Jolt in my Day!

When your day is going great and that one thing changes everything....that JOLT of energy that redirects your thoughts, actions and reactions for the day... do you let it effect the rest of your day? Or do you keep on going on like the great day it had been? Well for me that depends. Was it something someone else did and it is beyond my control, it can be forgiven or is there really nothing I can do about it... or is it something I caused, forgot, messed up or could have prevented? The latter is usually when I get upset with myself, and dwell on it for the remainder of the day, trying to figure out how I could have avoided it or been a better wife, mother, friend, Realtor. I know you all know what I am talking about. That self talk in your head where you beat yourself up for doing something stupid and then immediately want to call a friend to explain the situation to get confirmation that you really are human, we all make mistakes and you are not in fact that bad person you are telling yourself you are. Paxton went to baseball camp and his first day I got him ready with his bag, I dropped him off and grandma and grandpa's to take him to the Salt River Fields where the Diamondbacks spring training occurs in Scottsdale, for the 4 hour camp. After already 2.5 weeks of him on winter break, I took the time to get some work done, groceries and a few other things. With this being the first year my mom is not with us, I have been trying to do as many things as I enjoy during the holidays, slow down my pace and really live my life rather than the fast paced everyday hustle bustle that usually occurs around my being. I had a gift certificate from a friend from June for a nail salon (yes, June... I also have a massage from April... you can tell I treat myself often!), so I went to treat myself to a gel polish. As I am sitting in the waiting room enjoying my relaxing but accomplished day my cell phone rings. I immediately cringe at the tone of Steve's voice as I know I did something very wrong. He proceeds to tell me that Paxton's baseball glove is not in his bag. I get defensive and say that I took out the catcher's mitt he asked me to so it didn't get lost and I left the other. I hadn't fully realized that the other was Steve's mitt, not Paxton's mitt. (They are completely different colors!) Immediately my self destructive inner voice started it's chitter chatter- "should I have asked Paxton if it was the right one, should I have known better, was I in a hurry, have I ruined his first day of baseball camp that we invested money into and now it is going to suck for him? Will he be embarrassed? Should I offer to drive to North Scottsdale with his so he at least has an hour or so with the right one? For those of you who don't know, I live in Florence (probably 65 miles from the training camp!) it was about 1:30 and I probably wouldn't get home, get the glove and get to him until at least 3:30... the camp was only until 5:00. I offered to Steve to do this and he said "no, he will just have to make do with mine." The disappointment in his voice was not even remotely close to my self-talk -I am a horrible mom disappointment in myself. After hanging up the phone, I got up from the waiting room and went to my truck. I was thinking, I don't deserve to get my nails done if I can't even do the things I am suppose to right! I also immediately dialed the phone to seek out that friend for reassurance. I quickly hung up before it rang. I stopped, prayed to God that I would remain calm and not dwell on my disappointment, not seek reassurance from my husband, my child or my friends. I would simply apologize to Paxton for the error and go about my day as if it hadn't alter my stellar mood, cause it wouldn't if I didn't let it right? I am in control of my thoughts, my mood and my attitude, despite my circumstances. I calmly walked back into that nail salon and sat down to wait my turn. Just a little less calm than before but not quite as antsy as I could have let myself be. Leaving and going home to sulk wasn't going to change what happened. It wasn't going to make my mistake any less, calling a friend wasn't going to make my disappointment in my self go away, it was just going to create a pity party that I would be able justify in my head that I am a normal mom and feel better about it. Do I really need that? No, I really don't. Man, was it really hard! After my nails and taking my groceries home to put away, I needed to run to the Safeway store for an item that they didn't sell at Walmart. As I walked up to the store, there sat two of the mom's from school, enjoying their Starbucks and chatting! They recognized me and asked me to join them with a coffee when I got what I needed inside. I responded that I had too much to do and thanks for the offer. As I walked through the store grabbing what I needed, my self talk turned to reflect on my day. Would 20 minutes sitting to chat with mom's my age really mess up my schedule? Did I really even have a schedule? Don't I work for myself and make my own schedule? So as I came out of the store, I looked in their direction and one of the ladies moved their purse and I sat down. They recognized what I needed when I didn't. 20 minutes to just sit and chat and not have a plan. I sat and we talked for about the 20 minutes I mentioned I didn't have. One of the mom's mentioned that her mom was fast paced and teased her for being the way she was, easy going and less stressed than the mom. The mom was always needing to complete tasks and get things done to feel like she had accomplished something- I reflected that I WAS IN FACT Her Mom in a way! This mom shared her ability to enjoy her time with her kids, her time to relax and always knows that she can clean it later, make it later, do it later! The mess isn't going anywhere, the house doesn't have to be perfect and the tasks that we think are pressing, we often create them as pressing in our mind. Relax, reflect and focus on what is important... this made me understand that the way my day started and was going until my mistake was pointed out, was much more enjoyable, stress-less and made me happier than what it could have turned into if I allowed my one mistake shift my whole day and punish myself for the mistake I made. So my wish for all you mom's out there that are too hard on yourself. When something gets you down, when you make that mistake... regroup in your head, say a short prayer for guidance, let it go and focus on the good in your day. If you dwell on the mistake, have a pity party in your head, seek other's approval, reassurance of your doubt, or apologize over and over to the person that you wronged... you are making a mountain out of a moehill as they say... and mountains are even harder to climb and get over to the other side.

Stop, Drop and Pray.

I was reminded the other day about how some of our relationships go in cycles, especially with our spouses. Sometimes in the heat of things it is easy to blame the other for things that are not done, for expectations that are not fulfilled and for lack of communication, respect or what we feel should be priorities. As a wife and mother, my be all, do all, say "yes" to all and keep it all together, balanced and functioning... often gets a little overwhelming! We constantly are trying to fit it all in, organize it, keep it together and make it run smoothly and when it doesn't we often jump to our spouse as being unhelpful, not understanding, or just not supportive of all that we do- however, we are the ones who are creating "all that we do, and setting the tone for our spouse and families expectations, and when we can't deliver or something doesn't turn out right we often blame the other for lack of help/support. As we know guys want to fix things when they are "broken" and when they can't... it becomes a battle of our differences... That is what makes us unique. That is what makes us men and women...we have different strong points and different views... but we need to use those most often to compliment and build up the other person. But as humans we have our faults. We can get wrapped up at times in what our duties are and which our husbands should be doing or recognizing to help us out running our household. Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. - Ecclesiastes 4:9-10. We each have our own place in our marriage. Next time I am ready to blame, have a pity party because I "do it all" or because I am lacking the fulfillment that only God is able to give me, I need to stop and instead of getting frustrated, yelling, hurting my spouses feelings... I need to stop, evaluate, reflect and pray for our marriage, for him, and for our family and thank God for His guidance and wisdom. It is easy to get caught up in the now at times, but we also need to be grateful for the past and the future. My mom lost my dad when she was 45, I have friends that have lost their spouses in their 30's and early 40's... it is easy to forget how blessed I truly am to have a spouse in my life, to be supported and to not HAVE to do it all by myself, because I am not... in the heat of a moment or in the selfishness of the overwhelming moment I am experiencing because I created my own chaos by saying yes to so much... that is not my spouses fault- men don't tend to commit to things out of loyalty and obligation, they commit to things they know they can handle or accomplish. My goal this week is to stop whenever I am looking feeling overwhelmed and continuously pray for guidance, and be grateful for the many things surrounding me, rather than lose focus, get frustrated, and blame. I cannot control how my family reacts to any given situation but I can control how I act, which may totally change the dynamics of how they respond. I am the glue of my family, my attitude and responses reflect their attitude and responses. As God directs the man to be the head of the household, I am the glue that holds it together. God help me today to think clearly and exercise self-control and look forward to all the blessing that surround me this day, I want to be an example to my family and bring sunshine to the lives of others, help me to be a praying wife and mother who builds her family up and doesn't break it down.

I DON'T Care!

So sometimes we go through periods of our life where we adopt phrases and tend to use them over and over depending on certain circumstances or trends in our lives. Most recently the phrase that everyone picked up and sticks out most in my mind is the word... "Seriously." Thank you Grey's Anatomy. How often have I caught myself sarcastically stating this word over and over again based on my shock or irritation with something going on in my day. Talk about an overused phrase that I just can't get to go away. It has become a habitual household word. Even Paxton says it- almost annoyingly at times, but hey I probably sound pretty stupid saying it at times as well. Most recently my son has been adopting the phrase, "I don't care" ... oh how frustrating for me to here this. He also tends to use it appropriately but not constructively. I say if you don't do this, this will happen, he responds "I don't care". I tell him something isn't going to happen, he responds "I don't care." You get the idea. Whether it is homework, picking up dog poop, clothes choices, etc. My last straw was the other day in line at the grocery checkout when the lady was asking if we wanted to donate to some charitable organization ( I pride myself on giving back to others as often as I can, and I thought that my child recognized this as a recurring practice for our family) He speaks up and asks what we give the money for, I try explaining to him that some people are less fortunate and don't have everything we are blessed with (I swear I tell him this often) and he chimes in "I don't care" right in front of the clerk and the patron behind us. I just wanted to explode, I was in a public place and so embarrassed that my 6 year old would say such a thing! Wow was I ever mad but more embarrassed that me of all people who is a giver would just be looked upon as a mom who apparently hasn't instilled in her kid the idea of sharing and giving to others! (which I have multiple times, over and over on a daily basis; but these complete strangers do not know this about me!) I wanted to crawl into a hole and just disappear. I have taught my child from very young to share, to give to others, to be kind, compassionate and helpful and in return in the middle of the grocery store checkout I get the most selfish, non caring attitude from my child, who I thought I taught a little better than that! Talk about a complete failure I felt like, I just couldn't imagine where this attitude came from. Where is my message going in one ear and out the other? Is my example being overlooked? What about all the Heroes I sponsor with my Heroes Home Advantage program, my giveaways (that he has accompanied me to), Charitable donations, clothes donations, Angel tree at Christmas time, Toys for Tots, Book giveaways...my time volunteering for things to name a few! I have explained the purpose and very clearly thought I was relaying the message to always give... 'seek joy in what you give, not what you get'... ( I even have a placard incorporated into my kitchen decor that says this!) When we got to the car irritated as I was, After I bit my tongue and took a few deep breaths (with steam coming out of my ears!) I still calmly told him that he embarrassed me in the grocery store by acting so rude regarding people who are less fortunate and those are the people you should care most about. As Christians we are suppose to help others. "Whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone" - Galatians 6:10. This about drove me bonkers... all day and night thinking what in the world did I do wrong in my teaching... until it dawned on me... did he really know what he said? As I reflected and ran the scenario over and over in my head I just couldn't put my finger on it until the next day... Paxton was getting dressed and he wanted to wear the shirt he slept in, I said "you can't wear the same shirt two days in a row it isn't clean, pick a new shirt." He begins to throw a fit that this is the shirt he wants to wear and immediately my reaction to him is... I bet you can't guess......... "Paxton, I don't care." Wow! That was a wake up call for me. Right then and there I was at fault. I reflected how many times have I said that phrase to my child? No wonder he has picked it up and uses it- not always in the right situations, but kids want nothing more than to be like their parents. How can you not use a phrase that a parent uses over and over again. It has become like a ritual. Sometimes the things we say become habit, sometimes the habit is not always the best for little ears who are listening for your example. I am not using bad words, I am not cussing at my child- how in the world did I think a small innocent phrase such as "I don't care" could become such a horrible example to my child. This innocent phrase that I used to emphasize that my son do something he is told and that I as a parent don't care if he has a better idea, because frankly, I am the parent and what I say should be rule! My little 'want to be like mom' ears, at the age of 6 doesn't know how, when or why to use certain phrases and that is what he is relying on me to teach him. Will I mess up again, of course... remember in all my writings I tell you, there is no rule book. There is other parent's good examples, there is God's guidance and there is acts of love from my heart that will allow me to be the best parent I can be. But it is not without trial and error sometimes. Lesson learned is I need to slow down and think before I speak, ask God every morning to help me guide my little one on a path of kindness, courtesy, compassion and respect for others. To myself speak kind words, think kind thoughts and do kind things for others as my example will prevail. Is there a phrase, statement, word or habit that you have that may be reflecting on your children or even your spouse? I pray today that God will help you scale back or remove this from your daily routine and allow you to focus on the good things that will benefit raising your child to be a kind, good, caring respectable adult. Be aware of what you say, be true to who you are, but be an positive good example to those around you.

How to feel or Not to feel, that is the question.

Have you ever had anyone tell you.. "Don't feel that way." With even the best of intentions, and believe me I have been the one to say this phrase to someone... feelings are neither right nor wrong, they are just our feelings, so honestly how can anyone tell us HOW to feel or not to feel? That is the question. Growing up my parents instilled in me that our feelings are neither right nor wrong, they are just feelings. Sometimes we have absolutely no control over how we feel or what we feel. Society often instructs us that if we feel a certain way it may not be the norm, the expected way to feel or we may be being too hard on ourselves based on a certain situation. Under certain circumstances we even feel guilty for the way we are feeling. If that isn't double the amount of stress we need, not only are we feeling we shouldn't feel that way but then we feel guilty about it. I had a friend today going through a horrible situation at this time in her life who had some many feelings and emotions going through her mind right now she felt guilty for feeling the way she did. I recently felt this way after loosing my mom. I prayed every day she was at my house on Hospice that she would die so that she could find peace, then I felt guilty that I wanted her to die, I also struggled with wanting her to stick around as long as I could for selfish reasons, to see, touch and hear her as I knew I wouldn't have this opportunity much longer. Talk about an emotional roller coaster... We are selfish and selfless all at the same time. But we are human and unlike God we are not perfect... no matter how we try to be. We often have high expectations and lofty goals of how we think we should handle a situation, of how others may expect us to handle a situation or a timetable for that situation or to get over a situation. None of us have instructions we received when we entered into this world, or even given to us as an adult. We just have to trust that we are being guided in the right direction, and ask for that guidance. God sometimes has a plan for our situation, how we handle and overcome a situation, what time frame this all fits into and what good things may come out of this situation we encounter even if we are not clear on what that is. It is not the feelings we have during our struggle, setback or experience, but how we act, react and grow from our situation. From time to time life brings us down, life tends to throw what we would consider unfair or tragic circumstances and situations at us. It is not how many of those we have, how long they last or how hard the experience associated with them is. It is are we able to overcome, to survive, to thrive and to benefit someone else from those experiences? Are we able to rise above our circumstance? God is not causing these things to happen to us or our loved ones, but he is allowing them to happen. This life is not where we are meant to live eternally, it is a pathway to the next where we will live in harmony, peace and forgiveness with HIM. Should we accept only good from God and not adversity. (Job 2:10) They won't be afraid of bad news; their hearts are steady because they trust the Lord. (Psalm 112:7) So next time you are feeling that your feelings are wrong... remember... the feelings you are feeling are neither right nor wrong, they are feelings, it is the actions you take because of those feelings that you can control.

Whine and Wine

When my kid whines and he often does, at my age a glass of wine occasionally is necessary for me to unwind as some may say, after a long day. After a weeks vacation with as many as 8 kids in and out at one time there was a lot of relax time deserved. Pulling different kids who are customary to their own environment to an environment of a little house in the woods where it tended to rain a lot and they seemed to need constant entertainment- for 11 days. There was a lot of arguing, unfairness and whining that was had. But a lot of fun, excitement, happy moments were also experienced. I say kids will be kids! No matter how hard we instill in them to be selfless, grateful and good... no matter how much we pray or hope that our children will be excellent role model kids... they just sometimes aren't. Sometimes I feel as a mom that I really needed to get that instruction booklet from the beginning, you know the one that tells you how to handle every single situation you encounter with your kid... what to expect, how to react and what to say and do to make them a better child... oh wait, I forgot... you don't get one. This is a test, this is only a test... if you pass you will go down in the record books as Mom of the Year... if not you are doomed. Right? Sometimes this is how I feel. How do I know I am making the right decision, reacting in such a way as to be the authority figure, influencing my child to be the best they can be, disciplining where I should appropriately and choosing my battles wisely... Guess what I don't, none of us do. It is all based on experience, the personality of our children and what works and doesn't work for them and us. We are yes in control of our own emotions and how we chose to react to a situation, but we are all human, every one makes mistakes, things can happen and forgiveness is key. I firmly believe our roll as a parent is to develop and lead are children into a promising future as adults who are capable of living in a society that is ever changing. Kids will be kids, kids will whine, kids will feel something isn't fair, kids will lash out, talk back and test the waters. Our goal is to help them learn from situations... as I said to be an adaptable, loving, caring adult... not to be the perfect child. Today, I pray that I will focus on making my child learn from his experiences, how to mold himself into a proper, loving, caring, considerate, selfless adult who can contribute his talents to the world going forward and serve God and His people with gentleness, love and forgiveness in all situations, to see the bigger picture and find the positive in all circumstances. Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Adding to the List

Even as an adult I am constantly adding to the list of things I never knew I was already suppose to know...if you are anything like me I get the opportunity on a daily basis with my career to be involved in an ever changing marketplace where all situations I come across are different in some way. I think that is what I like about real estate so much. It is always changing, a way to meet new interesting people, a way to help out in my area of expertise where other people who are buying and selling their own homes just do not excel because it is not what they do every day, for a living. A way to keep learning and evolving myself. It is a compliment to know that they trust my expertise, my knowledge and often times my judgement to lead them down a path of the unknown and hopefully better educate them for their future. Not only clients but colleagues who are going through similar yet unique experiences helping buyers and sellers of their own. Yesterday on two separate occasions I was reminded that no matter how new you are to something or how long you have been in your field of expertise... you may not always know the answers, you may not always have to be the expert. An agent I am mentoring was going through a situation with her client, the lender and the title company where it was down to the wire for closing and the figures on their settlement statement were in excess of what the lender was allowing for the buyer to come in with to the closing table so that he may purchase his home. The title company representative had a strategy to try and alleviate or move around the figures that were making these non-allowable costs. Did the mentee understand what the title person was telling them... not really-did she feel she should in order to help explain to her client what was happening, probably- that is what makes a good agent- always putting the client's needs and understanding first! It is hard to understand something like this when you are so new at what you are doing. A good title company person may assume that all Realtors should understand this but the best way to handle a situation is to assume you are the expert in your field, but that not everyone is and shouldn't be expected to fully understand what you understand, therefore take the time to assume that they don't, have the patience to explain it and know that everyone processes information in different ways. I have been in the business 14 years and I still don't understand why lenders sometimes allow and don't allow certain costs to be paid by a buyer- even though they are allowable in a contract. Have I had similar situations, yes, exact situation, no. I was only able to reassure my mentee that if the title company person was confident in what they would discuss with her buyer than she should be reassured that she doesn't have to totally understand what is being expected of the client- just trust that the title person knows what they are doing, has had similar situations with clients before and will be able to explain to and work out what the buyer needs in order to get the deal done. To reassure her client that the title rep is the expert in the field and that what he is asking of the client is in the client's best interest. The agent herself doesn't need to know everything... just trust that the people she is working with know their part in the transaction. Similarly later in the day after running errands and moving trailers. I was home helping my husband load our trailer. Earlier in the day I dropped off a flatbed trailer and my husband reiterated that I needed to leave the hitch that was on the back of our truck at my sister and brother-in-law's home, that the pin might be a little harder to get out I might have to really push on it... our hitch was in the back of our truck. After dropping the trailer in front of their house, taking the pin out of the hitch and removing it, I placed the pin in the hitch and handed it to my sister-in-law. I got home, hubby went to hook up the trailer and he said "where is the pin." "What pin?" I said. " The one that was on the other trailer hitch," he scolded. "Ummmm, I left it with the hitch that you told me to leave there." " The pin stays with the vehicle not the hitch" he disgustedly walked off in search of something in our garage- assuming because he knows this everyone else should! I wanted to yell at him that "how the hell am I suppose to know that, I just did what you asked me to do, you didn't say- "make sure to take the pin!" I stopped before reacting and getting upset- in my head I was completely frustrated (now why on earth would I know something like that! Why would it even cross my mind that a pin for a trailer hitch belongs to the vehicle... I am book smart with a college degree, a great real estate career and wrote a children's book... I do not excel in the hands on mechanical world "that should be common sense." I offered to go collect it at my SIL's house but he was determined to find another one laying around. Did I raise my voice just a little when I responded that "I am sorry I didn't know that, no one had ever told me that before"... yes, I am sure I did- Woman tend to emphasize things when they are trying to make a point! He in the meantime found another pin and the world was right again. Not sure I wanted to experience the affects of not having an extra pin hanging around. I silently thanked God he found another one, that I didn't react like I really wanted to in my head (which could have turned the night in a totally different direction), that I remained calm and thanked him for my new found knowledge (that I apparently was already suppose to know.) Long story short I took my 2 experiences and turned them into lessons. What I learned. Just as I say you can't always control how someone acts, but you can control how you respond. 1. Not everyone is an expert at everything, trust those who are. You don't have to know it all, no one should expect you to, when they do expect you to know it, it is a compliment, they are confident you are smarter than you give yourself credit for sometimes. 2. Don't expect others to know everything you know. Be patient in your teaching. 3. Daily opportunities unfold for you to learn new things, take advantage of this, constantly be learning and bettering your knowledge base. Turn your frustrating circumstances into lessons. Smile, be happy and thank those around you who create these learning curves. 4. Be humble, think before you react ( you may just save yourself a headache from a reaction that turned a minor crappy situation into something catastrophic) there is nothing worse then a little tiff (especially between spouses) that can blow up out of proportion and really could have blown over in 1/4 the time if you reacted differently! And just ask yourself is it worth the fight now, will you remember what it was even about next week? Let it go, chose your words carefully and move on. Life is short, life is precious, be grateful for the good. There is so much more good than there is bad, and when we focus on what is good and right... the bad stuff just fades away. 5. A woman's attitude is contagious. If she is happy, optimistic and upbeat, her family usually follows suit. If she is pessimistic and shows doubt and frustration her family will usually suffer right along with her. What message are you trying to give your family? What atmosphere will you create as an example? Add these tips to your list. Those who control their anger have great understanding; those with a hasty temper will make mistakes.- Proverbs 14:29 NLT

Finding Peace

Everyone comments how well I am handling my mom's death. That I am strong, focused and stable. Well, sometimes I feel out of control, reckless and abandoned. Sometimes I feel helpless, weak and mad. Sometimes I just want her to come back and tell me I am doing ok, I am doing it right, or even "girl, you messed up... what were you thinking?" LOL! Anything to hear her voice, see her smile, hug her so my world will be right again. But is my world wrong? This is true selfishness, I am certain. Why? Because as a human still here on earth I often forget that her ultimate healing came when she went to Heaven... it is not in my control when her time for this gift from God was meant to be. Grief is such a true process. At 14 when I lost my dad, it was a whole different type of grief is either one harder or less sad... probably not, just different. I don't know if you could ever experience the same thing as someone else, not even the same as myself for a previous encounter with one's death. It is all about who you are, where you are and how you react to the situations you have. I have two friends right now who are experiencing the ugliness of CANCER with their husbands. I can't begin to imagine what this is like. I can only compare it to the experience I remember when my mom lost my dad at the young age of 45. Robbed of that quality time that they so deserved, met late in life and the years spent just not enough. We pray for healing right? How many times have we read bible stories of people being healed or brought back to life? Why isn't this our loved one, why can they not be the "miracle" spoken of? It is not for us to decide. It is not for us to try and figure out. It is only for us to know that we still being here on earth have a purpose. We are meant to be strong, to keep going and to serve our purpose and use the gifts God has given us to touch the lives of others. It is so easy to be selfish, to crawl in that "hole" and just fall apart. I sent an article to a friend for encouragement and she responded that I was amazing... am I really? This is how I get through my grief, sure I can get upset, mad, angry, frustrated and depressed, I can cry, throw temper tantrums and feel despair, but ultimately, what gets me through each day is that I am here on earth to serve others. I truly believe that those who help others help themselves. How do I find that inner peace? How do I keep going every day even when I am knocked down... people ask me and I often ask myself. Last week after working long hours and many days for some clients, I had the unfortunate encounter that although we had found a house that worked for them, the amount of repairs needed to the amount the seller was willing to do didn't leave them with any desire to make the purchase happen. After showing homes to them again, they met me in person and confided in me that they had found a FSBO- for sale by owner- that would not work with a Realtor. They were devastated. They understood how much time and energy that I put into helping them find that right home... I was disappointed that I wasn't able to find what they had been looking for. They were unsure of my reaction. They didn't know what I would do, say or how I would feel. The genuine concern for my well being and reaction lead me to tears. (not necessarily professional, but genuine, nonetheless.) I was so appreciative of the fact that they recognized what I invested in them. I offered to help them with the FSBO even though I knew I would not be compensated. Why? Because my purpose in life is not to make a bunch of money to spend on things that I cannot take with me to Heaven where my Ultimate Reward will be waiting, my purpose is to journey through this life to prepare for that reward. Long story short the FSBO did not work out in their favor and I regained them once again as clients. What would have happened if I stormed off, if I bad mouthed them, if I got upset, if I chose to cut off all communication and be unhelpful, ungrateful or angry? I need to always be thinking of how my actions or reactions can benefit my future. I think I would have life referrals from them no matter whether they bought from me, or purchased the FSBO... because I chose to handle the situation the way that I did- I chose to celebrate their happiness and put my needs/wants aside. I wam agreeing that I cannot control what home is right for them and I have no reason to stand in the way of another person's happiness. I don't believe in burning bridges. I was asked by several people if I was upset, if I had them sign a buyer broker employment agreement that if they found a house without me they would owe me a commission anyway. I will tell you in 14 years, I have never once used this form. I understand I am not a charity organization and my time is valuable, but I was brought to that situation for a reason. I know that if I do my job to truly help someone and I don't force anyone to do anything against their will, even if I work really hard for them and invest my own time and money into them.... it will come back to me in someway and somehow. I love the career I have chosen, I love that my mom taught me a lot of what I know and how to treat people. I love that I am somehow, someway rewarded for my selflessness. Live by what you believe so fully that your life blossoms, or else purge the fear-and-guilt producing beliefs from your life... Live your belief, or let that belief go. - Roger John John 14:27, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (NIV)

To fix or not to fix?

Went up to the cabin for a little vacation now that school is out. We had a great enjoyable time, Steve and Norm helped build a planter out front and we planted some flowers to give the cabin a little extra. :) During the week we had some ups and downs. It is a part of my mom that I hope to hold onto for my forever, and be able to pass it along to Paxton some day. While up there, as kids will be kids, Paxton left his bike parked near the front of Steve's big F250. When Steve went to leave to run to the hardware store, he did not notice the small little bike and next thing you know... well, you know! Let's just say it wasn't the best day at the cabin for the Miller household. This was the last gift Paxton received from my mom for Christmas....She insisted she wanted to buy him a bike- me not knowing she would pass away a few weeks later. It bent the back rim and was no longer in riding condition for our little eager bike rider. Sometimes as parents we struggle between right, wrong, disciple and principle. What do we do? How do we react? What is the best way to resolve the issue, still teach a lesson but salvage what is sentimental? After all, kids do not come with an instruction manual. Each child being the unique individual they are, handle these situations in different ways, how do you pinpoint your child's needs? Life can be super short, I have learned that from an early age, loosing my 10 year old best friend to cancer when I was 11, my dad when I turned 14 and my mom this past January, with others in between. Can you still teach a lesson, instill fear, and repair the item that was damaged? That is a good question, and it may be years before we find out.. or never.. Apparently 18" rims for little boy's bikes are the rarest find. 16" and 20" all day long. We were quoted about $100 to get a new one and have it fixed. $80 just for the rim if Steve wanted to fix it himself. The bike cost less the $100 to start with. Do you punish the kid and make him go without a bike? He is 5, this is not the first mistake he is going to make, his bike is a huge part of what he loves to do outdoors. Do you fix it because it is sentimental and his grandmother gave it to him... (he will grow out of it eventually and not sure he is going to keep it around for sentimental value). Do you buy a new one that is one of the more popular sizes (and cheaper) but then it is like rewarding him with a new bike, for his carelessness... (but cheaper for mom and dad's wallet). Does he realize where he went wrong, is he remorseful, does he even understand? Awe, to remember being 5 again... highlights yes, feelings I do not remember at that age. Of all people, the biggest disciplinarian in his life, his dad, probably came out with the softest heart... He was able to order the part from the bike manufacturer, for cheaper than we were quoted anywhere else... it is on it's way- and hopefully it will fix it enough that Paxton can enjoy hundreds of more hours of ride time with it. Was fixing it the right thing to do? We may never know. I will tell you however, we will probably never find his bike or any future bike will be run over from his carelessness again. .

Inspiring stories

Yesterday we went to the Diamondbacks game at the very end they do a spot where the kids can run the Bases to raise money for Phoenix Children's Hospital. Yesterday afternoon they featured a little boy named Cash- Who had a rare disease where he would forget to breath. Phoenix Children's Hospital was able to provide him with a breathing pacemaker. I had the pleasure of watching this little boy run the bases after the Diamondbacks game yesterday. Afterwards I met his mom Tracey! What an amazing women to have to endure watching her little boy struggle and with two other children at home  to attend to. 

I feel so blessed to have a mostly healthy child. I feel blessed to be healthy myself and able to give back to my family and my community through the charitable things I do. I may be one person and I may not be able to make a huge difference but every little thing I can do to help others I will do my best. 

This morning I had to take Paxton to the doctor for a rash he developed last night and also had a bunch of work things - an issue with the PTA I am on- all things going on at the same time - seems like everything was hitting me at once- Sometimes it is easy to get overwhelmed, frustrated and upset or lose control of my emotions- sometimes it is hard to find the appropriate balance- it is at times like this I need to remember what I am going through is no where near as demanding- upsetting or frustrating as some other people have to endure. This is when I can re focus and direct my energy to do the things that need my immediate attention and delegate or push off the things that don't. We all experience times like these where we just want to throw in the towel- hide in the closet or give up- but if we take 5 minutes to collect our thoughts regain our composure - breath deeply and then take it one step at a time from there. 

Birthday blessings!

What a beautiful day to remember. I am grateful for all the people in my life who continue to make me feel special. Don't get me wrong it was hard my first birthday without my mom. She truly always made me feel special! I am proud that I had a mom who raised me to be a good hearted person. I am excited to raise my son and some similar ways she taught me. She taught me to love- no matter what- unconditionally! To be grateful for what I have. 

I'm grateful for my family and friends-  especially today as I don't know how I would've made it through without them! I know that I truly am loved. 

Some traditions are not made to be broken. Even when things change. 

I remember growing up every year my dad would buy me daisies for my birthday- my 14th birthday before he passed away was the last. 

Each year after my mom made it a point to get me flowers "from" my dad. And this year my husband and my son did not fail to carry on that tradition! Not just daisies but beautiful purple tulips too! I'm truly humbled by the little things that make me smile and cry happy tears. No amount of money or fancy things could ever make me as happy as this simple gesture. No hints I even had to give. 

A few days ago I learned about a good client/friend who passed away in an auto accident! No warning no preparation no chance for his family to say goodbye! Remember to be simple but live every day of your life with meaning. Thank those who need to be thanked- compliment others when appropriate -  don't forget to let people know how much you care for them- don't take them for granted. You just never know when they may not be there and you know longer have the chance. 

Happy April 1st to all! 

Ah Ha Moment via silly song

During my leadership training class on Tuesday, Heidi asked if we had ever had an Ah Ha Moment- a moment of clarification... I gave some story that was more about my character than a moment where it became clear to me that I could or should do something- maybe not the best example. Last week was filled with many stresses, frustrations and inaccuracies that I experienced, I am sure you have all been there at some point, where it seems something new each day or a few let downs a day. How do you get out of a slump of these happenings, how do you react to what is going on around you? Is it a domino effect? There were times when I just wanted to give in the towel, let someone else win or I was so mad I wanted to fight hard and waste my energy for something that wasn't going to change, no matter how much I felt I was right. Both giving in and sometimes fighting can waste more energy when a person's mindset is not in the right place. Sometimes venting and LETTING GO is all you need to move on and re-motivate yourself. Why rehash the same thing over and over again, why do we as humans feel this helps us cope- the more people we have on our side of the story- the better we feel, but do we really? This is life and we can't always WIN- but we can learn from our loss, failures and disappointments. I was feeling particularly lost the other day when I encountered a Real Estate transaction situation that I would normally have went to my greatest Mentor in the business, my mom, to get advise. I called around and got some other opinions but realized that I had the answer inside me. My mom may be gone now, but like Paxton says, "I can talk to her anytime I want"- my biggest disappointment is that she doesn't talk back... but does she? She gave birth to me, she raised me, she influenced me and she is inside of ME! What better answer could I reach then to reach inside of me and listen to the voice that knows right from wrong, that is intelligent and knowledgeable, that can be creative and compassionate and pull my answer from there. This morning I had that "Ah Ha" Moment... When Paxton and I were working on his flashcard site words for school. He has been getting hung up on the word that... 2 weeks ago he was caught up on "the" always saying "it" first when I would show it to him, that problem was solved when we read 3 books in a row together that all had a lot of the word "the" every time I came to it I would make him say it.. now no problem with the word. This week the word "that" was giving him problems. Today on the way to school I made up a silly song about "that" being a hat with a t... luckily I can't sing to you because you are probably more critical than my 5 year old, LOL! He knew the word "hat" and therefore I made it a fun song to remember, in the moment I started singing and he laughed, I realized that was my mom, coming out of me- for you see that is how she taught me many things in life- make it fun-relate it to something you already know...she often sang silly songs or made up phrases for me to remember what I was learning, for we all have the power inside of us to do the things we want to do as long as we reach in and listen.

Unspoken Gratitude

It has been several months since i have used my daily reflection blog to post my thoughts and feelings. I used my mom's caring bridge site a lot during her illness to not only keep our family and friends up-to-date but as my way of getting my feelings out there about the whole situation we were in and the experience that I had. I love to use my writing as my therapy of sorts. It has been a little over a month since my mom passed away. I have had every negative emotion that I could possibly think of in that time. Some more prominent than others. I have wanted to crawl in a hole, cry, throw things, break things, cry some more, yell at God, scream out loud, give up, fight, swear, vent about how life isn't fair.... and then I remember, I can chose how I react, like the eulogy I wrote for her, I can become bitter or I can become better. I can survive- or I can thrive. I can take my experience and I can make a message for all people. We are human, we miss those we lose, but we are still here, we have a purpose and I don't think our purpose is to be a victim, or be passive in this life. It is to take what we experience and make ourselves and others better because of it. I may be one person, but I can touch lives with my upbeat, positive attitude and love for those around me. I have had a few conversations with people regarding their lack of preparation for a loved one's death, to mothers and daughters or fathers and daughters who do not have a good connection or even a good relationship with one another, and it makes me reflect on even though I considered my mom my ultimate best friend and I feel cheated in losing her so young, I also know that I am grateful for the relationship I had with her for the time that I had and the preparation that I had for her eternal exit no matter how short lived it was. So I begin to live again through my writing, through my passion for my family, my career and my hobbies and thrust on forward toward the future that I will help create. Breath, Relax and Let Go- for we don't always know where the road is leading us, but nothing is a waste of time if you use your experience wisely.