Fill in Your Blanks, Cards Against Humanity and Vaping

 

In my last blog I mentioned to all of you that my girlfriends and I played Cards Against Humanity with Paxton and his best friend a couple weeks ago. Truly the best experience for all of us. I think that there is a lot to be said in trusting your kids with adult things, knowing that they are human and not making it weird. I truly love that about our relationship. Raising a teenage boy has its downfalls… lol, especially as a single mom of the opposite sex... although it does have some advantages in my opinion as he will end up with a partner of the opposite sex some day and I am hoping I can raise him to be everything that she needs. I am not a dad guiding him through physical changes, lifestyle changes, girls, questions, guy stuff… but I do try to impress on him that he can ask me anything and I will answer as best as possible or point him in the right direction. There have been a few times that I have to maintain my composure when he does ask something a little more on the personal side, something that seems logical to me and my 44 years, but I know he hasn’t quite gotten to his plethora of knowledge about many of these things quite yet.

I want to be a safe space where he can feel like he can come to me with anything and that I will not judge him in his lack of expertise, make him feel stupid or anxious, I want to listen when appropriate, give advice when solicited, and encourage him no matter what the outcome to always tell me the truth. I say telling the truth and getting in trouble is far less consequential than lying and having to dig your way out of something tougher and paying a high price for that.

This weekend we were driving, and Paxton was telling me a story about a group of his friends from school. He was sharing some experiences with them and happened to mention one of the kids vaped. I don’t know this boy in the group so I cannot place any judgement or restrictions on Paxton hanging out with him as long as he is a good kid and isn’t causing Paxton to get in any trouble. I know it is a trendy thing to do these days, whether it is the right thing to do or not. Kids his age smoked and did drugs when I was a freshman in high school, I just chose not to participate.

I asked him how he felt about it and he mentioned he wasn’t a fan but didn’t necessarily think that meant he couldn’t be his friend. I said that I have friends who vape or smoke and that it has always been my choice not to do so. He has that choice as well, but sometimes it is okay to still be friends with that person. He mentioned that some of the other boys had tried it. He said he didn’t want to and neither did one of the others. I said that is great to stick together, and even if that other boy tries it later, you know you don’t have to. He said I know mom; I will not let someone talk me into something I am against.

 I am super proud of this kid, from a young age I have felt he has always stuck with what he believes in, even when it makes me think he is being stubborn! I said he should continue encouraging the other kid who didn’t participate with his leadership and example of not giving into any peer pressures or the desire to fit in. Always stick up for what you believe in is my Motto. There is no reason to not be their friend if they are not pressuring you to do it, making fun of you because you won’t or allowing it to cause any issues amongst the group or getting other’s in trouble. That is the kid who is vaping’s choice and doesn’t necessarily make him a bad kid overall.

Some of you may disagree with me and that is ok. But for this instance, I would never tell my son to not be friends with the boy who vapes as long as that is the worst thing the kid is doing. We all have bad habits, no one is perfect including my child and I am not about to create a perfect world or bubble that I expect him to live within, or put limitations on who he chooses as friends,  (I really feel deep down that he is the kind of kid who will always choose his best option and not base it off of someone else’s poor choice. I was that kid and so was his dad.)  I feel that it creates resentment and rebellion and the ramifications of that can be far worse than just allowing him to maintain friendships with some imperfect people. We have had plenty of discussions on things that do make these boys much worse influences or people that you wouldn’t want your child to be hanging out with and I think he knows and has created his own boundaries on what is acceptable and what isn’t, and I am extremely proud of him for the choices he has made in life so far.

Freshman year here we are week number 3, and all that high school will throw us in the next four years, I welcome the experience. I look forward to watching Paxton grow into the man he is suppose to be by the sum of all the choices he makes. I look forward to doing my best to be available, understanding, open-minded to discussion, and supportive of Paxton’s energy and where he wants that to go. Again, I say as I have blogged about many times thus far, I am not looking for the perfect kid, I am raising someone to be a kindhearted, compassionate, purposeful adult.

At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child's success is the positive involvement of parents. Jane Hull

 Having a parent who believes he or she has a voice that matters in this world. Rachel Macy Stafford

They way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. Peggy O'Mara

Affirming words from moms and dads are like light switches. Speak a word of affirmation at the right moment into a child's life and it's like lighting up a whole room full of possibilities. Gary Smalley

And my favorite of them all! 

So our job as parents is not to make a particular kind of child. Instead, our job is to provide a protected space of love, safety, and stability in which children of many unpredictable kinds can flourish. Our job is not to shape our children's minds; it's to let those minds explore all the possibilities that the world allows. Our job in not to tell our children how to play; it's to give them the toys and pick them up when they are done. We can't make children learn, but we can let them learn.  Alison Gopnik