Be a good example

There has been a lot of cases going on at my son's school regarding bullying especially in the older grades. I think this happens at any school and may or may not be a spotlight case. A lot of bullying goes undetected and not reported for some reason or another. But when it does get brought into the spotlight, victims, bullies and parents deal with it in different ways, which can cause outrage, uproars and many "side effects". His school is made up of K-8... there are "bullies" in all age groups, however I think Jr. High is one of the most critical times that you really see the impact it has on the individual victim being bullied. I have a 2nd grader and I have heard cases of kids being pushed down, choked, kicked and taunted... Most of the time these kids are acting out because of something they are witnessing going on around them, or maybe it is fear, or perhaps even low self-esteem. This is the age that it is necessary to talk to our kids about these what can be detrimental behaviors and although our children cannot control other children's behaviors, they have the choice to not engage in such activity, they have the choice to be the better person, they have the choice to walk-away and not participate no matter how hard they want to "fit in". At the older ages these kids are already starting to have changes in their life, puberty, more school pressure, fitting in or not fitting in, etc. This is why teaching the effects of bullying, having that conversation with your children and preparing them for these older critical years at a younger age is important. Not waiting until the behavior becomes a problem. I am not saying it is too late to teach your kids the right thing, I am just saying that the earlier they practice acts of kindness towards friends and even strangers and learn to accept that not everyone is created equal and that that is OK, the better they will be at accepting others differences down the road and less likely to engage in bullying behavior. Also, us a parents should be displaying the right actions and behaviors as our kids are like sponges even at a young age and want to be "like us". This is when it is critical to be cautious of what is going on around our kids. Talk to them about issues, be understanding and not critical... I was once a pre-teen and I remember... it was hard. Everyone wants to feel accepted everyone wants to fit in and sometimes this causes us to do things that may not be "right". I grew up in a small town and I had a neighbor who I would say made fun of me, (which I guess was a form of bullying). I had flat feet and wore ugly corrective shoes for years when I was in grade school, he would somehow make his way to sit behind me on the bus and several times tie my shoes together under my seat so I would trip when I got up to get off the bus. All the other boys would laugh and tease me. I will tell you that I have always been a forgiving person and one who can take a lot of harm, harsh words, rude people and somehow forgive and find the good in them, however, yes... it hurt, it lowered my self-esteem and at times I did struggle to fit in. I did become super popular in High School as I was neutral and accepting of all clicks of people, in Student Council and Dare and a class officer.... I didn't date anyone from my school and I wasn't really part of anyone click.. My Best Friend and I did a lot of co-mingling with all the groups and this I will tell you was the most rewarding experience I could have. I loved being independent but fit in a lot of different groups without judgement or judging. This boy who teased me for years and I were never friends per se, his younger brother and I were, and several years later when he discovered things about his brother that were different than him, he married and had children of his own he matured and decided it was ok to accept people who were different, he contacted me on Facebook and apologized for all the tormenting he did to me as a child. Although this bullying was rather mild in a sense it did contribute to both of our growth as individuals. Make sure your kids are involved in things that keep them busy and engaged. Hobbies are important for kids to have and exercise and engagement is key to stimulating them to do more than just sit around and degrade others. When your kids are involved in activities they are less likely to have the time to bully others. Stress the importance of being an individual, of everyone having talents, opinions and ideas that may not be the same as everyone else. This is ok... God didn't make us all the same... Avoid social comparisons of others. Learn to forgive, develop coping strategies, savor the joy's in life, increase their activities, engage yourself in something as a family. Encourage your kids to be nice and kind to those who are different or may not be like them. Being different isn't wrong and should not be punished. This doesn't mean your kid has to be friends with everyone, just accepting that people are different and shouldn't be made fun of or tormented because of this. Everyone wants to be loved and accepted by others no matter how much they are different or want to say it doesn't matter or they don't care. It is human nature. Have your kids surround themselves with positive people, be that positive role model for your kids, save your degrading conversations or complaining venting sessions about others when you are childless. Remember your kids want to be like you, act like you, they look up to you. Don't show them that it is okay to talk bad about others. Your kids did not come with a rule book, motherhood does not have an instruction manual but respecting others especially in front of your children goes an awful long way. We are all part of this world, we all have emotions, likes, dislikes, fears and joys but not all of us need to conform to someone else's idea of what "fits in". Set a good example of good works yourself, with integrity and dignity in your teaching. Titus 2:7