The death of a friend and the re-birth of baseball

 

Baseball, I love that word. Don’t ask why it is so important to me to see Paxton play again, but it is. It would warm my heart so much. I am a woman of intuition I don’t get it all the time, but when I do, I am not usually wrong. I have felt him getting back into it eventually I just didn’t know when. I just needed to maintain my patience. We had a little stint with hitting earlier this year if you caught that blog… but it wasn’t enough to push him to play. It is a connection that he lost to his dad after he chose not to pursue it at the season end nearly two years ago. Speaking of, we are on the cusp of the two-year anniversary of Steve’s passing and it is crazy to look back and see how far we have come, what we have learned, how we have changed, relationships we have lost and new ones that we gained.

The start of high school, 1 month in and the boy is doing well. About a week and a half ago the baseball coach asked me if I thought Paxton would want to switch into his last hour baseball class. He has been working on Paxton to get back into baseball since he left, but like me, the coach knew it had to be on Paxton’s timing.  I wasn’t certain but I said I would suggest it. I broached the subject with him, and he hymn hawed around a little bit and then said “well, what is it about”. I said, “I don’t know ask that coach”. I put it back on him, I wasn’t going to push it. Before the end of the week, he switched out of PE into Baseball all on his own and he has talked about it ever since. He is hitting like a champ, getting a good workout, he stopped drinking soda, and he has lost 4 lbs.  I think he is heading in the right direction for what he needs, and I couldn’t be prouder. Not to say ups and downs won’t come, but his focus is way better and he is doing good in school as far as grades as well. There might be some motivation by some cute girls and just a good group of boys and baseball buddies to hang out with. High school is so much different than he imagined, and I feel blessed that he has found a groove.

This month for me marks the 30-year anniversary of my dad’s passing (August 28^th) . After all these years you would think it would just be a day to remember. However, this year it seems to have hit me like a milestone. One that not only signifies how long it has been but how old that I have become. One of my dear close friends is experiencing her father’s decline from a recent stroke and counting her days that she can enjoy his quality of life and what is left of it. Her mom was recently diagnosed with breast cancer as well- talk about a double whammy! This brings stress, heartache, questions and fears, it takes time away from her everyday life as she knows it, but she is there 100% for whatever her parents’ needs are and it is truly a beautiful sacrifice, but part of life as we know it. Making the most of your days together and enjoying each moment, the good, the sad, the bad and being able to maintain the laughter is key! 

Fast forward to me driving last Friday when I received a text from a good childhood friend, his parents were some of my parents’ best friends and we tolerated one another… lol. Just kidding, we were great friends, the kind that now as adults would do anything to see the other one content and happy. After a stroke a couple months ago, his dad lost his struggle to fully recover and restore his quality of life. The text hit me like a ton of bricks, my heart sank, and I immediately wanted to cry. On my way to a date and not wanting to show up distraught or red-eyed, I choked back the tears. Even though I lost both my parents at a relatively young age, it still breaks my heart to hear of a friend’s loss, especially when they are around the age my parents would be or people close to them! Death is inevitable but still so hard for the living to accept because we love so deeply. Every time someone close to us dies, the world as we know it slightly changes and sometimes significantly depends on our connection. I am not the same girl I was 30 years ago, or 2 years ago for that matter. But all these notches on my timeline make me who I am now, and I hope that is a better person than I was then because of what I went through.

The older I get the more people around me seem to die. I went through my fair share as a kid. Don’t get me wrong, but now it seems a lot more frequent as my elders are getting up there in years. The one thing I think I stress to myself is that everyone has an expiration date, everyone has a purpose, and everyone grieves. I was telling a friend the other day whose dog had gotten out of the yard somehow and run over by a car while they were away for just a short period of time, (something they didn’t need to be experiencing right now with other stuff they have going on) that even though we want to question “why” we are dealt some of the shittiest cards at the same time, it isn’t what we are dealt but how we handle what life throws at us that is the bigger test. It isn’t God giving us situations to test us, it is life throwing us life and how we respond to what we are given and how much we trust God to get us through. The test from Him, to me, is our response, he didn’t give us the event or situation, life did. Will it bring us closer to Him, or draw us further away? Ultimately life sucks sometimes but it also gives us a lot of good things, blessings, and times we can cherish. That is ultimately what we need to focus on, be grateful for and move forward.

Reminder- life is short- grudges are a waste of perfect happiness, laugh when you can, apologize when you should and let go of what you can. Take chances. Give everything you got and have no regrets. Don’t be unhappy. You must take the good with the bad and we will always have some bad, make the most of your good! Smile often, Love what you have, but know it is okay to want more, work for it. Always forgive but never forget. Keep learning and growing. Learn from your mistakes but never regret them. People will change and things will go wrong, that is ok. You can only control your thoughts, actions, and reactions, never someone else’s that is on them. Life moves forward with or without you, stay present, don’t get off until it is your time.