Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Back to School Blues

Yesterday was my son's first day back to school after a long 16 day spring break! Even though we had a hectic 2 weeks and I was filled with the blessing of an abundance of business at the very same time, a boy who started out spring break with pink eye and urgent care, a terrible bout of allergies, multiple baseball camps, practices and a few games and LOTS of fishing... I enjoyed every minute of the juggle. Yesterday made me realize that when he is not in school I tend to be a much more calm, less stressed individual who really enjoys what I have. I can't say I even slept in at all on his break as I get up around 5:00 when my husband goes to work... but I did immensely enjoy the peacefulness of not being rushed in the morning to make the bell at his school. He of course on break didn't always sleep in, in fact most days he was up way before the time I had to drag him out of bed just to get awake and ready for his normal school routine. I am sure I am not the only parent who this happens to! A few early morning fishing trips, a lot of play time and family time was had... I can honestly say I love the form of year round school we have. 7 weeks in the summer, 2 at fall, 3 at Christmas and 2 at spring break, and all the normal holidays. It really breaks up the routine, we can enjoy some down or play time not worrying about school and homework but going back after the breaks is really a hard adjustment. Yesterday morning I was determined not to let it get the best of me. However, I felt myself slip back into cranky mommy mode as I tried to get him up for school, struggling with him not wanting to go, having to remind him repeatedly to get dressed, making breakfast, making his lunch for school, where are your shoes? feed the dogs! Turn the T.V. off and get your shoes and socks, brush your teeth (8 times), come let me fix your hair, going out to feed the animals, getting myself ready as I had an early appointment... then walking out the door to be reminded he had no water bottle, returning inside to make the water bottle to go back out and find him riding his scooter instead of in the truck buckled up ready to go.. my head spins and I spew out angrily because I am such an on time person that I hate for him or I to be late for ANYTHING. He has never been tardy and by goodness now is not the time to start. As we pull out of the driveway we pray on our way to school like every morning for his day, his teacher, his classmates, for him to be kind and nice to everyone and for him to focus and retain what he needs to learn. As we pull into the busy school and park, getting out of the truck is another chore, in my mind he must be the slowest, pokiest kid out there I swear. I wonder to myself if other mothers have this same struggle. I take something into the school bought at a garage sale over break for the PTA (I am the president) and run into 2 other PTA moms. We stand and chat in the middle of the hall as my son stands there irritated that he is ready to get to before school recess, he finally interrupts me and I remind him I am talking and he doesn't have to wait for me to walk him 25 more feet to the recess door. His look makes me irritated but I walk him anyway and he says as he is walking out the door "you made me miss recess" as I see a teacher on the playground out of the corner of my eye, I do the little pointer finger you better get your little butt back here NOW signal... he semi rolls his eyes and walks back into the hall. Then I proceed to tell him that he will not be disrespectful and talk to me like that. He had every opportunity to walk himself to recess and he did not! I was not holding him back and I will not take responsibility of his lack of recess that morning. He apologized although a little grumpily and I kissed him on the head as he made his way back out the door to line up with the other kids. Sure I was mad, but it made me realize that neither one of us were ready to get back into the school routine, both of us got 16 days worth of getting used to each other being around most of the time all day and both of us probably woke up a little cranky knowing it was time to go back to the school routine. Does that make it okay for us to have bad attitudes, absolutely not... but it does reflect how close we are and that spending time as a family is of great importance to build that bond where it is hard to be apart. I am truly blessed to be a Mom to such a loving caring individual that I am so grateful I was chosen to raise him. Yesterday after school we got home and I was out in my chicken coop feeding and filling up the water when he yelled at me to call or text our neighbor to see if everything was ok! I guess he heard her little girl (4 years old) screaming... when I called she was so touched that he was concerned.. I guess she got into some ants that were crawling all over her and biting her and scared her. When I let him know she was ok he was truly relieved.. I love this little boy with all my heart and pray that he stays as sweet as can be. Next time I am irritated or mad, I need to just breath, remain calm and remember these moments. I am going to try to breath in the mornings... to take a deep breath before I react to his lack of concern for our time schedule and utilize my kind, caring and positive attitude skills to create a non-hostel environment before school, to avoid setting a sour mood for his day! Positive or Negative mornings can truly stage the day and make or break the experience you have... A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. - Proverbs 15:1 NIV Be gentle when you are speaking to your kids... you are their example. - Dani The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. - Dorothy Nevill

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Stop the Talk!

In my heart of hearts I know that I am a good person. I am a do-gooder who wants to make a difference to other people.. who wants to help... to fix things... to step in when someone else can't, to lighten someone's load or brighten someone's day. Even when people are mean to me, walk all over me, take advantage or me or make me cry or feel like I have failed, I bounce back and do good. I treat people the way that I feel God wants me to treat them, even when it isn't appreciated or well received. They say when someone slaps you turn the other cheek right? That is my philosophy, no matter how much someone hurts me I continue to forgive and love because that is the right thing to do. This is why it is especially hard for me when someone questions my integrity or intentions. When they feel my gestures are ill-willed or self absorbed. When they say that I do things to make myself look good... this is NOT my intention. I want to consider myself a selfless person... I try to give to others first, serve as I was taught by my parents and love unconditionally. I offer to help, I encourage and support with the best intentions in mind... but I have to understand in a majority selfish world, some people don't receive my intentions as selfless, I somehow for some reason have an ulterior motive, when in fact that is far from the case. I am a committed person who tries hard to stick to everything I say I am going to do, to fulfill every promise and to follow through with every good intention... do I get disappointed when someone else commits or says they will do something that they do not follow through... yes, I do because honestly it is disappointing... am I saying that I am always perfect, absolutely not at all. It is hard to be accused of doing good deeds and works for selfish intentions... that is not me. I don't need the recognition, I don't need to be patted on back for everything I do, does it feel good when someone recognizes me, you bet it does, but that is NOT what I am seeking. I just do what I do because that is who I am. It is in my DNA so to speak. My parent's instilled in me to do good for others, to serve God's people no matter what. Love unconditionally no matter how much I get taken advantage of, spit on, or my feelings hurt. I have to come to terms with the fact that not everyone will see my intentions as selfless or beneficial to them, not everyone is going to like me, not everyone will receive my "good deeds" as appreciated. I need to be okay with that. I need to stop struggling to prove that my intentions are selfless... I need to just be me and Let it Go! No one person should be able to change our motivation, our optimism or our attitude. I need to nurture the amazing relationships that I do have, to focus on more of what I want, the people I love and move forward and count my blessings not my heartaches. Learning to get over hurts and resentments, rude people, and disappointments can free up more room for the positive energy needed to focus on reaching those who need you the most. Jesus Christ said: “Do not resist him that is wicked; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other also to him.”—Matthew 5:39. Jesus’ teaching in his Sermon on the Mount regarding ‘turning the other cheek’ reflects the true spirit of God’s Law to Israel. Jesus did not mean that if his followers are struck on one side of the face, they should stagger to their feet and offer the other side as a target. In Bible times, as is often true today, a slap was not intended to injure physically but was an insult intended to provoke a reaction, a confrontation. Evidently, then, Jesus meant that if one person tried to goad another into a confrontation with a literal slap—or with stinging sarcasm—the person slapped should avoid retaliating. Instead, he should attempt to avoid what could become a vicious circle of rendering evil for evil.—Romans 12:17. It is my intention to not take revenge on someone to not make them feel like they made me feel. To vent if needed to someone I trust and then let it go, not continue to talk ill about them or try to reason with their intentions...or try to "be right" to just give it to God and move on with my day.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Mom Patience

If you are anything like me mom patience is something I lack.... probably at least half if not most of the time... why can I be patient with my clients, adults, friends, crazy drivers, people who put me on hold forever on the phone, all those people who I don't even have a personal relationship with... but when it comes to my child... all that patience goes out the window? Why? I have asked myself this question over and over and over again. Do I save it for every situation and person that would think I was a "nut job" if I went off on them for no apparent reason.. sometimes yes... Is it because he is my kid and I expect more from him? Do I think he should know my every move and be in sync with it? Should I expect a 7 year old to never whine, complain or want things he cannot have? Am I truly focusing on what he needs/wants from me or am I constantly thinking about the next thing I need to do.. Probably. Should I focus on the task at hand! Absolutely... as mom's are we constantly multitasking... the fear in the back of our mind that we will NOT get it all done, someone will be disappointed in us, we may have to say no to something, we may in the midst of doing so many things, actually mess something up! My kid is super mature for his age, however, I need to be at peace with the fact that he is a kid. Everyday is a constant struggle for me to be patient, kind and loving when he does something that I don't want him to, that I don't expect him to or that is seriously just a kid thing! He isn't 30 Dani, he is 7 I tell myself. Some might say controlling... some might say just a MOM thing! Do I stick him in that I have patience for everyone else so I need to unload on him box? My mom and I had that relationship... we were able to vent, scream, yell, get mad at each other sometimes call each other names and had the capability to bounce back be happy and loving in 0.6 seconds if we had to. It was just our nature! We had that understanding, ever since my dad passed away when I was 14 it was just my mom and I for years and years. We coped, we understood, we loved unconditionally NO MATTER WHAT. For me to put that same expectation on my husband or son...probably not the best decision... but truly I miss that ability to do so... I miss my mom everyday! To lose my patience and have an understanding that I just needed to vent, blow-up, scream or cry to get my anger and frustrations out from all of the people and situations where I HAD to be patient and really didn't want to, bottle up my feelings and sometimes they just unload, unexpectedly, the days where everyone is pulling me in 27 different directions, clients calling, texting, and needing answers immediately all at the same time, on top of my already busy day combined with the needs of my family and the expectations of the programs/organizations that I volunteer for. Some may say I do too much, I give to much, but I really thrive when I am busy and the small amount of times it gets to me... outweigh the impact and the satisfaction I get from making a difference... It is my nature to nurture. I pray every morning that God gives me the patience, kindness and understanding that a good mom/wife should have... does it always make my day smoother and my patience stronger... not always... but everyday is a new day and a chance to learn from my mistakes, pray for patience for the people who deserve it the most- my family and go about my day. Be humble and gentle in every way, be patient with each other and lovingly accept each other. -Ephesians 4:2

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Is He Calling You?

I went to church with one of my friends on Sunday... great message as a whole, however, the one thing I took a note of and it has been lingering with me this whole week so far is the Pastor saying, "God does not call the qualified, he qualifies the called." There are so many things that popped into my mind then and have continued to this week, about myself and my family and what we are suppose to be doing to spread the message of His Love... especially this Easter Season we are in. How often have I thought that I wasn't qualified to do something? Whether in my home, career, community or church. That isn't possibly something that I could do, I don't have the skills necessary to do that, why would I think I could accomplish this, or learn how to do that, do I have time, is it convenient? Questions swirling around in my inner thoughts as I struggle some task, some burning in my soul, some urge to try something that I think is beyond my measures or skill level... Is this yearning God? Is this gut feeling that I have regarding this or that something I should purse or just my silly mind churning... I am sure lots of you have had this gut feeling, this urge to do something deep in your soul that you didn't expect or have absolutely no idea how to pursue, so you shut it off in that mind of yours and move on to the known... Our fear of the unknown or our limiting beliefs that we are not qualified to do something take over and we shut down. Sometimes I have pursued these feelings but often times I just let it go and move on with my busy everyday life tasks at hand. Sometimes I fight urges and resist callings because of fear or lack of knowledge about what is ahead... I strongly urge you today that if you have something that has been lurking inside of you to move forward, give it to God let Him guide you and let him qualify your calling, you may just not already need to be qualified. Have a Blessed Day! Somehow life will work out. Go and reach your maximum potential...

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Hubby to the rescue!

Rushing to get out the door, a day filled with tasks, a doctor's appointment, finding a place for my son after school...a conversation on the way to school with my son regarding my job and if I actually work... "well you don't work as hard as daddy..." the words stung like a bee... really, this kid has no concept of what I do to enjoy more time with him, anytime.. I am my own boss.. I control how busy or slow I am... he sees me home a lot... to a 7 year old that isn't working hard I guess... why did I let a 7 year old make me tear up about something he at 7 can't possibly appreciate....- "mom, I am not trying to be rude," he insisted. We set out with his bike so he could ride home with some friends after school so I could go to a long awaited doctor's appointment. Upon arriving at school and taking the bike out of the back of the truck we discovered the tire was flat... "great" I thought... just one more thing to add to my already hectic busy day.. I had to blow up birthday balloons for one of the teacher's at school for the PTA, meet a mom for coffee to discuss a project, put a listing/pictures in the computer, had to draw up listing paperwork for another couple, look up houses, make phone calls, check on a short sale, get over to a client's house to do some touch-up cabinet work because he was out of town... and the list went on and on. "Ok honey, I will go home and get your scooter and come back and collect your bike... no worries." 2 hours after we had this conversation I already forgot about the bike, the exchange and my promise to my son... why.. because I had at least 5 conversations after that one of which lasted 30 minutes with a client, that led my mind and focus in other directions. I had a last minute booking to see 5-6 houses and I still had to make the appointments to view them and then get ready and look presentable to show... Good gosh it was only 11:00 and I had been up since 4:30 and still felt behind. In my business for the last 16 years, you realize sometimes you have to go with the flow of the client... if you do not have a specific appointment that keeps you from meeting with them, you may as well go... otherwise you have to plan another time that may be less convenient or risk the loss of viewing the home that they really want because they waited to see it... in a market with low inventory, the good stuff that is priced right goes fast for the most part. On the way to viewing the houses I remembered the bike... already 20+ minutes away from my home! "UGH!" Really!? And the mom of the year award goes to...I quickly called my friend whose house he was going to after school and she came up with a solution of taking him a scooter from her house so he could "ride" to their house after school... but than his bike would have to stay locked at school over night as it would NOT fit in her car. Dilemma.. Newer Bike... Sports Authority Going Out of Business Sale... Great Deal... not going to find that again if it get's stolen... all this flashed through my mind! Would I have time to show the homes, drive back to the school 25 minutes, grab the bike and go back 25 minutes to make it to my doctors appointment at 3? It was 2:04... hmmmm... I made a quick phone call to a really good friend who has an SUV and also picks up her son from school.... After a 25 minute pow wow conversation about both our somewhat unexpected day...as she had things pop up as well. I was reassured she would step in and rescue the bike at parent pick-up... prayers do get answered, sometimes you just need to ask for a little help. In the meantime having a conversation with a client who had chosen not to renew their listing at this time when it expires in 1 week, after almost 6 months of money and time spent marketing this home, I was devastated, did she not understand all the effort I put in? That sometimes it is just the right timing... sometimes it is not the agent's efforts or lack there of... sometimes it is expectations, sometimes it is finding that right buyer who maybe hasn't come along yet, or the house she is suppose to buy after she sells her current one is not yet available... I spent a lot and did a lot and thought outside the box a lot and things are just starting to finally pick up for her price range and location and after she takes it off the market and does some updating... she may or may not relist with ME? Really... I did everything I could... how can I save this is all that was going in my mind... A small conversation with hubby, who bless his heart doesn't always find the right words to comfort me when my mind blames itself for what could I have done different, better... His words this time came exactly as needed, he said what I needed to hear to let go of what was beyond my control and realize that if I do everything with a whole heart, with passion and positive energy, even the times it does not work out.... I can't always change the choices and reactions of others... but I can chose how I respond, how I react, how I feel and how I move forward... I don't have to chose to "take it personally." You cut your losses and go on. After hanging up with him my mind was more clear for the wheels to start turning and come up with a plan... if the listing wasn't going to renew and I still had a week left to try... think outside the box Dani, think outside the box... some money is better than none, and I quickly emailed the client with a plan.. Next onto the doctor for a long awaited appointment to discuss none other than getting my tubes tied... After years and years of birth control.. I was done having this little pill dictate my moods... the older I get the more it becomes a risk and my family's history isn't all the best with women and health effects... My insurance (God bless my hubby's amazing county job) covers the whole surgery 100%! But just like any surgery.. there are risks and I wanted to discuss exactly what those are. In the meantime I get a text from a client who wants to see a house sometime after 4 in NE Mesa... I was sitting in San Tan Valley at doctor's office at 3:08... hmmm... okay how do we make this work... Appointment to show scheduled for 5:00- clients and I arrive at 4:40 up to the front of the home... in the meantime trying to discuss with another client and figure out how she can get the home of her dreams that we wrote an offer on 2 days prior and got rejected... what loan program, how much down, what changes, additions could we do to get her to where the seller needed to NET in order to say yes to the house. Sometimes, just as my son cannot "see" this back and forth, this negotiation, the internal stress...It can be just as hard work, just as exhausting as my husband's physical job. What we perceive is not always reality. What looks like an easy, cake-like job where I have flexibility and can be my own boss, can make my own hours and make " a lot" of money per deal... in actuality if you divided out the hours I spend, the driving I do and the amount of time my brain works in between negotiating and getting that client into or out of their home... It can really be negative dollars per hour in some cases! I actually calculated it once on a really hard deal I did... never will I do that again.. so disappointing! You always have to strive for the bigger picture... I am helping someone and what is truly right for me must also serve others. After almost 1 hour in this home, you could see my client's excitement and spinning wheels in their head of the potential of this house... as they left to discuss putting in an offer, I climbed back into the truck to have received an email from my almost expired listing client agreeing to my outside the box thinking... she even noted a message thanking me for thinking outside the box... Awesome! My client trying to get the home of her dreams came across yet another hiccup... so we were back to square one but had another option they had to ponder regarding coming in with more money to make it work...did they really want to do this, did they want to try and keep looking for a less expensive house? We will see what God has in store for them and if this house is meant to be theirs we will find another way. I ran to the store for salad stuff, as this was apparently my cheat day as I had a donut for breakfast ( I rarely even eat donuts), french fries and an iced-coffee for lunch... and a couple bites of an apple! I assumed a salad for dinner was most appropriate, but we had ran out of lettuce... I picked Paxton up from his friends, ran to my other friend's house for his bike and set out for home... I think we arrived a little after 7:00.. My husband had made his own dinner, fed all our animals and cleaned up. I made Paxton mac and cheese, myself a salad and we all talked about our day. Earlier in the day I had mentioned to hubby my son and I's conversation regarding my work or what he thought was a lack there of. Paxton welled up with tears and said he wasn't trying to be mean... he was embarrassed. We reassured him that we were not upset or mad at him... Dad told him of the importance of my job, how it contributes to our household, allows him to be in all the activities he is in and have a mom that is mostly around all the time but still works... that was the 2nd time in one day my husband made me proud that almost 19 years ago I chose him to spend the rest of my life with... it is moments like these that no matter the hustle and bustle the day throws at you. When you are united as a family, supportive of one another and on the same page with your goals and desires... life supports me to be myself. Life shows me that I am enough and I have enough. I am the creator of my experience. Let life be easy... I am too blessed to be stressed. There could be far worse encounters and conditions than what my day brought... and for that I am thankful for what I have. A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. Proverbs 31: 10-12