Thursday, February 14, 2019

Stepping down to step ahead



Welcome to the 21st century…where we as members are busy all of the time. If we are not running from one thing to the next we are run down from so much running. I am so busy going from one project to the next, which I did mention in previous posts is really what keeps me going. When I have too much time to think I sometimes get a creeping of depression that moves itself right in. The year before last it settled in for a little while and I had much to do to get it to move out. I did but it took awhile, most people probably didn’t notice and I got back into my busy groove of things with a whole new perspective and have been going ever since. Once in a while it rears its ugly head and tries with all its might, sometimes it can stay a day or two, but too much positivism on this end for it to be welcomed for much longer than that.
With said busy schedule sometimes I am challenged with priorities and what order they need to come verses what order they come based off of not only financial need sometimes but certain levels of commitment that have been promised. 4 years ago I said YES to yet another volunteer position which I happily took on because not only do I love to plan events I am a people person and it was right up my alley of things I knew that I could do. 2 years later after much enjoyment creating, planning and executing this position I tried to pass it off to someone else to carry the torch and use their talents to continue. With no one else who stepped up I was easily convinced that I was needed 1 more year. Another year went by and yet more convincing to stay- I thought about leaving and trying something new, a few friends suggested to run for School Board, I thought about it for quick minute but decided I am really not political and I didn’t want to jump from 1 big commitment to another-
 So I heard you are good at what you do they said, you make a difference… all feel good things… so with a little more reluctantance then the previous year I accepted staying on as President for 1 more year - I stayed under certain conditions of eliminating some of the projects that we worked hard at and were time consuming but made little progress in return. The commitments are always fantastic! Everyone who knows me knows I love to give and give and give! I have a hard time saying no and I always give 100% and enjoy what I am doing, I enjoy seeing others enjoy what I have prepped and planned for and I love working with individuals who do and feel the same. Over the last 4 years I have had great team members, volunteers, behind the scenes helpers and community members who have really helped me throughout the years give back as much as we have to the school and community. I have enjoyed being in charge of organizing things with others help, I have loved loved loved watching the kids benefit and the changes that have been made, the things that have been bought to benefit the school  and the friendships that have developed. With this said I have been feeling most recently that this would be my final year in my position. That it was time for me to move on to something else whether that be family time, personal time, work-out time or whatnot or some other position that God sends in my direction. Hopefully it is small and doesn’t consume any of my time… hahahaha.
Saying this saddens me but I know my limits, I know how far I can go. I can give something 100% until I can’t. And, when I can’t I know it is time to be done, to move on and to let someone else give their passion to the cause! And as in past years that I have let others convince me that no one else wants to do what I do, this year I have decided that it is no longer my responsibility to keep doing it because no one else wants to! Frankly guys, I am tired. I have really enjoyed it all and have really learned a lot, about myself and others but it is time and I am ready. I still want to remain helpful- but I want to step back from being in charge, running the show, having the responsibility or whatever you want to call it! Someone will step up, someone will do just as good of job if not better and I can and should be at peace with myself that I am doing the best thing for me that I possibly can, with no regret.
Don’t get me wrong, helping and volunteering is in my blood but stepping back re-evaluating my noisy world filled with distractions, temptations, frustrations, stresses, feeling like things fall on me for responsibility, and complications is just what is needed to maintain my happiness levels at a reasonable level… not only is good for my soul, but for the sanity of my family. When I take a lot on my plate sometimes they suffer from my stress and frustrations of wanting everything to work out “perfect as planned”. As we all know that isn’t the case. Sometimes we can control things and sometimes we can’t, it is when we can’t that we are most tested. Sometimes I am good at allowing things to happen as they will and other times I try to keep control even when I know I can’t because I somehow feel it is my responsibility. And when you allow the commotion of a plethora of other things distract you from your number one priority that is when you are doing your loved ones a disservice and even yourself. It works for a while, but not forever. When you try to manage too many things is when things begin to break down, just as you can’t be good at EVERYTHING, you can’t juggle too many things either- because something is bound to suffer and you cannot give everything you do 100%, be an expert in every field or control every situation.
When I announced that I would not be returning to the PTA as President next year I did so with full conviction that this is the best thing for my family and I, for the PTA and for the person it will allow to grow in this position whoever that may be. It is not my responsibility to find someone to replace me and it is not my responsibility if no one claims it. I say that with a hint of guilt, but honestly I need to learn that saying No (and I have said this countless times to myself and as advise to others) is OK! Life goes on, things still get done and I will never regret my choice to let go.
Reshuffling my priorities feels great! I am ready and I am grateful for the experiences that I have had which I have developed additions to my resume called life.

People are happy if they can do what they think is right without feeling guilty. – Romans 14:22

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