There is something to be said about getting in a routine and then getting in a rut! And I think I have fallen prey to a rut recently but recognize it. I need to find my way out. I could feel my energy shift and I will only let it go so far before I push back. I cannot run away or hide from my truth for too long! This is a truth I have to recognize about myself and how I vibrate. I have never been much of a routine person and maybe that is to a fault, but maybe it is also what allows me to try new things and never get completely complacent with where I am at, always learning, growing, and exploring new interests and business opportunities. I want to constantly grow and build and be better. Some days it is rough, and I just want the world to go away… ruts do happen especially for the highly motivated. My new therapist, yes I recently got one of those, called me a highly functioning adult who was probably never diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, because they didn't really do that back then... I laughed, and said you know, you are probably right. But guess what, that is me and I know how to handle myself most days! Some days I am so much of a go-getter I am constantly moving and shaking and making the world around me better. I know that harmony and balance are the goal. And I am certain that even when I get knocked down, I will always get back up. I won’t expect any less of myself most days.
The last few weeks I have had mixed emotions about where I am
in my life, with my career, with raising Paxton. I am constantly reevaluating
my decisions to make sure that I am effectively raising him to be a kind,
considerate and grateful adult.
Over the years Steve and I’s parenting style has alluded to the fact that neither one of us believed that we should shelter Paxton from the real world. I definitely understand people wanting to make sure that their kids are not exposed to the cruelty of this world, but unfortunately it is there. Everyone has different parenting styles there unfortunately is no book- there are a lot of opinions out there and you are welcomed to take what there is and make it your own. So we all parent a little differently and sometimes a lot differently. We can make it hard, and we can be simplistic. I think no matter how hard you work, parent, or do the things, that he will develop skills, personality traits and hobbies solely based on what is going on in his world and not from me or my influences and that is ok, I just pray he chooses the things that align with his core vibes and intentions that God has set for him.
School
started this week. He is a Freshman you guys! Where does the time go? My baby
is all grown up. And this is one step closer to his freedom and development to
adulthood. I may have had a little bit of a meltdown on the first day (after he
left), admittedly more so that Steve isn’t here to participate than me actually
sad that Paxton is in high school, or maybe a mix of both.
I think it went well. He has gone every day since Tuesday. We have prayed every morning before he leaves for his teachers, his classes, his schoolwork and his friends to allow him to become the best version of himself. He has set his own alarm, showered, filled up his water jug and got on the bus with friends and figured out the different buildings, classes, and routine that he will be experiencing for the next 4 years. I am proud of him, even if going just might have something to do with the cute new girl they have accepted into their circle of friends, who by the way is into horses…(if you are reading this please don't share with him) But heck whatever gets him there I am all for it after the last 2 years of a roller coaster of schools, formats and fighting over his attending school, doing his work, and being motivated to care.
I am
looking forward to watching his journey over the next 4 years more than I am
nervous about it! His week even ended in a early release day as the town broke
a water main and the schools were without water and sent the kids home before
noon. Probably just what he needed to veg a little and process everything he has experienced so far. He even did his homework last night before he went to hang out with his
friends without mom even mentioning it or asking if he had any! I am not sure how long this is going to last… but let’s not jinx it! I'll bask in the current motivation I see in him and pray that it continues. He did even mention to me a few days ago his goal was to get all A's and B's! Fabulous! I know he has it in him, he just has to want it bad enough.
So this week I did a thing, I read an amazing book that gave me new motivation to get myself up from my recent rut and push forward once again, I decided it is time for me to get back on track and I hired a counselor, first time I have been to counseling since I was a Sophomore in High School a year after my dad passed away… which you guys will be 30 years ago next month!!! I can’t believe how time flies. I did business/life coaching with my mom years back for the extra push, but I think this is where I am going to find my answers (within myself) right now.
I am always saying trust the timing of your life and I think that this is going to give me just what I need to pursue my passions and help as many people as I possibly can which is my true goal in life. So, stay tuned for goodness and my new pursuits. I am ready to manifest good things into my life and be able to share my passion, knowledge, and wealth with others so that I can teach them to do the same for themselves. God gave us the ability to have more power than you could ever imagine. Realigning your limiting beliefs and shifting your focus to intentional things is the one lesson that I want Paxton to learn this year and that I can lead by example. Life happens and we cannot let it break us, only strengthen our abilities to do more good for others while we are here. Tune into your best self and keep going no matter what your past looks like, be in tune with who you are now and where you want to go.
Taken from Tougher by Lainey Wilson
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