Unspoken Gratitude

It has been several months since i have used my daily reflection blog to post my thoughts and feelings. I used my mom's caring bridge site a lot during her illness to not only keep our family and friends up-to-date but as my way of getting my feelings out there about the whole situation we were in and the experience that I had. I love to use my writing as my therapy of sorts. It has been a little over a month since my mom passed away. I have had every negative emotion that I could possibly think of in that time. Some more prominent than others. I have wanted to crawl in a hole, cry, throw things, break things, cry some more, yell at God, scream out loud, give up, fight, swear, vent about how life isn't fair.... and then I remember, I can chose how I react, like the eulogy I wrote for her, I can become bitter or I can become better. I can survive- or I can thrive. I can take my experience and I can make a message for all people. We are human, we miss those we lose, but we are still here, we have a purpose and I don't think our purpose is to be a victim, or be passive in this life. It is to take what we experience and make ourselves and others better because of it. I may be one person, but I can touch lives with my upbeat, positive attitude and love for those around me. I have had a few conversations with people regarding their lack of preparation for a loved one's death, to mothers and daughters or fathers and daughters who do not have a good connection or even a good relationship with one another, and it makes me reflect on even though I considered my mom my ultimate best friend and I feel cheated in losing her so young, I also know that I am grateful for the relationship I had with her for the time that I had and the preparation that I had for her eternal exit no matter how short lived it was. So I begin to live again through my writing, through my passion for my family, my career and my hobbies and thrust on forward toward the future that I will help create. Breath, Relax and Let Go- for we don't always know where the road is leading us, but nothing is a waste of time if you use your experience wisely.