Yesterday I allowed myself to feel at peace with something I forgot to do. I am one of those women who feels like they have to be superwomen at so many things. I want think and act like I can handle it all and sometimes it just kicks me in the butt. I get so upset and disappointed in myself when I don't or forget to do something that was important to someone else. For any of you who know me, I am into a lot of things. I do a lot for my family members I work hard and try to be everywhere for everyone. I think that I put more harsh and unrealistic expectations on myself more than others place reliance on me. Maybe sometimes I blame their reliance on me as a reason why I am so stressed. I need to keep reminding myself every day along with everything else I remind myself of, that I can only do so much. I need to stop putting extreme expectations on myself.
I recently had a bunch of blood work done wanting to blame my testiness, hormonal imbalance, moods, weight gain and such on something that was wrong with me. I am happy and glad to say that nothing came back wrong with my blood work, I am just a little crazy in the head! HA! I am sure some of you can relate.
This has brought me to the conclusion that I just need to take the time for me. To breath, to exercise, to stick to something consistent that will probably help the rest of my needs become met, to collect my thoughts before stepping out there and trying to tackle the world for others. This in turn may make me better at tackling the world for others. Will I continue to put the needs of others first, probably, but I also need to learn that if I am going to do that, I need to proceed with caution, I need to under promise and over deliver. I need not to place unrealistic expectations on myself and I need to laugh off the silly mistakes, that will not be remembered.
Yesterday I got Paxton ready for school, grabbed his gift for exchange and his backpack, drink and gift for teacher, got to the school and read on the board, pj day! Wow Dani, nice one. Paxton was the only kid without pj's on. I felt extremely terrible, like all the other mom's looked at me like I was a failure- did they, probably not, but I allowed myself to think that for a short while, because I felt like one. I felt like I was suppose to make sure I looked at the school calendar and remembered such an important thing, but allowed myself to get busy or wrapped up with other things that I did not. Lesson learned put Paxton's school calendar on my calendar!
I asked my little man, bless his heart, if he wanted me to go home and bring back his pj's? He replied, "no mom, that is okay" and went off to play with the other kids. I went to the car feeling guilty still but with the amount of errands I needed to run, glad I didn't have to make the 8 mile trek home and back again. I conversed with a friend over email who reminded me that tooth fairies sometimes even forget to leave money. Not only did it make me smile it made me remember that we are only human, as mom's we are going to try to make everything perfect for our kids and family, and it is only us that allows our self to feel that guilt whether someone else places the blame or not.
When I picked him up he didn't want to come home he was having so much fun at the Christmas party and breathed a sigh of relief knowing that this is only the beginning and probably not the first time I will forget something. I am glad I have such a loving little boy and I hope to raise him to be an amazing adult.
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