Negative Nellie

 

I am NOT a huge writer of my personal opinions on other people's posts but I have seriously had enough. I shared a post a good friend of mine posted last night about being kind to teachers, and the attacks I read were just hateful. People are taking a bad experience and forming an opinion about a group as a whole! We as a country need to stop doing this. It is NOT OK! 

The atmosphere of social media these days is atrocious! People should not be at war with one another's opinions! Reading some of the comments half the time they don't even make sense. People are so strong about their opinion, they don't even want to consider any one elses!  Don't get me wrong I am all about people being allowed to form their own opinions but when did we worry so much about whether or not someone agrees with our opinon and makes it the determining factor on our relationships! Seriously people are at war with one another over opinions, friendships are dissolving, and people are banning together based on ways of thinking! From outsiders looking in this is so ubsurd! It is as simple as liking Coke or Pepsi... I mean come on, are we ending friendships over a beverage, I think not, but in essence that is what is being created. We have turned from putting our faith and trust in God to putting it in media and social media and who says what when we form our belief system! STOP! Have your own opinion, don't feed off of everyone elses! 

What happened to opposites attract, Ying and yang? I feel like I am stuck somewhere in that Jim Carey movie where he gets sucked into the TV in a world where everyone thinks and acts alike and Little House on the Praire... when Nellie Oleson the daughter of the dry goods store owners threw a temper tantrum every other episode because she didn't get her way and she felt her life was unfair, or she didn't like something Laura got! She drove me nuts, even at a young age, she was what I didn't want to be known for acting like and definitely not to grow up to be like!

In a world where everyone these days seems to scream something is unfair and life and traditions and history as we know it is changed to appease them to be politically correct or to avoid conflict is on the rise. The accomodations that are made to not hurt someone's feelings is at an all time high. Instead of adapting to our circumstances as a society we are trying to prevent, alter or halt situations to avoid such conflict. I try to avoid discussing my opinions as I honestly accept anyone as they are unless they are going to harm me or my family, but I am tired of pushing it under the rug ( I am full of analogies today having used this one twice.) 

We received the phone call last night that our district was going back to online learning for 2 weeks to try and slow the progress of our high increasing numbers of Covid in this state and perhaps allow time for those who can to have less contact with this pandemic and what it has caused thus far.   And frankly depending who you talk to it is either a devastating crisis or an over exaggerated flu hoax that was planted by someone to instill fear in people and control our population. Whatever you believe you are entitled to your opinon for sure, but when you are dealt a circumstances you CHOOSE how you react to it, end of story. I know I beat on this topic like a dead horse sometimes, but it is true, life isn't fair and we are often dealt circumstances that we don't want, it is how we choose to deal with them that counts. We can bitch and moan to all our friends and the social media world and create not only a negative atmosphere for the world to see, but we are creating a negative atmosphere for those littles who are watching our every move, and every negative goes in their little bodies and is absorbed creating their negative thought base of how they cannot do online school, they cannot be without friends, they cannot possibly "survive" this circumstance without some detrimental thing happening to them or their mental health! (disclaimer I am not a psychologist and individual effects of this can vary from person to person) But the majority of these negatives are coming from the parents being negative and putting these thoughts into their kids heads telling them they cannot do something. We as a society are creating these kids to feel this way by feeding into it instead of letting them learn to cope with their circumstances or creating alternatives. Stop and teach your kids to deal with what they are dealt and not how unfair it is or how if you throw a big enough fit you might change it, you probably won't so stop putting all those eggs in one basket. Find positive in the negative instead of creating more negative! 

Believe me my kid doesn't do well self taught, online is anything but ideal but if I keep harping on the negative of it instead of helping him to find ways to make it work... I am not doing him any good, he is young, impressionable and looks to me for how to act, be and respond. I don't want to teach my kid to be negative. I want to be careful what I do and say he is watching always. I want him to find solutions to his problems because in life they can't always be avoided! I am not perfect but I can try my best to be a positive influence for him. 

A few years back one of the parents at the school took their kid out of a class because he didn't do well with another student that had the same class, it wasn't a matter of their child getting hurt or bullied in a sense that I know of, and I didn't know all the circumstances of that parent's decision so I cannot form any opinion or judgement, but when my child who wasn't too fond of this particular person either asked if he could switch classes I firmly said "absolutely NOT". By giving into this I would be creating an atmosphere where my child would learn that in every situation you could easily do this and make it go away. My biggest fear is that he would have 27 jobs by the time he is 30 because everytime he didn't agree with a boss or didn't like a fellow co-worker he would believe it was ok to quit and just get a new job. In my life book this is NOT ok. (disclaimer I am not talking about extreme situations or when someone is in harms way).
Within minutes after this phone call from the school last night facebook was filled with negative comments from parents who just wanted their kids to be in school, angry parents, parents who aren't even in our school district but maybe used to be voicing their opinion about our school district, spewing hate and negativity for everyone to absorb. Really? ... Really?                                                                The school board based a decision on a majority. No matter what they decide it is going to piss someone off, you will NEVER please all of the people all of the time, because remember we don't all think alike, but that doesn't mean we can't be respectful and get along, it doesn't mean you can't "see" the other person's side based on circumstance and situations that other people may be in. But the naysayers want to blame someone! And immediately in most circumstances that is to bash the teachers... you know the ones who get paid very little to "babysit" your kids and try to teach valuable school and life lessons at the same time and most times take in the lives, personalities, moods of each of their students and try to dissect and help them based on their individual needs while trying to touch 30 to maybe 100 kids in a school year! Remember those teachers who are teaching these kids to become firefighters, doctors, baseball players, scientists, healthcare workers, grocery store employees and every other profession out there that is essential to the make up of our society. I don't know what all of you do for a living but I can have as many as 14-20 clients at a time that I am trying to help, figure out their needs and work with everyone involved in a real estate transaction, including cross agents, sometimes an assistant or two, title companies, lenders, home inspectors, appraisers ALL at the same time! That could seriously be 100 different adults at the same time- and I try to make it run smoothly in every transaction while juggling multiple ones, multiple people, personalities and opinions and circumstances. And I care about all of them so therefore the weight of all those people becomes my weight carried until that person sucessfully closes on their transaction and often times far beyond when clients become repeat customers and often times friends. I cannot imagine juggling 100 different kids at once their parents, guardians, multiple households sometimes, different lifestyles, circumstances and ways of thinking- these kids who are at the most impressionable age of their life and trying to balance that with the rest of my life and being held responsible for contributing to their futures! 

Give these teachers a break! Every teacher that I know is more dedicated than you know, does more than you see and spends more time planning, teaching, dealing with different needs, personalities and situations,  grading, adjusting and at the same time trying to keep their own families funtctioning.  They are NOT glorified babysitters, but sometimes I think people make them feel that way!  They are not there to just watch your kids everyday, they are there to shape your kids into whatever they will be one day... that is HUGE and we as a society don't give them enough credit, most don't take their job lightly and do carry the burden of all that weight on their shoulders to make sure they are doing a good job contributing to your child's success! 

Not every teacher is good, not every white, black, hispanic, jewish, indian, asian person or the like is good, not every religious person is good, not every blue collar or white collar worker is good... not every republican, democrat, independant person is good... but don't lump each person or type of person into the same category based on an experience you had with one or even a few! For that one teacher you or your child may have had a bad experience with there are 100's who would give their 100% to every single child that walks into their classroom, every single time!  Give people the benefit of the doubt! Most people are good until you give them a reason not to be or start making them think otherwise. As a society we need to stop throwing Nellie Oleson fits everytime something doesn't fit into our mold- support each other...we are all in the same storm, we may be in different boats but that doesn't mean we can't be kind to those who are not in ours-  when someone is being lifted up for their goodness they will most every time continue to do good. When someone is rewarded they usually keep doing good or work harder to continue to be good and do good and the same is true when you tear someone down, they go down and continue to stay down a lot of the time! Think about that. 

Just be KIND, be Respectful to others and the world could be a better place, We have the ability to change for the good, we make these choices, stop looking at everyone as your enemy because honestly we are not all that much different! I don't want to live in world like Jim Carey where everyone dresses the sames, looks the same, acts the same and think the same, HOW BORING, but I do think we can be different and still get along for the greater good of everyone!  We all have feelings! Respect others, be kind, show the grace and mercy that God gives you to everyone around you, our boats are not always carrying the same weight and you do not know what has contributed to another persons weight or how they are handling it. 

Remember the old saying you probably heard so many times as a kid, that I think has been buried or lost when I read some of the hateful things I see people saying, 

If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all! 

Reflect on that. 

Take the break

If you read my blog on Friday you know it was the 30th anniversary of my very best friend growing up Tana's death, and the 6th anniversary of my mom's death. After 6 years I was to a point that I mentioned to a friend of mine Kathy earlier in the week that I was ok this year, I didn't want to be sad and I know that my mom especially would want me to be happy for what I gained from my relationships of past then sad about what I had lost. I decided this year not to bring up to my family (Steve and Paxton) what the day was. I mean after this many years, what do you say? My dad died 27 years ago and every year I don't say hey guys today is the day my dad died, let's be sad! So why do this for my mom's death? I just wanted to have a good day and not mention it if they didn't. Why cause someone, especially Paxton, to be sad if I didn't have to? So I pretty much ignored the day. My aunts and uncles acknowledged me through text or card but I didn't share this with my boys.

Fast forward to yesterday. Paxton practically begged us to stay home from school citing he was super tired and just wanted to sleep, the night before we stayed up late watching Cobra Kai (may I say this is really a show with super cheesy acting and a story-line that in most circumstances isn't even believable reality- but we are addicted to it now!) Nevertheless, he went to school- begging me that he just wanted me to turn around the whole 6 minute drive. He even broke his mask playing with it- luckily I had more! 3 minutes after I dropped him off he text me to come pick him up and continued to text me 12 times between 7:54-9:40. I think he even went to the bathroom in both his first 2 classes to text me so he didn't get in trouble in class. There have been plenty of days he didn't want to go to school, but this reaching out from school was new to me. He kept insisting he just wanted to spend the day with me! 

I asked if there was anything going on in school that was bothering him? He insisted not. And then your mom mind plays tricks on you. What if I let him stay in school and there is a bomb threat, someone shoots the school up in the afternoon, he gets beat up at lunch, he gets hurt at lunch and can't play in his tournament this weekend and if I don't pick him up and something happens will I never forgive myself??? Some of you may say this is ridiculous for sure and honestly I agree with that. 

Yep, I am that mom! As positive as I want to be, sometimes our innner thoughts are prepared for the worst senario possible. It is a fight or flight mode. No one wants their kid hurting. I discussed it with Steve and we agreed he could come home but wasn't allowed to do anything but school work and chores.

I called the school to pick him up, I even asked about him talking to the psychologist- (seriously my mind was jumping to conclusions of the worst case senario!) they offered for him to talk to the Dean. I let them know I wanted to get to the bottom of what was wrong first and I would get back to them on that one. I didn't want to unecessarily make him talk to someone if there wasn't a need. 

Back in the fall when they went back to school he had a few issues with some kids in his class teasing him about a particular girl and we were able to talk through that and it blew over... in the mind of a child it was a BIG DEAL- to a momma who experieced this being a kid once, my advise and reasoning overruled his frustration and anxiety. Mom for the win! If I could simply "fix" his issue again it wouldn't be necessary to pull in external sources. 

I picked him up right at 10:00, in my pajamas with a wet head from just getting out of the shower. As soon as we got outside he started crying. He said mom I just wanted to be with you today. I miss Bushie (my mom) and I have been thinking about her for the last few days! Oh my gosh you guys, it hit me! Just because we don't point out a date, doesn't mean that something doesn't happen inside us or come over us with a veil of memory of sadness during the time that we experienced the sad! He knew what this week was, he remembered the sadness we all went through when my mom was sick and died 8 days before her birthday, it was probably the hardest 2 weeks of my adult life.

Some may say that Paxton was only 5 when my mom died, but she pretty muched raised him for the first 3 years of his life while I worked full time and did real estate on the side, they were best buds, she saw him almost every day, when I went back into Real Estate full time, she even watched him everyday so I could work! They had a routine. We were with her everyday when she got sick, she lived with us before she died and she died in our home. That is a lot for a little kid to experience, but it is also a bond that he will never forget and I denied him the opportunity on Friday to celebrate her memory because I didn't want to cause him any "sadness". 

You better believe I balled my eyes out with him on the way home! I said I was ok, but was I really? Did I too just need a good cry and I was trying to brush it under the rug so to speak in order to avoid the sadness? I am a firm believer that she wouldn't want us to be sad. I told him that we cannot live our lives sad over the loss of someone or something, but that it is ok to be sad for a bit and then go back to being the positive people we are, living our lives for whatever God has intended because he isn't finished with us yet. We have a purpose (maybe some of us will never know what it is) and if we are still here he is still working in us to fulfill whatever that might be. Her job on Earth was done and it was ok for her to leave and be reunited with my dad. She knew that me and my little family would be ok. She did her job right and I turned out pretty ok I think. We cannot live our lives in despair and ugliness because not only would she want us to be happy, we are still needed for something here! 

Again, it is ok to be sad for a short while, if we didn't experience this emotion we wouldn't be human but we cannot dwell in negativity, it isn't good for us or anyone else. 

I had a list of things to do, but we took the rest of the day and went to lunch at Red Robin, got a Krispy Kreme and went shopping for Steve's birthday present and even had time to jump on the tramp together at home before baseball practice,  which is probably what we should have done on Friday. Was there other things we could have gotten done yesterday? Did I have a list of tasks I needed to accomplish, were any of them pressing? Nope! , could he have sat in class and gotten new instruction and finished assignments so that he didn't have work to make up? Sure thing! But we took that break, and it made all the difference. 

With a new pact that we will CELEBRATE Bushie every year, instead of pushing our sadness aside we agreed that this would help us remember and cope with our inner feelings instead of ignoring them.

I know if is hard for a lot of us to be spontaneous at times, but sometimes you just need to take the break, whether a few hours or a whole day and confront your sadness, anxiety or fears to be able to fully move on and not harbor your feelings that may arise from holding it in or bottling it up and then one day exploding to something so intense that could have been handled with a short, quick acknowledgement.

 I know life has no guarantees, but I do guarantee that everyone reading this will be around to see tomorrow, so stop, take the break and get back to your reguarly scheduled life... tomorrow! A 1 day break will probably be more beneficial than any amount of time a breakdown will cause from ignoring your feelings or bottling them up! 

You have heard about quality time and quantity time, your family needs both. - Mary Prince. 

Choose Happy

 30 years ago today I was the same age as my son is now, 11. I woke up in the morning and went to school just like any other kid. When I came home  my parents were waiting for me with an invite to talk on the couch, I remember before I even sat down I looked at my mom and said " she died, didn't she? Jesus took her to Heaven." I don't know what happened next but the little girl, my best friend that I grew up with over the past 10 years was gone. We were inseparable at times at one of our houses or the other, biking, rollerskating, ice skating, playing tag, swimming, her grandma would watch me after school when my parents were working- that relationship was gone forever in my physical world, but the bond remained, the feeling and memories remained even to this day. We were besties for sure. 3 years previously she had fell off her bike, and hit her head, just to find out that she had brain cancer. I watched her struggle with Chemo and surgeries, side effects and limited energy for that period of time with more spunk, life and a postitive attitude than anyone I have met since , whether an adult or child. Visiting her at the hospital she gave more encouragement to those doctors and nurses than I think she received. To say she influenced my life in great ways would be an understatement. I can say confidently she helped shape me into the person I am today. She was an angel sent to do a job that didn't require her to be here long, but whatever her purpose I can truly say I am sure it was fulfilled. And I think of her courage often when I just want to throw in the towel at things that happen in my life today.

Fast Forward to 2015. I woke up that morning knowing the date, with a Mother who was living at my home, very sick since right before Christmas, she had fell that week and cut her head open on my kitchen floor which landed her in the ER, the cut on her head was healing, the rest of her body was not. Even the Hospice Nurse couldn't believe the progress of this rather deep wound. She tried not to complain, she kept going often times when it was too much for her for years prior. We didn't know the extend of her invasion until 5-6 months early, but I am sure the cancer crept in well before that. I woke up with an inner peace, I knew her time was up, and I was ok with that knowing that she would be happier rejoining my dad after 22 years by herself. I read her the book of Matthew at her bedside, the one that I read my dad years earlier on the day of his death. It was bittersweet to me to be able to be a part of both of their passing (not everyone, especially this past year gets this opportunity or experience) My uncle was visiting at the time, one of her sisters had visited a few months prior and she spoke to the other on the phone just the day before, she was at peace with them and she knew that my little family of 3 would be ok and that I was ok to let her go. 

My mom was always my biggest cheerleader. She pumped me up from when I was very little that I remember. She always made me feel like the most important thing in her life. She was told that she may not be able to have kids by several doctors and when she did I changed her world. She became my best friend after my dad passed away when I was in high school... we didn't live without our conflict- believe me we didn't always mesh, we could scream some hateful words on occassion but it never put a wedge between our bond. The little time I had with her on this earth compared to others who have broken relationships with their mom, no mom at all or ones who may have abandoned them, I wouldn't trade my relationship, any little arguments or spats or feeling like she was being unfair at all for what we shared. 

She helped shape me into who I am, her encouragement, her dedication to me, her sacrifices she made to make sure I had a good life and good education no matter what little money we had showed her love, a love so strong that an outsider looking in may be jealous. Sometimes she was so proud of me it made me uncomfortable when she spoke to others as if I was this perfect little girl! By far that is not the truth. 

This post is not meant to belittle anyone whose relationship with their mother did not develop this way.  It is just a time for me to acknowledge these 2 beautiful souls who touched my life in ways that I could never fully explain. As I sit here writing this with tears streaming down my face it makes me even more encouraged in a world that has been turned upside for  many over the past year! The world can be an evil place but I know that you can create your own happy, you can control your own attitude despite your circumstances, you can choose to be a light to others even in the darkness and you can spread love, joy, peace and kindness to others if you choose, and most of the time when doing so you are helping yourself through your inner or outer struggle as well. Love, cheer, joy, laughter and happiness can be contagious.  

Take it from this little girl going through a big adult thing.. she couldn't control her circumstances, they were given to her, she didn't ask for them.  None of us conciously ASK for bad to happen to us, for evil to creep in and take over, for fear or tradegy... it is just part of this life here on Earth, our gateway to better things. She could only control how she reacted, how she chose to live her short life and how she chose to make others feel with her bubbly personality no matter how bad she felt making others feel good I can only imagine made her in turn get through her battles. And you and I can only control the same. 

So next time we are quick to say life isn't fair, to fret all day over a broken nail, a fender bender, a cold, an argument with a loved one, an unfair situation, or even something a bit more elevated, just remember it isn't what we are given, it is how we choose to react and how we choose to move forward that can make all the difference in the outcome of our future. Today I can choose to be sad and live a poor me day or I can choose to be happy I choose happy, YOU get to choose, I hope you choose happy. 

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit [the result of His presence within us] is love [unselfish concern for others], joy, [inner] peace, patience [not the ability to wait, but how we act while waiting], kindness, goodness, faithfulness

Reflect and Look Forward

Reflecting back 2020 was a year of oddities,  personal growth, discoveries, limitations and Success. I am truly blessed that my husband and I were both considered essential workers and continued to provide for our family, when this pandemic affected many people out there in different ways. In our blessings we were able to help others when God called us to. We watched so many people struggle others affected by heartache and tragedy. My heart truly went out to so many. I couldn’t financially help everyone but we did pray for them, offer words of encouragement or help of our time. 

I can probably say in my almost 20 years of practicing real estate I had the most challenging but best year of my career! And even though I can say it was reflected in the amount of money I made it was more important to me the amount of people I helped.  I feel like when you honestly can say you love what you do it comes more naturally and serving others always to seems to be my goal. 

Speaking of goals I know a lot of people when they move from year to year in real estate want to increase their money but also in most cases decrease the amount of sales they have by increasing the sales price they are servicing. When in actuality yes that seems like the smarter way to do business - sell less make more by selling homes with larger price tags. “Work smarter not harder”they say!

When I wake up in the morning my goal is to help the people that God sends my way whether that is 10 or 45, whether it makes me money or it does not...if I truly give my business to Him and take care of others I will truly be taken care of. 

I am not a huge planner I think maybe my past has a lot to do with that. Disappointments coming my way things happening at the last minute losing so many people close to me at a young age there are reasons why sometimes for me spontaneity is the best. I’m not saying I don’t have goals or plans I just try to be flexible and almost everything that I do.  Things happen beyond our control on a regular basis. I learned a few eye opening things about my health and stress this year that I will continue to work on in 2021.  I learned a lot about leverage and saying no. I will continue to strive to help others the way that God sees fit I will practice what I think I did best in 2020 which was say no even when I felt like I should say yes. I feel like this was my best accomplishment. Leverage was up there as well, instead of trying to do everything myself, I did the things I am most good at and paid others to do the things I am not.  There were quite a few things that being the people pleaser that I am that I wanted to take on a new project or suggestion for things that someone thought I might be good at but personally this year I considered high stress and health levels and said NO to more things than I could’ve ever imagined and I honestly don’t feel guilty about it. You cannot take care of others if you aren’t first taking care of yourself! 

As I continue into 2021 I am looking forward to doing what I can to help those in need, to be a better form of myself striving to be the best mother and wife that I can and continuing to grow personally and professionally and spiritually. And in short those are my goals. I may have not attended a goalsetting class, a two day retreat, or a getaway on my own to really plan my year. But I wrote them down and will reflect on the future ahead day by day doing what I do best and accepting things that I am not good at and knowing my limitations and stress factors, eliminating what is unnecessary and continuing to put God, my self and my family first creating a balance that will be a better me. 

I look forward to blogging more and share my reflections to help others who may be going through similar situations experience hope and encouraging when I can. 

Walk by faith..  2 Corinthians 5:7