I have been struggling for the last 3 weeks on whether our almost
13 year old dog Chopper should be put to sleep at the Vet. He was diagnosed
with cancer over 3 years ago now. I lost a golden retriever to cancer when I
was growing up and so I never really thought our Chopper would live for 3
years. I knew someday would be the day or the time that we would have to make
these decisions but never really knew when. This is the dog Steve and I got the
year after we were married, our first official "being" that we were
responsible for together in our adult lives. It was something that had many
emotions attached to it. Chopper was a trooper! He had been through a lot of
stuff! He has always been a happy dog! No matter what he seemed to always look
at you with a smile on his face. Even when you scolded him, when he ate our
leather couch after a Superbowl party one time - I swear someone spilled
something on it, Steve begged to differ and just said he was bored. At any
rate, he got in trouble and was still happy. The time Steve went out of town
for a weekend, Paxton was probably only 1-2 years old. There was one of his
stuffed animals on mine and Steve’s bed and Chopper picked it up and started
playing with it. This didn't sit with Tracker so well and he attacked him. Long
story short he actually bit off part of his ear. I doctored it up, but I will
tell you if the people who bought our house ever looked with a black light at
the walls in our hallway... not sure what they would think, I scrubbed walls
for 2 days. Still missing a piece of ear to me equals pain... result happy
looking dog! We moved into our new home over 4 years ago and were not here too
long when the horse Jasper we inherited with the house was not all to happy
when our herding Catahoula nipped at his heels and decided kicking would show
him. Oh yes poor Chopper' s side was skinned wide open. I bandaged and doctored
that thing for weeks... never once did he seem like he was hurting... happy dog.
About the time the thing totally healed (and for those of you who ever incur a
pet injury of this magnitude, organic raw honey and melaluca (tea tree oil)
works wonders bandaged with an ace bandage to keep the dirt out)- his scar was
barely noticeable. To our detriment, Steve shut one of the fence gates
not realizing Chopper was coming out with him and skinned open his side
again... yep, same side different location! I couldn't make his stuff up. No
problem, happy dog! Looking back on it I wish that I was able to handle pain
and life as carefree and lackadaisical as this dog! How unfair.
Even the last 3 weeks of his
life where he had his up and down days- the awful day where he slid around the
tile and fell on his face a few time, I was near ready to take him to the
Vet and Steve and Paxton begged me not to. We had our difference in opinion on
whether we were killing the dog or we were doing what God entrusted us to do
which is have dominion over the decisions of our animals. I clearly saw he was
in pain and the boys clearly saw he was still eating, getting up on his own
(most of the time) and hanging in the kitchen for treats. Even the day he died
he walked around our whole yard, laid down by the horses for a bit, sat next to
the chicken coop, even messed with the tortoise through the fence a little. Even
though he slept most of the day, often need help getting up and when he
couldn't on his own and we weren't around unable to control going to the
bathroom just wherever he was lying. He became super skinny, completely picky
on what he ate and sometimes laid in the same spot for hours upon hours. Still
having the happy smile on his face, begging for treats as he always did at the
pantry door. It was so hard to decide if I was making the right decision based
off of what I thought of his pain level and whether or not his quality of life
was worth ending or if he still had some life in him.
We went back and forth as a
family on what to do this was the hardest decision I had to make as an adult
caregiver in my whole life. How do you decide to end a pet’s life? Rewind
a few years, we did have to make the decision to have a horse put to
sleep- it was Paxton's amazing horse Lady, and she had Colic all night and by
the time we discovered her in the morning it was too late, she had rolled all
night with that upset stomach. For those of you who are not familiar with
horses, they don't lie down for more than 15-20 minutes at a time, their
stomach are too long and big, they don’t sit right for their size and things
get bunched up inside. When they lay and roll they end up twisting their
stomach and it doesn't bounce back to its normal shape. Horses actually sleep
standing up. We couldn't get her to get up or stay up and the Vet who came out
highly suggested we put her down because she was at the point of no return to health,
but who knows how a long painful death that you could clearly see, this was an
emergency situation and the best decision we all felt for her. It is hard to
ignore 1000 lb helpless animal lying in the middle of my yard.
With Chopper and his ups and
downs in a few weeks’ time, I confess I prayed every night over him when I went
to bed that he just wouldn’t be awake when I woke up! Morbid sounding I am
sure, however I truly felt that I somehow wanted to communicate to him that
although he didn’t act like he was suffering because he always seemed like a
happy dog, that we loved him and he had given our family everything it needed
in the long season he was here and it was ok to move on to a better place and
be free. He didn’t ever look too sad or sick. Maybe that was his way of
protecting us from any deep hurt of seeing him struggle more than he was
letting on. I want to say I will never know if I made the right decision
hanging onto him for those last 3 weeks before he died which I thought seemed
peacefully on his own, in our home. But I am glad that my boys talked me out of
the decision to end Chopper’s life sooner than he did. I wanted to fix it, I wanted
him to be free, I wanted him to struggle no more. The few weeks he was here
made us appreciate him more and what he has contributed to our lives. My son
says he was the glue of the family. He made everyone happy; he comforted him
when he was sad. I remember when my mom died he laid in the room she was in every
day for weeks.
I think pets do go to Heaven, especially ones like Chopper, who
love unconditionally, embrace their environment and never let anything
including pain and struggles wipe the smile from their face. They were born to
live this life, to be a friend, a companion, a listener, they don’t argue with
us, they are a pick me up when we are down and here to celebrate with us when
we are happy! As a friend told me “dogs are sent here to show us the love of
Jesus, they forgive and wipe the slate clean never looking back, and they
listen and are there in times of despair and in time of rejoicing. They don’t
live long because they are pure and don’t need to learn the lessons that we as
broken humans do”… thanks Katie.
I am not sure everyone thinks pets go to Heaven, in fact some theologian’s
will argue they do not, but I believe that whether they do or do not it is a
good form of practice to just believe that they do. It gives us a sense of
encouragement that they’re here while they need to be and we will see them
again in the future. Friends can come and go, relationships can change, and
people can be in your life for short periods of time. Today I am forever
grateful for Chopper. I am grateful for his undeniable happiness in this life,
for his demeanor which could turn the crappiest of days into a lighter moment
just by his dopy smile. Happy Dog he was and I truly believe he has helped form
the person I have become in his happy dog way.
If you are struggling with the decision with having your pet put to
sleep I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer. I think it is individual decision
and what is right for your family and your pet’s situation. Be strong and go
forward as you need, not second guessing or regretting what you choose. God
gave us dominion over animals in Genesis 1. I believe this includes making the
right decisions for their care.
Rest in Peace my dear Chopper… I look forward to playing tug of
war with you again someday.
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