Thursday, May 30, 2013

Recognition

Are we often too busy to recognize the blessings around us? Do we get caught up in all the day to day things that we must do and accomplish that we forget who is around us, or we take for granted what that person may have to offer and that they will always be there? I have posted before in my daily affirmations the importance of enjoying the people I love as if it were the last time that I would see them, it just might be. But do I stick to this? Do I practice what I preach? I wish I could say I did 100% but then again I am human and I get caught up in my day, I argue, I fight and sometimes I am selfish, I expect certain things of myself and put on pressures that I think other people expect of me without really knowing if they do, but because I do, I assume they do too. Which can cause a whole string of issues that could have been avoided if I wasn't so hard on myself. I am not one that wants to disappoint. So to answer my own question, do I practice what I preach, 24/7, probably not, I get comfortable, I procrastinate, I say in the back of my mind- that person "so-and-so" knows how much I care. Do we recognize each other for what is done, or do we only focus on what is lacking? Often for people this AH-HA moment comes when it is too late. One or more of the people in the relationship feel that they have given every thing they have and don't have anymore to give, try or re-build. Sometimes this happens so gradually that when the moment of truth comes, it is just too late. I have had a series of conversations recently with people who are struggling with their particular relationships. They may be seeking acceptance or truth outside of their own inner circle. They may have put in effort over and over to get the results that they are looking for, but haven't found that acceptance, that missing link or that reassurance that they need to know they are loved, accepted and valued. When a person feels as if they lose value or acceptance, as human beings we can become depressed, shut down or even shut off to the point we start to no longer feel good about ourselves. In order to gain this confidence back or this acceptance we feel that we need, we try to get that acceptance from our mate in ways that may not be the best approach. But when we want and seek this approval and acceptance we may turn it in to nagging, bitching and complaining about what is not being done rather than build up what it is that attracted us to the person in the first place. What made us love them and why did we stop praising that. Studies show the more you call attention to someone's positive attributes the more positive results that you will experience. As a society we often focus on the negative or the things that someone is lacking. This can just enhance the negative that we experience and make the other person focus on what they are doing wrong, lose confidence in themselves and just continue to do the wrong things. Sometimes when focusing on the negative someone does, this often tells that person that they are this particular way and they may as well just continue being/acting this way since you already believe they are. For example, someone who is accident prone- the more other people tell them this, the more they believe this and start telling them self they are accident prone that they become more prone to accidents because they are searching for them (even unconsciously). Often when you tell yourself something over and over again, you become that way because you really believe you are. This is one reason why I have morning affirmations that I say to positively approach my day and to allow myself to believe that I only have good things to offer. That I am truly committed to making myself the best person that I can on a daily basis, therefore when I do have that lack of self confidence, or I feel that I am not deserving of something or that I am not a good person, it quickly goes away. A lot of times when we have a low self confidence or we don't have that belief in our self is when our relationships start to fail. No one person can give you the confidence and self talk that you yourself can give. We think that we can fill this void with someone else's acceptance or love, but other than God, no one can give this to us. We can seek it, we can get it temporarily but it will not last, because it is not pure. The more positive self talk that I can give myself, the better off I and those around me can be. This is equally important to give positive talk to those around us, thus allowing us to not be so hard or harsh with the other person when they do do something that we do not expect. We have so many positive thoughts or that person and praise for what they do, that the negative doesn't linger in our mind or on our hearts. In no way do I feel that if you are in a relationship that isn't changing or that isn't safe or healthy that you should stay. I am not here to judge anyone or their particular circumstances. Dear God, today I release others from the burden of fulfilling me in areas where I should be looking to You. Help me to accept those around me the way they are and not try to constantly change them. At the same time release this person to change in the way that I thought they never could. I leave any changing that needs to be done in Your hands, fully accepting that neither I nor that other person are perfect and we never will be. Only you are perfect Lord and I look to you to perfect us. May we be perfectly jointed together in the same mind and same judgment. (1 Corinthians 1:10)

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Conquer the City

This week I experienced something that I can't even describe. When you have so many things going on at one time, so many people and pets pulling you in different directions at the very same time, you get overwhelmed and just want to either stop the world and get off for awhile or lock yourself up somewhere to get some mental help. LOL! In my life I have so many people that depend on me. I know that it is something I created since I am always so readily available to help others, however, sometimes it is just too much. I never want to let someone down, so I continue to wait on those people, answer the calls, texts and emails quickly and try to give not only good service to all the clients relying on me to sell their home, find them a rental home or help them buy a home, I also have a family who relies on me pets who are special needs and household chores that get me more stressed if I let them go too long. On Tuesday I had to call upon the help of a great friend to talk me down off of my coaster and give me some insight into the almost anxiety-like mental breakdown I was experiencing before doing or saying something harsh that I would regret to those I loved. It was a feeling that came over me that I didn't feel I had any control over stopping. Every time my kid whined, every time one of the dogs started barking, every time my phone rang, or a text came in I felt like I wanted to scream out profanities and just throw something so hard it would break! She told me due to being such a helpful person and having so many people depend on me that I don't want to make a mistake or disappoint that it is natural to feel the way that I was and to have a "moment." I told her how my whiny impatient kid was not listening at all and I screamed at him several times and felt like such a horrible mom. She advised me to the tender nature of kids being the most forgiving beings out there. It isn't like when you blow up at your spouse or a friend and they may hold a grudge for a week. You can love on care for and coax your child and they will be once again back to loving you unconditionally. Is this something that is right, probably not. No person deserves to be yelled at in my frustration. I hope not to make a practice of it. But in talking to her I know that I am only human and sometimes I need to forgive myself when I can't get to every thing that I think I need to or that I believe someone is expecting me to take care of. On a normal basis I can handle my dependents and my tasks, however, sometimes when they hit all at once, I need to remain calm, focus on the most important thing at the very moment and realize that somehow everything works out. The next day I had promised a 4th grade teacher that I would sub for her class so that she could use up her vacation day before the end of the school year. I knew I would have limited access to my family and clients since I would be in class and could not answer the phone as readily as normal. I rely on text and email from my phone to communicate, so when I was startled unexpectedly when I was walking down the quiet hall back to the classroom while the kids were in music class and my phone went flying from my hand crashing to the tile and the LCD screen went grey, green and red with vertical and horizontal stripes and lines I was in store for a day of pretty much no communication. I could have flipped out, gotten upset with myself for not being more careful, for being careless or irresponsible for allowing this to happen, especially given the nature of my demeanor the day before, but somehow I didn't. I looked at this as an opportunity to focus on my task at hand that day, help the people in front of me. Do what I could to get those who relied on me help and decided that nothing that anyone could call, email or text me about was a life or death situation. It just isn't. Deadlines, paperwork and showings before a home is gone, sure... life or death- Not really. I decided right then and there that this circumstance happened and all I could do was explain later and hope for the best once I could re connect with people. I need to limit my response time to what I can handle and get back to the others in a professional and timely manner but to stop jumping every second that someone "calls." It just isn't healthy for me or for those around me if jumping to help and being prompt is affecting my attitude or demeanor in a way that I am distracted from the attention they deserve. It is better to have self control than to conquer a city Proverbs 16:32 NLT

Sunday, May 12, 2013

M.O.M. Message of Magnificence

Pretty much when it comes to mom's we all share in the fact that ours is the best. They do a lot for us. Most of the time we don't even realize what that is. It is often expected cause that is what mom's do. Oh losing my dad at a young age to cancer, I knew my mom made sacrifices, I knew she as a mother, did everything she could to raise me right, to provide for me and to make me happy. However, it wasn't until I had a kid of my own did feel what she felt to be a mom. It is not something you can really describe to someone who is not. You are a supporter, protector, discipliner and friend. You will sacrifice, go the extra mile, provide joy and comfort. Many, many roles are played and you balance them as best you can. As a mother of faith, I pray each night for my child's health, his childhood, his future, his ability to feel loved and accepted, good role models his desire to learn, freedom from fear and a whole lot more. As a mom on days like Mother's Day, I too feel grateful for the recognition, no matter how small- but between you and me I would do it anyhow. I am who I am I was born to be me, one of God's children who he died to set free. Awaiting her future her purpose foretold, before walking those streets of gold. Many trials and errors, heartache and pain, pathways before me seem like nothing to gain. Promised I am that this temporary strife, will lead me to a better life. I walk the line waiting for His glorious sign. How do I know what He wants me to be if I don't believe what I already see? I have a purpose for this I know. I must take it to others to show. I am who I am I was born to be me, one of God's children he died to set free. Dani Rae (2008) My ultimate goal, wish and prayer is that as a mom I will bring a message of magnificence to my child by raising him the best I know how to be a good adult, the test I feel is not how he acts as a child, but as how he turns out, then I will know that I have accomplished my purpose. Thank you mom for raising me to be a good adult. For all that you have instilled in me that I am not only able to have a purpose in life I am able to share and influence others. You are amazing to me for all that you have done, all that you still do and all that you are! Thank you for giving me your message of magnificence.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

indirect advice from a friend

Have you ever had a conversation with someone that has helped you make a discovery about something that you need to do in your life that you didn't even realize was an issue? Have you ever decided to make a change for the better from a small conversation that could make a huge impact on your stress levels and perhaps change your future encounters, the way you handle a situation and how it might reflect your life in a very positive way? Maybe something someone said to you made you change your attitude, your outlook or your day to day dealings and you didn't really even realize it. Last week I had coffee with a friend to discuss something not even pertaining to my life, my job or my concerns. I went to find out about their story, why they do what they do, how they got started and where their passion lies. I brought home a whole lot more. As a fellow Christian he advised that he too struggled with some areas of his life but puts his faith in his choices. One little thing that he told me about his passion and his relationship with his wife made me realize that in my efforts to make my relationship with my husband and my family better by chasing things I thought would put us in a better position financially and in turn make our relationship less stressful and more enjoyable was probably the one thing that may be causing additional stress. I have a hard time saying no to people when they need my help. I will volunteer to do a lot of things because I feel the calling to service and help others. I often say God brings me the people to help that sometimes no one else has time for. I have to realize, sometimes I don't either. Even though I am a caring and passionate person about helping others, it can be too much. I need to always remember to put my family first and sometimes that doesn't mean chasing business to help out financially, (which can often cause stress when things don't work out and you feel like you wasted time TRYING to make things better and still didn't succeed.) Sometimes it means saying "NO" and just spending the time with my family that I will never get back chasing things that may not happen. I don't mean following dreams or pursing goals, I literally mean chasing opportunities that can look like they may be worth something but the chances are slim. It is hard to really give examples without pulling other people's personal information into my blog, so I will leave you readers to your imagination. I am sure that you have chased something in your life with 99% knowledge that it wouldn't work out but you tried anyway as to be able to say you tried and the slight chance it will make your situation better. Like I said you have to have your limits. You can't allow something to bring more stress and concern to your family life over a small amount of money or gratitude you may receive if it can potentially cause more harm than good. Short term gains really should not outweigh long term satisfaction.