Am I teaching my child respect?

I was sweating like a fiend today as I helped my hubby unload the heavy pitcher's mound and other baseball equipment from the truck to trek over to the field. It was a stagnant hot with NO air movement at all and my head was drenched... I can thank my mother and grandfather for that! Crazy sweaty people! Sometimes genes are not my friend. Anyway, I was hot, and let me just tell you, I may not be the most "happy" person when I am hot, I am not always grouchy but things can really irritate me more easily at these moments. As we are setting things up getting ready for practice to start and before all the boys got there, the three of us are on the field and here comes a pre to teenage boy riding his bike right past us and onto the field where we are about to practice. Steve looks over at him and says "Don't ride your bike on the field okay, " The boy rides around then rides right past us to go out the other gate, looks at Steve with a grin and in a very sarcastic tone says "You're Welcome." Wow, I totally wanted to be that kid's mother and slap him in the face. No joke. I was so aggravated at his response to an adult asking him to not ride his bike on the field, the field we were obviously using. I look right at Paxton and said if you are ever disrespectful to an adult like that I will beat your little butt. Honestly I am not a discipline hitter, I am not, but I was so mad that this kid was so disrespectful that that is what came out of my mouth. At my own child... He proceeded to ask why since the kid said you're welcome was it being disrespectful... So we had a quick little lesson in always doing the right thing, sarcasm and responding to an adult with a "oh, I am sorry" and moving on... not a smart a.. comment like the boy gave Steve. He quickly understood what the boy did wrong. It was a good teaching experience. However, on my way home I contemplated if respect is something you teach or model? I know that we have always told Paxton to respect his elders, respect others by being kind, considerate and polite. I was really curious what the definition of respect was... so I looked it up. In every definition it talks about admiring another person because of their achievements, abilities or qualities. In a way when we talk about respecting others how does this really play into total strangers? It is hard to admire someone you don't know right? So then I questioned if I knew the meaning of admire! Hmmm... so I looked that up too! regard- (an object, quality, or person) with respect or warm approval. Varying Levels of Respect. We live in an indifferent world. As a result, people treat each other with various levels of respect and, sometimes, total disrespect. You may have behaved respectfully or disrespectfully to others in front of your children. This in my opinion displays that respect is modeled, not taught in most cases. Our children learn from our behavior. Yes, we are human and yes, we make mistakes but we really need to be careful what message we are giving our children because they are like little sponges who absorb and want to do everything like us, because they respect and admire us... So next time you are quick to have road rage, make judgments about people, talk negatively about others in front of them or become disgruntled... remember you ARE the model, in most cases they are wanting to be. Think first what you want them to hear and see. Ephesians 4:29 ESV Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

No Picture RE-takes, just pick me UPs!

Do you have ever have one of those weeks where it just seems like all kinds of crazy stuff is going on? Where nothing seems like it is going your way? Things crumble, you aren't doing something right, you have more frustrations then you care to count, people are throwing curve balls right at your head? I know that I have and I am sure we all have at some point or another. We CANNOT always control our circumstances, but why do we have to allow our attitude and our self talk to go in a negative direction? We DON'T, but we often do. When life gives you trials, hiccups and stress, sometimes we turn to all kinds of things to "fix" our sadness, hurt, or despair. We vent to others in all directions, sometimes we are so mad we talk negative about other people, we crash our healthy eating plan with the instantly satisfying but not quite gratifying treat or beverage, maybe we whine, we cry, we go over and over in our head how we were wrong or how the situation could have been different and talk ourselves down or make ourselves the victim or even the cause... guess what? None of this is helping! This behavior doesn't help and it doesn't fix the situation. It was delivered to us just the way it was. We cannot change it, we cannot erase it and re-record like videos today, or pose again for the picture we didn't like so we only post the best one. I will spare you the details of the multitude of things that I have been posed with, upset about or have been thrown at me since last Friday, somethings I cannot share anyway. However, I will tell you that not a single one of them should change me as a person, except in a positive way. Not one of my frustrations defines me, not one of them is even life-changing or terminal! So then WHY in the heck am I so quick to allow them to even enter the thought closet in my head and take up space! Seriously... there are things that need to be dealt with in life but they don't need to take up anger, worry or self doubt in my mind, they just need to take up the space that offers solutions. I had a few encounters this week that have turned my negative attitude into one of total gratitude... it is my goal to always be a positive person, find the good in all situations and move forward, however sometimes this isn't the way it goes and I need to be rescued from my own destruction. I also need to remember that God has my back and he alone should be the one I turn to in faith and hope when I am feeling like I can't get my happiness levels back on track. When people are concerned that you are acting out of character you know you are in trouble... I had to ask myself if I was allowing my circumstances to offer suggestions to others that I was not living my life in the way I preach but in a way that was reflected and something negative and bitter? Totally out of character for me... and people were starting to notice! Sure sign that something must change within me to reflect the true me on the outside. The positive started to turn back on in my brain with a Tuesday morning coffee talk with a local pastor who as I spoke to him about my service to others, my goals and my fears triggered not only his positive response but my purpose restored. I had a lovely day with my Minnesota Mamas yesterday who whisked me away for a girl's day... with lunch and shopping, good vibes and even gifts... gotta love being spoiled once in awhile, especially when you love to spoil others most often, it is nice to get back when you least expect it. Good news from my son's teacher in the middle of the day that he got 100% on a reading comprehension, reading is not his strong suit and knowing how proud I felt that he was "getting it." This deserved a surprise present from me when he got home... I truly find joy in other's reactions when you give to them! It really warms my heart. I came home to a husband also bearing a gift... I have been complaining for the last 3 times I have made waffles how annoying my iron is no matter how much I spray it... it sticks, the batter sticks and the boys end up eating waffle crumbles. A brand new waffle iron. So maybe it was partially self-ish... so he could eat better waffles that stay together and not have to listen to me whine and complain about it while trying to make them... hahaha... but nonetheless thoughtful! I enjoyed a mom's dinner and some conversation with some great girlfriends last night as our boys went to youth group and was blessed with some extremely kind and motivating words from an amazing cancer survivor this morning who is an inspiration and I am truly excited to get to know better this year! I need to remember that I alone should be able to change my attitude, happiness and thoughts as those are all things in my control... but sometimes we need those pick-me-ups to get us back on track and they were delivered at the right time and for this I am grateful... what can you do today to be a positive pick-me-up for someone, and who can you turn to when you need one. Remember we ALL experience these days, weeks and periods of time where we need a pick-me-up so remember sometimes we also need to be the one to do the picking up for others! Be a joy, be a blessing, give a smile no more stressing... Harmonize and harness your energy to your advantage and you will get more of what you focus on. God's grace is immeasurable, eternal, overflowing, perfect and lavish yet free. Undeserved, enlightening, incomprehensible, glorious, and divine, yet available. It is abounding and astounding, God's grace is amazing. You must embrace it.

Ridiculous Pillows! A LOVE LESSON.

How many times have you gotten irritated at your spouse for doing something that just isn't what you expect? Or you don't feel like they did it "right" or the way that you would have done it if you just did it yourself? You asked them to do something to help you out, lighten your load or make you feel better! I know that I have and I guarantee Steve has gotten irritated with me on numerous occasions when I have been asked to help out and it doesn't go exactly as planned or I do something in a different way then he would, likewise when I ask him for something I am easily irritated if it gets done but not "right"! What is "right" you may ask yourself? If we are so concerned as to whether it goes the way we want or turns out like we planned... why are we relying on the other person to carry it out or complete it as we would? Why are we placing the expectations we would otherwise place on our-self, on our significant other? Honestly the only way to guarantee something is done my way, is to do it myself- If I want to delegate and have other people help, I have to be willing to accept their way of getting it done. Not everyone accomplishes the same thing in the same manner, with the same attitude or outcome. After all we are attracted to that person because they complete us, not necessarily because they think like us... and if they thought, acted and did everything just as we would I think I would be pretty bored pretty quick. I had a great conversation with a friend who made me reflect on thinking deeper why sometimes there is a deeper why than we give credit for. A friend of mine who is pregnant confided in me that she was really frustrated with her pillows and couldn't get comfortable or sleep so she asked her hubby if he could stop on his way home from work and get some new pillows. He did just that... he brought them home happily ready to make her happy and she hated them! Not exactly what she was hoping for and no more comfortable then the ones she didn't like they already had, not what she was hoping for and a little disappointed in his choice, in fact she had found a pillow she previously had that she thought they all hated and used that and slept all night! Go figure right! The most hilarious part of the whole thing is not only her not liking the pillows knowing that he probably (knowing guys) stood in the BBB aisle for at least 30 minutes or more trying to find the most perfect one, and it wasn't! ( I know that my husband isn't often the most romantic person and that is ok, but that whenever I receive a card from him it always makes me cry because not only are the words perfect on the card he picks out but I know he probably read 30 before he picked one, so that it was just right, it would be easy to get irritated that he spends $6-$8 on a card sometimes however it isn't about the price to him but that he is expressing in the card what he might not be able to say-that is love.) When she later shared with me that he spent... get this, $300 on pillows... yes 2 pillows for $300! I know you are probably like WHAT? That is absurd... her thoughts exactly... but it wasn't the $300 he spent on 2 pillows that is the LOVE lesson learned here. It was the LOVE that he had for her and her comfort that was top priority in his mind that made him think the more expensive the more comfortable and happy his pregnant wife would be. Isn't that what love is all about? Putting the other person's needs before your own, even if the outcome isn't what you hoped for. I think we are often to quick to get irritated, upset or frustrated with our spouse for an idea, decision or choice that is not our own, without looking deeper into the WHY! Sometimes no matter how absurd, outrageous or silly something can seem to our senses... it really reflects much more! Take the time to know the WHY, be grateful for it, praise it and embrace that we are all usually putting forth the effort to LOVE, support and encourage one another through love... and even though the outcome isn't what we want or expect... the WHY means so much more! So next time you are quick to get frustrated or upset at something you asked your spouse to do that they didn't do "right", stop, reflect on the WHY and say thank you for their thoughtfulness... that doesn't mean you still can't return the ridiculously expensive pillows. Love bears all things, believes all things hopes all things and endures all things. First Corinthians 13:7

My biggest Fear!

Have you ever been asked what your biggest fear is? A lot of people fear dying. I am comfortable enough in my faith that I don't fear dying, myself, I fear other people dying. Oh, don't get me wrong, I am completely on board that everyone has a time that they are to be called, everyone has a purpose here on earth and even a mission that once fulfilled they are able to cross over to Heaven and receive their eternal reward, whether it be a few short hours or a hundred years. Why do some people live longer than others? Why do some people have to suffer and others go peacefully in their sleep or die instantly from an accident or injury? I really don't know, and I really don't have the time or energy to figure it out... I just trust that there is a reason. I have had friends and loved ones die after suffering, I have had them die in their sleep with no warning, and tragic accidents. Is my fear selfish? Yes, it probably is... as a human left here on Earth the concept of that person no longer here with me to talk to, bounce ideas off of, laugh with, share things and love... I ache in my soul for them. My mom lost my dad at the early age of 45, 2 of my friends closer to my age (I am 38 btw) lost their spouses early and almost instantly... no chance to say goodbye, left with children to raise on their own. No one ever expects to lose their life partner at an early age and to be left to pick up the pieces, cope, move on with life and expect to be happy and fulfilled. God has a plan that isn't always our plan... no matter how much we try to prevent things, live a good life or control our circumstances... we just CAN'T. A few days ago I experienced all the emotions, fears and worry of the thought of losing my spouse. A little trip in the backyard on a piece of pipe sticking up created a fall, a stuck toe, a twisted ankle, a dislocated bone below the knee, anxiety, sweat and finally an unforeseen bout of passing out, when I left the room for less than 60 seconds to fill up a requested glass of water to come back and find him on the bathroom floor hunched over snoring as loud as could be... thoughts raced through my head at an uncontrollable speed, "how did he get from sitting on the edge of the tub to the floor, did he hit his head, was he is a coma, how did a dislocated and scraped knee turn into an unconscious hump on my bathroom floor"... emergency panic mode set in... I shook him to no avail. He wouldn't come to... 'what was I to do?' I ran to my phone in the kitchen, yelled for Paxton who was in his room, tried to calmly (which I sure tried, but sounded like crazy scared mom inside my head coming out) asked Paxton to get on his bike ride to the neighbors and have him come right away, he started to panic, I told him that dad would be fine (while inside I had absolutely no idea if this was true) and that he should pray the whole way to the neighbors. I dialed 911... while going back into the bathroom finding my husband still unconscious, continuing to shake him, call his name yell at him, whatever it took to bring him back to me and give me the relief that I needed that we could go forward with the plan I had for our life. While talking to at least 3 different people who couldn't understand my address I went from snoring Steve to Steve grasping for a breath and stopping breathing for a split second which seemed like 20 years in my mind. I was getting ready to lay him down on the floor to see if I needed to give him CPR when he started to shake slightly, again thoughts raced through my mind... "is he having a stroke, is he having a seizure?" I had no idea. I was a CNA for a short period of time so I have a little medical knowledge but when it is a loved one I think sometimes all your knowledge goes out of your head, and I was still in the middle of yelling at 911 who couldn't figure out my address... "don't phones have GPS location these days! GEEZ." My husband can look at products on Amazon on his desktop computer and somehow they pop up as ads on my cell phone through Facebook or when I google something for crying out loud... how does that happen and 911 can't figure out where I am! I NEEDED them to just know where I was and come STAT! As he was shaking I realized his shaking was bringing him back to me not setting him further out of my grasp. (for those of you concerned, passing out is some people's body's way of coping with trauma or shock.) I had never had someone pass out on me before, especially since I left the room briefly I had no idea what I was experiencing, all I knew as it didn't look good. I didn't feel good, but I needed to stay calm and sane. I was relieved and scared all wrapped up into one package. In hindsight I got the fact that him passed out made him snore and having sleep apnea caused the deep loud scary snore and moments of him not breathing. He woke knowing where he was, what day it was and what happened to him... he also said he was dreaming... Geez dreaming, he was experiencing LALA land as I was freaking out! WHAT?! But racing through my mind was the immediate fear and thoughts of an accidental trip and fall in our backyard would lead to some complication or the worst fear I have someone else's death. I am not ready for that, I am not prepared to go through this at this stage in my life, but who is? Not my mother at 45, not my 2 friends who lost their spouses in their 30's with children to raise. I have experienced a lot of death in my life, I have come to terms with losing a best girlfriend to cancer when I was 10, my father, grandfather and godfather when I was 14 all within 4 months of each other, friends, all my grandparents and my mom... I am no stranger to death but I also never seem ready for it. Never prepared and always the fear lingers in the back on my mind what happens next. So yes, that is my greatest fear.... loosing my loved ones. It is amazing how a small little trip and fall can turn into having such a huge milestone in my life one to make me love and appreciate this man so much more. To be grateful for even the hard times, the annoying attributes, the differences we have as well as the love we share, the friendship we have, the understanding, the commitment and the ability to remember to make it fun, enjoy the small things, take the time each day to touch each other in a loving way, give compliments, laugh at your mistakes hug longer, don't be in such a rush, don't let the little things bother you and choose to be happy! Enjoy the people you love as if it is the last you will see them... it just might be. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3:14 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

Who killed Fuzzy?

I never thought I could cry so hard over a dead caterpillar.. Seriously... what a crazy tragic event yesterday. Let me take you back. Yesterday morning Steve found this cute little caterpillar in our flower bed at our cabin. Of course Paxton couldn't wait to put him in his little bug jar and transfer him to a home complete with sticks and leaves for his enjoyment. He was super excited like a kid can get. He had a new pet, he even named him Fuzzy. He and his grandpa discussed how caterpillars spin into a cocoon and become butterflies. Paxton noted that caterpillars are kids like him and then he grows into an adult and so does a caterpillar when it becomes a butterfly. His plan was to bring him home, have him sleep in his room and then transfer him to our hibiscus plant to get ready to transfer into a butterfly. We stopped at DQ on the way home for lunch and he asked me to put Fuzzy in the front so the dogs didn't bother him. It was cloudy when we parked and I put him on the dash.... to my detriment after 20 minutes at DQ when we got back Fuzzy didn't make it... UGH! Seriously I killed the caterpillar. Paxton was so upset, poking it, moving the container trying to get it awake. He even suggested maybe he was sleeping or getting ready to make a cocoon and just not responsive... ummm... no sorry babe, Fuzzy is dead! I was so upset that I put him on the dash... Why didn't I just take him to DQ with us? Why did I put him in the window instead of on the floor? What in the heck was this mama thinking! How dumb! What an idiot... man did my inner self talk start exploding in my head and I even think said out loud how stupid I was! What a horrible trait to have and pass along to your kid.. the constant negative talk and putting myself down as if I wasn't a human being and should be perfect! Right?! How many of you have done something remotely dumb and beat yourself up over it? Paxton and I were in tears... I can't even imagine what Steve was thinking driving as he didn't really say much and just let us both cry... over a caterpillar... OMG! Paxton fell asleep and I continued to battle my issues in my head... when he woke up I asked if he was still mad at me... he said no, I didn't realize until later he was blaming himself and he was beating himself up for being a horrible pet owner... He said he has killed beetles, ants and fire flies he has caught... he was telling me he was a bad person, it was all his fault and he couldn't take care of them and keep them alive... he insisted he was an awful person... Way to go mom I thought... wonder where he learned this behavior! Wow what a check... mamas.... I know that we often feel like we should be perfect, we shouldn't make mistakes but when we do and we display how mad we are at ourselves and create these perfect expectations that we cannot always live up to, we are reflecting this behavior on to our children who are like little sponges looking up to us and wanting to be like us.. so if we are constantly negative talking to ourselves whether inner or outwardly... our child is taking note.. and you better believe is developing these same behaviors! What a crazy wake up call this was to know that my child thinks he is a killer at 7 years old... what will the next 20+ years of damage due to his self esteem! I need to take a hold now and be a better role model to him, give myself a break- be human make mistakes and move on! This was a caterpillar what if it was something a tad more serious- what would the focus be then? We can always strive to be better people everyday of our lives, but we also need to be kind to the person where it matters the most! Yourself! Paxton went to bed ( we actually argued over who killed Fuzzy ( I wanted to take the blame so my kid didn't think he was a bug murderer!)) thinking he was a horrible person... we prayed about it and he woke up this morning still sad. I reminded him that these cute little living creatures are wild an survive in an environment that is right for them. When you take something out of their normal environment and try to make it survive, sometimes it is a struggle, sometimes it doesn't work out and that is not what God intended for them. Bugs lives are short lived and Fuzzy's was a little shorter than most probably who had the chance to become a butterfly. His adaption skills were not developed enough to become a beautiful butterfly in Paxton's controlled environment! Lesson learned bugs are cute to look at, fun to catch but are not pets and we risk them dying when we take them out of their familiar environment, the one they are intended to pursue and thrive in... I am looking forward to a bible study this summer concerning this very same issue! Me, Myself and Lies.... and how to cope with our inner struggle and negative self talk that steals our self confidence and rips away our self esteem by beating ourselves up! I am sure once I read this book and follow the study for 5 weeks I will have much more insight to write about. For now, remember... be kind to yourself! It is more important than you think!

Take Time

Time....It is what most people complain about not having enough of... We say it over and over again,"I wish there was more time in a day; I wished I had more time to do this or that, I wished I had time to finish a project, clean the house, get prepared for an event, relax, enjoy the weather, go on a trip..." The list goes on and on. What we often don't realize or take for granted is that we do have time if we make it. We are the ones who create our schedule, make our decisions and set our own expectations of what we need, want and the activities we do. Often people overload their schedules with many things to keep them busy or the things they feel are what they need to do, not only to be happy but to fulfill some sort of lack of something or status quo. Honestly how much or how little you involve yourself in, your children in, your family in... you are deciding what is necessary and what is not. Sometimes we have enough, but we are unable to accept what enough is or to see that enough is not always attached to a number, Enough is a way of thinking. Balancing life sometimes is most important. We may want to try, experience and shove as many commitments as we can into a day, a week, a month, a year or our lifetime. But the more we do the less time we have to enjoy the things that are most important to us. Paxton really wanted to play basketball for Paladin this summer as he really enjoyed last year, he most recently made the All-Star baseball team which will be further commitments of practice and tournaments and if God willing a Championship Series in California in July (where he has never been). Basketball games overlap practices if he has the opportunity to advance in baseball. He also wants to go to some summer baseball day camps. He wanted to know why he cannot do both. I advised him that doing too much will burn him out and he will not really get to enjoy other things during his 6 week summer break. As his last day of school is June 1 and his first day of 3rd grade will be July 24... the CA trip taking us all the way to the 18th.. meaning not much time to really just relax. He agreed that baseball would be his main focus this summer. I don't want him to not do and try the things he enjoys, but I want him to enjoy the things that he does. I also have decided to lessen my commitments for next year. I have decided that with most of my 4H Cloverbud group moving up to 9 year olds and preparing and competing for Fair in 2018... Paxton will still be too young. we will take a year off from this activity and re-evaluate what and if he wants to do with 4H when he is able to prepare for fair. I have always been one to be involved in anything and everything that interests me, as far back as I can remember. I love to be busy, I love to be a part of the action, to help in anything I can and the first to volunteer. I however as I age know that life is precious and the more involved I am in everything something or someone suffers for my lack of attention to it. My house is usually always clean, but my office is a mess leaving me less organized and more likely to make mistakes, my clients are attended to a the drop of a hat, yet my truck is dirty and messy and not ready for that client who asks me to pick them up... so therefore I rush around to get these things done, accomplished and "perfected" at the last minute causing myself more stress and anxiety trying to make it all perfect. These are all examples of trying to create a slower paced lifestyle, and training people that I can no longer drop everything I do all of the time. I do have a family, I do have more than one client at a time and although I would like to make each person in my life feel they are indeed #1.. most times it is physically impossible and emotionally draining. I create it based off how I respond, but I really need to step back, focus and slow down to most effectively respond to everyone. This is my new goal ( I guess not really new but renewed), to say Yes to the things that are most important, to relax more, enjoy my family and my activities... I am definitely blessed. As I pray every morning God will continue to send me the people who need my help the most and if I tune into my inner spirituality a little more, I will recognize who I am capable of helping and who will be emotionally draining to me and cause me more harm then good. Remember it is OK to say NO and take time for yourself. This is not selfish, it is preparing you to be happier and healthier and more sane so that you are refueled to help others. The one predominant duty is to find one's work and do it. Charlotte Perkins Gilman (you don't have to do it all!) Take Time to be friendly, it is the road to happiness. Take time to dream- it is hitching your wagon to a star. Take time to love and be loved- it is the privilege of the gods. Take time to look around- it is too short a day to be selfish. Take time to laugh- it is the music of the soul. Old English Prayer

Be a good example

There has been a lot of cases going on at my son's school regarding bullying especially in the older grades. I think this happens at any school and may or may not be a spotlight case. A lot of bullying goes undetected and not reported for some reason or another. But when it does get brought into the spotlight, victims, bullies and parents deal with it in different ways, which can cause outrage, uproars and many "side effects". His school is made up of K-8... there are "bullies" in all age groups, however I think Jr. High is one of the most critical times that you really see the impact it has on the individual victim being bullied. I have a 2nd grader and I have heard cases of kids being pushed down, choked, kicked and taunted... Most of the time these kids are acting out because of something they are witnessing going on around them, or maybe it is fear, or perhaps even low self-esteem. This is the age that it is necessary to talk to our kids about these what can be detrimental behaviors and although our children cannot control other children's behaviors, they have the choice to not engage in such activity, they have the choice to be the better person, they have the choice to walk-away and not participate no matter how hard they want to "fit in". At the older ages these kids are already starting to have changes in their life, puberty, more school pressure, fitting in or not fitting in, etc. This is why teaching the effects of bullying, having that conversation with your children and preparing them for these older critical years at a younger age is important. Not waiting until the behavior becomes a problem. I am not saying it is too late to teach your kids the right thing, I am just saying that the earlier they practice acts of kindness towards friends and even strangers and learn to accept that not everyone is created equal and that that is OK, the better they will be at accepting others differences down the road and less likely to engage in bullying behavior. Also, us a parents should be displaying the right actions and behaviors as our kids are like sponges even at a young age and want to be "like us". This is when it is critical to be cautious of what is going on around our kids. Talk to them about issues, be understanding and not critical... I was once a pre-teen and I remember... it was hard. Everyone wants to feel accepted everyone wants to fit in and sometimes this causes us to do things that may not be "right". I grew up in a small town and I had a neighbor who I would say made fun of me, (which I guess was a form of bullying). I had flat feet and wore ugly corrective shoes for years when I was in grade school, he would somehow make his way to sit behind me on the bus and several times tie my shoes together under my seat so I would trip when I got up to get off the bus. All the other boys would laugh and tease me. I will tell you that I have always been a forgiving person and one who can take a lot of harm, harsh words, rude people and somehow forgive and find the good in them, however, yes... it hurt, it lowered my self-esteem and at times I did struggle to fit in. I did become super popular in High School as I was neutral and accepting of all clicks of people, in Student Council and Dare and a class officer.... I didn't date anyone from my school and I wasn't really part of anyone click.. My Best Friend and I did a lot of co-mingling with all the groups and this I will tell you was the most rewarding experience I could have. I loved being independent but fit in a lot of different groups without judgement or judging. This boy who teased me for years and I were never friends per se, his younger brother and I were, and several years later when he discovered things about his brother that were different than him, he married and had children of his own he matured and decided it was ok to accept people who were different, he contacted me on Facebook and apologized for all the tormenting he did to me as a child. Although this bullying was rather mild in a sense it did contribute to both of our growth as individuals. Make sure your kids are involved in things that keep them busy and engaged. Hobbies are important for kids to have and exercise and engagement is key to stimulating them to do more than just sit around and degrade others. When your kids are involved in activities they are less likely to have the time to bully others. Stress the importance of being an individual, of everyone having talents, opinions and ideas that may not be the same as everyone else. This is ok... God didn't make us all the same... Avoid social comparisons of others. Learn to forgive, develop coping strategies, savor the joy's in life, increase their activities, engage yourself in something as a family. Encourage your kids to be nice and kind to those who are different or may not be like them. Being different isn't wrong and should not be punished. This doesn't mean your kid has to be friends with everyone, just accepting that people are different and shouldn't be made fun of or tormented because of this. Everyone wants to be loved and accepted by others no matter how much they are different or want to say it doesn't matter or they don't care. It is human nature. Have your kids surround themselves with positive people, be that positive role model for your kids, save your degrading conversations or complaining venting sessions about others when you are childless. Remember your kids want to be like you, act like you, they look up to you. Don't show them that it is okay to talk bad about others. Your kids did not come with a rule book, motherhood does not have an instruction manual but respecting others especially in front of your children goes an awful long way. We are all part of this world, we all have emotions, likes, dislikes, fears and joys but not all of us need to conform to someone else's idea of what "fits in". Set a good example of good works yourself, with integrity and dignity in your teaching. Titus 2:7

50 year Bliss?

As I woke up this morning, in a quiet house preparing cookies for my in-laws 50th wedding anniversary party this afternoon, I was reminded of how precious life is. While I reflected on all of the things that they have provided for me in the last 19 years that I have know their son... it has been an amazing journey. They have accepted me as a daughter even though they already have one, they have support us as a couple and have given us a helping hand when we needed not only their help but their wisdom and knowledge. They are awesome grandparents to Paxton and have really been there to show us in many ways how to love. As a 38 year old woman who has lost both parents, they have done a great job of making me feel not only welcome and included but truly loved by them. I am grateful for their son, although sometimes he drives me crazy... both in good and irritating ways... but it reminds me of why I fell in love with him in the first place, how happy he makes me, supports me, loves me and makes me laugh. Not everyone gets the chance to celebrate 50 years, whether death comes before or they just drift apart. It truly is a blessing to say you still love someone after 50 years of marriage. What is the ingredient that maintains that love, that bond, that security of having that person by your side? I truly believe that it is never a one person effort. You have to both want to be there and one person sometimes has to want it more than the other to hold it together. You have to from time to time stop and reflect on what that person really brings to the table and the why you said YES in the first place. Being married really is not about being perfectly happy or always getting along being married is about 2 very different individuals who can't live without each another. But can survive life changes, job changes, births and raising children, stress, down times, moodiness, happy times, health issues, moves, busy schedules and supporting one another to be themselves and choosing to collectively agree to like and share similar interests but also to have the ability to pursue their own thing separately and for that to be ok with their partner. We are not always going to think like our partner, we will not always agree with their decisions or ideas- we may not always feel the support our expectations want them to give. Which I am positively certain we as their partner also don't always meet every expectation they have of us and that is ok... if everyone always agreed with one another, life sure would be pretty boring! We have joined their attributes as well as their faults when we committed in the first place. It is concentrating on their attributes and what joy they give us that initially ignited and continues to spark why we chose them and why we continue to chose them. When you are mad as hell, let down or disappointed remember that spark... cherish it, reignite it! Savor life's joys, count life's blessings and continue to nurture your relationship, don't take the other person for granted and continue to ignite that spark as often as you need. Don't dwell on the wrongs, the mistakes or the disappointments, we all have them and we all do them. Play with passion, don't do anything with less than your whole heart when it comes to your partner, put them first before your children, as they were (in most cases) in the picture first. Continue to engineer harmony, you don't have to always be right or get in the last word. Let it be easy and with choice and appreciation, respect and most of all LOVE. -Be completely humble and gentle, be patient bearing with one another in LOVE. - Ephesians 4:2

Good Friday Relfection Change your Happiness Level

For years I have said to my son, adjust your attitude. I am a rather positive person and when he talks to me in a whiny or negative attitude voice it makes my skin crawl. Nothing can get Momma more upset that this. His crappy demeanor can change my attitude on a dime! Should it? Absolutely not, do I have control over anyone else's attitude but me? Nope... however, as a mom, and I human you better believe I can make suggestions! How people act and react to their situation that are around me, does often play into my attitude as well...I strive not to let my circumstances get me down, but sometimes they just do. Do I forgive, forget and move on quickly? You bet I do it is my nature, but sometimes I allow my reactions to take control of me! I AM the creator of my experience. I can choose inner peace at anytime. I should harness my energy to my advantage and to make a positive impact on others. In the midst of any horrible circumstances, challenging days and upsetting occurrences... I am always looking to find a positive spin on things. In the last few days when I have went to tell my son to "adjust his attitude" I have caught myself and stated, "Change your Happiness Level" for me this has a more positive connotation then what I was previously saying to him, and I believe his reaction to it is less negative. The same may be said for today, "Good Friday"- how would it be viewed if it was called "death friday" or "tragic friday" or something of that nature... what would our attitudes reflect about the day? It is called Good Friday for a reason... As I reflect on today being Good Friday, a sacred Holy Day people probably ask themselves... Why in the heck, if Jesus died do they call it "Good" Friday? What could possibly be good about the death of someone? The term "Good" as applied to Good Friday is an Old English expression meaning holy. It's also often called Holy Friday. From another aspect, Good Friday is always tied to Easter Sunday, which is a joyful celebration of the resurrection of Jesus. He could not have been resurrected if he had not died first. Sometimes we just need to change our perspective and change our happiness level to balance out our negative interpretation of something. Luke 23:44-47 NIV The Death of Jesus 44 It was now about noon, and darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon, 45 for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. 46 Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When he had said this, he breathed his last. 47 The centurion, seeing what had happened, praised God and said, “Surely this was a righteous man.”

Back to School Blues

Yesterday was my son's first day back to school after a long 16 day spring break! Even though we had a hectic 2 weeks and I was filled with the blessing of an abundance of business at the very same time, a boy who started out spring break with pink eye and urgent care, a terrible bout of allergies, multiple baseball camps, practices and a few games and LOTS of fishing... I enjoyed every minute of the juggle. Yesterday made me realize that when he is not in school I tend to be a much more calm, less stressed individual who really enjoys what I have. I can't say I even slept in at all on his break as I get up around 5:00 when my husband goes to work... but I did immensely enjoy the peacefulness of not being rushed in the morning to make the bell at his school. He of course on break didn't always sleep in, in fact most days he was up way before the time I had to drag him out of bed just to get awake and ready for his normal school routine. I am sure I am not the only parent who this happens to! A few early morning fishing trips, a lot of play time and family time was had... I can honestly say I love the form of year round school we have. 7 weeks in the summer, 2 at fall, 3 at Christmas and 2 at spring break, and all the normal holidays. It really breaks up the routine, we can enjoy some down or play time not worrying about school and homework but going back after the breaks is really a hard adjustment. Yesterday morning I was determined not to let it get the best of me. However, I felt myself slip back into cranky mommy mode as I tried to get him up for school, struggling with him not wanting to go, having to remind him repeatedly to get dressed, making breakfast, making his lunch for school, where are your shoes? feed the dogs! Turn the T.V. off and get your shoes and socks, brush your teeth (8 times), come let me fix your hair, going out to feed the animals, getting myself ready as I had an early appointment... then walking out the door to be reminded he had no water bottle, returning inside to make the water bottle to go back out and find him riding his scooter instead of in the truck buckled up ready to go.. my head spins and I spew out angrily because I am such an on time person that I hate for him or I to be late for ANYTHING. He has never been tardy and by goodness now is not the time to start. As we pull out of the driveway we pray on our way to school like every morning for his day, his teacher, his classmates, for him to be kind and nice to everyone and for him to focus and retain what he needs to learn. As we pull into the busy school and park, getting out of the truck is another chore, in my mind he must be the slowest, pokiest kid out there I swear. I wonder to myself if other mothers have this same struggle. I take something into the school bought at a garage sale over break for the PTA (I am the president) and run into 2 other PTA moms. We stand and chat in the middle of the hall as my son stands there irritated that he is ready to get to before school recess, he finally interrupts me and I remind him I am talking and he doesn't have to wait for me to walk him 25 more feet to the recess door. His look makes me irritated but I walk him anyway and he says as he is walking out the door "you made me miss recess" as I see a teacher on the playground out of the corner of my eye, I do the little pointer finger you better get your little butt back here NOW signal... he semi rolls his eyes and walks back into the hall. Then I proceed to tell him that he will not be disrespectful and talk to me like that. He had every opportunity to walk himself to recess and he did not! I was not holding him back and I will not take responsibility of his lack of recess that morning. He apologized although a little grumpily and I kissed him on the head as he made his way back out the door to line up with the other kids. Sure I was mad, but it made me realize that neither one of us were ready to get back into the school routine, both of us got 16 days worth of getting used to each other being around most of the time all day and both of us probably woke up a little cranky knowing it was time to go back to the school routine. Does that make it okay for us to have bad attitudes, absolutely not... but it does reflect how close we are and that spending time as a family is of great importance to build that bond where it is hard to be apart. I am truly blessed to be a Mom to such a loving caring individual that I am so grateful I was chosen to raise him. Yesterday after school we got home and I was out in my chicken coop feeding and filling up the water when he yelled at me to call or text our neighbor to see if everything was ok! I guess he heard her little girl (4 years old) screaming... when I called she was so touched that he was concerned.. I guess she got into some ants that were crawling all over her and biting her and scared her. When I let him know she was ok he was truly relieved.. I love this little boy with all my heart and pray that he stays as sweet as can be. Next time I am irritated or mad, I need to just breath, remain calm and remember these moments. I am going to try to breath in the mornings... to take a deep breath before I react to his lack of concern for our time schedule and utilize my kind, caring and positive attitude skills to create a non-hostel environment before school, to avoid setting a sour mood for his day! Positive or Negative mornings can truly stage the day and make or break the experience you have... A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. - Proverbs 15:1 NIV Be gentle when you are speaking to your kids... you are their example. - Dani The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. - Dorothy Nevill

Stop the Talk!

In my heart of hearts I know that I am a good person. I am a do-gooder who wants to make a difference to other people.. who wants to help... to fix things... to step in when someone else can't, to lighten someone's load or brighten someone's day. Even when people are mean to me, walk all over me, take advantage or me or make me cry or feel like I have failed, I bounce back and do good. I treat people the way that I feel God wants me to treat them, even when it isn't appreciated or well received. They say when someone slaps you turn the other cheek right? That is my philosophy, no matter how much someone hurts me I continue to forgive and love because that is the right thing to do. This is why it is especially hard for me when someone questions my integrity or intentions. When they feel my gestures are ill-willed or self absorbed. When they say that I do things to make myself look good... this is NOT my intention. I want to consider myself a selfless person... I try to give to others first, serve as I was taught by my parents and love unconditionally. I offer to help, I encourage and support with the best intentions in mind... but I have to understand in a majority selfish world, some people don't receive my intentions as selfless, I somehow for some reason have an ulterior motive, when in fact that is far from the case. I am a committed person who tries hard to stick to everything I say I am going to do, to fulfill every promise and to follow through with every good intention... do I get disappointed when someone else commits or says they will do something that they do not follow through... yes, I do because honestly it is disappointing... am I saying that I am always perfect, absolutely not at all. It is hard to be accused of doing good deeds and works for selfish intentions... that is not me. I don't need the recognition, I don't need to be patted on back for everything I do, does it feel good when someone recognizes me, you bet it does, but that is NOT what I am seeking. I just do what I do because that is who I am. It is in my DNA so to speak. My parent's instilled in me to do good for others, to serve God's people no matter what. Love unconditionally no matter how much I get taken advantage of, spit on, or my feelings hurt. I have to come to terms with the fact that not everyone will see my intentions as selfless or beneficial to them, not everyone is going to like me, not everyone will receive my "good deeds" as appreciated. I need to be okay with that. I need to stop struggling to prove that my intentions are selfless... I need to just be me and Let it Go! No one person should be able to change our motivation, our optimism or our attitude. I need to nurture the amazing relationships that I do have, to focus on more of what I want, the people I love and move forward and count my blessings not my heartaches. Learning to get over hurts and resentments, rude people, and disappointments can free up more room for the positive energy needed to focus on reaching those who need you the most. Jesus Christ said: “Do not resist him that is wicked; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other also to him.”—Matthew 5:39. Jesus’ teaching in his Sermon on the Mount regarding ‘turning the other cheek’ reflects the true spirit of God’s Law to Israel. Jesus did not mean that if his followers are struck on one side of the face, they should stagger to their feet and offer the other side as a target. In Bible times, as is often true today, a slap was not intended to injure physically but was an insult intended to provoke a reaction, a confrontation. Evidently, then, Jesus meant that if one person tried to goad another into a confrontation with a literal slap—or with stinging sarcasm—the person slapped should avoid retaliating. Instead, he should attempt to avoid what could become a vicious circle of rendering evil for evil.—Romans 12:17. It is my intention to not take revenge on someone to not make them feel like they made me feel. To vent if needed to someone I trust and then let it go, not continue to talk ill about them or try to reason with their intentions...or try to "be right" to just give it to God and move on with my day.

Mom Patience

If you are anything like me mom patience is something I lack.... probably at least half if not most of the time... why can I be patient with my clients, adults, friends, crazy drivers, people who put me on hold forever on the phone, all those people who I don't even have a personal relationship with... but when it comes to my child... all that patience goes out the window? Why? I have asked myself this question over and over and over again. Do I save it for every situation and person that would think I was a "nut job" if I went off on them for no apparent reason.. sometimes yes... Is it because he is my kid and I expect more from him? Do I think he should know my every move and be in sync with it? Should I expect a 7 year old to never whine, complain or want things he cannot have? Am I truly focusing on what he needs/wants from me or am I constantly thinking about the next thing I need to do.. Probably. Should I focus on the task at hand! Absolutely... as mom's are we constantly multitasking... the fear in the back of our mind that we will NOT get it all done, someone will be disappointed in us, we may have to say no to something, we may in the midst of doing so many things, actually mess something up! My kid is super mature for his age, however, I need to be at peace with the fact that he is a kid. Everyday is a constant struggle for me to be patient, kind and loving when he does something that I don't want him to, that I don't expect him to or that is seriously just a kid thing! He isn't 30 Dani, he is 7 I tell myself. Some might say controlling... some might say just a MOM thing! Do I stick him in that I have patience for everyone else so I need to unload on him box? My mom and I had that relationship... we were able to vent, scream, yell, get mad at each other sometimes call each other names and had the capability to bounce back be happy and loving in 0.6 seconds if we had to. It was just our nature! We had that understanding, ever since my dad passed away when I was 14 it was just my mom and I for years and years. We coped, we understood, we loved unconditionally NO MATTER WHAT. For me to put that same expectation on my husband or son...probably not the best decision... but truly I miss that ability to do so... I miss my mom everyday! To lose my patience and have an understanding that I just needed to vent, blow-up, scream or cry to get my anger and frustrations out from all of the people and situations where I HAD to be patient and really didn't want to, bottle up my feelings and sometimes they just unload, unexpectedly, the days where everyone is pulling me in 27 different directions, clients calling, texting, and needing answers immediately all at the same time, on top of my already busy day combined with the needs of my family and the expectations of the programs/organizations that I volunteer for. Some may say I do too much, I give to much, but I really thrive when I am busy and the small amount of times it gets to me... outweigh the impact and the satisfaction I get from making a difference... It is my nature to nurture. I pray every morning that God gives me the patience, kindness and understanding that a good mom/wife should have... does it always make my day smoother and my patience stronger... not always... but everyday is a new day and a chance to learn from my mistakes, pray for patience for the people who deserve it the most- my family and go about my day. Be humble and gentle in every way, be patient with each other and lovingly accept each other. -Ephesians 4:2

Is He Calling You?

I went to church with one of my friends on Sunday... great message as a whole, however, the one thing I took a note of and it has been lingering with me this whole week so far is the Pastor saying, "God does not call the qualified, he qualifies the called." There are so many things that popped into my mind then and have continued to this week, about myself and my family and what we are suppose to be doing to spread the message of His Love... especially this Easter Season we are in. How often have I thought that I wasn't qualified to do something? Whether in my home, career, community or church. That isn't possibly something that I could do, I don't have the skills necessary to do that, why would I think I could accomplish this, or learn how to do that, do I have time, is it convenient? Questions swirling around in my inner thoughts as I struggle some task, some burning in my soul, some urge to try something that I think is beyond my measures or skill level... Is this yearning God? Is this gut feeling that I have regarding this or that something I should purse or just my silly mind churning... I am sure lots of you have had this gut feeling, this urge to do something deep in your soul that you didn't expect or have absolutely no idea how to pursue, so you shut it off in that mind of yours and move on to the known... Our fear of the unknown or our limiting beliefs that we are not qualified to do something take over and we shut down. Sometimes I have pursued these feelings but often times I just let it go and move on with my busy everyday life tasks at hand. Sometimes I fight urges and resist callings because of fear or lack of knowledge about what is ahead... I strongly urge you today that if you have something that has been lurking inside of you to move forward, give it to God let Him guide you and let him qualify your calling, you may just not already need to be qualified. Have a Blessed Day! Somehow life will work out. Go and reach your maximum potential...

Hubby to the rescue!

Rushing to get out the door, a day filled with tasks, a doctor's appointment, finding a place for my son after school...a conversation on the way to school with my son regarding my job and if I actually work... "well you don't work as hard as daddy..." the words stung like a bee... really, this kid has no concept of what I do to enjoy more time with him, anytime.. I am my own boss.. I control how busy or slow I am... he sees me home a lot... to a 7 year old that isn't working hard I guess... why did I let a 7 year old make me tear up about something he at 7 can't possibly appreciate....- "mom, I am not trying to be rude," he insisted. We set out with his bike so he could ride home with some friends after school so I could go to a long awaited doctor's appointment. Upon arriving at school and taking the bike out of the back of the truck we discovered the tire was flat... "great" I thought... just one more thing to add to my already hectic busy day.. I had to blow up birthday balloons for one of the teacher's at school for the PTA, meet a mom for coffee to discuss a project, put a listing/pictures in the computer, had to draw up listing paperwork for another couple, look up houses, make phone calls, check on a short sale, get over to a client's house to do some touch-up cabinet work because he was out of town... and the list went on and on. "Ok honey, I will go home and get your scooter and come back and collect your bike... no worries." 2 hours after we had this conversation I already forgot about the bike, the exchange and my promise to my son... why.. because I had at least 5 conversations after that one of which lasted 30 minutes with a client, that led my mind and focus in other directions. I had a last minute booking to see 5-6 houses and I still had to make the appointments to view them and then get ready and look presentable to show... Good gosh it was only 11:00 and I had been up since 4:30 and still felt behind. In my business for the last 16 years, you realize sometimes you have to go with the flow of the client... if you do not have a specific appointment that keeps you from meeting with them, you may as well go... otherwise you have to plan another time that may be less convenient or risk the loss of viewing the home that they really want because they waited to see it... in a market with low inventory, the good stuff that is priced right goes fast for the most part. On the way to viewing the houses I remembered the bike... already 20+ minutes away from my home! "UGH!" Really!? And the mom of the year award goes to...I quickly called my friend whose house he was going to after school and she came up with a solution of taking him a scooter from her house so he could "ride" to their house after school... but than his bike would have to stay locked at school over night as it would NOT fit in her car. Dilemma.. Newer Bike... Sports Authority Going Out of Business Sale... Great Deal... not going to find that again if it get's stolen... all this flashed through my mind! Would I have time to show the homes, drive back to the school 25 minutes, grab the bike and go back 25 minutes to make it to my doctors appointment at 3? It was 2:04... hmmmm... I made a quick phone call to a really good friend who has an SUV and also picks up her son from school.... After a 25 minute pow wow conversation about both our somewhat unexpected day...as she had things pop up as well. I was reassured she would step in and rescue the bike at parent pick-up... prayers do get answered, sometimes you just need to ask for a little help. In the meantime having a conversation with a client who had chosen not to renew their listing at this time when it expires in 1 week, after almost 6 months of money and time spent marketing this home, I was devastated, did she not understand all the effort I put in? That sometimes it is just the right timing... sometimes it is not the agent's efforts or lack there of... sometimes it is expectations, sometimes it is finding that right buyer who maybe hasn't come along yet, or the house she is suppose to buy after she sells her current one is not yet available... I spent a lot and did a lot and thought outside the box a lot and things are just starting to finally pick up for her price range and location and after she takes it off the market and does some updating... she may or may not relist with ME? Really... I did everything I could... how can I save this is all that was going in my mind... A small conversation with hubby, who bless his heart doesn't always find the right words to comfort me when my mind blames itself for what could I have done different, better... His words this time came exactly as needed, he said what I needed to hear to let go of what was beyond my control and realize that if I do everything with a whole heart, with passion and positive energy, even the times it does not work out.... I can't always change the choices and reactions of others... but I can chose how I respond, how I react, how I feel and how I move forward... I don't have to chose to "take it personally." You cut your losses and go on. After hanging up with him my mind was more clear for the wheels to start turning and come up with a plan... if the listing wasn't going to renew and I still had a week left to try... think outside the box Dani, think outside the box... some money is better than none, and I quickly emailed the client with a plan.. Next onto the doctor for a long awaited appointment to discuss none other than getting my tubes tied... After years and years of birth control.. I was done having this little pill dictate my moods... the older I get the more it becomes a risk and my family's history isn't all the best with women and health effects... My insurance (God bless my hubby's amazing county job) covers the whole surgery 100%! But just like any surgery.. there are risks and I wanted to discuss exactly what those are. In the meantime I get a text from a client who wants to see a house sometime after 4 in NE Mesa... I was sitting in San Tan Valley at doctor's office at 3:08... hmmm... okay how do we make this work... Appointment to show scheduled for 5:00- clients and I arrive at 4:40 up to the front of the home... in the meantime trying to discuss with another client and figure out how she can get the home of her dreams that we wrote an offer on 2 days prior and got rejected... what loan program, how much down, what changes, additions could we do to get her to where the seller needed to NET in order to say yes to the house. Sometimes, just as my son cannot "see" this back and forth, this negotiation, the internal stress...It can be just as hard work, just as exhausting as my husband's physical job. What we perceive is not always reality. What looks like an easy, cake-like job where I have flexibility and can be my own boss, can make my own hours and make " a lot" of money per deal... in actuality if you divided out the hours I spend, the driving I do and the amount of time my brain works in between negotiating and getting that client into or out of their home... It can really be negative dollars per hour in some cases! I actually calculated it once on a really hard deal I did... never will I do that again.. so disappointing! You always have to strive for the bigger picture... I am helping someone and what is truly right for me must also serve others. After almost 1 hour in this home, you could see my client's excitement and spinning wheels in their head of the potential of this house... as they left to discuss putting in an offer, I climbed back into the truck to have received an email from my almost expired listing client agreeing to my outside the box thinking... she even noted a message thanking me for thinking outside the box... Awesome! My client trying to get the home of her dreams came across yet another hiccup... so we were back to square one but had another option they had to ponder regarding coming in with more money to make it work...did they really want to do this, did they want to try and keep looking for a less expensive house? We will see what God has in store for them and if this house is meant to be theirs we will find another way. I ran to the store for salad stuff, as this was apparently my cheat day as I had a donut for breakfast ( I rarely even eat donuts), french fries and an iced-coffee for lunch... and a couple bites of an apple! I assumed a salad for dinner was most appropriate, but we had ran out of lettuce... I picked Paxton up from his friends, ran to my other friend's house for his bike and set out for home... I think we arrived a little after 7:00.. My husband had made his own dinner, fed all our animals and cleaned up. I made Paxton mac and cheese, myself a salad and we all talked about our day. Earlier in the day I had mentioned to hubby my son and I's conversation regarding my work or what he thought was a lack there of. Paxton welled up with tears and said he wasn't trying to be mean... he was embarrassed. We reassured him that we were not upset or mad at him... Dad told him of the importance of my job, how it contributes to our household, allows him to be in all the activities he is in and have a mom that is mostly around all the time but still works... that was the 2nd time in one day my husband made me proud that almost 19 years ago I chose him to spend the rest of my life with... it is moments like these that no matter the hustle and bustle the day throws at you. When you are united as a family, supportive of one another and on the same page with your goals and desires... life supports me to be myself. Life shows me that I am enough and I have enough. I am the creator of my experience. Let life be easy... I am too blessed to be stressed. There could be far worse encounters and conditions than what my day brought... and for that I am thankful for what I have. A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. Proverbs 31: 10-12

Exercise Humility

In church yesterday our Priest talked about what it means to have humility. The Beatitudes of the Bible teaching and why humility brings us closer to God. I really took the time to reflect on what that means to me. Sometimes being humble means getting stepped on, beat up, taken advantage of because you are doing things without any expectation of favors or good deeds in return. You are doing what you do out of the kindness of your heart, out of love and admiration and you are serving others based on the will God has intended for your life. Sometimes people can get burned out by doing all the time and not getting anything in return. This is when it is most important to keep doing right by others. God says if you take good care of his people, he will take care of you. Mother Teresa in my opinion was a great example of someone who lived a life of humility! She is an amazing figure who practiced what she believed and did so without any expectations from anyone. She lived a simple life... but her life was full... not from the riches of this earth but of the confidence in knowing she was pleasing God and living her life based on serving him. I truly believe she is in Heaven receiving all her riches now. Those who live their life with passion for what they believe in and a passion to serve others cannot accomplish this with less than a whole heart! My goal this week is to be kind and gentle, to give more than I have, to stop and practice acts of kindness, to cultivate optimism, to avoid social comparison, to forgive others, to nurture my relationships and exercise humility... I am way to blessed to be stressed and there are often times when engineering Harmony is better than being right... so I will let go of anger and disappointment, respect others and use kind words. I hope that everyone's week is filled with many blessings and that you savor life's joys! The hate and anger in the world around us is just another reason to let go of hurts and disappointments and let life be easy. No one needs to further complicate things... there is always a next level of relaxation you can go to in any situation. Start today.

THE EIGHT BEATITUDES OF JESUS "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God. Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." Gospel of St. Matthew 5:3-10

Blessings of Clutter

For any of you who know me well know that I really can't stand clutter (well except for on my desk filled with papers in stacks where I swear to you I know where everything is! HA!) In my kitchen in my living room, in my sink... I really have learned in the last few years sometimes I am just too busy and I need to let it go... but I still get that achy feeling when stuff is lying around. On days that I am in too much of a hurry that I didn't have time to make my bed, it actually bothers me throughout the day that I didn't wake up an extra 5 minutes early to do so. But yesterday a friend of mine wrote about turning 30 and how letting go of certain things as we age helps us to appreciate the other things we have an opportunity to partake in... pick your battles RIGHT? as they say... If my house is a little messy once in awhile or there is stuff that just doesn't get put away immediately after each use... am I still me? Is my family still functioning? Are we so busy living our life that we are creating memories instead of constant friction with our children or spouse so that we are nagging to remind them to pick up after themselves! Is it worth the negative vibe or words or yelling or whatever you may do to stress their lack of concern for their mess? Ask yourself what is more important? The stress of constantly having to be tidy and presentable or enjoying time with your friends and family and doing what it is that makes you happy. Don't get me wrong... I am completely happy when I have a clean house. Living in the desert with family members, horses and 3 dogs..dirt is tracked in on a daily basis. But I will not take memories of dirt or a clean house to Heaven with me... Don't get so behind and overwhelmed that you live in constant dirt... but don't stress over the few items that may be out of place or cluttering up your living room floor. It means your child is engaging in toys that he has, or you ate dinner together and your dishwasher is full but just didn't have time to get to all the dishes that night. Make your family your priority not your counters or kitchen table. Will I still strive to keep a clean house, you bet I will that is just me, but can I relax and let it go sometimes? You bet I am working on that... EVERY DAY! Life is full of unexpected twists and turns you may not be prepared for ... Enjoy the people you love as if it is the last time you will see them... it just may be! Matthew 6:19 Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal

Shut Yesterday's Door

I had a recent occurrence that really made me question if I did everything I possibly could to help or if I could have done more. I was lied to and that really stung. I talked it through with a few close friends and played it over and over and over in my head. I even cried over it! I was struggling to "let it go." Last night a client of mine posted something on my social media wall that made me reassure myself that I can please some... but not everyone! Thanks Kristal. As long as I do my best, I cannot blame myself for someone else's expectations. I value myself as a good person who tries really hard to help everyone and do my best everyday at what I do. So often we can play over and over in our heads a situation that occurred. Normally it is something that goes wrong. We re-play it over and over again to see what we could have done differently, said differently, reacted differently to change or prevent a certain occurrence. However, doing this often adds to the stress we are creating for ourselves and we mentally conjure up things in our mind that may or may not even be true regarding how the other person views the situation. Being human this is going to happen, we as humans are often "fixers" and we want to be able to mend a situation or at least learn from our mistake. I have found that sometimes it isn't even something that we did wrong or didn't do that causes another person to react a certain way. It honestly just might be that person... so the next time you go blaming yourself for something that failed or didn't work out just know that if you did the best you could with what you have and were the best person you could be and that wasn't enough for someone else... it just may be them and not you. So mull over it a little, because you know you will. Then shut the door rise above the situation and move on to continue being the best you can be for all the other amazing people in your life who truly value your help. "shut the door on yesterday leave what happened in the grave you were made to rise you were made to shine Creation’s longing for the day for kings and queens to take their place you were made to rise you were made to shine" - Danny Gokey

Nurture Relationships

How easy it is for us to often take those closest to us for granted. To think that they will always be there tomorrow or the next day or the next week? I have had the unfortunate opportunity to attend a few funerals in the last week. Not something that one regularly strives to do. All the beautiful things said about that person once they are gone, you hope are said while that person was alive, that the person truly knew how others felt and it just wasn't assumed. When these deaths are so close in our thoughts it helps us hone back to how important our family, friends and relationships truly are! Everyone says to call those you love, hug a little tighter, take time to spend with those around you that are most important. Don't leave things unsaid, don't forget to thank others and tell them how you truly care about them. After the sting of death wears off a little, it is so easy to fall back into our everyday hustle and bustle of pushing things off with our compliments to others so that other things can get done. Working, making money, projects, deadlines and all that comes with life and responsibilities. And although we might tend to not nurture our relationships all the time like we should... we must strive to do this. Whether is is just being kind and nice to those around us, doing some little thing to practice an act of kindness. A short email to someone who doesn't live close, a text to just say " I am thinking about you." A note in a lunch box, 15-30 minutes where we turn off our phone and pay attention no distractions. Taking time at night to eat dinner together, pray together, practice the habit of going around the table and picking 1 thing you are each grateful for that day! Life is a blessing, our family, friends and animals are a blessing. There are so many things to be thankful for that 1 thing should be easy to share with those you love... Sometimes we do 3-5 each! Practicing thankfulness for the things you have causes a ripple affect of more things you can be thankful for. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 "Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing."

Define Success

When I think about how success is defined I always wonder if what I consider success is what others consider success. What does success mean to me? What does it mean to you? Sometimes I get in a slump and wonder what am I scrambling around to do to be successful? What are my goals, are my actions lining up or am I off track? Do I need an adjustment to my mind set to be successful? Is having enough success? Do you have to win an award or fame to be considered successful? Does it matter if others view you as successful as long as you view yourself as such? Merriam-Webster's definition of success is "the fact of getting or achieving wealth, respect, or fame.: the correct or desired result of an attempt. : someone or something that is successful: a person or thing that succeeds." When I view others and contemplate what I think makes them successful it is definitely from my view point. I tend to view what they have, where they have come from and now are or how they are changing lives every day. As many books as I have read, webinars I have listened to, seminars I have been to and motivational experts I have admired I gauge what I feel is their success by what I see and hear. Mostly people might define success as how much money someone makes or wealth and possessions they acquire. Maybe they started out with nothing and built a huge empire. Then I wonder does success in the monetary aspect always equate to happiness? I see these actors/actresses/sports icons/politicians and such and sometimes they don't always seem happy, always chasing happiness. Are these people that I am viewing as successful defining success as I am viewing them as successful or does success take on a different meaning in their eyes? To me I define success not as the amount of money I collect, the things that I have, the awards that I have won, the amount of houses that I sold the books I have had published but as the amount of lives that I am able to touch on a continual basis and making a difference even to the smallest degree. Am I successful in my home life? Does my husband and son respect and admire me for my actions? Yes, money and wealth are great bonuses... that is how I pay my bills, have nice things and enjoy life... however I like the dictionary definition that states "success is the correct or desired result of an attempt"... my desired attempt is to help and serve others...if I can do this on a daily basis I am successful. Surround yourself with positive people today, strive to be a better you. Serve the Lord by serving others. And realize that success defined for you, may be completely different than how someone else views your success or even views their own.

Cultivate Optimism

I try hard not to make New Year's Resolutions that I will not keep. I see this happen over and over again to so many people. It is cliche the amount of people who make and break goals within such a short period of time. Is it because the goals are too far out of their reach? Do they get board with the goals they set? Are the goals sabotaged by something else that is going on in their life? Are they just really not committed? Do they really not want it bad enough? These are probably all reasons, whether single or combined that face a lot of people who make these resolutions. I do not want to be that person. I do not want to be disappointed in myself for not sticking to something that I say to others that I am going to do. Sometimes life gets in the way, goals change and circumstances hinder! Therefore this year I do not strive to make that specific goal but an in general resolution. I want to be a better person, not only to my family, my friends and my clients, I want to be a better person to myself. Because in all honestly that is where it starts... I am in control of my thoughts, my attitude and my actions. I can control these things even though I would like to sometimes blame circumstances that I cannot! This is simply not true, I CAN turn a bad day into a good one, I CAN smile at others when I am feeling blue, I CAN love others unconditionally, I can be happy despite my circumstances no matter hard it is, Happiness is a choice! Choose it. Make an effort to see the upside of a situation and surround yourself with positive people! Start today... don't delay... Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and celebrating it for everything that it is. - Mandy Hale