Monday, May 28, 2018

The Solved Case of the Underwear Bandit

Seriously moms, I know that you have been here. Maybe not the exact same situation but the time where you are multitasking, moving from room to room in your house and putting things back where they belong... except a couple days later you come up empty handed on what you thought you put in that drawer... yep you guessed it... a call from your kid.. "mom,  where are all my underwear?" And I know you know what I am talking about when your face curls up in a what do you mean where are your underwear, they are in your drawer, duh kind of way... but out loud you say " I am coming" in a sing songy but irritated voice, when in your head you think if I get all the way in there in they are in his drawer under something else he is going to be in big trouble when I find them. Because as we all know kids are notorious for doing such a good job looking for things. lol. But you go in there and nothing! HMMM!
 I remember washing them on Sunday, it is only Tuesday, how could you have wore 6 pairs of underwear already plus the clean ones, how could this be? Where did they go? So you frantically feel a little disappointed in yourself, cause you know you had them, you look through every drawer, the closet, the couch, the bed, the guestroom, his bathroom, on top of the cabinet in the guest bathroom, the laundry room 3 times, behind the dryer, in all your and your husband's drawers, in the linen closet, the hall closet, on top of the deep freeze in the garage, in the pantry.. all the places you may have stopped to do something along the path to his room to put them away...and then you wonder... did I throw them away? My house isn't that big..where could they possibly go? Did the sock thief upgrade to underwear? Had he gotten bored with his previous thievery? 
Well now what to do? As I got more frustrated with myself and let the underwear bandit consume my thoughts and make me feel like a loser for not being organized enough and allowing myself to lose these things, my gosh they are the size of a pea, where or where could they be? After a few hours of looking on and off and rolling ideas around in my head of where in this not so big home they could be... I decided to finally let it go. I washed the 3 pairs I could find so he had clean undies and decided that maybe he just needed new underwear anyway.
The next day while at Target I bought 5 more pairs. Came home still looked for the missing underwear, thinking AH! Now I will find them since I bought more, Nope still nothing. Then Paxton decided these new underwear were horrible... and nothing like his other underwear... that I couldn't find... whose interior tag-less tags could no longer be read, and of course I have no clue the brand in order to buy the same ones... the ones from Target looked similar... but I  do I know for a fact similar looking doesn't always mean comfort. I have bought plenty of things in my day from different food brands to clothes to bras... and let me tell you just because it is labeled the same or looks the same it definitely doesn't always taste or feel the same! So I couldn't even attest otherwise to him. He didn't like the way they felt... back to the store with them I would go.  I was even more frustrated with myself because my fix didn't end up fixing anything it just caused me to consume my thoughts and spend my time still searching for those undies, or that underwear bandit to ring his neck, or whichever came first as well as the time to return the unwanted ones, not that I need an excuse to go to Target, but nonetheless more of my time would be consumed.
Leaving for a trip to the cabin Friday I had a lot of errands to do. As I met up with a friend for a sweatshirt she had borrowed, we shared similar underwear stories. She also could not find her son's underwear and knew that she had washed them as well.  Now what are the odds? She has two sons and only one of theirs were missing... hmmm... Is that underwear bandit mobile? Does he visit more than one home like the tooth fairy or do each of us have our own underwear bandit hiding in our house ready to strike at anytime, making us mamas doubt ourselves and steal away our confidence in our multi-tasking abilities. Like me I know she has her hand in many different projects, always trying to do good by others and helping in anyway she can on top of her own needs, her commitment to her family and community and our lists go on and on. And sometimes just sometimes we get overwhelmed, we forgot or we make a mistake...
I left for the mountains knowing I would have to wash underwear or go to Walmart and try another brand. As I unpacked our bags when we arrived Friday night I pulled out all the clothes to put in the drawers and hang in the closets and pulled out underwear one by one by one until I totaled 9 pairs. Of course my first thought was I didn't put them in there Paxton must have. "Mom", he insisted "I did not pack those."
My mind jumped to Did I put those in there? And why?, we weren't leaving until Friday and I knew he would need them for the week. What was I thinking? I really just wasted 3 days worrying about whether or not I threw away underwear, since I couldn't possibly find them in any other crevice in our home, and they were in his overnight bag? Did I look in there? Why would I have, I wouldn't possibly have put them there, he would need them.. 
Negative self talk that is what we do, always blaming ourselves for things instead of giving ourselves the benefit of the doubt, we do a lot of things! We are bound to make mistakes, and seriously this wasn't even a major one... no one got hurt, nothing broke, I didn't wreck my car or even forget someone's special day, I misplaced some underwear temporarily... Give yourself a break I said, slow down, enjoy things, let go of other things... 
Sometimes we are so busy trying to do it all, make it all, be it all, fix it all, that we forget to stop and ENJOY IT ALL~
Are you overwhelmed with all that life throws you, with everything that you are committed to do? Do you need to find rest, relax and really take the time to enjoy it?
Matthew 11:28 says " come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Learn to unclutter your mind and free your self of self-doubt and negative talk.
"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10
When you are in doubt of yourself or your abilities remember
 "God is for you, He says you are a masterpiece created by him to do good things already planned for you." Ephesians 2:10
Remember, you are not alone, we all beat ourselves up.. be kind to yourself, love yourself and slow down and enjoy what you do have.

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

The lightbulb thief

I am guilty. Yes you heard me. Guilty of grooming my child to be entitled.I think they really do think money grows on trees and that it is plentiful all the time and that electricity and water are just a given.  I know that it isn't something I have done on purpose, however kids these days have a much greater sense of this than I did when I was a kid.  I wore hand me down clothes, got hand me down toys, bikes etc. I wasn't born into a wealthy family. In fact after my dad passed away and my mom got a 2nd job, raised me on her own, moved to Arizona to be with me when I decided I wasn't moving back to Indiana like ever, I didn't know how much she truly sacrificed for me but I never remember wanting for anything! Her first year in Arizona Real Estate she made more than my dad and her ever made combined when I was growing up. I was shocked to hear that was $52,000... their 2 combined incomes were less than that? I never remember expecting things though or taking things for granted,  I think I was a pretty grateful kid!
I loved my house, we lived on land, had pets, an above ground pool, went on small lake cabin vacations every summer, had been to Disney World twice.... We ate home cooked meals, ate out on mostly special occasions or leftovers from working at my aunt and uncles restaurant.  Now it seems like combined incomes under $100,000 don't get you very far... but it is because of people's spending habits. Eating out is the norm for many families, on the go, Starbucks... traveling... quick easy and convenient, which we all know costs and many kids and families are so used to these things that being stripped of something is not even something that crosses their mind.
I would say 5/7 days a week my family eats at home, something either myself of Steve cooks. Paxton has responsibilities to help take care of our home, animals, he has learned to be respectful of others, especially adults and tends to make good decisions. However I know for a fact that he has grown up where things are handed to him and that can spoil a person, and he is a kid who we are raising to be a good adult, but he is still just a kid.  I have done a great job of instilling that he must do for others, think of others, be kind and considerate and serve as he is called to do.
Sometimes a kid is going to be a kid. He is a boy, he doesn't mind being dirty, we have to remind him to scrub his head in the shower and brush his teeth. Routine or not he tends to be lazy with these things. The biggest complaint that Steve and I have had in the past few months is that he tends to take off his clothes and socks wherever he is when he is ready to take them off. (he sleeps in just undies) Whether that is in the living room watching TV with us or in our room reading a book or in his room all over the floor or draped over something. I will tell you we have 3 laundry baskets in our house that could hold these items for him but somehow they end up all over. After getting frustrated with him on constantly reminding him to pick up his things... he says yes but if he doesn't do it right away... it somehow doesn't get done. This tends to go for almost anything we ask him, if not done right at that moment he tends to forget. And honestly this Mama was tired of having to get frustrated, upset or yell to get my point across. So I came up with a plan. He has a little chunk of spending money he has saved from Birthday's and holidays from family and he really likes that fact that he has this money that is "his." I told him the deal was that he would have until that days end to collect these things and put them in the laundry. If I had to pick them up and put them in the laundry I would charge him $1 for every article of clothing. In the last 3 months he has only had to give me $5. I feel like that was a huge win.
Fast forward to last week. Our second biggest issue is he is having fear issues with our house at night and is scared unless he can turn lights on. We have done nothing but instill we live in a safe environment, have 3 large dogs and security lights and cameras that would mostly deter a burglar, however, still scared. Unfortunately, he turns lights on and never turns them off. I am talking his room, the guest room, his bathroom, the hallway, the hall bathroom, my bedroom or bathroom or wherever he has been. I was working at my computer and he was in and out of the house building a fort out of a big box we had trying to perfect his new space in our guest room. Mind you he already has a timer on the light in his bedroom that goes off every 25 mins if he doesn't turn it off but it is the only light like this. Steve was about to put timers on all our lights... lol, but that would be at an expense and time. I had turned off the light in the guest room where he was working on the fort twice in about 45 minutes. I really want him to be in the habit of turning off a light when he leaves a room no matter whether he will return in 5 mins or an hour, habits are good to form. But nope he hasn't grasped the concept of that just yet. So after the 2nd time when he came in I told him if he left the light on one more time I was going to remove the light bulbs. He sort of freaked as like I said he isn't really a fan of the dark (except at night when he is sleeping no lights allowed) Sure as day he did about 30 minutes later... So while he was outside I climbed up on the bed with a sock I found on his floor (that I didn't get to charge him for because the day wasn't over.) to remove the hot light bulbs quickly before he got back in the house. I proceeded to take them and go out to the kitchen to start dinner.
He came in went straight to the room, calmly walked into the kitchen and said can you tell me where to find a flashlight? I said I don't know look in the junk drawer or go out and ask your dad. He dug through the drawer, ( I think the alternative of asking his dad he would have to tell the reason)  I helped him replace the batteries and he went back into his room to play. Not a word was mentioned, not a single complaint... he knew he messed up and I respected his reaction.
A little later he came out and asked me for duck tape. I said why? He wanted to tape the flashlight to the ceiling fan. I told him where the tape was but mentioned that if he taped it to the fan and the tape ruined the finish on the fan I would be more mad about that then I was that he can't remember to turn the light off. Needless to say he did not tape the flashlight to our fan. He also did discover that there was a lamp on the night stand next to the bed that I did not remove the bulb from... I wondered how long it was going to take him to remember that. Fast forward to this week. Yesterday he asked for the bulbs back, I told him he could put his bulbs back but the next time he forgets to turn the light out he isn't getting 3 chances and they would be gone for a lot longer than a week. I asked him what he learned, he said that he learned that taking something away that he felt he really needed was sad and that he didn't like not being able to flip the light on when he entered the room he said he would try to remember to shut the light off and to remember that the light is something that shows him that everything is ok.
Translation for me... as I try to find the lesson too. A light in the darkness helps us find our way, when you are lost let the light guide you and make you feel safe. It is a promise of better days, brighter things and rescues us from fears. Don't let others steal your light bulbs and when they do find another way, don't give up and move forward because you can.
"I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life." John 8:12

Saturday, May 5, 2018

Start today, Believe in Yourself, Be Kind to Yourself, Love Yourself….




My goal this year as I have written before is to be more present. This includes being happy NOW, not after I accomplish something or gain something or do something great. I remind myself every day. I did a live panel interview this past week about Mom's in Real Estate, (you can watch the playback on my facebook page) The topic was Sports Moms and balancing work, life and play. I spoke about how the constant uproar of my career... (no matter how much you schedule or look for normalcy- life happens, opportunities come along, someone wants to see a house that wasn't scheduled, a home inspector only has a certain slot to fit you client in, you work, you schedule, you reschedule based on priority.) What is your priority? Not everyone's priorities are the same. Yes, money pays my bills and often I do schedule and reschedule things around that potential money and a lot of times I schedule around my kid's schedule! Sometimes I am distracted by the tasks and opportunities that will bring the money for my bills, my family and of course my pleasure. 
On the show one of my fellow RE Mom's mentioned how sometimes it is hard to take off your hat when your life is so intertwined. Are you a business owner or employee, a wife, a mother, can you take off a hat and put on another when the important client calls when you are listening to your kid talk about their day in the car after school, or are you layering your hat to fit everything in. 
 Real Estate when you are in it full time is not an M-F 8-5 job... even for those Realtors who give you the impression that it is, there are always exceptions. People are off and want to see every possible house they can on a weekend to find "the one." Sometimes that means you are pulling 6-8 hour days, on the weekends, when the rest of your family is off. This is definitely a trade off for other times of the week that you are free to pursue other things, to go to the games, the awards ceremonies, eat lunch with your kid at school, have lunch with your hubby in the middle of the day, make appointments without having to ask off from a guaranteed paycheck job. 
This Real Estate thing is not a guaranteed job with a steady paycheck ...you can put in a lot of hours and work and never collect for those things.  I have lost 6 deals this year alone and it is the first of May  ( I am not excited to tell you this, however it is real, none of which were my fault, just circumstantial but still the effects of what I thought my take home would be and what it was, can mean the difference between paying bills or digging in your savings account or counting pennies).
At the end of the day... I LOVE what I do, I love connecting people to homes and to each other, I love connecting with people and building relationships, and honestly... even in my humble "helping people ways" I know deep down that I am good at it!! And that is what keeps me going, in the down times, in the hard times and in the lost opportunities...   I have to stay focused, remember my why (MY FAMILY) and say to myself... Dani, you LOVE what you do, and you ARE good at it! People love you and want to work with you, you are a unique individual and what you do makes a difference, you help people and people benefit from your interaction! It is not arrogance it is confidence and there is a true difference. I am an outgoing individual who can just about make friends with anyone, strike up a conversation and build a relationship that with some nurturing and follow up will last. And I definitely have my insecurities, more than I would like to admit sometimes.
I am not a center of attention or spotlight kind of gal... I actually get very nervous to speak in public... whether it is at a PTA meeting in front of a small group or on a LIVE Facebook show or panel of a room full of people, teaching a class or giving a presentation my insides actually turn upside down... I get nervous and sometimes nauseous- " do I sound dumb? do I look dumb, do I have something in my teeth, how is my body language, are they critiquing what I wore or how I speak? Yep this all goes through my head every single time. I am not sure why as every single time I have had compliments, or been told I sounded great! It is amazing what our own insecurities can do to us, we are harder on our self then often the rest of the world is. But we perceive the rest of the world as constantly trying to find our faults. It is often in our head, we make up stuff that we think the rest of the world is thinking… what a waste in our energy as more than likely nobody is thinking any of it! If they can be our cheerleader why can't we be our own. 
My neighbor Tami and I went to see I Feel Pretty last night with Amy Schumer, not only was it a good laugh, light and silly it had a very good message about how no matter how you look, your shape, your size, your status, your career, we ALL have some insecurities, we all pick apart our weaknesses and play upon how and why we don't deserve to be happy. We will be happier when we accomplish this or that, we will be happier when we are skinnier, or smarter or richer or famous or won some award, or conquered some task or found the right boy... no, YOU and you alone chose to be happy and you can do that right where you are, right now, right in this moment... Happiness really REALLY is a Choice, your circumstances do not determine your Happiness, YOU DO! Chose NOW! 
As little girls we didn't worry about such things, we were happy, things made us happy we loved people, we did silly things no matter who was watching, we loved the sunshine the outdoors, the day to day life, we were taken care of we were often sheltered and protected from the harsh world. As we got older and more responsible we somehow went from what we knew inside ourself and thought of and trusted to listening to others and society and media and schoolmates and co-workers on what is "in" and what is acceptable and popular and our thoughts of who we are and what we think everyone expects of us to be- this changes, we start down the road of self-doubt and self-loathing and a new found lack of self-confidence. And from what I see it is getting earlier and earlier for kids these days. 
We are all unique individuals, we all have something to contribute, we need to put our foot down, stop comparing ourselves to others, build each other up and not only hone in on but put our talents out there for the world to see instead of trying to create someone else's! We have the option to shape young children and adults future images of themselves by really having the confidence in our own, showing that what we do well, what makes us happy and how we portray our happiness and lives to others really shapes that young mind.... Do we want these young minds to have the insecurities we do or do we want to be the positive example that we are all awesome and have something to contribute, we are all able to look different, sound different, express ourselves in various ways as long as we are putting out a positive message, contributing our talents and strengths and believing in our self and our abilities instead of focusing on what we lack that someone else has, what we think we should look like or sound like or live like... It is definitely ok to learn more, grow more and strive for more, but be happy where you are, in your skin and illuminate every good thing you can offer and you will be the example and a happier form of yourself. It is more than ok to have goals. We all have a time limit on this earth... if we wait for more money, a better job, a better car, to lose 15 lbs, to be recognized, to finish our education or to find the right mate in order to be happy we may never make it before our expiration date and what a waste that would be.
As in the words of my favorite respected Authors Jessica Weiner " Life doesn't begin 5 lbs from now!"
Start today, Believe in Yourself, Be Kind to Yourself, Love Yourself….