As the saying goes your faith is stronger than your fear. I still think you can experience both faith and fear at the same time.
This past week has been a lot of ups and downs for me. A funeral of a friend, the anniversary of my father's death, 27 years ago, the air in my truck going out, brakes needing replaced on my husband's vehicle, my washing machine started leaking, our tubs, showers and toilets backed up one night and we had to have our septic pumped, I searched for 4 days for this really awful smell in my garage that made me gag every time I stepped out there from the house (dead toads do not belong in kids mud boots! YUCK), oh and did I mention that I lost my driver's license, 3 debit cards and a credit card at Safeway for almost 24 hours! The stress and pressure, the cost of the repairs, the internal dialogue of how stupid I had to be to lose all those cards, the thought of having to cancel everything, reschedule automatic payments, schedule an appointment at the DMV, the anxiety of wondering if someone was going to steal my identity or charge up my cards...was enough to get the best of me, but falling back on my faith and praying every single time my fear would creep to cover over my faith. Just like my mom used to pray when I was younger... she taught me anytime you couldn't find anything, you stopped and prayed. "God bless the item and thank you God for helping me find it!" over and over and over again! I want to say I remembered it worked nearly every time. I have practiced this with Paxton and it really helps put your trust in God that somehow everything is going to be ok, even if it doesn't turn out exactly as you expected. I checked my bank account, business account and credit card statement probably 17 times that day and felt relief seeing nothing had been charged and holding on to that good person who would turn my stuff in! Turns out they did!
Honestly it all adds up and it is enough to make you want to just go in your room, shut the door and cry a good cry! I am sure I vented, I complained I asked for prayers from others, but I kept going back to my faith! Faith bigger than a mustard seed, faith that things for me through all this crap are somehow better than something someone else is feeling. I tried so hard to focus on what I was grateful for, the positive things, my health, my family, my blessings! And guess what guys those things won! The negative things can come and go, sometimes they pile up all at once, sometimes the seem like too much. Mind over matter! The power of positive thinking, what you think you bring about and all the other things I have been taught can really make a difference. Stop and add up the little things if you collected them in a jar, they would fill it up way farther than those negative things we tend to focus on or give more energy to. See the bigger picture.
I used to say that God didn't give me anything more than I could handle, but don't know if I really believe that anymore, I don't know that they are from God, I think that life, circumstances, peoples actions, reaction and the choices I make give me those things... God, he is just there to help me through them.
You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are and what you can rise above. - Maya Angelou
