How many times have you gotten irritated at your spouse for doing something that just isn't what you expect? Or you don't feel like they did it "right" or the way that you would have done it if you just did it yourself? You asked them to do something to help you out, lighten your load or make you feel better! I know that I have and I guarantee Steve has gotten irritated with me on numerous occasions when I have been asked to help out and it doesn't go exactly as planned or I do something in a different way then he would, likewise when I ask him for something I am easily irritated if it gets done but not "right"! What is "right" you may ask yourself? If we are so concerned as to whether it goes the way we want or turns out like we planned... why are we relying on the other person to carry it out or complete it as we would? Why are we placing the expectations we would otherwise place on our-self, on our significant other? Honestly the only way to guarantee something is done my way, is to do it myself- If I want to delegate and have other people help, I have to be willing to accept their way of getting it done. Not everyone accomplishes the same thing in the same manner, with the same attitude or outcome. After all we are attracted to that person because they complete us, not necessarily because they think like us... and if they thought, acted and did everything just as we would I think I would be pretty bored pretty quick.
I had a great conversation with a friend who made me reflect on thinking deeper why sometimes there is a deeper why than we give credit for. A friend of mine who is pregnant confided in me that she was really frustrated with her pillows and couldn't get comfortable or sleep so she asked her hubby if he could stop on his way home from work and get some new pillows. He did just that... he brought them home happily ready to make her happy and she hated them! Not exactly what she was hoping for and no more comfortable then the ones she didn't like they already had, not what she was hoping for and a little disappointed in his choice, in fact she had found a pillow she previously had that she thought they all hated and used that and slept all night! Go figure right!
The most hilarious part of the whole thing is not only her not liking the pillows knowing that he probably (knowing guys) stood in the BBB aisle for at least 30 minutes or more trying to find the most perfect one, and it wasn't! ( I know that my husband isn't often the most romantic person and that is ok, but that whenever I receive a card from him it always makes me cry because not only are the words perfect on the card he picks out but I know he probably read 30 before he picked one, so that it was just right, it would be easy to get irritated that he spends $6-$8 on a card sometimes however it isn't about the price to him but that he is expressing in the card what he might not be able to say-that is love.)
When she later shared with me that he spent... get this, $300 on pillows... yes 2 pillows for $300! I know you are probably like WHAT? That is absurd... her thoughts exactly... but it wasn't the $300 he spent on 2 pillows that is the LOVE lesson learned here. It was the LOVE that he had for her and her comfort that was top priority in his mind that made him think the more expensive the more comfortable and happy his pregnant wife would be. Isn't that what love is all about? Putting the other person's needs before your own, even if the outcome isn't what you hoped for. I think we are often to quick to get irritated, upset or frustrated with our spouse for an idea, decision or choice that is not our own, without looking deeper into the WHY! Sometimes no matter how absurd, outrageous or silly something can seem to our senses... it really reflects much more! Take the time to know the WHY, be grateful for it, praise it and embrace that we are all usually putting forth the effort to LOVE, support and encourage one another through love... and even though the outcome isn't what we want or expect... the WHY means so much more! So next time you are quick to get frustrated or upset at something you asked your spouse to do that they didn't do "right", stop, reflect on the WHY and say thank you for their thoughtfulness... that doesn't mean you still can't return the ridiculously expensive pillows.
Love bears all things, believes all things hopes all things and endures all things. First Corinthians 13:7
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