where he has never been). Basketball games overlap practices if he has the opportunity to advance in baseball. He also wants to go to some summer baseball day camps. He wanted to know why he cannot do both. I advised him that doing too much will burn him out and he will not really get to enjoy other things during his 6 week summer break. As his last day of school is June 1 and his first day of 3rd grade will be July 24... the CA trip taking us all the way to the 18th.. meaning not much time to really just relax. He agreed that baseball would be his main focus this summer. I don't want him to not do and try the things he enjoys, but I want him to enjoy the things that he does. I also have decided to lessen my commitments for next year. I have decided that with most of my 4H Cloverbud group moving up to 9 year olds and preparing and competing for Fair in 2018... Paxton will still be too young. we will take a year off from this activity and re-evaluate what and if he wants to do with 4H when he is able to prepare for fair. I have always been one to be involved in anything and everything that interests me, as far back as I can remember. I love to be busy, I love to be a part of the action, to help in anything I can and the first to volunteer. I however as I age know that life is precious and the more involved I am in everything something or someone suffers for my lack of attention to it. My house is usually always clean, but my office is a mess leaving me less organized and more likely to make mistakes, my clients are attended to a the drop of a hat, yet my truck is dirty and messy and not ready for that client who asks me to pick them up... so therefore I rush around to get these things done, accomplished and "perfected" at the last minute causing myself more stress and anxiety trying to make it all perfect. These are all examples of trying to create a slower paced lifestyle, and training people that I can no longer drop everything I do all of the time. I do have a family, I do have more than one client at a time and although I would like to make each person in my life feel they are indeed #1.. most times it is physically impossible and emotionally draining. I create it based off how I respond, but I really need to step back, focus and slow down to most effectively respond to everyone. This is my new goal ( I guess not really new but renewed), to say Yes to the things that are most important, to relax more, enjoy my family and my activities... I am definitely blessed. As I pray every morning God will continue to send me the people who need my help the most and if I tune into my inner spirituality a little more, I will recognize who I am capable of helping and who will be emotionally draining to me and cause me more harm then good. Remember it is OK to say NO and take time for yourself. This is not selfish, it is preparing you to be happier and healthier and more sane so that you are refueled to help others. The one predominant duty is to find one's work and do it. Charlotte Perkins Gilman (you don't have to do it all!) Take Time to be friendly, it is the road to happiness. Take time to dream- it is hitching your wagon to a star. Take time to love and be loved- it is the privilege of the gods. Take time to look around- it is too short a day to be selfish. Take time to laugh- it is the music of the soul. Old English Prayer

Be a good example

There has been a lot of cases going on at my son's school regarding bullying especially in the older grades. I think this happens at any school and may or may not be a spotlight case. A lot of bullying goes undetected and not reported for some reason or another. But when it does get brought into the spotlight, victims, bullies and parents deal with it in different ways, which can cause outrage, uproars and many "side effects". His school is made up of K-8... there are "bullies" in all age groups, however I think Jr. High is one of the most critical times that you really see the impact it has on the individual victim being bullied. I have a 2nd grader and I have heard cases of kids being pushed down, choked, kicked and taunted... Most of the time these kids are acting out because of something they are witnessing going on around them, or maybe it is fear, or perhaps even low self-esteem. This is the age that it is necessary to talk to our kids about these what can be detrimental behaviors and although our children cannot control other children's behaviors, they have the choice to not engage in such activity, they have the choice to be the better person, they have the choice to walk-away and not participate no matter how hard they want to "fit in". At the older ages these kids are already starting to have changes in their life, puberty, more school pressure, fitting in or not fitting in, etc. This is why teaching the effects of bullying, having that conversation with your children and preparing them for these older critical years at a younger age is important. Not waiting until the behavior becomes a problem. I am not saying it is too late to teach your kids the right thing, I am just saying that the earlier they practice acts of kindness towards friends and even strangers and learn to accept that not everyone is created equal and that that is OK, the better they will be at accepting others differences down the road and less likely to engage in bullying behavior. Also, us a parents should be displaying the right actions and behaviors as our kids are like sponges even at a young age and want to be "like us". This is when it is critical to be cautious of what is going on around our kids. Talk to them about issues, be understanding and not critical... I was once a pre-teen and I remember... it was hard. Everyone wants to feel accepted everyone wants to fit in and sometimes this causes us to do things that may not be "right". I grew up in a small town and I had a neighbor who I would say made fun of me, (which I guess was a form of bullying). I had flat feet and wore ugly corrective shoes for years when I was in grade school, he would somehow make his way to sit behind me on the bus and several times tie my shoes together under my seat so I would trip when I got up to get off the bus. All the other boys would laugh and tease me. I will tell you that I have always been a forgiving person and one who can take a lot of harm, harsh words, rude people and somehow forgive and find the good in them, however, yes... it hurt, it lowered my self-esteem and at times I did struggle to fit in. I did become super popular in High School as I was neutral and accepting of all clicks of people, in Student Council and Dare and a class officer.... I didn't date anyone from my school and I wasn't really part of anyone click.. My Best Friend and I did a lot of co-mingling with all the groups and this I will tell you was the most rewarding experience I could have. I loved being independent but fit in a lot of different groups without judgement or judging. This boy who teased me for years and I were never friends per se, his younger brother and I were, and several years later when he discovered things about his brother that were different than him, he married and had children of his own he matured and decided it was ok to accept people who were different, he contacted me on Facebook and apologized for all the tormenting he did to me as a child. Although this bullying was rather mild in a sense it did contribute to both of our growth as individuals. Make sure your kids are involved in things that keep them busy and engaged. Hobbies are important for kids to have and exercise and engagement is key to stimulating them to do more than just sit around and degrade others. When your kids are involved in activities they are less likely to have the time to bully others. Stress the importance of being an individual, of everyone having talents, opinions and ideas that may not be the same as everyone else. This is ok... God didn't make us all the same... Avoid social comparisons of others. Learn to forgive, develop coping strategies, savor the joy's in life, increase their activities, engage yourself in something as a family. Encourage your kids to be nice and kind to those who are different or may not be like them. Being different isn't wrong and should not be punished. This doesn't mean your kid has to be friends with everyone, just accepting that people are different and shouldn't be made fun of or tormented because of this. Everyone wants to be loved and accepted by others no matter how much they are different or want to say it doesn't matter or they don't care. It is human nature. Have your kids surround themselves with positive people, be that positive role model for your kids, save your degrading conversations or complaining venting sessions about others when you are childless. Remember your kids want to be like you, act like you, they look up to you. Don't show them that it is okay to talk bad about others. Your kids did not come with a rule book, motherhood does not have an instruction manual but respecting others especially in front of your children goes an awful long way. We are all part of this world, we all have emotions, likes, dislikes, fears and joys but not all of us need to conform to someone else's idea of what "fits in". Set a good example of good works yourself, with integrity and dignity in your teaching. Titus 2:7