Fill in Your Blanks, Cards Against Humanity and Vaping

 

In my last blog I mentioned to all of you that my girlfriends and I played Cards Against Humanity with Paxton and his best friend a couple weeks ago. Truly the best experience for all of us. I think that there is a lot to be said in trusting your kids with adult things, knowing that they are human and not making it weird. I truly love that about our relationship. Raising a teenage boy has its downfalls… lol, especially as a single mom of the opposite sex... although it does have some advantages in my opinion as he will end up with a partner of the opposite sex some day and I am hoping I can raise him to be everything that she needs. I am not a dad guiding him through physical changes, lifestyle changes, girls, questions, guy stuff… but I do try to impress on him that he can ask me anything and I will answer as best as possible or point him in the right direction. There have been a few times that I have to maintain my composure when he does ask something a little more on the personal side, something that seems logical to me and my 44 years, but I know he hasn’t quite gotten to his plethora of knowledge about many of these things quite yet.

I want to be a safe space where he can feel like he can come to me with anything and that I will not judge him in his lack of expertise, make him feel stupid or anxious, I want to listen when appropriate, give advice when solicited, and encourage him no matter what the outcome to always tell me the truth. I say telling the truth and getting in trouble is far less consequential than lying and having to dig your way out of something tougher and paying a high price for that.

This weekend we were driving, and Paxton was telling me a story about a group of his friends from school. He was sharing some experiences with them and happened to mention one of the kids vaped. I don’t know this boy in the group so I cannot place any judgement or restrictions on Paxton hanging out with him as long as he is a good kid and isn’t causing Paxton to get in any trouble. I know it is a trendy thing to do these days, whether it is the right thing to do or not. Kids his age smoked and did drugs when I was a freshman in high school, I just chose not to participate.

I asked him how he felt about it and he mentioned he wasn’t a fan but didn’t necessarily think that meant he couldn’t be his friend. I said that I have friends who vape or smoke and that it has always been my choice not to do so. He has that choice as well, but sometimes it is okay to still be friends with that person. He mentioned that some of the other boys had tried it. He said he didn’t want to and neither did one of the others. I said that is great to stick together, and even if that other boy tries it later, you know you don’t have to. He said I know mom; I will not let someone talk me into something I am against.

 I am super proud of this kid, from a young age I have felt he has always stuck with what he believes in, even when it makes me think he is being stubborn! I said he should continue encouraging the other kid who didn’t participate with his leadership and example of not giving into any peer pressures or the desire to fit in. Always stick up for what you believe in is my Motto. There is no reason to not be their friend if they are not pressuring you to do it, making fun of you because you won’t or allowing it to cause any issues amongst the group or getting other’s in trouble. That is the kid who is vaping’s choice and doesn’t necessarily make him a bad kid overall.

Some of you may disagree with me and that is ok. But for this instance, I would never tell my son to not be friends with the boy who vapes as long as that is the worst thing the kid is doing. We all have bad habits, no one is perfect including my child and I am not about to create a perfect world or bubble that I expect him to live within, or put limitations on who he chooses as friends,  (I really feel deep down that he is the kind of kid who will always choose his best option and not base it off of someone else’s poor choice. I was that kid and so was his dad.)  I feel that it creates resentment and rebellion and the ramifications of that can be far worse than just allowing him to maintain friendships with some imperfect people. We have had plenty of discussions on things that do make these boys much worse influences or people that you wouldn’t want your child to be hanging out with and I think he knows and has created his own boundaries on what is acceptable and what isn’t, and I am extremely proud of him for the choices he has made in life so far.

Freshman year here we are week number 3, and all that high school will throw us in the next four years, I welcome the experience. I look forward to watching Paxton grow into the man he is suppose to be by the sum of all the choices he makes. I look forward to doing my best to be available, understanding, open-minded to discussion, and supportive of Paxton’s energy and where he wants that to go. Again, I say as I have blogged about many times thus far, I am not looking for the perfect kid, I am raising someone to be a kindhearted, compassionate, purposeful adult.

At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child's success is the positive involvement of parents. Jane Hull

 Having a parent who believes he or she has a voice that matters in this world. Rachel Macy Stafford

They way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. Peggy O'Mara

Affirming words from moms and dads are like light switches. Speak a word of affirmation at the right moment into a child's life and it's like lighting up a whole room full of possibilities. Gary Smalley

And my favorite of them all! 

So our job as parents is not to make a particular kind of child. Instead, our job is to provide a protected space of love, safety, and stability in which children of many unpredictable kinds can flourish. Our job is not to shape our children's minds; it's to let those minds explore all the possibilities that the world allows. Our job in not to tell our children how to play; it's to give them the toys and pick them up when they are done. We can't make children learn, but we can let them learn.  Alison Gopnik

What the Hell is Hell’s itch?

 

I learned at a very young age how to calm myself down or overcome fear by visualization. As far back as I can remember my mom taught me how to do this to control any anxieties that I had. I also remember at a very young age being super ticklish on my feet and it used to drive me crazy, her dad, my Papa had me lay down on the couch and close my eyes he walked me through visualizing not being ticklish anymore it is hard to write about but I can remember all the things he said, the feelings that I experienced, and the fact that to this day, my feet are not ticklish, in fact most of my body isn’t except 1 spot that I never really bothered to work on. Near my hip, Steve knew it too and would occasionally make me laugh uncontrollably and you know what, laughter sometimes is the best stress reliever, so I welcomed it most of the time unless he just took it too far and wouldn’t stop, lol.

To this day it has helped me get through anxiety, stressful situations, pain, and tension as well as manifesting things that I desire. For example, I never get Novocain when I get my cavities filled and getting a tattoo is uncomfortable, but it never seems to hurt me. Concentrating and visualization when used correctly can be so powerful.

A few weekends ago we went up to the Cabin to take Aidan home and hang out with my sister-in-law and a couple of friends. Two days before, we went to the lake to Paddle and neither Paxton nor Aidan decided to apply sunblock. At almost 14 and 16 years old this Mama is tired of having to nag them. Needless to say, both of them broke out into little mini blisters on their shoulders and red on their back and neck. Paxton had me put some Aloe on the second night after it got to be too much. They knew they would experience a couple days of soreness before they peeled, it is what it is right!?

Anyway, fast forward to Friday night, I was making dinner for everyone, and Paxton decided to take a shower in my bathroom, he yelled at me from the bedroom. I went in there and he was dancing around the room in sort of a panic telling me that he felt like he had hundreds of fire ants crawling inside his back biting him and that he wanted to rip his skin off. We applied aloe, essential oils, oatmeal lotion, I made him take Benadryl and ibuprofen. He continued to lay down, sit up, stand up. I could clearly see he was miserable and didn’t really know what to do. I offered to take him to the hospital which he declined. After a little bit of time and reapplying things to his upper back (not the blistered shoulders) I made him lay down and we began the visualization that I knew so well. My kid has anxieties like what his dad and grandmother had, and I am determined that I am going to teach him how to control it and not take over his life as an adult. I have since he was a very young age been able to get him to calm down and a lot of times fall asleep using these techniques. He tends to like to fight me about it at first a little, but I will tell you it has worked every time, no matter the situation. This time was no different and within less than 20 minutes of talking him through his pain he was asleep.

I googled sun poisoning since I really wasn’t sure what was happening with him and came across the title “What is Hell’s itch?” Clicking on it thinking what a crazy name. To my surprise and comfort, it said “people describe it like fire ants biting you under your skin, wanting to rip your skin off and an uncontrollable itch that causes a stabbing pain.” Holy hell, seriously… what this is a thing? Apparently, it only happens in a very very small percentage of people, is often caused when the person goes to a higher elevation (we went from the valley to the Mountains) and it causes the nerve ending at the end of the sunburn to have this particular reaction. It can last on and off for up to 48 hours and is relieved by things such as Benadryl, Ibuprofen, oatmeal products and hydrocortisone. Wow! Really… Lucky for him when he woke up it was gone, and he did itch but never again had this feeling while we were there.

We enjoyed the rest of our stay, the boys had fun shooting, we relaxed, ate great food, us girls went paddleboarding at Show Low Lake, and we ended the weekend with the most fun game of Cards Against Humanity, 4 moms and two teenage boys! If you have ever played picture that. It was not only hilarious, but it was also so much fun, we played until 1 AM and I haven’t laughed so hard in I don’t remember how long. Sometimes being human, vulnerable, and your fun authentic self can strengthen a bond amongst people, I think this weekend proved to myself and to Paxton that even though I am his mom, I can be silly and have fun too.

Life can throw things at us that we least expect, we can get concerned, uptight and anxious about so many things and we can choose to let it take over our lives, our attitudes, and our minds. One thing we need to realize is we have more power over things than we give ourselves credit for. You can alter the frequency of your thoughts, you can align your beliefs and desires, you can heal yourself from a lot of things. God has given us the ability to have this power. You can be intentional with your focus. You can alter your state of mind and you can create a life full of things you desire, one visualization at a time. No circumstance or situation can take over unless you let it. Your vibration and internal state are your responsibility. Life happens, control your thoughts, and don’t let it break you.

Life is tough, but this girl is tougher!

 

There is something to be said about getting in a routine and then getting in a rut! And I think I have fallen prey to a rut recently but recognize it. I need to find my way out. I could feel my energy shift and I will only let it go so far before I push back.  I cannot run away or hide from my truth for too long! This is a truth I have to recognize about myself and how I vibrate. I have never been much of a routine person and maybe that is to a fault, but maybe it is also what allows me to try new things and never get completely complacent with where I am at, always learning, growing, and exploring new interests and business opportunities. I want to constantly grow and build and be better. Some days it is rough, and I just want the world to go away… ruts do happen especially for the highly motivated. My new therapist, yes I recently got one of those, called me a highly functioning adult who was probably never diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, because they didn't really do that back then... I laughed, and said you know, you are probably right. But guess what, that is me and I know how to handle myself most days! Some days I am so much of a go-getter I am constantly moving and shaking and making the world around me better. I know that harmony and balance are the goal. And I am certain that even when I get knocked down, I will always get back up. I won’t expect any less of myself most days.

The last few weeks I have had mixed emotions about where I am in my life, with my career, with raising Paxton. I am constantly reevaluating my decisions to make sure that I am effectively raising him to be a kind, considerate and grateful adult.

Over the years Steve and I’s parenting style has alluded to the fact that neither one of us believed that we should shelter Paxton from the real world. I definitely understand people wanting to make sure that their kids are not exposed to the cruelty of this world, but unfortunately it is there. Everyone has different parenting styles there unfortunately is no book- there are a lot of opinions out there and you are welcomed to take what there is and make it your own. So we all parent a little differently and sometimes a lot differently. We can make it hard, and we can be simplistic. I think no matter how hard you work, parent, or do the things, that he will develop skills, personality traits and hobbies solely based on what is going on in his world and not from me or my influences and that is ok, I just pray he chooses the things that align with his core vibes and intentions that God has set for him. 

School started this week. He is a Freshman you guys! Where does the time go? My baby is all grown up. And this is one step closer to his freedom and development to adulthood. I may have had a little bit of a meltdown on the first day (after he left), admittedly more so that Steve isn’t here to participate than me actually sad that Paxton is in high school, or maybe a mix of both.

I think it went well. He has gone every day since Tuesday. We have prayed every morning before he leaves for his teachers, his classes, his schoolwork and his friends to allow him to become the best version of himself. He has set his own alarm, showered, filled up his water jug and got on the bus with friends and figured out the different buildings, classes, and routine that he will be experiencing for the next 4 years. I am proud of him, even if going just might have something to do with the cute new girl they have accepted into their circle of friends, who by the way is into horses…(if you are reading this please don't share with him) But heck whatever gets him there I am all for it after the last 2 years of a roller coaster of schools, formats and fighting over his attending school, doing his work, and being motivated to care. 

I am looking forward to watching his journey over the next 4 years more than I am nervous about it! His week even ended in a early release day as the town broke a water main and the schools were without water and sent the kids home before noon. Probably just what he needed to veg a little and process everything he has experienced so far. He even did his homework last night before he went to hang out with his friends without mom even mentioning it or asking if he had any! I am not sure how long this is going to last… but let’s not jinx it! I'll bask in the current motivation I see in him and pray that it continues. He did even mention to me a few days ago his goal was to get all A's and B's! Fabulous! I know he has it in him, he just has to want it bad enough. 

So this week I did a thing, I read an amazing book that gave me new motivation to get myself up from my recent rut and push forward once again, I decided it is time for me to get back on track and I hired a counselor, first time I have been to counseling since I was a Sophomore in High School a year after my dad passed away… which you guys will be 30 years ago next month!!! I can’t believe how time flies. I did business/life coaching with my mom years back for the extra push, but I think this is where I am going to find my answers (within myself) right now. 

 I am always saying trust the timing of your life and I think that this is going to give me just what I need to pursue my passions and help as many people as I possibly can which is my true goal in life. So, stay tuned for goodness and my new pursuits. I am ready to manifest good things into my life and be able to share my passion, knowledge, and wealth with others so that I can teach them to do the same for themselves. God gave us the ability to have more power than you could ever imagine. Realigning your limiting beliefs and shifting your focus to intentional things is the one lesson that I want Paxton to learn this year and that I can lead by example.  Life happens and we cannot let it break us, only strengthen our abilities to do more good for others while we are here. Tune into your best self and keep going no matter what your past looks like, be in tune with who you are now and where you want to go. 

Taken from Tougher by Lainey Wilson

They say, "What don't kill you makes you stronger" and I believe that's right

Through every low-down beatin' this old heart's taken
A whisper in the dark says I won't make it
I know it's just the devil doin' what he does, tryin' to make me suffer
No matter what the battle is keeping me prayin'
I gotta be strong, I gotta keep saying
I'm gonna make it through, one way or the other
Life is tough, but this girl's tougher

You're gonna get a good cry from me tonight, but nothin' more

Through every low-down beatin' this old heart's taken
A whisper in the dark says I won't make it
I know it's just the devil doin' what he does, tryin' to make me suffer
No matter what the battle is keeping me prayin'
I gotta be strong, I gotta keep saying
I'm gonna make it through it, one way or the other
Life is tough, but this girl's tougher

Than anything you throw my way
Yeah, I might bend but I won't break
You ain't the first, won't be the last to make me feel this way

Life is tough
But this girl's tougher