I haven’t blogged about this yet but it has been heavy on my mind. Sometimes when you change stuff up too many times until you get it right, you do get a little worried about what other people are thinking but ultimately you have to make decisions based on what works for you and your family’s needs. Some of you probably have no idea that I pulled Paxton out of school again the week his grandmother died in February. In this case, switching Paxton schools again to many outsiders probably looks like I am just giving into his demands or manipulative behaviors because he isn’t happy, or it isn’t working out how he wants or expects, and in some ways they are right it isnot working out how he wants or needs, but why should I have to mold him into something other than what he is by forcing him to stay in a situation that just isn’t working if I have alternatives that will serve him, his learning style and mood, attitude and disposition so much more appropriately!
I will tell you in
this journey I have learned more about the differences in how someone learns,
how someone copes and how someone expresses their feelings more than I have in
any other loss in my entire life. Those of you who follow me know how much loss
that has been. I am able to look back at
my childhood and the losses that I experienced at such a young age and
continued to experience well into adulthood and help me evaluate what I am
experiencing now and with my child and how to proceed. Progress, healing, processing,
and accepting come in all different forms at different times for everyone,
differently. No one should have to fit the same mold, routine, discipline, or
regiment if they can choose another in order to excel or continue moving
forward.
The last session in my grief share group some topics were
discussed addressing the journey of grief and what a new normal really looks
like . A big one was other people trying to rush you through your grief because
they believe in some sort of unspoken timeline, or their Aunt Gertrude was at a
different stage by now… why aren’t you? It has been this long, shouldn’t you
feel this way by now? or be moving forward? No longer be angry? Shouldn’t you be adjusted by now? Our group discussed that people who haven’t
been through your exact experience lack the insight on how to treat you or even
relate to what you are going through and often times don’t even know how to act,
sometimes they disappear, relationships change, and new ones form based on how
you are changing and the stage in your process. Alert: Realize grief is different
for everyone no matter what trauma you have experienced, don’t put expectations
on yourself or other people.
Just like not everyone processes things the same, not everyone learns the same either. I was book smart, I made myself stay motivated. I worked hard and had self-discipline. I learned a lot of shit because I had to not because I wanted to or I needed it. My kid is self-disciplined too, but not in the things he is not interested in he doesn't see the value in it. I have a farm kid through and through. His hands on interests and the things his brain retains are beyond his years, he has a lot of his dad and a lot of me in him, some good, some bad, but it makes him who he is. Sometimes it is a struggle for balance and sometimes I just want to high five him for being so amazing, genuine, and kindhearted. He is a different kind of smart and I am not just saying this because I am his mom. He is the kind of smart that will blow you away regarding the things he is truly interested in versus your typical average school student who is expected to know the same thing as the next, memorizing facts they will never use just to say they can, reciting poems or writing about topics that will never interest them, just because everyone else is doing it and it is required. If someone doesn’t break outside of the way they are supposed to think or learn when do they learn about other things or truly excel?
There are so many things in schools these kids should be taught and are not. There are so many things they will never need or use no matter how long society/school systems have taught them. For me putting him in a 3 day a week private school with 15 other kids where he is in a small group and can hone in and concentrate better for the whole time, get things done with less distractions by misbehaving kids, chaos, and limitations on helping the individual student actually succeed which is what he found in his 35-45 minute classes with 30+ kids that 7 different teachers who have 7 different personalities throughout the day were giving him along with even more anxiety and a platform to lose focus.
Is school a great place for social skills? It is,
especially if you don’t have any or need to form them, but let's face it in 8th grade you have probably developed them by now. But I can be the first to tell you and will
have a lot of back up, that my kid is versed in social skills better than a lot
of kids his age who can be easily absorbed in their phones and video games. He
can actually carry on a conversation with most adults like he is one and he is
outside a lot and has friends to hang out with on a regular basis. He has hobbies and interests and is outgoing. He actually went to the Rodeo this past weekend and got the most snap chat connections from girls he met versus the other boys they were hanging out with just for roping their heels! 8! LOL. I think he has come out of any shy shell he may have and is going to succeed in life just fine in the social aspect.
He is confident in what he wants, and it shows. For example,
he wants things that he can’t have because they are beyond his age group, like
driving legally or wishing he already worked a full-time job versus going to
school. To be honest he is a better driver than I am as much as I hate to admit
it and he probably could do some type of job, he already raises pigs and steers
to butcher for other people, his own little entrepreneur. He already helps out our friend who butchers in his meat shop every couple weekends! But those things will come in time, and he
will master them in the meantime, learning as he goes.
Paxton also gets disappointed in himself if he doesn’t get
something right the first time, or it doesn’t work. He thinks he needs to know
everything instead of understanding that it is ok to not be good at something and then learn it. Some might say perfectionism maybe, but we have time to work on
that, no one is perfect or even close so we work on mastering strengths and improving
weaknesses instead. You can only work on being a better version of YOU every
day. I hate to see him get frustrated, but he usually ends up figuring it out
or trying again until he does. Certain things he gives up on and certain things
he pushes ahead. He is intense sometimes, I think you could label him as
someone who feels and thinks too much, I think he got that from me. I wonder
sometimes if it is a weakness, but I have come to accept that it makes me compassionate
and that is just who I am. Also being passionate about things and having depth has
gotten me to where I am today in my journey. This is my story, no one else’s
and I am confident that by sharing it together with him we can overcome and
accomplish many things. God has given us unique gifts to use for his glory. We
need to look for opportunities where we can use what we have been given with
the time and resources that we have.
Sometimes we think we are ready for something, and we want
to hurry the results or rush the outcome ahead of where God has intended it to
be. Sometimes we place false expectations because of where we think we should
be based on societal demands. We might be willing to accept things that just
aren’t for us or block other things from coming into our lives purposely or at
the right time because we aren’t willing or able to let things happen naturally
or in there own time. This can be anything from jobs, goals, dreams,
relationships, trips, finances, possessions, and the list can go on and on. A lot of our future is also based on past disappointments.
I know that we have all been programmed to plan ahead,
prepare for down the road, schedule things out and forecast the future. Have
you ever looked at the weather, sunny and bright when you left your home, to be
completely surprised by a downpour midday and you forgot your umbrella? You can view this as something that can totally ruin your day, or you can make the best of it and dance in the rain. To be
completely honest, a meteorologist’s job is to forecast the future weather and
probably is the only career I can think of off the top of my head, where they could
be wrong 100% of the time and still get paid. So why do we put so much pressure
on planning or predicting what our future holds instead of living the journey day
by day and enjoying it along the way even the unexpected things that occur, they are not all tragic! I am testimony that no matter how much
planning you do a lot of times it is going to turn out the way it is supposed
to and be so far from what you planned. The crashing disappointment when
something you didn’t plan for happens is far worse when all you ever look
forward to is what you plan. Read that again. Stop and be grateful for your blessings
every day, the ones that are already here, don’t wait for the ones in the
future to be happy or grateful, be happy in the here and now, the future will
come soon enough.
