Honest Truth, Tik-Tok, and My Heart on My Sleeve

  

So, a friend of mine last week said something that truly hit me. I didn’t really get the response I anticipated from someone after pouring my heart out about how something made me feel during the week that my mother-in-law died. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, tired, frustrated and just numb. So, I used that as an excuse for expressing the feelings that I did. I am an in-depth person and I love to communicate how something makes me truly feel. I don’t know that as humans we can ever really connect with anyone in any type of relationship without the honest truth. Unfortunately, a lot of people tell you what they think you want to hear instead of how they truly feel. And sometimes true feelings that are raw and not sugar coated can extinguish a relationship, between lovers, friends, and even family. Not everyone listens to understand, and not everyone expresses their true feelings.  

 

I have a few go-to people who I can run things by for criticism or validation to be a better version of myself, usually before I hit send or post, but sometimes not until after, which in all honesty editing things is sometimes important, however the more you edit and fine tune the less raw and perhaps less effective your message is.  

Transparency can be the key to more successful communication. Unfortunately everyone doesn't view it that way.  In this instance I had already hit send. I later sent it to my proofreader and then I immediately came up with all the things I should have left out of my message or not said because maybe the trauma of my week made me a little too vulnerable and transparent. I felt like maybe I made a temporary lapse in judgement that maybe not everything is meant to be said… but maybe it needs to be, so why am I second guessing myself???  

 

She said to me: Never apologize for being you, ever. Never fault yourself for putting your whole heart into it.  

 

I see so many people trying to change themselves to impress someone new or keep someone that they have from leaving. I have lost so many people in my life to death, it doesn’t surprise me that my biggest fear is losing people... I however never want to lose my genuine self in the process of trying to keep someone, not everyone is meant to be kept. 

I’m not saying that changing is a bad thing we are all constantly changing, and sometimes we must change to better ourselves and be effective to those around us, but when you have to hide who you are or change how you act or talk in order to feel valued, loved or respected is when it can mess you up. Who wants to start out as someone they are not just to gain someone or something and fall back into old habits (their true self) and become who they are comfortable being just to be rejected later or live their life as a lie going forward forcing themselves to adapt to their circumstances, but never truly be happy, full of joy or feel free.  

Sometimes this can cross the line of being your true self versus being fake. Our goal should be to be happy, full of joy and enjoy our journey. I struggled with writing this because you can take this in a few different ways and contexts and I didn’t know how deep I wanted to go with it, but I will try to be as simple as I possibly can in explaining.  

 

Not sure how much of a social media buff that you are but if you’ve ever come across Facebook or IG Reels or Tik-Tok‘s they can be full of advice on how you should or should not think, behave or act to get the result you are looking for.  Sometimes you can get sucked in by the loose advice of some of these influencers, who have either,  in my opinion, experienced some traumatic event that has driven them to profess it and find their outlet or own healing. In that way it’s no different than my writing because I write from what I know and my experiences and share in case someone else can relate. But I do it for me above anyone else. If I help someone that is a bonus.  

All who are passionate about a subject or just really wants to educate people in order not to get hurt or destroyed by something that hurt or destroyed them, give someone pointers on how to heal based on their experience, or just be relatable, so often people can become victim to I am the only one going through this mentality. And no matter what when you click on something, the social media gods know or think that you’re interested in that topic, and you get a lot more of it whether you want it or not. You can literally scroll for hours.  

 

Unlike my late husband, I am good with about five hours of solid sleep and so I have some extra time on my hands at night and sometimes these things can suck you in whether it’s something relatable or not I often find it entertaining to find out what other people focus on or give advice about. They have their opinion and I have mine. I am more of an observer than one to comment or participate.   

 

And I don’t care what their advice is about, how to put on your make up, relationship advice, how act or not act if you are looking for love, biblical references and preachers, showcasing new upcoming vocal artists, or how to cook something the best way, there are so many different versions of pasta I think you could try a new one every night for years. LOL! Everyone has their own opinion of how that should look and your mind can get filled up by all the differences in what someone’s experience has given them in order to tell you how to deal with, cope with, fix or improve something.  

 

If you can imagine,  some of those videos can be exhausting just watching them trying to decipher what is going to stand out in your  mind to help you with whatever situation you are in or what you are trying to improve. You will decode and take their impressions from these videos and do what you want. But caution, take it all in with a grain of salt, not every social media influencer is speaking to YOU no matter how many times they say if you come upon their video it isn’t by chance. Keep scrolling, you don’t need to change something that isn’t broken for you, the last thing you want to do is make a good situation worse by changing what is working.  

 

But in my heart, unless it is something that is for the better and comfortable for you to do don’t completely change who you are to impress someone or gain someone in your life or false idea that in doing so you’ll somehow find happiness or more fulfillment! Just like make up and diet advice, there are so many different choices and plans and one size does not fit all. 

 

Changing or apologizing for who you are for the better is one thing. Changing or apologizing for who you are because of someone else’s expectations or demands should not be acceptable unless it makes you feel good about what you are doing and the right decision for you.   

Ask Yourself: 

Who is my real authentic self? 

Is this change benefiting me or someone else? Or both? 

If it is benefiting someone else, will it make me happy or miserable? 

 

Don't get me wrong I naturally love to serve others and love to see others happy and thriving but I have had to learn I can no longer do it at the expense of my own happiness. Don’t live the rest of your life, prioritizing everyone’s happiness over your own don’t live for someone else’s happiness-  if being your authentic self pushes someone away, they weren’t meant to stay. Your power lies in letting go and moving forward.