Twenty-five years ago today I sat at my kitchen table as a new 14 year old, doing my math homework waiting as my parents prepared some strawberry shortcake for a weekday birthday celebration. As I plugged away at my work the phone rang. I remember immediately telling my mom that it was about grandpa, I knew in my heart that he breathed his last breath and that was the phone call to declare my thought was true. As my mom picked up the phone I cannot tell you how the chain of events happened next except I knew after years of struggling with the dreaded cancer word, he was finally free. Free of pain, free of struggle, free of burdens... he had went home to live with Jesus.
Today, 25 years later, my 39th birthday on earth and his 25 birthday in Heaven happens to fall on Easter, something that hasn't happened for the last 62 years.
My grandfather lived a life of trial, tribulations and triumphs and still found his way to eternal peace in Heaven, that I believe deep down in my heart that I will see him again some day.
Some of my family/friends may know I have struggled personally over the past 6 months. If you can relate having the sense of people surrounding you yet somehow you feel alone! Doubts, fears, depression, sadness, sorrow, pain, emotions that have filled places that I didn't even know were possible, places that have been filled with happiness, joy, hope and celebration in the past were consumed by such negative self depleting thoughts. My escape when this happens is to busy myself with other things to fill the gap or pain. But when my business slowed down, my life slowed down and my mind really took a hold of the void I was feeling losing my mom, my best friend. She filled so much of my life with things that no one else ever will. I have experienced death over and over from a young age, very important people to me. I have been trying my hardest to pull through these crazy feelings and emotions, and have tried even harder to hide it.. to put on my happy face, be positive and go on about my day, which consumed and overwhelmed me so much, I was not myself and people took notice, but most of all I took notice that I was somehow different.
A recent post from a past client - thank you lovely lady, reminded me that we all struggle at times, maybe not all in the same way, with the same issues or the same fears and doubts but everyone does in some way. Life is not always sunshine and rainbows... and you know what that is ok! Just because I have a down moment, period or section of my life journey does not mean I am a failure, a loser or destined for only negative things to happen in my life. It means I am human, I am a little lost and I need some guidance. Where do we find this guidance but in God himself, in the promise of our future and in the presence of His mercy and grace. Without that we would be lost forever, but because of that we are instead his sheep that he reigns back in when we slightly astray.
My grandfather knew for years I was a busy body, I needed to be constantly moving, hustling, and keeping busy... as he wrote a poem about it when I was little. He loved to write poetry and he was darn good at it. I have written a lot of poetry, short stories, blogs and even 2 children's books! Today I thank him for giving me the gift of writing, for sharing this day with me as our "birthdays" He will forever have a special place in my heart.
As we celebrate Easter today, remember you are loved, whatever your struggle is, whatever you are going through whether good, bad or ugly. Be renewed today in the fact that you are a child of God, you are worthy of a life everlasting, no matter how you may not feel you deserve God's ultimate grace. He sent His only Son to make sure that you are not forgotten you are not alone and you are Redeemed.
May you feel a sense of refreshment and renewal in your life today and remember yesterday was the past and tomorrow is in the future and all you have is today. Make it count. Love God, love others but don't forget to LOVE YOURSELF.
Fear not for I am with you... Isaish 41:10
He has Risen Indeed! Luke 24:34
He doesn't promise a life without struggle, He promises eternal life- John 2:25
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