Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Stop, Drop and Pray.

I was reminded the other day about how some of our relationships go in cycles, especially with our spouses. Sometimes in the heat of things it is easy to blame the other for things that are not done, for expectations that are not fulfilled and for lack of communication, respect or what we feel should be priorities. As a wife and mother, my be all, do all, say "yes" to all and keep it all together, balanced and functioning... often gets a little overwhelming! We constantly are trying to fit it all in, organize it, keep it together and make it run smoothly and when it doesn't we often jump to our spouse as being unhelpful, not understanding, or just not supportive of all that we do- however, we are the ones who are creating "all that we do, and setting the tone for our spouse and families expectations, and when we can't deliver or something doesn't turn out right we often blame the other for lack of help/support. As we know guys want to fix things when they are "broken" and when they can't... it becomes a battle of our differences... That is what makes us unique. That is what makes us men and women...we have different strong points and different views... but we need to use those most often to compliment and build up the other person. But as humans we have our faults. We can get wrapped up at times in what our duties are and which our husbands should be doing or recognizing to help us out running our household. Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. - Ecclesiastes 4:9-10. We each have our own place in our marriage. Next time I am ready to blame, have a pity party because I "do it all" or because I am lacking the fulfillment that only God is able to give me, I need to stop and instead of getting frustrated, yelling, hurting my spouses feelings... I need to stop, evaluate, reflect and pray for our marriage, for him, and for our family and thank God for His guidance and wisdom. It is easy to get caught up in the now at times, but we also need to be grateful for the past and the future. My mom lost my dad when she was 45, I have friends that have lost their spouses in their 30's and early 40's... it is easy to forget how blessed I truly am to have a spouse in my life, to be supported and to not HAVE to do it all by myself, because I am not... in the heat of a moment or in the selfishness of the overwhelming moment I am experiencing because I created my own chaos by saying yes to so much... that is not my spouses fault- men don't tend to commit to things out of loyalty and obligation, they commit to things they know they can handle or accomplish. My goal this week is to stop whenever I am looking feeling overwhelmed and continuously pray for guidance, and be grateful for the many things surrounding me, rather than lose focus, get frustrated, and blame. I cannot control how my family reacts to any given situation but I can control how I act, which may totally change the dynamics of how they respond. I am the glue of my family, my attitude and responses reflect their attitude and responses. As God directs the man to be the head of the household, I am the glue that holds it together. God help me today to think clearly and exercise self-control and look forward to all the blessing that surround me this day, I want to be an example to my family and bring sunshine to the lives of others, help me to be a praying wife and mother who builds her family up and doesn't break it down.

Monday, September 28, 2015

I DON'T Care!

So sometimes we go through periods of our life where we adopt phrases and tend to use them over and over depending on certain circumstances or trends in our lives. Most recently the phrase that everyone picked up and sticks out most in my mind is the word... "Seriously." Thank you Grey's Anatomy. How often have I caught myself sarcastically stating this word over and over again based on my shock or irritation with something going on in my day. Talk about an overused phrase that I just can't get to go away. It has become a habitual household word. Even Paxton says it- almost annoyingly at times, but hey I probably sound pretty stupid saying it at times as well. Most recently my son has been adopting the phrase, "I don't care" ... oh how frustrating for me to here this. He also tends to use it appropriately but not constructively. I say if you don't do this, this will happen, he responds "I don't care". I tell him something isn't going to happen, he responds "I don't care." You get the idea. Whether it is homework, picking up dog poop, clothes choices, etc. My last straw was the other day in line at the grocery checkout when the lady was asking if we wanted to donate to some charitable organization ( I pride myself on giving back to others as often as I can, and I thought that my child recognized this as a recurring practice for our family) He speaks up and asks what we give the money for, I try explaining to him that some people are less fortunate and don't have everything we are blessed with (I swear I tell him this often) and he chimes in "I don't care" right in front of the clerk and the patron behind us. I just wanted to explode, I was in a public place and so embarrassed that my 6 year old would say such a thing! Wow was I ever mad but more embarrassed that me of all people who is a giver would just be looked upon as a mom who apparently hasn't instilled in her kid the idea of sharing and giving to others! (which I have multiple times, over and over on a daily basis; but these complete strangers do not know this about me!) I wanted to crawl into a hole and just disappear. I have taught my child from very young to share, to give to others, to be kind, compassionate and helpful and in return in the middle of the grocery store checkout I get the most selfish, non caring attitude from my child, who I thought I taught a little better than that! Talk about a complete failure I felt like, I just couldn't imagine where this attitude came from. Where is my message going in one ear and out the other? Is my example being overlooked? What about all the Heroes I sponsor with my Heroes Home Advantage program, my giveaways (that he has accompanied me to), Charitable donations, clothes donations, Angel tree at Christmas time, Toys for Tots, Book giveaways...my time volunteering for things to name a few! I have explained the purpose and very clearly thought I was relaying the message to always give... 'seek joy in what you give, not what you get'... ( I even have a placard incorporated into my kitchen decor that says this!) When we got to the car irritated as I was, After I bit my tongue and took a few deep breaths (with steam coming out of my ears!) I still calmly told him that he embarrassed me in the grocery store by acting so rude regarding people who are less fortunate and those are the people you should care most about. As Christians we are suppose to help others. "Whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone" - Galatians 6:10. This about drove me bonkers... all day and night thinking what in the world did I do wrong in my teaching... until it dawned on me... did he really know what he said? As I reflected and ran the scenario over and over in my head I just couldn't put my finger on it until the next day... Paxton was getting dressed and he wanted to wear the shirt he slept in, I said "you can't wear the same shirt two days in a row it isn't clean, pick a new shirt." He begins to throw a fit that this is the shirt he wants to wear and immediately my reaction to him is... I bet you can't guess......... "Paxton, I don't care." Wow! That was a wake up call for me. Right then and there I was at fault. I reflected how many times have I said that phrase to my child? No wonder he has picked it up and uses it- not always in the right situations, but kids want nothing more than to be like their parents. How can you not use a phrase that a parent uses over and over again. It has become like a ritual. Sometimes the things we say become habit, sometimes the habit is not always the best for little ears who are listening for your example. I am not using bad words, I am not cussing at my child- how in the world did I think a small innocent phrase such as "I don't care" could become such a horrible example to my child. This innocent phrase that I used to emphasize that my son do something he is told and that I as a parent don't care if he has a better idea, because frankly, I am the parent and what I say should be rule! My little 'want to be like mom' ears, at the age of 6 doesn't know how, when or why to use certain phrases and that is what he is relying on me to teach him. Will I mess up again, of course... remember in all my writings I tell you, there is no rule book. There is other parent's good examples, there is God's guidance and there is acts of love from my heart that will allow me to be the best parent I can be. But it is not without trial and error sometimes. Lesson learned is I need to slow down and think before I speak, ask God every morning to help me guide my little one on a path of kindness, courtesy, compassion and respect for others. To myself speak kind words, think kind thoughts and do kind things for others as my example will prevail. Is there a phrase, statement, word or habit that you have that may be reflecting on your children or even your spouse? I pray today that God will help you scale back or remove this from your daily routine and allow you to focus on the good things that will benefit raising your child to be a kind, good, caring respectable adult. Be aware of what you say, be true to who you are, but be an positive good example to those around you.

Monday, September 14, 2015

How to feel or Not to feel, that is the question.

Have you ever had anyone tell you.. "Don't feel that way." With even the best of intentions, and believe me I have been the one to say this phrase to someone... feelings are neither right nor wrong, they are just our feelings, so honestly how can anyone tell us HOW to feel or not to feel? That is the question. Growing up my parents instilled in me that our feelings are neither right nor wrong, they are just feelings. Sometimes we have absolutely no control over how we feel or what we feel. Society often instructs us that if we feel a certain way it may not be the norm, the expected way to feel or we may be being too hard on ourselves based on a certain situation. Under certain circumstances we even feel guilty for the way we are feeling. If that isn't double the amount of stress we need, not only are we feeling we shouldn't feel that way but then we feel guilty about it. I had a friend today going through a horrible situation at this time in her life who had some many feelings and emotions going through her mind right now she felt guilty for feeling the way she did. I recently felt this way after loosing my mom. I prayed every day she was at my house on Hospice that she would die so that she could find peace, then I felt guilty that I wanted her to die, I also struggled with wanting her to stick around as long as I could for selfish reasons, to see, touch and hear her as I knew I wouldn't have this opportunity much longer. Talk about an emotional roller coaster... We are selfish and selfless all at the same time. But we are human and unlike God we are not perfect... no matter how we try to be. We often have high expectations and lofty goals of how we think we should handle a situation, of how others may expect us to handle a situation or a timetable for that situation or to get over a situation. None of us have instructions we received when we entered into this world, or even given to us as an adult. We just have to trust that we are being guided in the right direction, and ask for that guidance. God sometimes has a plan for our situation, how we handle and overcome a situation, what time frame this all fits into and what good things may come out of this situation we encounter even if we are not clear on what that is. It is not the feelings we have during our struggle, setback or experience, but how we act, react and grow from our situation. From time to time life brings us down, life tends to throw what we would consider unfair or tragic circumstances and situations at us. It is not how many of those we have, how long they last or how hard the experience associated with them is. It is are we able to overcome, to survive, to thrive and to benefit someone else from those experiences? Are we able to rise above our circumstance? God is not causing these things to happen to us or our loved ones, but he is allowing them to happen. This life is not where we are meant to live eternally, it is a pathway to the next where we will live in harmony, peace and forgiveness with HIM. Should we accept only good from God and not adversity. (Job 2:10) They won't be afraid of bad news; their hearts are steady because they trust the Lord. (Psalm 112:7) So next time you are feeling that your feelings are wrong... remember... the feelings you are feeling are neither right nor wrong, they are feelings, it is the actions you take because of those feelings that you can control.