Breaking Down but Human

Sometimes we have our moments when things just get a little too overwhelming. One thing after another after another in a short period of time and SNAP! I always worry that I might someday truly snap and do something that I can never reverse. Saying wrongful things, being mean beyond the forgiving point or just plain screwing up so bad there is no going back. Yet every time I tell myself to slow down, to take things one step at a time, to not let every one else's expectations of me control my pattern and my mood- I bounce back into that same routine. Sometimes you just want someone to tell you what is happening is normal, your feelings are normal, freaking out is normal- You just can't park yourself there. You must develop healthy coping strategies, if you don't have one. Pray, call a friend, take deep breaths, listen to music, walk-away from the situation, close your eyes (not recommended while driving). I found myself looking to call a friend yesterday, not for praise that I am a good person, but for reassurance that I am normal and my feelings, thoughts and frustrations are normal and that my freak out moment would go away and not define me, however, that person no longer being here that I wanted to call, lead me to first eat a lot ( which is a horrible coping mechanism, that I don't recommend, but an old standby), I decided to write down exactly what I thought she would tell me. This I did and was able to realize that she didn't have all the answers either, she was just a normal person like me who had experiences and moments to share. It is okay to have that freak out moment, to cry, to get angry. Just don't stay there, get the toxic thoughts out, the frustrations settled down and move on with the greater things in your life. Don't wait for something good to happen next to be happy, create your happy!

Give What you Need

Coming back from a 2 week vacation where my son had mommy and daddy EVERY day, back to a friend's passing, a hectic schedule, the daily grind, a little allergy/cold episode for both mommy and Paxton is enough to throw you off, but not necessarily a good excuse for your behavior. On Monday at preschool pick up I got the first negative report of the year about my son's behavior. This is enough to make any mother uncomfortable especially with months of good reports, and as a mother we always seem to take responsibility for our children's actions as a reflection of how well we are "mothering"! No treat was received that day from the teacher and trying to talk to a 4 year old like an adult regarding his behavior and mommy and daddy's disappointment in how he chose to conduct himself, is often overwhelming for a child. Mixing it with a little praise for the things that he does do well, I think helps little ones know that everything they do isn't bad, and encourages them to keep on doing the things that you are proud of. It has been a long week, getting back into the swing of things, dealing with emotions, grief, issues that arise with work, family activities and misbehaviors but I think we will all recover. Below is a link to a fellow blogger who just had the right words that I needed to hear this morning! Give What you Need she says! Our comfort comes to us in those that can share their similar experiences. I lost a dear friend this past week who was my "go to" mom when I felt doubt in my abilities to be a good mother. She seemed like the model mother with respectful kids that listened to her all the time, but in reality she was just a mom doing her best who went through many similar hair pulling, lock myself in a closet, needing Calgon to take her away situations just like me! I know that the days are gone that I can pick up the phone and call her to ease my stresses, say the right thing and calm my spirit. I do know however that in carrying on and sharing my stories of motherhood, stress and "losing it" may help other mom's going through the same or similar situations find their inner peace and sharing will help talk me through mine! GIVE WHAT YOU NEED!

Amidst Tragedy

I have been on vacation for two weeks enjoying my family and time away for the everyday hustle and bustle of my life. Granted working from home with my kind of profession I was still "working" the whole time, but totally worth it! I even sold a house while I was away! That is something that God has blessed me to be able to do and enjoy the flexibility with my family. While away, our family learned the shocking news that a good friend of ours; a wife, daughter, sister, teacher, mother of 3, friend and amazing woman passed away in her sleep. Nothing can prepare a family for this type of news. Not only is it heartbreaking and totally unfair to those of us left behind, it is filled with unanswered "why" questions. In times such as these we often turn away from God, this is when we need God the most and must Believe that He is in control. After talking to her husband, I wanted to cry just knowing that he will be okay, he will survive this tragedy and continue living, not only for his children, but for himself. He is still alive, his children are still alive and even though he has a right to grieve and mourn her death, he must still cherish life and live it to it's fullest intent. He shared with me conversations and events that have happened over the last few months of his life that led to prepare him for this inevitable hardship that at the time they took place it would have never occurred to him as to why. God doesn't always prevent certain things from happening in our lives, however I do believe He is in control of helping us through them. I can relate, I have not experienced the loss of a spouse or a child, however I lost a childhood friend at a young age and I was a year older than their oldest son when my father passed away. He was sick for 2 short months and that gave me the time to prepare for his loss, verses her sudden departure, however, I still experienced losing a parent. Not everyone grieves a loss in the same way, and that is okay, but with Faith and Trust we all will get through it. Over the past few days I have experienced the love, respect and admiration that her friends and family have expressed for our lost friend and it is positively overwhelming the people who are willing to help out and make sure that this woman's love, kindness and huge heart are never forgotten in her husband and children's lives. She always seem to make each one of them feel special in her own way! Last night my hubby and I went to bed and re-kindled something we used to do and have since gotten away from. Before going to bed we will say 1 thing that we are grateful for that day. Last night we included our son in this ritual and I look forward to making it a nightly event. Our son must have thought it was a good idea, because he asked us each for 1 more before we put him to bed. Remember to recognize the things you are thankful for each day. Make sure to tell those you love and admire on a daily basis how much they mean to you, stop to appreciate the blessings that surround you. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 – Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (NKJV)