Have you ever been so excited about something, and it doesn’t
turn out as you expect or plan? Happens all the time, right? Or at least more often
than we hope for. And yet, somehow, we again and again plan, prepare, and
expect the best. When we allow ourselves
to get super disappointed instead of finding good in any situation we are
living in a false sense of perfection. If we can find the good, learn the
lesson, or gain from the experience we can be equipped to handle the next
situation and accept that sometimes disappointments happen, things don’t go right,
or we find ourselves in a bind. I try my hardest to stop myself and find a silver
lining instead of allowing it to affect my mood or my demeanor, I may not
always succeed at first, but I try. Which can ultimately cause a downward
spiral of negativity in any one given day, week, or year if we put too much emphasis
on any one negative event and allow it to overcome our sense of confidence, happiness,
or pleasure. Placing myself in a state of gratitude rather than despair helps me
to see the bigger picture and allows me to control how I am affected by negative
circumstances surrounding me. Because this is life and shit happens!
If you have ever participated in something competitive, most
if not all participants go into a game, match, or competition with the idea of
winning in their mind! No one says, “I can’t wait to lose”, “I am excited to fail”,
or “I look forward to being defeated”. And yet if you do lose, if you are not
successful in your attempt to win or be on top that day you might get
discouraged, be upset with your performance, or feel bummed for a while,
however you use that loss to help you prepare for the next competition, work
harder, or alter your approach and once again you go in believing that you will
succeed and do better in the next one.
Guys, life is kind of the same concept. You will never win
at everything you do, but you don’t ultimately just give up, instead you learn
from each encounter how to improve as you go and strive to always do better
every day. You are constantly educating yourself, adjusting, and readjusting to
life and what it throws at you. You choose how you react, and you choose your
attitude. Both of which can make or break you, but it is your choice.
I am listening to an audible by Lydia Fenet called Claim Your
Confidence, (sidenote, I absolutely love listening to motivational books
read by the author who wrote them, it makes me pay more attention to each word
as I picture them talking directly to me and giving me the tools and secrets on
how to improve something that I am looking to do, even if it might be slightly
or even significantly different then their goals the basic concepts will apply)
I read her first book called The Most Powerful Woman in
the Room is You a little over a year ago with take aways that have improved
the way I look at a lot of the things I do. She is a highly sought out, very
successful non-profit auctioneer in a male dominated industry. Not only is that
powerful, but that is also confidence at its finest, probably not the easiest
success story, however, it proves that if you really want something, don’t let
anything discourage you or make you quit. You have the power within you to make
it happen if you believe in yourself and take the necessary steps no matter who
or what stands in your way. Overcoming obstacles is a huge factor in most success
stories. I guarantee she didn’t get
there without getting shot down, being ridiculed, told she couldn’t do it,
sleepless night and perhaps a lot of tears. But she stands before us today as
an example of someone who chooses to take control of her life repeatedly for
sake of the bigger picture and to be the writer of her own story.
This weekend was girl’s weekend! I have looked forward to this
since our first trip a year ago. And even though each one of these girls has
been a significant part of my life in one capacity or another for a couple
years to over twenty years, as a group we collectively formed and share a bond
that not only can’t be broken but it also can’t be joined. We have shared our
lives, our goals, our fears, weaknesses, strengths, and temptations with one
another and many memories have been built while we have been through life’s ups
and downs together in full support even when we might be hard to love. This weekend
started out as a birthday celebration for both girls whose birthdays are this month
when we planned it. Going up to the cabin to relax and rest, have a little girl
fun in an inexpensive but much needed getaway!
As bad ass working moms we all need a little girlfriend supported
R&R from time to time to destress and bring us back to center. God knows we
carry the weight of our families, our careers, our societal demands, and
expectations on our shoulders daily and still come out on the other side the
next day continually moving forward! Sometimes I wonder how, but we do it! Bad
ass moms have this superpower. Unexpected life circumstances caused one of us
to miss it entirely and the weekend itself was cut short due to life’s demands
by others. The one thing that I stress over all is that even though we are there
for each other through life’s thick and thin, we as individuals then our families
come first.
Truly I wished I had learned this ten years ago or more; we
cannot fully take care of others if we are not taking care of ourselves. No
matter how much you might believe putting others first (as I was taught) is the
selfless and ultimate goal you have been taught to live by. Yes, to an extent
God wants us to serve others before ourselves but not to our detriment or complete
breaking point of our bodies and mind. And I doubt He is encouraging doing each
thing half-assed or not fully giving our attention to it because we have too
many things on our plate to be effective at any one given thing. Can we multi-task,
sure we can but everything has a cap.
I have learned even more in the last two years than the last
ten that saying no to something gives me the control over what I can or cannot
handle physically, mentally, or emotionally and allows me a better, healthier,
and more productive outcome for the things that I know I excel at helping! You
cannot be good at everything, but you owe it to yourself to be able to give
100% to the things that you are and feel like you are making a difference for. I
would tell my younger self this as well as encourage those younger than me to
live by it starting now, not 10 years from now.
I found myself with a day and a half to sit around with the
choice to feel sorry for myself and the plans we had and be disappointed in the
things that did not happen as we had planned. Or to control my thoughts to keep
them positive, be grateful for the time we had spent and enjoyed, and take
advantage of the remaining time to do the things that I needed to do around my
cabin, sift through old stuff, clean out closets, throw away useless or broken
items, shop for some upgrades to make my renters experience more enjoyable, read
a new book, enjoy breakfast with some family members, have a little extra time
to help another friend in need, and bask in the laughter and energy of the boys
who came back from their time at grandpa’s (because they couldn’t be a part of
girl’s weekend) and spent with me.
Part of you living the life you want to live is in harmony
not balance. What is truly important to you? No one is perfect so stop trying
to live the perfect life. Imperfections
are what make life interesting. Stop trying to please others, apologize for
your choices, or ask others for permission to take care of yourself, your family,
or your needs. Those people who are your tribe, your cheerleaders, and your
support system will continue to participate in your journey no matter what life’s
demands get in the way, so keep writing your story and those who are suppose to
be in it will continue to be there with every step you take to improve your
life, meet your needs, and take you to places that sometimes only you can
imagine. Because frankly, as in every signed copy of my children’s book I write
The possibilities of your imagination are endless, Dream Big! love, Dani. I should add if you believe in
yourself more than you believe in those who doubt you, you are one step ahead
of your critics! Visualize yourself already being where you want to go and keep
your eyes, your heart, and your mind focused on the bigger picture instead of
all the obstacles along your way.
Don’t ask anyone permission to write your story, it is yours…
but if you feel like you need permission, today I am giving it to you. Do the things
that make you happy! Dream Big!
Taken from
Drayton Farley’s song Dreamer
If I can dream forever than I never wanna die I was born
to be a dreamer in this hard up kind of life. If I can dream forever go ahead and
blind my eyes ‘cause these dreams are all I have and all these dreams I have
are mine. Oh my, all these dreams I have are mine. So if I can dream forever
then I never wanna die.. I was born to be a dreamer in this hard up kind of life..
If I can dream forever, go ahead and blind my eyes.. ‘cause these dreams are
all I have and these dreams I have are mine.
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