Traditions run deep in a lot of families. I remember growing up getting together every
Christmas season to make a multitude of pierogies with my aunts and cousins, surrounded
by love, laughter and sometimes scolding and bickering, lol. An assembly line
making and filling dough, and stuffing, sealing, and boiling dumplings to fry on
Christmas Eve. My great-Bushie used to make all her dough on the kitchen table
no bowl required… thank God for technological advances and KitchenAid. Being
Polish, (both my grandmothers were) we didn’t eat meat on Christmas Eve, just
perch, my Papa’s potato soup, potatoes, cottage cheese, herring pierogies, oplatki, and chruscikis. First,
I made mostly potato, kraut, and cheese filling. As a kid my favorite was always
cheese, a sweet cheese blend consistent between cottage cheese and ricotta texture.
Later, my Bushie started including meat in them, as our family grew and changed
and so did taste buds. As I got older
and moved away, I continued to make them with my mom for a few years and then
by myself when she passed away. I have stuffed them with a bunch of different things
we have tried because of someone’s suggestion, not limited to but as my memory
finds, Philly cheesesteak, chorizo, pizza (meat, pizza sauce and cheese), chicken
and alfredo, and chili. I am sure there were more I have tried. I now consistently
stick to taco meat and cheese, potato and cheese, and sweet kraut, the most
popular. Too many varieties is just all that much work for me. As I got older
my tastebuds changed and my craving for sweet cheese turned into wanting kraut
more which I would never be caught dead eating before I was in my 20’s. Oh how our
taste buds change just like we do, as we grow and acquire new things that satisfy
and those that no longer do.
Because Steve’s family had their own traditions, we would eat
them as part of our Christmas Day celebration instead of Christmas Eve, like
when I was growing up, but I have religiously made them every year despite how
time consuming they are. That is the thing as you age, things change and sometimes
you must change with them. That doesn’t mean your tradition is lost, just altered,
and developing to fit your needs, wants and family dynamic.
This year seemed to flood me with a plethora of emotions while
preparing them. Listening to Christmas music trying to get in the making mood, I
reminisced of years ago, how our family functioned, thrived and then the broken
relationships over the years, the thoughts and memories of loved ones passed on
and this year being the first year Paxton and I would spend Christmas morning
ourselves for our 3rd Christmas without Steve. I think I cried more
in the few days surrounding Christmas than I have in a while. Mostly not on cue
and just random unfortunately. Which annoyed me even more, my mascara is
expensive and messy, lol. It is supposed
to be the happiest time of year and somehow it was not, and no amount of effort
was helping make it, even making cookies didn’t make me smile which it usually
does, if you know me you know baking and cooking relaxes me and makes me feel
satisfied to share with everyone.
To be completely forthcoming Christmas this year sort of
sucked. I hate saying this as I am sure there are far more scenarios of people
worse off than us. And Christmas is a special time of year to reflect on the
good and true meaning, and I felt distracted from allowing it to refresh and
renew my spirit. But mentally it just
wasn’t my year. Christmas Eve and Day I probably sported some puffy eyes and I
felt completely drained. I woke up and made my cinnamon rolls which didn’t rise
correctly but still had Paxton deliver to our neighbors trying to be in a peppy/giving
mood, went to help an elderly neighbor with a warranty issue he needed to email
and couldn’t figure out, played a little Santa with some gifts for others , and
tried to be the happy go lucky person I almost always am.
Christmas Day neither Paxton nor I had enough patience for
one another or much going or not going our way around us. Our tense moods and limited
tolerance did not prove to be a positive setting for our “sadness”. By late
afternoon we made ourselves presentable, said a quick prayer and made our way
over to Steve’s family for Christmas Day dinner (including our pierogies, and Paxton’s
special request for me to make Donna’s potato salad, our first Christmas
without her) Joined by ham, funeral potatoes, and homemade pizzas on my brothers-in-law’s
new outdoor pizza oven we were stuffed by the end of the night. We made it through
all of it, enjoyed our company, some great food and a few laughs and our day ended
on a happy note much to my surprise and content. But I was mentally exhausted
and ready for it to be over. Not every year has to be perfect and maybe there
was some lesson learned or maybe we just needed to feel our feelings. It was
pointed out to me that I spend most of my time occupied because it makes me
happy to be distracted but sometimes, I just need to feel and let it happen,
deal with the sadness, pain, and discomfort to move forward having dealt with
my feelings instead of deferring them and feel okay about it. When you have
someone supporting you and accepting you for who you are, what you need and how
you feel with absolutely no judgement it makes all the difference. I need to
recognize that I don’t have to push my feelings under the rug or try to pretend
like nothing bothers me and put on a happy front all the time. It isn’t realistic,
and it isn’t expected, and I absolutely love that I can be who I am all the
time. I am learning to allow myself the grace that others give me.
In anticipation of coming to Indiana for 10 days I felt like
there was a lot that needed to be accomplished before leaving. I was trying to
make everything come together which also didn’t prove to be going as smoothly
as I would like. One thing that I will tell you is to plan a vacation or
getaway and they will come. Seems like new and past clients need
you the most when you take a vacation. I wrote an offer on the beach in Hawaii
one time. I am totally not complaining, I signed up for this schedule 22 years
ago and I love it.
Since being in Indiana hanging with my family for the last
few days, I have had 6 listing inquiries, 3 new listings coming up and 2 new
buyers. I cannot complain. I can feel that lower interest rates coming and holidays
slipping away that 2024 will be a year of prosperity and production. Six dry
months (the first time in my 22-year career) is about to end and a new and
prosperous year is just over the horizon welcoming me with open arms. My
motivation is at an all-time high and my focus has been renewed. I will return
to Arizona, my home for 26+ years refreshed, filled with hope, and concentrating
on what God intends to send my way using my strengths and talents to serve a
purpose higher than my goals or dreams could ever fathom.
2023 has given me lots of ups and downs, struggles, crushed
some of my ego, tested my compassion and questioned my level of commitment to
helping others, presented new beginnings, tried my patience, given me things to
think about, hope for, and most of all a reason to be thankful for all of it,
despite the challenges. I look forward to taking all that I have endured, the
lessons I have learned and the people that I have met and those I have removed from
my life into the next year in eager anticipation of a 2024 full of a lot more
things to be thankful for. I am not the person I was 3 years ago or 1 year ago
for that matter, if I was, I might be worried. With each passing year I hope
that all that I endure, discover and experience makes me more of who I truly am,
a person fulfilling their purpose while I am still here. Not to be morbid but
no matter what we do while we are here, we will all face the same outcome,
death. Why not be remembered for the good you did or the difference you made
while you could.
Little steps can go a long way. If you are making a New Year’s
Resolution, make it so that you can fulfill it. Don’t reach too high or pick
something that doesn’t follow your path. Only pursue that which sparks something
inside you, follows your passion or makes you feel fulfilled. It is a lot
easier to commit in small increments over time than change big all at one time.
Set yourself up for success not failure and don’t let the noise around you get
inside and corrupt your goals or dreams. And whatever you do don’t pursue
someone else’s dream! Life truly isn’t a competition. We all have specific talents,
knowledge, and purposes, embrace yours.
Trust the timing of your life. Enjoy every moment and your journey. This is your story, write it well and leave your unique stamp on the world.
God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has
planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole
scope of God’s work from beginning to end. – Ecclesiates 3:11 NLT
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