Post 1 of 2019.
If you are a mom like me, I don't tend to be in a lot of photos.... the reasoning is two-fold, I am very critical of myself and I am usually the one taking all the photos. I am not a huge selfie taker, although I have been known to try. I don't have the right angle most of the time and I am not techy enough to figure out filters. But then again, is using a filter really showing the real me?!
Just to be silly I took a selfie in my bedroom Christmas morning with an unmade bed, messy bed head, glasses and leftover Christmas Eve Makeup- I posted this photo amongst 30 other photos of Christmas- definitely not my most favorite photo, but there was something I did like about it... but couldn't quite put my finger on it. Would I make it my profile picture.... probably not unless there was some sort of temporary au-nautral challenge. hahaha.. Never did I think out of 30 photos posted, stuck somewhere in the middle it would be the one that got the most likes and attention. Very unexpected.
When I was a kid I was a total HAM! I loved the camera, I loved to smile, I loved to be silly. I still love to smile, but not when a camera is shoved in my face!
With age and I am sure this is like most people, our life experiences, media, others opinions of us or what we think we should look like, act like and perform like, harden, we loose that sense of freedom and self confidence and some of us develop camera shyness! Whether it be aging, wrinkles, gaining weight, life tradgedies, some sadness behind our eyes,not enough sleep or just being very skeptical, critical or wanting to avoid some sort of judgement! We practice this camera shyness more often than we need to!
Do I need to be so critical of myself, probably not! I am my own worst critic and I am sure that others are not judging me to the extent that I judge myself. I need to relax more, smile more, enjoy more and find that inner HAM that once was and tune into her joy, happiness, fun and just go with life's flow. Accept the things I can't change, age with grace - take care of my body, love myself.... and on and on.
I was recently asked to be part of a promotional video for Paladin Sports... My first idea was to say I was busy. I don't really feel comfortable being in front of the camera, I immediately think I am not as beautiful as the of the other ladies asked - and I remembered that God sees all of our beauty... it isn't always on the outside at first glance, but shines on the outside when we reflect our inner beauty.
I know in my heart I am beautiful, kind, loving, caring, considerate- I try to put everyone else first, I am beautiful by God's mercy and grace and that does reflect on my outside but seems to crawl in a shell like our tortoise Mario when I am asked to show it! I may not have the perfect body the perfect hair the perfect skin- but I am perfectly imperfect.... and that is ok. It is what makes me unique and should make me love myself even more.
My goal for 2019 is to enjoy more camera time, make more memories, smile behind my eyes and not just for a pose. To be happier to just be me. If more of us were happy with ourselves the way we are we wouldn't lose so much time being unhappy trying to be like someone else who God never intended us to be.
I am kind I am loving, I am caring and considerate.. .these are all traits of me to other people, I need to practice more of these traits with myself. I am going to start by making a poster collage of 10-12 pictures that I like of me- ones that make me smile immediately just like the photo-something to look at and reflect on everyday... a way to remind me to smile, to find that inner child, inner happiness and reflect it in my eyes, in my smile and in my reflection on a daily basis, through the good and evil, the easy and the hard days.
Take time today to write down your goals, to write down your best features and to take a little more of your kid self and re-create it! If you need a constant reminder like I do- make a visual boost for yourself. You will be glad you did. Afterall you are made in the image and likeness of God himself... who are we to question that!
Actually, no one is perfect – apart from Jesus. But God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son to die for us (John 3:16). Therefore God must love imperfect people. In fact, ‘While we were still sinners, Christ died for us’ (Romans 5:8).
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