What was he thinking, saying goodbye, and new beginnings

 

Being newly into the mobile bar business I am still learning what works and what doesn’t. I have thus far been able to look at my events as learning, growing, and advertising experiences so that hopefully I can reach the level of profitable experiences in the new future. Adjusting and tweaking comes along with the territory of any new business adventure you take part in. The journey is key to success. I have decided that looking at the positive aspects rather than the negative ones helps me focus on growth, change and knowing what I am capable of as well as my worth. I think you can apply this to any business endeavor that you start and manage. This weekend was crazy busy with events Friday night and Saturday.. Back-to-back, lack of sleep, lots of preparation and clean up involved. Time frames that needed to be adjusted and anxieties about things running smoothly! Especially since one of the events was the largest I have done so far. An almost 200-person wedding. Without a clue as to what I was doing or getting myself into, I staffed it with four bartenders and two serving areas, and it ran smoothly and was so much fun! We may have run out of watermelon pucker for the candy shots by 7:00 and tequila by 8:30 (FYI, In the State of AZ I cannot supply the alcohol.) but we managed with what else the bridal party provided, and it worked out just fine until last call at 10:45. I saw this quote yesterday and it made me think of this and any other situation where my uncertainties start to reign over my confidence.  Your success is directly proportional to the number of times you say: “Fuck it, I’ll figure it out.”  So very true. Figure it out as you go. If you plan too much there are so many things that can get in the way that you cannot control so just be prepared to adjust, be willing to compromise and react appropriately, you are never going to get anywhere being afraid to move forward or standing still.

For those of you who follow my social media, you may have seen that I decided to sell Steve’s off-set Kansas Smoker, his baby of BBQ. This expensive contraption that he bought in 2015 is where all his best BBQ came from. He researched, practiced, and perfected his Brisket, my favorite and he did a hell of a good job with Ribs, he tested different rub methods, and we had a good apricot glaze down to a Science for those who liked a little sweet and sticky to their ribs. Hours and hours went into prep and cooking, early mornings, watching the temperature, feeding the fire, and perfecting his craft happened on my back patio right outside our bedroom door. I felt however it was time for someone else to enjoy the unit. I tried a couple times, but honestly not my hobby or my patience level. Don’t get me wrong I love to cook and bake, but smoking BBQ is not my forte nor do I want to learn. Paxton is years from discovering if it is his thing or not and the longer the smoker sits not being used the more it will become weathered and require much attention to get it to good use again. We kept the Artesian grill that Steve handmade, the one where the wheel controls the level of the grate and how close or far away it gets from the fire. He did an amazing job of craftsmanship, and this is something that I can use for burgers, hot dogs, fish, and other things when I want that real wood flavor added.

The guy I am dating took Paxton golfing on Sunday before the new owner of the smoker planned to show up to take it home. I have to laugh because that morning when he was getting ready, Paxton has only been golfing a few times and doesn’t own golf shoes, luckily Steve’s fit him, but all morning I listened to, What was dad thinking?! These shoes are so ugly! He had references regarding the style and made jokes about them for the rest of the day. He was cracking Mark and I up. Of course, I said you are going golfing at 8AM you might run into some old guys who think they are great, I promise no one is going to make fun of you.  I think Mark may have given him a hard time just slightly but that is what is building their connection. While they were gone, I diligently cleaned up the smoker as best I could, scrubbing grates and vacuuming out ashes. I was unable to open the firebox door, it was jammed, and I panicked just a little that the guy wouldn’t want it when he arrived. We messed around with it a some and when the guy showed up with his wife and 2 grown sons to purchase and take it with them, he was very understanding. They worked on the door and got it opened. I was relieved when he still wanted it and they wheeled the 1000+ pound smoker up their trailer ramp. I won’t say I didn’t have a churning stomach. I did great until they shut the trailer and started to strap it in, and the tears just welled up and rolled down my face without warning. A bittersweet piece of our past chapter is coming to an end. What I wouldn’t give was to open that bedroom door and see Steve sitting in a chair attentively watching and feeding a fire, anticipating the savory taste of his BBQ. Never again will I experience this and at that moment I realized that that chapter had closed. As I took a seat on our pony wall in the yard tears silently flowing from my eyes Mark came over to me and put his arms around me, kissed my forehead and rubbed my back. He knew what I needed when I needed it. Later, when we talked and I mentioned this, he said that it was a little weird given the circumstances, and he didn’t really know what I needed, he just thought it was the right thing to do.

I couldn’t tell you if he is godsent, heaven sent or Steve sent, maybe a combo of all three, but I am very appreciative of this man, not only in how he treats me, but in the relationship, he is building with Paxton, and I couldn’t feel more blessed at this time. I have no idea what our future holds, but just like I didn’t plan that Steve would be taken from us at such an early age, or in such a vital time of Paxton’s teenage years, I am along for the journey and will enjoy each day and what it has to offer us. I will always love Steve; I will always cherish our memories and the life we built to get us to where we are today. But enjoying the moment you are in is what it is all about. This my friends is living in the NOW, because no matter how far ahead we want, hope or think about our futures we have to understand that we do not have control over all the circumstances and taking ourselves away from the present moment, dwelling or living in the past, or worrying about the future takes away from our full focus and enjoyment on the moment, the day and the company in which we share it with.

I am used to cooking on the Traeger and ours has been giving me trouble for quite some time, it must be at least 12-15 years old and retiring this one and starting fresh seemed like a good choice for me, for my sanity and reducing my stress level of knowing that when I want to use it, it works every time. As the family pulled away with their new purchase, the Amazon truck pulled up with my new Traeger. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect if it was a Hallmark movie and that is when I knew that everything works out how it is supposed to WHEN it is suppose to. Divine Timing like my friend Lori says. Be present, be grateful for what you have, learn from your past, grow for the future, make the most out of any situation you are faced with. It is ok to be sad, it is ok to want what you can’t have at times but remember to focus on what is right in front of you, live in your moment and enjoy the journey you are living.