As Paxton walked out the door this morning, he was already in a
sour mood from waking up later than he had intended and still frustrated with his
hair not being cut and laying properly (teenage problems) due to his barber being
sick for the last month and dead set against trying anyone new for fear they
will “f*k it up… his words not mine. I cheerfully told him to have a great day
with the retort response that that was “that’s impossible, because I have to go
to school.” I wanted to coach him into having a better outlook on his day. The positive optimistic mom in me wanted to get in the last word about his attitude and how his
day went had more to do with him than his circumstances but come on friends let’s
be real- it is like talking to a wall sometimes with these teens! And then I
stopped because no matter what I had to say, I knew he had to be open to receiving
it, and I guarantee at that moment he was not. They don’t even want to begin to
take mom’s advice, that would be absurd. LOL! If they only knew fast forwarding 15-20 years
and they will be in the same situation, I am sure. Trying to figure out what to
say to their teen. Like by then they or I haven’t
lived at all through what they are experiencing now. Granted not exactly. Times
are different, social media, phones and entitlement were not a thing in my day but I was still a teen, and experienced doubts, fears, emotions, feeling out of
place, wanting to fit in, look good, have friends, find my way, getting through
the boring and mundane classes, navigating my interests and dealing with teachers
and people that I just didn’t care for or didn't like me! And actually a lot of us still have
those fears and feelings as adults!
As I bit my tongue and decided to just text an encouraging
quote at some point today which I often do during the week for him. He doesn’t
normally respond unless it is an “I love you”, or “nice”, but I know he does
take note of what I send, and I can only hope it might just slightly change his
outlook. And then I know it is worth sending! I was reminded of a few things
that happened this week that brought me back to how much control and power we
actually have over our thoughts. I will say Sunday, being 2 years since Steve
passed my weekend did not quite go as peaceful or relaxed as I would have
hoped, I was surrounded by family and good friends who just knew what I needed
and how to handle me even thought I wasn’t certain what I needed, but I did
gain insight about my journey that I did not have prior to these feelings and the extra emotions
and crying that did need to happen to force myself to think forward.
I have made it a point to bring love, light and hope into a lot of people’s lives over the years. I want people to believe in themselves and their abilities. To forward think, to be confident in their talents and choices and dream big dreams! I am not super competitive I am a huge cheerleader! In boosting others, I can remind myself of my strengths, abilities and talents and push myself a little more forward to my dreams, goals and that peace and harmony which is my main goal in life. Peace, joy, and happiness outweigh any amount of money I can make, time I can spend, or effort I put forth to accomplish worldly things. I want to share this with others, give them the tools to help them believe in themselves, accomplish their goals and desires, and think forward. My past has shaped who I am today for certain and sometimes I have looked at the glass half full and sometimes to be honest half empty. But as it has been said, the glass is refillable, always! If you haven't, read How Full Is Your Bucket by Mary Reckmeyer and Tom Rath
I have had several people approach me lately uncertain of
their choices, afraid of what could go wrong in the process, afraid to fail,
second guessing themselves, doubting their abilities, and just plain lacking
the confidence in themselves to feel safe in their endeavors, whether it is getting out of a situation or embarking on a new one. I am really good
at bringing them back to their center, regaining confidence in themselves and
their choices, or helping them rethink what it is that they are trying to
accomplish and refocus their steps to get there. We all often allow outside
noise including neigh-sayers or jealous people to clout our minds with doubt,
and often it is for fear of embarrassment or thoughts of someone being able to say
“I told you so”. Absolutely no one has that much power over you without your
permission! We can’t always guarantee something we do whether new or familiar is
going to work out, but if we don’t try, we will always be wondering. If we try
and fail, we at least tried. My advice is to concentrate on what can go right not what could go wrong,
visualize the outcome and how it feels once you get to your end result and
focus on that feeling. All the stuff along the way is just distracting fluff to discourage you! Don't let shit get in the way.
I have encountered several eye-opening experiences this week, encounters with friends, acquaintances, and messages or readings I have come across that have moved me along the path that I have been contemplating for the last four years or so in helping others in a larger capacity then I already do. Last year at this time I thought my calling was being approached to lead a grief share group at a local church, and I do believe God wanted me in that space at the time to serve a purpose but now I feel I am being led to help move me forward into a new way for me to help others through a different type of leadership and connection.
A friend needed a little encouragement this week so I wrote a affirming mantra and sent it to her and a few women who needed
that self-confidence boost in their recent endeavors and reminded them not only
to say this statement out loud every morning to start their day off on a positive
note, but also to control their breathing and recite it every time they
got stressed or doubted their abilities. All agreed with what I wrote and
thanked me for sharing, one actually referred to me as her life coach! Words in a text or on a page will, however, not change
your life, unless you believe in them and continue to take the actions necessary
to get to where you want to go. You have to chose to take the actions to change your life for the better.
My past experiences and my traumas throughout my life have definitely
had me question a lot of things, but I have never lost my faith and have maintained
a positive approach, found the silverling, moved forward and not let my circumstances
stand in the way of my dreams, goals or accomplishments. Things may be put on
hold sometimes, but my confidence and determination outweigh my doubt. It isn’t
for gentle nudging, reframing my thoughts constantly or reminding myself how truly
awesome, unique, and purposeful I am in this world that make the difference. We should always be constantly evolving. I want
to do that for others, I want them to be able to give the nudge needed to grasp
a hold of their dreams, goals, desires, confidence and take it to the next
level. I want God to bring into my life the people who need my help the most,
the ones that I can bring inspiration to and that will pay it forward. What are
you afraid of in taking your next step, let’s figure it out and get you on your
way to fulfilling your entrepreneurial spirit, finding your center in your
daily life or current job or relationship where you are struggling and turn the
corner to the next best you. You have the power within you to do it, but just
need the tools, nudging and reassurance that you are not alone and not too far
off from reaching your greatest potential.
A friend of mine recently won a very prestigious and honorable award in her line of business and gave a speech about her life, her setbacks, traumas, and determination based on one of the principles her Nana taught her. “No matter what you face, you have the choice if it makes you bitter or better!” She has carried this with her since she was young a message ringing in the back of her head, and so did I but in a different capacity. I grew up with a best friend, who was out of this world, her positive outlook on life even through the people’s lives she up-lifted and changed for the better especially during her illness in her short 10 years of life, it is like nothing else I have ever seen since, to the extreme opposite of my Grandma Pat, who I would consider to have been probably the most bitter person I have had the opportunity thus far to know. I used these people's examples or demeanors in my life to choose who I wanted to be more like and I still do. And believe me, I have been through so many things I could have easily chosen the path of bitterness, and no one would have faulted me for it. But why choose to live miserably, not enjoy my journey, not pursue my dreams, or go after what I want?
I am still here;
I deserve everything that makes me happy! This is something that I have always
felt, preached, and looked for in any of my circumstances. Silver linings, lessons or finding the
positive in any situation can make all the difference in catapulting you
forward, changing your mindset, and making a difference, not only in your
future, but in those around you. Your attitude, your demeanor, the way you
treat people, your mood walking into a room can set the tone, rub off on those
around you and you could really change someone’s day! It could be positive or
negative. Why not make those around you remember you as the upbeat hope filled
woman who trusts her hopes not her fears? Why not me? Now just like anything
else, I can provide encouragement, tools, advice, and a course of actions you can
take to better yourself, meet your goals or gain confidence in your abilities,
just like any other author, motivational speaker, life coach, business coach or
counselor out there. But you must want to do the work, take the suggestions, or
gain the knowledge and put it into your mindset, belief in yourself, and actions
necessary to become better instead of bitter.
I thank all of you who continue to read my blogs, respond to
my thoughts, resonate with, and thank me for my words, those who encourage me
beyond belief, reach out publicly or privately to tell me of a situation, encounter,
or connection to what I am speaking to you through my words or how much it has
changed your outlook on something you have or are experiencing. It is validating
to know I am inspiring others around me through my life experiences and my choice
to be better verses bitter and be vulnerable in sharing my journey. I want
everyone to be able to feel that for themselves.
If you are looking for life coaching or someone you know can
benefit from it, after 4 years of struggling with my own confidence and the limits
I placed on my abilities out of fear and whether I could benefit others to get
them to their greatest potential or not, I AM READY to serve you. The timing is right. Reach out, let’s chat.
Your first session is free and then I will offer a limited time low-cost plan
to fit your goals/needs. I know I have a few men followers, but this will be exclusively
offered to woman who want to learn to chose better over bitter or get them to
the next level of confidence in their business or take that step into executing
their ideas into their future goals with that extra boost of confidence that
they already have inside them and just need to awaken it to take control over
their future! We all have the right to flourish in this world, no one deserves
to make something more of themselves more than you do with a little determination
and positive push. Let's take you from the fear of f'*king it up to the confidence that you can make it happen.
I came across this poem I had written years ago in a picture
book I had made for my mom for her 60th birthday. At least 15 years
ago. I was spiritually nudged to go find this book this morning and skim through it. The timing in reading what I wrote and reflecting on the words couldn’t be
more appropriate to come across than now, so I will share it with you. I believe in divine intervention and being in tune with it and its timing.
I am who I am. I was born to be me. One of God’s children
who He died to set free. Awaiting her future, her purpose foretold before
walking those streets of gold. Many trials and errors, heartache, and pain. Pathways
before me seem like nothing's to gain. Promised I am that this temporary strife
will lead me to a better life. I walk the line waiting for His glorious sign.
How do I know what He wants me to be if I don’t believe what I already see? I
have a purpose, for this I know. I must take it to others to show. I am who I
am, I was born to be me, one of God’s children he died to set free. -danirae
