Resolutions? Stop Texting!

Resolutions- There are a ton of them. Lose weight, get healthy, quit something, start something, change jobs, move, read more, learn more, go back to school and on and on they go. What do you chose? How do you chose? What can you stick to? Here is what brought on mine. "Mom, mom, mom, can you come watch t.v. with me?" whined my 4 year old at nearly 8pm." "In a minute, let me finish working." 32 seconds later, "mom, are you ready?" "No honey, mommy is still finishing up her work." "Okay, he says a little sadder this time." I continue to try and finish up texts and emails so that I can sit with him awhile before bed, wanting to wrap up as much as I can and reflect that I didn't miss an important email, or client that may need an answer before the following day. This time he gave me about a minute and a half. "Mom, are you coming in the living room now?" "Almost honey, I am finishing this important work." Sitting practically on top of me in my office chair, I am slightly getting annoyed while finishing up my work. Doesn't he know that if he just leaves me alone for 10-15 minutes I would be done and able to enjoy him, oh wait, it is 8pm at night. Geez, and I am still working, while most of my clients got off at 5 or so and have enjoyed being off for about 3 hours now. This is the setback that comes with the flexibility of the job that I have that allows me more time at home. I am almost jealous of the people who go to work from 8-5 with no child interruptions and then come home to no work related thoughts until the next day, just free to spend time with their family, and then I realize those people also miss out on the middle of the day field trips, the school programs, day award ceremonies, and so on and I remember how truly blessed that I am!Yes, it is amazing, but sometimes we sacrifice normal family time with our spouse, our children, our weekends, to have this flexibility and freedom, is it worth it, well in my opinion, HECK YES! However, it needs to have its limits and as a professional, who works for myself and can set my own hours, my own limits and my own expectations my clients have of me, I need to remind myself to do so and to not waiver, unless extremely necessary. What I teach my clients to expect of me, they will follow suit, if they want to use my services. I need to be confident enough in what I have to offer them to put my phone down by 7:00 on week nights and walk away! If I don't have deadlines that need to be met, a deal that is in need of negotiating with a timeframe in mind, or something that is a disaster and about ready to fall apart, I need to evaluate a little better what I can push off until the next morning, at 5:30 when I am usually getting my start! Besides making enough money to provide for my family and live a comfortable life, nothing that I do is life threatening, or so important that I cannot set a stop time to make room for my loved ones. In all reality that is why I chose this career in the first place, so if I am not carrying that out, it is really pointless. My clients expect me to be available to them after "hours" and on weekends, because that is mostly when they are free to look, to talk and to work deals. So yes, I do have to be flexible, and yes sometimes I have to alter my days or my work hours to accommodate them, because that is how I make my living, however, when a child is aching to spend time with you right before they go to bed and they finally come back for about the 7 or 8th time in 10 minutes to check and see if you are now ready to come watch t.v. with them, and they have to say, "MOM, you have been texting all day, STOP TEXTING!" you realize you need to walk away and make a better choice, because the little innocence of your 4 year old son, will be 10, than 13, than 15 and in college before you can blink an eye!

Breaking Down but Human

Sometimes we have our moments when things just get a little too overwhelming. One thing after another after another in a short period of time and SNAP! I always worry that I might someday truly snap and do something that I can never reverse. Saying wrongful things, being mean beyond the forgiving point or just plain screwing up so bad there is no going back. Yet every time I tell myself to slow down, to take things one step at a time, to not let every one else's expectations of me control my pattern and my mood- I bounce back into that same routine. Sometimes you just want someone to tell you what is happening is normal, your feelings are normal, freaking out is normal- You just can't park yourself there. You must develop healthy coping strategies, if you don't have one. Pray, call a friend, take deep breaths, listen to music, walk-away from the situation, close your eyes (not recommended while driving). I found myself looking to call a friend yesterday, not for praise that I am a good person, but for reassurance that I am normal and my feelings, thoughts and frustrations are normal and that my freak out moment would go away and not define me, however, that person no longer being here that I wanted to call, lead me to first eat a lot ( which is a horrible coping mechanism, that I don't recommend, but an old standby), I decided to write down exactly what I thought she would tell me. This I did and was able to realize that she didn't have all the answers either, she was just a normal person like me who had experiences and moments to share. It is okay to have that freak out moment, to cry, to get angry. Just don't stay there, get the toxic thoughts out, the frustrations settled down and move on with the greater things in your life. Don't wait for something good to happen next to be happy, create your happy!

Give What you Need

Coming back from a 2 week vacation where my son had mommy and daddy EVERY day, back to a friend's passing, a hectic schedule, the daily grind, a little allergy/cold episode for both mommy and Paxton is enough to throw you off, but not necessarily a good excuse for your behavior. On Monday at preschool pick up I got the first negative report of the year about my son's behavior. This is enough to make any mother uncomfortable especially with months of good reports, and as a mother we always seem to take responsibility for our children's actions as a reflection of how well we are "mothering"! No treat was received that day from the teacher and trying to talk to a 4 year old like an adult regarding his behavior and mommy and daddy's disappointment in how he chose to conduct himself, is often overwhelming for a child. Mixing it with a little praise for the things that he does do well, I think helps little ones know that everything they do isn't bad, and encourages them to keep on doing the things that you are proud of. It has been a long week, getting back into the swing of things, dealing with emotions, grief, issues that arise with work, family activities and misbehaviors but I think we will all recover. Below is a link to a fellow blogger who just had the right words that I needed to hear this morning! Give What you Need she says! Our comfort comes to us in those that can share their similar experiences. I lost a dear friend this past week who was my "go to" mom when I felt doubt in my abilities to be a good mother. She seemed like the model mother with respectful kids that listened to her all the time, but in reality she was just a mom doing her best who went through many similar hair pulling, lock myself in a closet, needing Calgon to take her away situations just like me! I know that the days are gone that I can pick up the phone and call her to ease my stresses, say the right thing and calm my spirit. I do know however that in carrying on and sharing my stories of motherhood, stress and "losing it" may help other mom's going through the same or similar situations find their inner peace and sharing will help talk me through mine! GIVE WHAT YOU NEED!

Amidst Tragedy

I have been on vacation for two weeks enjoying my family and time away for the everyday hustle and bustle of my life. Granted working from home with my kind of profession I was still "working" the whole time, but totally worth it! I even sold a house while I was away! That is something that God has blessed me to be able to do and enjoy the flexibility with my family. While away, our family learned the shocking news that a good friend of ours; a wife, daughter, sister, teacher, mother of 3, friend and amazing woman passed away in her sleep. Nothing can prepare a family for this type of news. Not only is it heartbreaking and totally unfair to those of us left behind, it is filled with unanswered "why" questions. In times such as these we often turn away from God, this is when we need God the most and must Believe that He is in control. After talking to her husband, I wanted to cry just knowing that he will be okay, he will survive this tragedy and continue living, not only for his children, but for himself. He is still alive, his children are still alive and even though he has a right to grieve and mourn her death, he must still cherish life and live it to it's fullest intent. He shared with me conversations and events that have happened over the last few months of his life that led to prepare him for this inevitable hardship that at the time they took place it would have never occurred to him as to why. God doesn't always prevent certain things from happening in our lives, however I do believe He is in control of helping us through them. I can relate, I have not experienced the loss of a spouse or a child, however I lost a childhood friend at a young age and I was a year older than their oldest son when my father passed away. He was sick for 2 short months and that gave me the time to prepare for his loss, verses her sudden departure, however, I still experienced losing a parent. Not everyone grieves a loss in the same way, and that is okay, but with Faith and Trust we all will get through it. Over the past few days I have experienced the love, respect and admiration that her friends and family have expressed for our lost friend and it is positively overwhelming the people who are willing to help out and make sure that this woman's love, kindness and huge heart are never forgotten in her husband and children's lives. She always seem to make each one of them feel special in her own way! Last night my hubby and I went to bed and re-kindled something we used to do and have since gotten away from. Before going to bed we will say 1 thing that we are grateful for that day. Last night we included our son in this ritual and I look forward to making it a nightly event. Our son must have thought it was a good idea, because he asked us each for 1 more before we put him to bed. Remember to recognize the things you are thankful for each day. Make sure to tell those you love and admire on a daily basis how much they mean to you, stop to appreciate the blessings that surround you. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 – Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (NKJV)

Preparations have begun

So I am so excited to have a child that I can plan parties for, not that I couldn't plan parties before having a child. However, there is joy in knowing that I am able to plan and carry out something for the enjoyment of others, but also in creating my own piece of happiness. Talking to my cousin yesterday I think we would both have been really good owning our own businesses, doing planning, events and preparations. Too bad we live a zillion states away from one another. But I love the time of year when I can form ideas, organize and plan around an event! It is so much fun and I love doing it. It is a sense of being able to start from scratch, find ideas, make ideas, form plans to carry out the ideas and run with it! Hoping the end result will be well welcomed by all. For 11 years now I have hosted a Super Bowl party at my house! I love working with themes, I love cooking and baking and I love having people come share in what I have created! Although, I have never really enjoyed the clean up afterwards! But with the exciting parties, always comes clean up! Ah, it is worth it! I share with a friend of mine who that also goes into severe Party mode at least the week before the party getting all the things set and ready to go for that 1 day of a few hours of excitement! But I LOVE it. It doesn't matter how busy I am that week, how many work things, family things or responsibilities I have, I enjoy doing it and I am going to stop at nothing to have my fun with it! I can't say that there is anything that I don't like to do to get prepared for it. This year Paxton chose a Spiderman theme. I was super excited to "scout" Google and Pinterest to find great ideas to have at this year's party. I can't wait to share the pictures from the day! There is really something to be said in the happiness that is created when you are doing something you love. Doing what you like is freedom. Liking what you do is happiness. -- Frank Tyger

Be Kind when "Less than confident"

Do you ever feel less than confident? Does it seem like no matter what you have going on and no matter how hard you try, you are spinning your wheels and not feeling like you are really doing what you should, or is it that you don't feel like you are doing what you are expected? Do you ever feel underappreciated, or taken advantage of your good nature? I have learned that what you do and what others expect of you is in direct proportion sometimes of what you have done in the past. If you repeatedly do something for someone and go above and beyond their expectations their expectations change for you to perform at that higher level, you then feel the pressure to always have to live up to those expectations as in order to not disappoint. Sometimes when we get busy it is really hard to always perform at that higher level. We feel spread thin and we don't know how to prepare that person for less than what we have offered in the past. Do I think it is a bad thing, not at all, it is definitely a balancing thing. I have always been told that if you under promise and over deliver it is great, but repeatedly over delivering can pose a problem as well. Sometimes we start to doubt our self that we can keep up with our own demands and other's expectations. Do you ever feel like you are constantly being that good Christian or that good person who does over and over for someone but doesn't really get the favor in return? I am not talking about a favor as in favor for favor, I am just talking about the appreciation that comes along with what you do. I am not talking a favor returned, or even a "thank you". More just the friendship and involvement that comes along with being a good friend. An interested party in what is going on in your life. Sometimes being that person that we are, always giving and caring putting other people first because God says that is the right thing to do. But that there are sometimes those that don't view it that way. They just expect that you will be there always for them when things go "south". And in actuality you want them to be part of your life, even when things are good. You want to be able to do things together without there having to be a tragedy or occasion! This is really hard to explain without giving a real example. However, this blog is not about pointing any fingers or divulging any hardship of other people, it is about talking through my emotions, frustrations, good days and bad and hopefully in someway touching the lives of others. If I am always doing right, I shouldn't worry about other's expectations. I am reminded that It is not WHO is right but what is right that is important. - Thomas Huxley I am not in control of changing other people. Of having other people treat me how I would like to be treated, I can only control my thoughts, my actions and my attitude. I do not need to surrender to treat others poorly or be a bad friend just because someone treated me that way. I will not succumb to holding grudges, retaliating or changing the way that I treat a person due to their attitude, lack of support or actions. I do not have to be their best friend, I do not have to initiate contact or go out of my way to give 110% but I will be who I am naturally and without regret. When it is difficult to be kind, remember God said in 1 Thessalonians 5:15 NKJV- See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is GOOD both for yourselves and for all.

The card in my pocket

Waking up this morning to good news with another happy seller receiving an offer on their home always makes for a good start to the day, even on days when the sadness creeps in. This day every year is somber in the fact that my dad left us to go walk the streets of gold, only 2 short months after they found his cancer. I will always replay that day in my head, at the hospital, with my mom, my godmother and my brother. The powerful experience of watching my dad go to Heaven. Without that experience, without the presence of the spirit I felt on that day, I may have not gotten through the last 20 years still a Believer. I am not saying I do not have my moments or days of doubt when things get sticky- but I always fall back on my beliefs. From that day forward Believe was my most favorite saying. Believe in Yourself, Believe in Your Abilities, Believe in others, Believe things will get better, Believe in forgiveness, Believe in God, Believe in what is to come, I could type on and on. One of these days I will have that tattooed on me somewhere. I will never be able to have those years back, but I will be able to always bask in my memories. Most of us find it surprisingly easy to take for granted the gift of life. With recent tragic events in my own little town, ( a 2 year old drowning in a pool, a 16 year old recklessly driving and flipping a golf cart, a military young man who just came back from tour who died in a motorcycle accident) lives shortened that were never announced or expected, it makes you wonder how prepared is the world around you if you were no longer here tomorrow. Did you make a good impact? Did you take good care of those people? Did you find happiness in the little things? Did you stop your day to take inventory and appreciate those things around you? We should all take inventory on the blessings in our life. You add value to people when you value them. -John Maxwell. Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are. Marianne Williamson It is too often we get caught up in the rat race of this world, all the expectations that we have for ourselves coupled by those who expect from us that we forget to be grateful for what we already have, enjoy the people that we value, and count our blessings. Before you know it something could be taken from you that you really thought would always be there. Did I ever anticipate losing my father as a freshman in high school? Did I ever even consider at that young age that he would never be at my side for my first dance, my first date, my high school or college graduation, my wedding, or the birth of his grandson? The thought NEVER crossed my mind. Do I know that he was there for me in spirit, I do BELIEVE he is. Do I Believe he knew how much I cared and appreciated him. I do. I talk to him a lot. He doesn't answer me back, but I feel he is proud of what I have accomplished of what I am doing in my life. Knowing that I want to continue to make him proud I try my hardest every day to be the best person that I can, to succeed in my endeavors, to put my family first, to be kind and gentle to everyone. I know sometimes it is a struggle, I am only human, but I don't want to disappoint him, I want him to continue to be proud even if I can only feel it. As I sit here writing with tears streaming down my face, even 20 years later I thank him for developing me into who I am today. Would I be a different person if he was still here is hard to say and not something I want to even consider going back for. I am who I am today because of my circumstances. You cannot always change your circumstances but you can change yourself, your attitude and your reactions to those circumstances. You can allow yourself to be knocked down and stay down, or you can climb right back up and try again. It is in your control who you want to be, what your next move is and whether you are happy or not. don't forget you are worth having everything you love. Love yourself. Be not faithless, but believing. -John 20:27 From the inscription on the grave- Love one another as I have loved you, -John 15:12 Thank you Daddy for the memories, for bringing me to this earth to make a difference and for helping me to keep BELIEVING that I have a purpose. Happy 20th Birthday in Heaven. I carry this card with me every where I go as a constant reminder that if I just be myself, I can be and do anything I set my heart out for, because I am loved.

Mint Apple Jelly

This morning went a little crazy. Working on some real estate stuff after I woke up trying to have a productive week ahead, I lost track of time and woke Paxton up a little later for preschool than I wanted to. He exclaimed "I have to go to school, AGAIN?" He wanted to 'play' for 5 minutes (which in his mind 5 minutes is eternity), I needed to take a shower and get ready for an appointment. Making my super long list for the day I was overwhelmed not only looking at it but writing it. Can I shove it all in? What can I delegate. After my shower as my 3 year old serenaded me with his guitar and I had to announce the performer (him) and sing along, I quickly had him brush his teeth, made him a peanut butter and mint apple jelly sandwich (his and daddy's favorite but a little not so common or expected choice by many); filled up his thermos to which he said he preferred a bottle of water- couldn't find a permanent marker to mark his bottle for school- ah, Found IT! Move on- I then then went in his room to grab him some clothes to get ready and out the door. Upon reentering the kitchen the dog had not only got in the garbage can to pull out last nights dinner but yesterday's coffee grounds I dumped this morning on top of that. They couldn't just fall right onto the tile, too easy for me to clean up, they had to dribble all the way to the shaggy area rug in the middle of my living room floor and somehow fall just right that even the vacuum had a hard time sucking around the long twisty fibers! Paxton got dressed and brushed his teeth and hadn't touched his sandwich, he couldn't find the hat he wanted to wear and after searching all over the house he finally picked another, (train hat- too cute and made me smile amidst all this chaos) and then dumped his sandwich walking out the door, now full of dog hair and crying to make him a new one. I had him quickly put the dogs up and made him a new sandwich leaving the bread, and goods all over the counter to clean up later. Half ready myself with not much time to come back and spare,(luckily his preschool is 2 miles away) I took him to school to drop off where we dropped his bottle of water in the car apparently and he wouldn't let me leave holding on for dear life that he "needed" me to stay today. After excusing myself to go find his water that he had to have (I shouldn't be complaining right it is a good thing he will drink water), I had the preschool teacher's husband who was outside take the bottle back up so I wouldn't get stuck there again. Is it Monday???? I guess so! So I am reminded of one of my favorite tunes by Francesca Battistelli entitled "This is the Stuff". When I am running around and rushed even if my intentions were good or I thought everything would fall into my time crunch things come up. Unexpected things throw you off, you throw your day into a slew of could be crazy spiral and out of control events. I am reminded to stop and breath, pray and thank God for all my blessings, no matter how crazy no matter how small. I am here on earth blessed with a healthy family, a home and loved ones that I truly care about and care about me. Life is Good. I lost my keys in the great unknown And call me please 'cause I can't find my phone This is the stuff that drives me crazy This is the stuff that's getting to me lately In the middle of my little mess I forget how big I'm blessed This is the stuff that gets under my skin But I've gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing Might not be what I would choose But this the stuff You use 45 in a 35 sirens and fines While I'm running behind Whoa ho ho This is the stuff that drives me crazy This is the stuff that's getting to me lately In the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed This is the stuff that gets under my skin But I've gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing Might not be what I would choose But this the stuff You use So break me of impatience Conquer my frustrations I've got a new appreciation It's not the end of the world Whoa ho ho ho Oooooh This is the stuff that drives me crazy This is the stuff Someone save me In the middle of my little mess I forget how big I'm blessed This is the stuff that gets under my skin But I've gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing Might not be what I would choose But this the stuff You use Whoa whoa ho ho This is the stuff You use.

Key to staying calm

"Life is divided into three terms - that which was, which is, and which will be. Let us learn from the past to profit by the present, and from the present, to live better in the future." William Wordsworth My biggest lesson from the past to help profit my present and live better in my future (however, I will probably not master it) is learning that I cannot control everything. WOW THAT IS A NEW THOUGHT! Yesterday I had several things on my list to get to and although I would have liked to wrap them all up in a "convenient for me package", that is not usually how the day goes. I can plan as much as I can and things come up, the amount of time I think it should take to accomplish something doesn't or the quick trip I may need to take turns into a lot longer than anticipated. This seems to be the case on more occasions than not. When these things happen we have a few choices, turn around and try some other time, get upset and complain about something we cannot control or wait it out and finish the task. Yesterday I needed to go get a key made for a client and decided that Wal-Mart was probably my best and least expensive choice. I also had to return something. As I was at the courtesy counter and realized I didn't have the exact receipt I needed (only about 20 other ones) I just decided that instead of coming back at a later date or getting upset with myself for not being prepared, I would just get credit and use it towards another purchase in their store. 1 task down. I had broken the arm off of my awesome sunglass find from the Pinetop Wal-mart over 4th of July break and wanted to see if I could just buy another pair- cause at $5 it would probably be cheaper than buying the screw that was missing. Of course they didn't have the same pair or any decent pair for that matter at the cost of $5. They had decent ones for $10 or $12. Knowing that I am really not that careful with my sunglasses. I just walked away. I got to the automotive where they make keys and realized that I didn't have the key ring I had when I was standing at the courtesy counter that needed to be duplicated- (yes, the only key I could find that would fit this home, wouldn't you know it). I could have and at some point probably would have freaked out that now I had to pay a locksmith to come rekey the entire house, but at that point I chose not to. I proceeded back up to the counter calming praying that it would be there and that I didn't drop it somewhere in between and someone had already picked it up never again to be found by me. To my relief it was laying next to the credit card key paid where I took back my other item. YAY! I thanked the lady and then proceeded back to the automotive where there were, go figure, at 3:30PM in the afternoon, on a Thursday, 3 people in front of me also needing keys made... REALLY? So here is when I could have left, went somewhere else to have them made or just waited until it was my turn. I promised the client I would deliver them today. I chose to wait. 18 minutes later I had my keys in hand and started to walk away when I encountered a past client that talked to me for about the next 10 (where was she when I was bored waiting in line for almost 20 minutes?) lol... anyway I remained calm throughout all the little things that I would have normally stressed out about taking so long, remained my level of happy thoughts and was able to come home not having done everything but feeling a lot more in control of my thoughts, my day and my attitude. I felt like my evening went more smoothly, I was less irritated than normal and able to enjoy dinner, my child and my night. There will always be more time tomorrow to do what is needed.

Your child's "do it" Button!

How many of you work hard to get your child to do something you ask? How many of you fall back on good ole getting angry, frustrated and discipline your child for not doing the things that you want or expect? Reading the book 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas W Phelan, Ph.D. can equip you with great ideas, not only on how to get your child to stop doing something but also to start doing something. It will give you ideas that will work for you and your child. As many of you may know I am not really all that competitive. Try as I might it just usually in most areas of my life isn't that important to me, I am here to help others succeed as well. I like to be good at what I do but not necessarily competitive if someone else is better. Sure I tried sports in school and played tennis in high school, I excelled in academics and was on different teams, played flute in school and always worked hard to get 1st in recitals, graduated 3rd in my high school class and Magnum Cum Lade from college, all of those things I consider more competitive with myself than others. However, I have come to find that when raising my son, competition is one of the things that gets him to do the things I want/desire him to do. It mostly works for picking things up around the house, getting stuff accomplished and now I have found doing PRE-K homework. If I can make it a game of who beats who and not letting someone else (mostly me) beat him to picking up, putting the dishes in the sink or brushing teeth, getting dressed, who is going to be the best behaved child at dinner, etc. It seems to work a lot better than getting angry, upset, yelling, reprimanding or punishing him for something. Last week I had an appointment that ran late and was trying to attend a San Tan Valley Chamber of Commerce Mixer when Paxton called saying that he didn't want to do his school work due the next day! My mom felt like she tried everything to get him to cooperate, and had about enough to let him call and reason with me. I reasoned with him on my car ride, offered for him to have a Reece's PB cup when he finished and to my avail no matter what I offered he was just not interested at all in doing his work. He said matter-of-factly that he would be able to do his work when he was 4. Which I reminded him was a little over a month away. He said he knew and that he could do it then. Well about 5 minutes into this pleading conversation I realized that maybe if he beat someone else to getting his homework done that he would be a little more interested. I got my mom on the phone and told her to make a copy of his worksheet and tell him that she bet he couldn't finish before her. It worked for that sheet, I also told her that if he completed the first sheet with her I would do the next sheet with him. That also worked and he "beat" me with it the next morning before school! Lesson learned, when homework comes home on a Monday and it is due on Friday, don't wait until Thursday to start it! Spread it out for the week, make it fun (in a way that your child is receptive). Don't do what doesn't work. If it works for someone else, it may not work for your child, if it works for one of your children it may not work for the other. Find what works, find what interests your child to do the things you want and need them to do. This will 9/10 avoid struggle. Personalize it! We are all different and we are all more receptive and coaxed to do things when we enjoy what we are doing. Good luck finding what works for you and your child! Remember it may take quite a few things tried before you find their receptive button! If you get a chance read this book, it may make a huge difference.

Smell "Your" Roses

I am once again faced with a dear friend in a battle for her life. I know that in my heart it is a matter of time before the good Lord takes her home to a better place. She means a lot to a lot of people. She is a stronghold, a family tie, a women that I have known for the last 15 years who did everything she had to in order to provide and survive. So often I question "why" why certain people who are kind and caring, put other's, their family first, do good to all and are the ones who suffer here on earth or that we lose first. They may be the family stronghold, the breadwinners, the ones who are the most supportive and yet they can get sick, have an accident or lose their life so quickly but the ones who are least deserving stay here and get to continuing living. I have lots of theories but I know that I may never know. It just often doesn't seem fair. It does however remind me that being in a hurry is not always the right answer, making the most money is not always the right answer, having an agenda doesn't always pay off, if we are not enjoying anything in the process. When we are kids we have no sense of time. We have all the time in the world to get the things done we need to or want to, as we age we gain more responsibilities and start to hurry- to rush through life really not paying attention along the way- and then we teach our kids to hurry- often times to a fault, hurry and get in, hurry and get dressed, hurry and eat, hurry and finish, HURRY, HURRY, HURRY! While hurrying did we enjoy anything that we just hurried for? Most of the time I would say the answer is no. I recently went on a short unexpected but much needed trip away from my son, husband and my immediate family. It allowed me to relax and reflect on what I do have and what I missed at home, making my return ever so sweet. Ever since my return I have tried to slow down, to appreciate what I have every day, not to have such demanding expectations of myself or my family. To "stop and smell the roses!" To appreciate what is handed to me on a daily basis and know some things are way beyond my control and allowing myself to control my thoughts, attitude and reactions is more important than trying to control circumstances that I cannot change. God, give me grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, Courage to change the things which should be changed, and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other. Living one day at a time, Enjoying one moment at a time,Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, Taking, as Jesus did, This sinful world as it is, Not as I would have it, Trusting that You will make all things right, If I surrender to Your will, So that I may be reasonably happy in this life, And supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen. Wake up this morning. Don't be in a hurry. Enjoy what you have as if it is the last time you will have it. Spend time with those you love, do not hurry them, enjoy what you have, enjoy what you do, life may be shorter than you think, for you or for someone you love. DON'T take it for granted that you or anyone else will be here tomorrow, to make up to, to enjoy, to appreciate or to forgive. “However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows" Matthew 24:36 NLT

Mind and body harmony

I woke up this morning and worked out. I am not a very consistent person when it comes to this. I can do it for a little while get on a kick and then something comes up that seems more important at the time and I get away from it. I really do despise working out. I loathe sweating and being sticky and the exercise induced asthma that comes over my lungs.... yuck why on earth does anyone put themselves through this? But I decided today would be a great day anyway. Whether it is the pounds gained, the frumpiness I have felt, the stresses with keeping deals together, health issues that our parents have been having, getting older and not feeling the energy as I once did, my child who I wish I had 1/3 of his energy or a multitude of things that possessed me, I really don't know. But I went ahead and did it. Why don't I do it every day? Sweaty, sticky and out of breath, I still feel better about myself when I am done. Why doesn't that part of my brain remember that when I make up the excuses to not work out? That I don't think I will ever know. But for today I feel satisfied. This week different events and circumstances have made me remember a few things to practice. Have Faith, Believe, Learn More, Not Everything is Urgent, SLOW Down, Enjoy Mind and body in harmony provide all the necessary strength for happy, healthy living. - Charmaine Saunders

Waking up on the Dark Side of the Bed

So the popular phrase waking up on the wrong side of the bed rang true for me this morning, and then I realized I wasn't on the wrong side of the bed.... I was just plain attitude and crabbiness, still on my own side. The night was extraordinarily a crappy nights sleep. For some reason my hubby snored louder and stranger than normal and then yelled at me in his sleep the several times I asked him to roll over so I could sleep, having no recollection of this upon waking this morning. My son was in and out of our room several times with nightmares about monsters he described to me. Finally at 4:00 am when the dog was in my face having to go out my son again woke up and I just let him in the bed with us, and I was too tired to get out of bed to go put him back where he belonged. Really my hubby's alarm was going to go off in 30 minutes anyway. My son decided that tossing and turning was totally what I ordered and he sure did serve it, up until the time the alarm went off that my husband didn't hear and I had to repeatedly poke him to shut it off. Where was it written in the manual that I signed up for this? Oh wait, darn, I think they forgot to issue me mine. Oh well! So try as I might with all the advice I give about controlling your attitude when you can't control your circumstances I still woke up yelling at the dog who was hovering over me licking my face because of course everyone wants to be fed at 5:30 AM. I got up to help my husband get his lunch together totally disgusted because I just wanted to sleep. Then somehow while opening the can of tuna over the sink the can opener came off and the tuna can lodged directly into the garbage disposal hole, REALLY? I am already crabby, is this happening I thought? A knife a fork and a husband later we managed to get it out so that I could open the can and proceed to make the tuna, all the while the dogs are stalking me in the kitchen because their internal time clock says "FEED ME, NOW... " with a "PRETTY PLEASE" on top I am sure of it! Not to mention my snappy attitude that I am sure my husband appreciated for the start to his day... OOPS.. sorry honey, I know I am suppose to be the good example. In our household we only have a 2 car garage which fits our Polaris, a mower, tool chests, a Power Wheel, shelving, bikes, a ping pong table and my hubby's work truck with expensive tools for his job- that we don't need to risk leaving outside to get broken into. This leaves absolutely no room for my vehicle or our F250 which sit in our driveway, but require someone to move a vehicle every morning so my hubby can leave for work. But since he leaves just in time to not be late for his job after an hour commute (praying no accidents occur on the freeway on his way that would possibly cause him a delay). I will move my car out of the driveway and pull into the garage when he leaves. I look at it as a blessing in disguise because I am able to move into the garage before it reaches 120 degrees outside and you don't even want to get in your car then. Phew I thought, I can feed the dogs and get to work on the computer, hopefully before my son wakes up. Which is usually at 8:00 but the last 3 days 6:15 is about his norm... ugh- I hope that streak goes away! I enjoy my morning cup of coffee and getting a start to my day with a "quiet" atmosphere. I make a pot of coffee, pour a glass and walk into the office, and oh what is the first thing I do, pick up the cup and almost drop it on the hardwood floor, barely holding onto the cup- one of my favorites- but proceed to spill all of it's contents all over.... Um, can I get a break over here, it is only 6:12 AM. A: I can let these circumstances pile up and continue to have a sour day! B: I can crawl back in bed and pretend like I can fall back asleep... laying there writing an internal list of all the things I need to do today. C: I can say a little prayer for guidance in my day going forward, I can shake it off, dust myself off, write a little to get my groove on and go about my day, believing that it will only get better, putting my positive vibe out there, throw my hands up in the air and remember that happiness isn't something that happens to me, it is something I create. I chose C and just in the knick of time, since the door just opened and a little boy emerged. Will he made it to 6:50 this morning, maybe I can hope he will sleep past 7:00 AM SOON PLEASE! Make today a great DAY, Ya'll!

Let Go, Let God; and GET SOME SLEEP

So not such a good nights sleep I have concluded this morning. Apparently I was able to fall asleep quickly but I didn't stay there. It may have been the groggy feeling that I was able to fall asleep but the abundance of coffee and green tea I drank throughout the day to stay on top of my tasks, that just may have been the culprit that kept me awake. I spent most of my day figuring out some more of my branding, and hopefully soon I can reveal what I chose. I think my session really helped me decide what I wanted for me. The things from my real estate past that worked and new things to help simplify my advertising. I had a couple disappointing moments in real estate yesterday, one that involved properties and one that involved people. The one involving properties consumed a lot of my time, energy and a fight to save, one of two properties was recovered and the other is hanging by a thread where all I can do is sit and wait, after an hour and 45 minutes on the phone and having to disappoint a few people today, still not sure what to say but allowing prayer time for the right thing to say. I think being unable to sleep for a good portion of the night that many of us mom's, wife's, and working women experience from time to time is our minds racing. "what could we have done differently? what did we do wrong? if we would have only ______ would it have worked out differently?" Time and time again we beat ourselves up over the what ifs. The ones that will never happen, the ones that we strain our energy and time consuming thoughts about things and worrying as much as we sometimes... OFTEN do. It is often hard to find out that something you worked so hard for can fall apart before your eyes. Sometimes it isn't even something we did wrong or didn't do. I pride myself on being a helpful person, I help others because it gives me satisfaction knowing that I am participating in making someone happy, their dreams come true. I feel truly blessed that God has called me to interact in other's lives and to help them succeed. I know that I cannot always control my circumstances or those of other people around me, and I shouldn't feel responsible when things don't turn out the way someone expected, especially when I am giving my 100% to help, but it is still disappointing. The other disappointment involved people. Those who seem extremely concerned about your well being, but don't follow through, they don't do the things that they promise and don't follow up. I know that we are all busy people, I know that sometimes I forget things because I have so much that I am committed to or that I want to do to help others. I hate the feeling that I have when this occurs and I am extremely sorry. I like to give others the benefit of the doubt too. However, when you have someone in a position where their job is to help you and they overpromise and under deliver, that is when I feel my most disappointment when they do not. Maybe this is my cue to under promise and over deliver in what I do. I don't know. I am constantly telling others to find the good in every situation. I am reminded that life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrong. (Charlotte Bronte) Sometimes it is hard when someone is unkind to you to not want to be unkind back, to be rude or to get emotionally negative toward that person. Going over and over in your head what you may want to say or do to get even. I am really not a grudge holder or a revenge taker, but in my mind I do beat myself up sometimes about what occurred and how I feel or have been under delivered to. I am reminded that God says See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all. 1 Thessalonians 5:15 NKJV This brings me to another one of my daily affirmations on my bathroom mirror, Somehow everything works out. We cannot control another person's attitude, words, actions, reactions, or thoughts, we can only control our own. We are responsible for our self and what we are putting out there into the world for others to conjure our image. Think before you speak, is it kind? is it necessary? is it good? will you follow through? If you can't answer yes to these questions you may consider keeping it to yourself, because until you verbalize it, no one expects it of you. I am told that I need to be the example to others, I need to be patient, kind and giving. You should be an example to the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12

Branding MYSELF decisions decisions!

Awww. So as of yesterday, I have decided now that my mom who has been and is my strong hold, who taught me everything I know and got me started in this career that I love in real estate, is phasing out of the center of the business to concentrate on other things I need to Re-brand myself as a Realtor and find my niche. For 12 years I have been in the business seen a lot of different market types, ups/downs, the bad the good and the ugly! I want to be know for who I am, what makes me ME! I have taken workshops on branding yourself and classes in marketing in the different jobs I have held over the years and at college. No matter what you have learned about marketing or creating a brand, it is something that you want to stick with you and give others your image, not something to take lightly or change with the seasons! There needs to be a solid reason to do so! I have always been a caring, giving person who easily gives to others and the soft touch of THE JEN TEAM' previous birdhouse image and tag line of "helping you find a house to call home" worked for my partnership with my mom, the mother daughter team that we built over the 12 years that we worked together. It was fun, amazing and worked for what we were trying to do... but now re-creating my brand is not only bittersweet it is fun, exciting and a little bit stressful! Being the perfectionist I am when it comes to certain things it is almost hard for me to decide. I am probably a big pain in my agent relations advisor's neck... thanks for sticking in there with me Danielle Gregorich, but heck we will get through this. Thanks for coming on board to help me make this a reality! I want it to be WOW, I want it to be catchy, and I want it to be ME! So hold tight everyone while I take this little journey (that needs to be super quick - I have a deadline for a marketing piece due next week!) and we will see all the "endless possibilities" it can create. As I autograph my Paxton and Mali Find Their Boat books: " the possibilities of your imagination are endless, DREAM BIG!"

For Love...

On my recent vacation I had the opportunity to spend a little "quality" time with my husband. He suggested that we go for a drive into the woods on the Polaris early to see the sunrise and see if we could call in any coyotes. Me, I heard, husband and wife, sunrise, ride in the woods... romantic..... So if anyone knows me knows I am not one to sit still for any long period of time, I am a busy body. I can barely sit through a whole movie, my idea of this bonding time and my husband's idea soon became completely different. My idea of the romantic drive, talking about things we don't have a chance to say and beautiful sunrise photo opportunities awaited me, I could always take a book to read if I got bored waiting on the coyotes to come... or so I thought. His idea of a romantic bonding was me being into one of his hobbies and how liking something that interests him would be "hot" in his mind- turned out completely... not what I expected. I woke up at 3:30, and proceeded to put on my "camo", Super! I headed out to the kitchen where I had a camo mask placed on my face that made me immediately gag... I may have overreacted just a tad when I literally gag and exclaimed "blek what the --- is that" I am from the Midwest and my thoughts turned to my childhood in an instant- does anyone know what I am talking about when I say something smells like lightening bugs- seriously my immediate thought went to the Ball glass jars we collected lightening bugs in as a kid and poked holes in the top so they could breath. That is what this mask smelled like, it smelled like the inside of the bug collection container. Gross! Apparently there is some "scent" that you can put on that will mask your smell so that the predators out there will not smell humans and be more likely to come in when called. Fabulous but not something I desired to breath in or smell like for the rest of the day. People really find this fun? I was informed that I would have to sit still, be still, not talk, move around, make noise, shuffle my feet, or even read and taking pictures turned out to be completely prohibited, well... okay, we were still going to watch the sunrise right? Even though I couldn't capture it's essence. We parked the Polaris, proceeded to walk quietly into the meadow to set up our "calling" camp. with our back to guess what? The sunrise... FABULOUS!, not only did I have to sit quiet, not even next to my hubby, I couldn't move, couldn't read, couldn't talk and couldn't watch anything. But hey I got to enjoy the sound of nature, the birds singing and the trees swaying, the wind! What else could a girl ask for then to be close to God in his creation, and then the noise began. What noise, oh the noise of the call. Distressed animals, whiny animals, animals that sounded like a boy going Daaaad, daaad, daaad- I thought I left my kid at the cabin for some spouse bonding time... Wow, I went from peaceful to stressed out in 2.5 seconds. LOL- after what seemed like eternity of not being able to move, shuffle, talk, etc- and scared out of my mind sitting there, not armed yards away from the hubby, hoping in the back of my mind, praying actually, that one of these "called" animals wouldn't all of a sudden be standing behind me contemplating me for breakfast my hubby says we can move to another location since it had been a half an hour with no results. A half an hour, really- totally seemed like an hour and a half to me! Remember, I don't usually sit still for very long, I am often found fluttering between projects- I didn't even do well with the desk job I had for three years, even then I was on the phone talking! We picked up our belongings and trekked to the next location, set up our stands and waited, listened and called again. After another I sure was a half an hour of all the same things not going on, I hear "BOOM" - I looked over at Steve like do you shoot something searching in the field for our coyote- He looked my way and said he was getting bored so he shot at a bird on top of a plant. Apparently once the gunshot goes off animals in the vicinity scatter. Relief came over me that we were going to be able to leave since we had no more chances of calling in the animal. Steve asked if I wanted to try to shoot a bird. My brain said, "No, not really", I'm not all about killing things, but what are the chances of a rookie shooter like me hitting a bird 50 yards away anyway, so I thought, "okay- he wants me to shoot the gun, I will show that I am interested in his gun!" He helps me get it set up and positioned correctly, tells me to turn off the safety when I am ready. I look through the scope aiming at a bird on top of a very large slightly swaying weed and pull the trigger. Dang nice shot... I killed the poor little blue birdie! Really... I never in a million years expected that. But after all the thoughts racing in my head of how my little morning excursion wasn't turning out like I planned, I think that little shot made my husband and I's bond grow just a little stronger. Not sure I am going to be tagging along on too many hunting adventures. I think I will stick to the fishing I was raised to love. At least I can talk, move and read a book when nothing is biting... lol. Sometimes the smallest little step forward can come out of the most unexpected situations, and when you can take an experience and find one good thing, even if it is only one thing. I was reminded that the present moment was my point of power, rather than complain as I was in my head, I chose to find the one thing that made my trip exciting and that is the moment I shared with others when I got back to the cabin. Ephesians 4:2-3 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance to one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Weight "less"

So if anyone who knows me over the years- well my whole life in fact I can yo-yo in my weight. I was a pretty skinny kid, late elementary got a little chunky, skinny'd right up in jr. high and gained a bunch of weight after my freshman year when my dad died and pretty much have been up and down since. Moods, stress and life's unexpected circumstances play a huge role in my weight. I am definitely an emotional eater, and an occasional nail biter. Nervous habits I suppose that I really don't "notice" until my nails are chewed down or my clothes become snug. It is something where I just go on autopilot. I take so much control over so many things in my life to make sure that things go the right way, however when it comes to eating I seem to stuff my emotions with whatever food I can get my hands on at times, and at other times I barely eat at all. Talk about messed up metabolism, 1 kid later and over 30.... not too much going for me there. I am one of those women who cares about my public appearance. I very rarely leave the house not put together. Honestly how I put myself together represents a lot about me and whether I take the time and energy into getting ready or caring about myself, reflects how I take care of or handle other areas of my life. When I get ready I feel better, I am more alert and I am more focused, and I am in control. Every time I go up in weight, this last time especially-(even though I am not at my highest weight ever) I still feel frumpy and my body weight is distributed differently than ever before, causing me more stress about my appearance. It is a time during summer that no one wants to publically wear a bathing suit- remember I am very big about how I feel about appearance and I feel that how I look reflects how I am put together and how others perceive me. In all actuality just as I don't judge others, not too many people really care about how I look in a bathing suit, or for that matter even think about. I am my own biggest critic. I feel a huge weight on my shoulders whenever it is time to swim or go in a pool with others- heck I haven't bought a new bathing suit in over 3 years! I am just not comfortable in my skin I suppose. With a 3 year old who loves the water and being in the water, and wants to play in the water, it is hard not to oblige when visiting peoples homes who invite us to swim. This past weekend we went to a going away BBQ at my sister in law's house for some close friends of theirs that were moving. I wanted to be able to swim and enjoy the pool, but do I wear a shirt, do I just go in my clothes and sit in a lawn chair? I am not about to let my tummy roll over my bathing suit bottoms, what if everyone looked at me and said now "why would she wear that? What is she thinking? Did she look in a mirror?" Those are all the things that run through my little head, along with my inner voice, "you need to go on a diet, you need to lose weight, you need to work out every day, stop eating" among other things of self talk. I am sort of frugal when it comes to buying certain things and spending money on a bathing suit that actually fits and makes me feel good when I know you can buy some for $25 or $30 places is hard for me to swallow. In talking to my husband about my bathing suit dilemma and telling him that I needed something that covered my assets (that is what we are calling them), he encouraged me to go buy a suit that fit, "spend the money and get something you will wear," he said. I felt relieved that I had "permission"(not that I needed it) to go spend money on myself (something I often find hard to do). I didn't spend as much as I thought I might and found a suit that was suitable to me and although I will never be a supermodel or turn heads in a crowd, I was comfortable enough to swim with my child, hang out amongst other adults and not feel like I was constantly worried that someone was judging me (even though they probably weren't). The weight I was carrying (not on my body) was lifted allowing me to feel weightless against my inner fears. Psalm 16:7-8 even tells us that God counsels us. "I will praise the Lord who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will never be shaken." Let Him be your rock when you feel unstable or out of control.

Tough love is painful

I have learned over the years that being a forgiving person is the best type of person I can be. I am easy to forgive and forget and try to move forward not holding a grudge and looking back. We are all humans and will error, sometimes we say things we don't mean, we are just being mean or we are hurting. As a mother I had found it is hard to be quick to forgive my child no matter how hard I really want to. I don't also want to teach him that he can do anything without consequences. Last night was difficult for me. Scenario: He didn't want to eat what we made for dinner. He has eaten the foods before so it was nothing new. He said he didn't like it anymore. My husband grew a little impatient and told him that if he didn't eat it he could go to bed for the rest of the night. He started to whine and cry, tried to put the food in his mouth and immediately spit it out. That was definitely not the right thing to do. He was taken to his room. A little while later he came out but I told him that if he got hungry I saved his dinner. He wanted PBJ (which has always been an alternative to dinner (especially if hubby and I are eating something spicy) but last night as parents we stood our ground. About an hour later he asked for his dinner, I warmed it up and he ate almost all of it. He then asked for a popsicle to which I replied "no he could have something healthier like peaches are yogurt." He chose applesauce. He ate his applesauce and then asked for his left over ice cream from BR a few nights before that was in the freezer. To which I said "not tonight, we are not eating sweets tonight." He looked right at me and said "I hate you mom." (so grown-up like) My heart sank, my 3 year old just told me he hated me. I was super crushed. No mother wants to hear those words, and I definitely didn't expect to hear them this young- teenager maybe! We don't say this in our house and I am not sure where he has learned this hate word. I have heard him say it before about other things and corrected him, but never that he hated his own mother. I immediately told him that we don't say that in our home and he needed to go to his room. He knew he had done wrong and immediately begged forgiveness. I wanted so bad to take him in my arms and tell him that I know that he didn't mean it and to hug and comfort him, at 3 years old I am not even sure he really knows the meaning of the word "hate". But nonetheless, I needed to stand my ground. He did not proceed to his room and his father swatted him on his butt escorted him to his room and talked with him about why we don't say this and what if mommy told you she hated you, how would that make you feel? He was tucked into bed (which is pretty tragic for him anyway since he sleeps on the couch due to being afraid of the "real dinosaurs" that sleep in his room at night- but that is another story). Hubby came out of the room and said that I needed to go in there, my son wanted to tell me something. He apologized and said that he knows that he treated me wrong and will not say that again, I started to cry and told him that he hurt my feelings and that mommy would never tell him that she hated him, that is not something we say in our house and I would never like to hear him say that again. Big red puffy eyes looked back at me with that genuine guilt feeling and I just melted. He asked if I could stay and I told him that I was going to bed and would check on him but that unless he had to go potty he needed to stay in his room. I knew he was super scared, but I knew that with swim lessons and all the other things he did that day, then just crying he would be asleep in no time. I left the dimmed light on and went to bed. Would I have loved to stay until he feel asleep, of course, did I just want him to crawl in bed with me and cuddle? for sure! But I knew that in order for me to discipline with love, understanding but also control, We needed to make sure that he got the point that the behavior he displayed would not be tolerated and that he would have to pay some consequences. Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right- Proverbs 20:11 Although God causes all things to work together for good for His children, He still holds us accountable for our behavior. -Kay Arthur

Recognition

Are we often too busy to recognize the blessings around us? Do we get caught up in all the day to day things that we must do and accomplish that we forget who is around us, or we take for granted what that person may have to offer and that they will always be there? I have posted before in my daily affirmations the importance of enjoying the people I love as if it were the last time that I would see them, it just might be. But do I stick to this? Do I practice what I preach? I wish I could say I did 100% but then again I am human and I get caught up in my day, I argue, I fight and sometimes I am selfish, I expect certain things of myself and put on pressures that I think other people expect of me without really knowing if they do, but because I do, I assume they do too. Which can cause a whole string of issues that could have been avoided if I wasn't so hard on myself. I am not one that wants to disappoint. So to answer my own question, do I practice what I preach, 24/7, probably not, I get comfortable, I procrastinate, I say in the back of my mind- that person "so-and-so" knows how much I care. Do we recognize each other for what is done, or do we only focus on what is lacking? Often for people this AH-HA moment comes when it is too late. One or more of the people in the relationship feel that they have given every thing they have and don't have anymore to give, try or re-build. Sometimes this happens so gradually that when the moment of truth comes, it is just too late. I have had a series of conversations recently with people who are struggling with their particular relationships. They may be seeking acceptance or truth outside of their own inner circle. They may have put in effort over and over to get the results that they are looking for, but haven't found that acceptance, that missing link or that reassurance that they need to know they are loved, accepted and valued. When a person feels as if they lose value or acceptance, as human beings we can become depressed, shut down or even shut off to the point we start to no longer feel good about ourselves. In order to gain this confidence back or this acceptance we feel that we need, we try to get that acceptance from our mate in ways that may not be the best approach. But when we want and seek this approval and acceptance we may turn it in to nagging, bitching and complaining about what is not being done rather than build up what it is that attracted us to the person in the first place. What made us love them and why did we stop praising that. Studies show the more you call attention to someone's positive attributes the more positive results that you will experience. As a society we often focus on the negative or the things that someone is lacking. This can just enhance the negative that we experience and make the other person focus on what they are doing wrong, lose confidence in themselves and just continue to do the wrong things. Sometimes when focusing on the negative someone does, this often tells that person that they are this particular way and they may as well just continue being/acting this way since you already believe they are. For example, someone who is accident prone- the more other people tell them this, the more they believe this and start telling them self they are accident prone that they become more prone to accidents because they are searching for them (even unconsciously). Often when you tell yourself something over and over again, you become that way because you really believe you are. This is one reason why I have morning affirmations that I say to positively approach my day and to allow myself to believe that I only have good things to offer. That I am truly committed to making myself the best person that I can on a daily basis, therefore when I do have that lack of self confidence, or I feel that I am not deserving of something or that I am not a good person, it quickly goes away. A lot of times when we have a low self confidence or we don't have that belief in our self is when our relationships start to fail. No one person can give you the confidence and self talk that you yourself can give. We think that we can fill this void with someone else's acceptance or love, but other than God, no one can give this to us. We can seek it, we can get it temporarily but it will not last, because it is not pure. The more positive self talk that I can give myself, the better off I and those around me can be. This is equally important to give positive talk to those around us, thus allowing us to not be so hard or harsh with the other person when they do do something that we do not expect. We have so many positive thoughts or that person and praise for what they do, that the negative doesn't linger in our mind or on our hearts. In no way do I feel that if you are in a relationship that isn't changing or that isn't safe or healthy that you should stay. I am not here to judge anyone or their particular circumstances. Dear God, today I release others from the burden of fulfilling me in areas where I should be looking to You. Help me to accept those around me the way they are and not try to constantly change them. At the same time release this person to change in the way that I thought they never could. I leave any changing that needs to be done in Your hands, fully accepting that neither I nor that other person are perfect and we never will be. Only you are perfect Lord and I look to you to perfect us. May we be perfectly jointed together in the same mind and same judgment. (1 Corinthians 1:10)

Conquer the City

This week I experienced something that I can't even describe. When you have so many things going on at one time, so many people and pets pulling you in different directions at the very same time, you get overwhelmed and just want to either stop the world and get off for awhile or lock yourself up somewhere to get some mental help. LOL! In my life I have so many people that depend on me. I know that it is something I created since I am always so readily available to help others, however, sometimes it is just too much. I never want to let someone down, so I continue to wait on those people, answer the calls, texts and emails quickly and try to give not only good service to all the clients relying on me to sell their home, find them a rental home or help them buy a home, I also have a family who relies on me pets who are special needs and household chores that get me more stressed if I let them go too long. On Tuesday I had to call upon the help of a great friend to talk me down off of my coaster and give me some insight into the almost anxiety-like mental breakdown I was experiencing before doing or saying something harsh that I would regret to those I loved. It was a feeling that came over me that I didn't feel I had any control over stopping. Every time my kid whined, every time one of the dogs started barking, every time my phone rang, or a text came in I felt like I wanted to scream out profanities and just throw something so hard it would break! She told me due to being such a helpful person and having so many people depend on me that I don't want to make a mistake or disappoint that it is natural to feel the way that I was and to have a "moment." I told her how my whiny impatient kid was not listening at all and I screamed at him several times and felt like such a horrible mom. She advised me to the tender nature of kids being the most forgiving beings out there. It isn't like when you blow up at your spouse or a friend and they may hold a grudge for a week. You can love on care for and coax your child and they will be once again back to loving you unconditionally. Is this something that is right, probably not. No person deserves to be yelled at in my frustration. I hope not to make a practice of it. But in talking to her I know that I am only human and sometimes I need to forgive myself when I can't get to every thing that I think I need to or that I believe someone is expecting me to take care of. On a normal basis I can handle my dependents and my tasks, however, sometimes when they hit all at once, I need to remain calm, focus on the most important thing at the very moment and realize that somehow everything works out. The next day I had promised a 4th grade teacher that I would sub for her class so that she could use up her vacation day before the end of the school year. I knew I would have limited access to my family and clients since I would be in class and could not answer the phone as readily as normal. I rely on text and email from my phone to communicate, so when I was startled unexpectedly when I was walking down the quiet hall back to the classroom while the kids were in music class and my phone went flying from my hand crashing to the tile and the LCD screen went grey, green and red with vertical and horizontal stripes and lines I was in store for a day of pretty much no communication. I could have flipped out, gotten upset with myself for not being more careful, for being careless or irresponsible for allowing this to happen, especially given the nature of my demeanor the day before, but somehow I didn't. I looked at this as an opportunity to focus on my task at hand that day, help the people in front of me. Do what I could to get those who relied on me help and decided that nothing that anyone could call, email or text me about was a life or death situation. It just isn't. Deadlines, paperwork and showings before a home is gone, sure... life or death- Not really. I decided right then and there that this circumstance happened and all I could do was explain later and hope for the best once I could re connect with people. I need to limit my response time to what I can handle and get back to the others in a professional and timely manner but to stop jumping every second that someone "calls." It just isn't healthy for me or for those around me if jumping to help and being prompt is affecting my attitude or demeanor in a way that I am distracted from the attention they deserve. It is better to have self control than to conquer a city Proverbs 16:32 NLT

M.O.M. Message of Magnificence

Pretty much when it comes to mom's we all share in the fact that ours is the best. They do a lot for us. Most of the time we don't even realize what that is. It is often expected cause that is what mom's do. Oh losing my dad at a young age to cancer, I knew my mom made sacrifices, I knew she as a mother, did everything she could to raise me right, to provide for me and to make me happy. However, it wasn't until I had a kid of my own did feel what she felt to be a mom. It is not something you can really describe to someone who is not. You are a supporter, protector, discipliner and friend. You will sacrifice, go the extra mile, provide joy and comfort. Many, many roles are played and you balance them as best you can. As a mother of faith, I pray each night for my child's health, his childhood, his future, his ability to feel loved and accepted, good role models his desire to learn, freedom from fear and a whole lot more. As a mom on days like Mother's Day, I too feel grateful for the recognition, no matter how small- but between you and me I would do it anyhow. I am who I am I was born to be me, one of God's children who he died to set free. Awaiting her future her purpose foretold, before walking those streets of gold. Many trials and errors, heartache and pain, pathways before me seem like nothing to gain. Promised I am that this temporary strife, will lead me to a better life. I walk the line waiting for His glorious sign. How do I know what He wants me to be if I don't believe what I already see? I have a purpose for this I know. I must take it to others to show. I am who I am I was born to be me, one of God's children he died to set free. Dani Rae (2008) My ultimate goal, wish and prayer is that as a mom I will bring a message of magnificence to my child by raising him the best I know how to be a good adult, the test I feel is not how he acts as a child, but as how he turns out, then I will know that I have accomplished my purpose. Thank you mom for raising me to be a good adult. For all that you have instilled in me that I am not only able to have a purpose in life I am able to share and influence others. You are amazing to me for all that you have done, all that you still do and all that you are! Thank you for giving me your message of magnificence.

indirect advice from a friend

Have you ever had a conversation with someone that has helped you make a discovery about something that you need to do in your life that you didn't even realize was an issue? Have you ever decided to make a change for the better from a small conversation that could make a huge impact on your stress levels and perhaps change your future encounters, the way you handle a situation and how it might reflect your life in a very positive way? Maybe something someone said to you made you change your attitude, your outlook or your day to day dealings and you didn't really even realize it. Last week I had coffee with a friend to discuss something not even pertaining to my life, my job or my concerns. I went to find out about their story, why they do what they do, how they got started and where their passion lies. I brought home a whole lot more. As a fellow Christian he advised that he too struggled with some areas of his life but puts his faith in his choices. One little thing that he told me about his passion and his relationship with his wife made me realize that in my efforts to make my relationship with my husband and my family better by chasing things I thought would put us in a better position financially and in turn make our relationship less stressful and more enjoyable was probably the one thing that may be causing additional stress. I have a hard time saying no to people when they need my help. I will volunteer to do a lot of things because I feel the calling to service and help others. I often say God brings me the people to help that sometimes no one else has time for. I have to realize, sometimes I don't either. Even though I am a caring and passionate person about helping others, it can be too much. I need to always remember to put my family first and sometimes that doesn't mean chasing business to help out financially, (which can often cause stress when things don't work out and you feel like you wasted time TRYING to make things better and still didn't succeed.) Sometimes it means saying "NO" and just spending the time with my family that I will never get back chasing things that may not happen. I don't mean following dreams or pursing goals, I literally mean chasing opportunities that can look like they may be worth something but the chances are slim. It is hard to really give examples without pulling other people's personal information into my blog, so I will leave you readers to your imagination. I am sure that you have chased something in your life with 99% knowledge that it wouldn't work out but you tried anyway as to be able to say you tried and the slight chance it will make your situation better. Like I said you have to have your limits. You can't allow something to bring more stress and concern to your family life over a small amount of money or gratitude you may receive if it can potentially cause more harm than good. Short term gains really should not outweigh long term satisfaction.

10,080 minutes Your Week Starts NOW

Did you know statistics show that the tone for your day is often determined in the first 5 minutes after waking up? Wow, this is almost ridiculous, that we can allow the first 5 minutes to set the rest of our mood for the day consisting of another 1435 minutes! I have been told over and over that I control my attitude, but not always my circumstances. My attitude and how I look at those circumstances is in my total control. Why would I allow those first 5 minutes to control me when I should be in control of how I react to my day, the mood and tone I set and how I treat other people! Too many of us rely on what happened in the past and our worry for the future to dictate how we are acting NOW! Lou Holtz lives by the phrase WIN!- " What's Important NOW!" From all the books I have read and all the speakers I have listened to, this is really a great concept to live by. They say yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift that is why it is called a present! ALICE MORSE EARLE So do what you can NOW to take what God has given you to utilize your strengths, minimize your weaknesses and enjoy life's blessings no matter how small when you can, because things don't last forever. Start your week on a positive note and when those first 5 minutes happen where something is out of your control or negativity creeps in- remember to push it away or pick yourself up and keep going. There is NO way 5 minutes should dictate the next 1435 minutes of your day or the next 10075 minutes in your week! MAKE it a good one, don't wait for something good to happen.

Write it down-- DAILY

Deciding today that I must write down my dreams and say my affirmations to make them my goals daily, even if they are short and sweet, when I write something down it is no longer just in my head. It is out there for me to be accountable for. Today is the first day of the rest of my life and no matter how many times I have to remind myself that, I am going to keep trekking on toward my goal. The obstacles and distractions can sometimes be blessings in disguise. The frustrations and let downs are inevitable, so getting through and on to the "yes" or the end result is just a matter of how many “nos” am I willing to take on something to get to the "yes" or end result? That is up to me. There are two types of courage, first the courage to get started, second the courage not to quit! I must believe that my result is there, that I know that it can be accomplished before I see it. If I wait to believe until I see it, it may never come. People doubt their beliefs but believe their doubts, I must believe in myself only then will the world believe in me and my mission and vision. I will read my affirmations daily to remind myself why I do the things I do and proceed on to them with positive attitude and gusto. I will continue to focus on my outcome more than my detours and enjoy getting there.

Three Feet from Gold

I recently had the opportunity to listen to great coach Lou Holtz speak for about an hour. He is a simple man who lived his life with many challenges and the situations where he chose to excel are the ones he came out the most ahead. I took away from him that you will always have frustrations and obstacles in your life, you can't avoid them. You will always have ups and downs. It is your attitude and what you do in those situations that makes or breaks you, not the situation itself. Do you let it bring you down and stay down, or do you find the reasons to pop right back up and try again. You may lose a ton of times but you get back up and become a winner. You can excel in life when not a single person believes in you, you can't excel if you don't believe in yourself. I am currently reading this book that expands upon the ever popular Think and Grow Rich written by Napoleon Hill many years ago. It continues the teaching and principals and connects them to current days. Napoleon Hill once said " Live your life to the fullest, you may be three feet from gold." Half-way through this book there is a little blurb that says Sometimes you have to step back and look at your situation from a different angle to find a different solution. I think this can also apply to looking at your situation from a different angle to find the positive in the situation or the lesson that maybe you will learn to help you in the future, to turn it around. I have the opportunity to work with a lot of different people and situations in my day to day work that I sometimes wonder why certain people are brought into my life and why I have to waste time on others. I began to realize that by turning the situation into something positive I am able to allow the frustrating parts of my job fall far behind the reasons why I love my job. When you focus on what you love, what you are gaining and what makes you happy (even if they seem smaller than the obstacles or frustrations) it seems as if you are calmer, you have less stress and you actually can enjoy what you are doing. The frustrations, obstacles and doubts that I have sometimes overpower the reasons I do love and enjoy my job, it is then that the discouragement happens and I stop believing in how good I am at it, how much I care about others and why I chose to do it in the first place. These are all situations in which I choose to steer my negative energy into my work rather than boost up the positive energy. For a short period of time the complaining we do may make us feel better and when we can complain to someone else regarding our situation and get the empathy we are looking for it makes it better we think. If we can just spend more time focusing on what we are doing and why we are doing it we will see the end in mind. If we focus on what we don't like about something we are just wasting more time getting to that dream or goal that we have for ourselves, our family and our future. Remember life is a journey, you will have ups and downs, you will have obstacles and set backs, don't focus on them, learn from them, control your attitude toward everything, love one another, help people and always be true to yourself and others.

Judgment no More

Sometimes when we have thoughts racing through our heads as we are making observations around us, we immediately see a situation and make a judgment based on what we see. I did this yesterday in church of all places and thought to myself how I couldn't wait to get out of church and post something funny about this.

There was a little 2 year old boy eating a baggy of Honey Bunches of Oats- the kind with a million flakes, and almonds in it. I thought to myself now why would the parents give this kid something so messy to eat?  Throughout church I thought about how I could post something on social media and how I could make it where I felt empathy for the people, so that I didn't look like I was placing judgment or that I was better than them.  I conjured up in my head that maybe that was all they had in the cupboard to give him to snack on... but oh what a mess and why would you give that to your kid in church, by the time he was done the floor had a layer of dust on it, by the end of mass the overly pregnant mother had reached down and picked up every single crumb on that floor-something I judged that the parents wouldn't do (going back to my waitress days when most parents left the mess under the table for someone else to clean up for them). During the mass when the priest gave his sermon he spoke about a grandmother back in the 1950's  who was fined in court for getting caught stealing a loaf of bread to feed her grandchildren. I am sure others were quick to judge that she was a menace or troublemaker. When she went to court the judge declared that she did deserve the fine, for she had broken the law no matter the reason. He reached under his desk, pulled out a baseball cap stuck a $10 bill in it, passed it around to the courtroom declaring that every one of them in the community should be fined for allowing their fellow patron to have to steal to feed her grandchildren. The sweet old lady not only paid her fine but was able to take home $50 to feed her grandchildren. Back then $50 probably went further than a couple hundred dollars today.
As he tied together the readings regarding "doubting Thomas" and his sermon stories that Blessed are those who believe and have not seen, the last note was that you should never place judgment on anyone until you have walked in their shoes. Just because we see it doesn't mean it is that way, and just because we don't see something doesn't mean it is not there. So the next time you are quick to judge someone based on just what you physically see, remember, even if you can't help conjuring up judgment in your head, think before you speak.