I loved my house, we lived on land, had pets, an above ground pool, went on small lake cabin vacations every summer, had been to Disney World twice.... We ate home cooked meals, ate out on mostly special occasions or leftovers from working at my aunt and uncles restaurant. Now it seems like combined incomes under $100,000 don't get you very far... but it is because of people's spending habits. Eating out is the norm for many families, on the go, Starbucks... traveling... quick easy and convenient, which we all know costs and many kids and families are so used to these things that being stripped of something is not even something that crosses their mind.
I would say 5/7 days a week my family eats at home, something either myself of Steve cooks. Paxton has responsibilities to help take care of our home, animals, he has learned to be respectful of others, especially adults and tends to make good decisions. However I know for a fact that he has grown up where things are handed to him and that can spoil a person, and he is a kid who we are raising to be a good adult, but he is still just a kid. I have done a great job of instilling that he must do for others, think of others, be kind and considerate and serve as he is called to do.
Sometimes a kid is going to be a kid. He is a boy, he doesn't mind being dirty, we have to remind him to scrub his head in the shower and brush his teeth. Routine or not he tends to be lazy with these things. The biggest complaint that Steve and I have had in the past few months is that he tends to take off his clothes and socks wherever he is when he is ready to take them off. (he sleeps in just undies) Whether that is in the living room watching TV with us or in our room reading a book or in his room all over the floor or draped over something. I will tell you we have 3 laundry baskets in our house that could hold these items for him but somehow they end up all over. After getting frustrated with him on constantly reminding him to pick up his things... he says yes but if he doesn't do it right away... it somehow doesn't get done. This tends to go for almost anything we ask him, if not done right at that moment he tends to forget. And honestly this Mama was tired of having to get frustrated, upset or yell to get my point across. So I came up with a plan. He has a little chunk of spending money he has saved from Birthday's and holidays from family and he really likes that fact that he has this money that is "his." I told him the deal was that he would have until that days end to collect these things and put them in the laundry. If I had to pick them up and put them in the laundry I would charge him $1 for every article of clothing. In the last 3 months he has only had to give me $5. I feel like that was a huge win.
Fast forward to last week. Our second biggest issue is he is having fear issues with our house at night and is scared unless he can turn lights on. We have done nothing but instill we live in a safe environment, have 3 large dogs and security lights and cameras that would mostly deter a burglar, however, still scared. Unfortunately, he turns lights on and never turns them off. I am talking his room, the guest room, his bathroom, the hallway, the hall bathroom, my bedroom or bathroom or wherever he has been. I was working at my computer and he was in and out of the house building a fort out of a big box we had trying to perfect his new space in our guest room. Mind you he already has a timer on the light in his bedroom that goes off every 25 mins if he doesn't turn it off but it is the only light like this. Steve was about to put timers on all our lights... lol, but that would be at an expense and time. I had turned off the light in the guest room where he was working on the fort twice in about 45 minutes. I really want him to be in the habit of turning off a light when he leaves a room no matter whether he will return in 5 mins or an hour, habits are good to form. But nope he hasn't grasped the concept of that just yet. So after the 2nd time when he came in I told him if he left the light on one more time I was going to remove the light bulbs. He sort of freaked as like I said he isn't really a fan of the dark (except at night when he is sleeping no lights allowed) Sure as day he did about 30 minutes later... So while he was outside I climbed up on the bed with a sock I found on his floor (that I didn't get to charge him for because the day wasn't over.) to remove the hot light bulbs quickly before he got back in the house. I proceeded to take them and go out to the kitchen to start dinner.
He came in went straight to the room, calmly walked into the kitchen and said can you tell me where to find a flashlight? I said I don't know look in the junk drawer or go out and ask your dad. He dug through the drawer, ( I think the alternative of asking his dad he would have to tell the reason) I helped him replace the batteries and he went back into his room to play. Not a word was mentioned, not a single complaint... he knew he messed up and I respected his reaction.
A little later he came out and asked me for duck tape. I said why? He wanted to tape the flashlight to the ceiling fan. I told him where the tape was but mentioned that if he taped it to the fan and the tape ruined the finish on the fan I would be more mad about that then I was that he can't remember to turn the light off. Needless to say he did not tape the flashlight to our fan. He also did discover that there was a lamp on the night stand next to the bed that I did not remove the bulb from... I wondered how long it was going to take him to remember that. Fast forward to this week. Yesterday he asked for the bulbs back, I told him he could put his bulbs back but the next time he forgets to turn the light out he isn't getting 3 chances and they would be gone for a lot longer than a week. I asked him what he learned, he said that he learned that taking something away that he felt he really needed was sad and that he didn't like not being able to flip the light on when he entered the room he said he would try to remember to shut the light off and to remember that the light is something that shows him that everything is ok.
Translation for me... as I try to find the lesson too. A light in the darkness helps us find our way, when you are lost let the light guide you and make you feel safe. It is a promise of better days, brighter things and rescues us from fears. Don't let others steal your light bulbs and when they do find another way, don't give up and move forward because you can.
"I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life." John 8:12
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