Trust Your Gut

Emotional exhaustion is real. Fear is real. People experience both of these and it is often not talked about as people really don't know how to respond. I spent over an hour on the phone yesterday with my cousin whose wife was just released from the hospital after battling Covid for 88 days! (they are my age) God is good. She is on a long road to full recovery but she is going to get there. Bless his heart for sticking by her every step of the way and fighting for her because I am sure he is exhausted too! We were able to talk deeply about how we both experienced our situations and the reality of what it felt like, some people may not understand or know how to respond to us... a few tears shed on my end... but for good and I am so glad we had the opportunity to connect. 

Paxton and I were suppose to land in Chicago yesterday afternoon. 10 days to visit our family. Go fishing, and just relax and do something different from our everyday adjustment. Shake it up a bit if you will. Healing comes in all types of scenarios and being with family who loves you is definitely part of healing. I had a few moments throughout last week where I felt extremely  uneasy about going. I wasn't sure if it was anxiety, intuition or a gut feeling at first. I actually dropped small hints to Paxton about maybe changing our plans to a later date. I was afraid the weather wouldn't cooperate, his first fishing experience there with his dad would be awful and I am not sure if I could handle the ramifications of that. 

This week, my mind has made me emotionally exhausted. Having 3 trades people have to reschedule on me in one week, who couldn't come last week, then worrying about being gone for 10 days- trying to get everything to fall into place to go on this trip, not being able to find a solid house sitter, and several other obstacles my stress levels were a tad higher than they have been lately, our kitty is still missing, my house is in disarray while my new flooring is being laid, going on this trip we take every two years for the first time without Steve, a busted water pipe in one of my horse pens... and two friends with strong feelings that I was being called to just stay here...from signs they received. 

The neighbors cat showed up on our patio and wouldn't leave. (it wouldn't let us get too close but Pax found reasons to believe it was ours, we didn't know it was the neighbors until later that night after we cancelled our flight... I knew it wasn’t our cat the minute I saw it but wanted to believe it was for Paxton so I did, PS and it was not a pregnant female, but a fat male- I honestly didn't know whether to laugh or cry) but there is a reason it showed up, pulling me back to stay. And then Paxton confessed he had the same nagging "gut" feeling we needed to stay home too, but was not telling me.  

Now gut feelings, intuition, inkling, hunch, sixth sense... whatever you call it.. it is real- you have to be tapped in and in tune with it, but when you are it reads like an open book on audio over and over in your mind. Sometimes even when we try to ignore our premonitions, they just don't go away. Sometimes they are so loud your tv shuts off for no reason just to get your attention.

 
I didn't really plan this time of year or think first about the fishing back there... I just shoved our trip in between 2 baseball tournament weekends, one day it is 26 degrees there the next it is 62... I haven't lived in the Midwest for 25 years... the things I don't think of on a daily basis anymore. If the freeze and thaw is extreme, it would be muddy, he wouldn't get to romp around wherever he wants on all the trails with my aunts golf cart and I was afraid he would get frustrated and bored, and didn't feel like this would be the best situation for teaching adaption, patience and acceptance, we are already living that on a daily basis. I just want it to be a great trip with much love, fun, relaxation and peace that is possible. And now we have no baseball to compete so we can definitely reschedule for summer. 

I knew my family would be bummed, we are too. I mean I cancelled my flight less than 12 hours before we needed to leave, thank God for Southwest's 10 minute before departure cancellation policy!  But I am almost certain, even if we never find out the reason why we couldn't go at this time, ( I feel like you are not always shown the reason, there just is one... that is Faith) that we are right where we need to be. We are not cancelling,  we are just in need of rescheduling this trip so that the timing is right.  So we will busy our spring break with things to get done around the house, (believe me there is never not something to do around our property,) lots of riding and time with the horse, spending time with amazing friends, some swimming ( not me, just the kids... I seriously need to heat my pool... lol.) maybe a little fishing, I won't have to miss the local florist's grand opening celebration at my new building in town.  2 Awesome Rodeos from Thursday-Sunday and who knows what will present us as the perfect opportunity to have not gone, I am ready to embrace this journey, no matter how much of a roller coaster it can seem like at times and  80+ degree weather cannot be beat for a spring break experience. Trust the timing of your life. It may come together more beautifully than you ever expected. 

"I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end" (Jer. 29:11). In my experience, gut feelings are God's "thoughts of peace" to me. Without fanfare, still and small and strong, they come.

I can remember as far back as 11 years old having the gut feelings that I do. Sometimes they are much stronger than others. I can go in to deep conversations about it... not to bore you but to back up that it exists for those non-believers. While not every person who is intuitive experiences all of this, it is a good list of things intuitive people have in common. And I think all of us experience it to some degree, some people are just more tapped into it than others. If you stop and truly listen, this might be you. 

13 Absurdly Awesome Traits Of Highly Intuitive People

1. They Listen To And Obey Their Inner Voice. ...
2. They Closely Observe Their Surroundings. ...
3. They Pay Attention To Their Dreams. ...
4. They Are Acutely Aware Of Their Feelings. ...
5. They Can Quickly Center On The Now. ...
6. They Are Typically Optimistic Souls. ...
7. They Have A Strong Sense Of Purpose
8. They are Deep Thinkers
9. They take Note of Signs Provided by the Universe
10. They can Sense what others are Thinking/Feeling
11. They can easily Build Trust with Others
12. They are Creative and Imaginative
13. They Make Time to Find Peace with Their Circumstances