"Partying it up" in Vegas, According to My Kid!

I haven’t written for a while now. I am not sure I have had anything beneficial to say. Sometimes it just comes together well in my head and sometimes it is just all a jumbled mess. I guess that is what comes with the territory. I have been trying hard to weed through all my emotions along with the expectations I put on myself and juggling day-to-day activities.

I am sure those of you on social media saw that I had a quick less than 48-hour trip to Vegas with some girlfriends, and I was completely surprised by the texts and messages I received regarding this, even while I was there. All complimented me and happy to see that I was truly enjoying myself. I was truly thankful for all the people who reached out and were happy for me to be enjoying life genuinely. I know we flooded most of your social media feeds, but we had an amazing time, bonded really well and formed a 4-pack of friendship that I don’t think could be broken. We were all friends previously, but that weekend seemed to bring us closer together as a group. There is definitely a reason why they say strength in numbers. There is something about being vulnerable, in a safe space, with no judging and the kind of support you get no matter the choices you make, sharing past experiences and laughing until you felt like you did 10000+ sit ups!

 We are all our own people and there is something to be said for being responsible for ourselves and ourselves alone, but always having that pack of people that would have your back no matter what. I know that I do have other friendships like that with individual people, that I value strongly, and love for our connectedness, but this group had a dynamic together that I have never seen before. The people who went along with my need to see my current favorite artist Eric Burgett, who sings my current favorite song, Love It All Goodbye, was just what I needed at this moment in my life. I am blessed to have had this amazing opportunity, and thoroughly enjoyed doing it.

I am glad that I can enjoy myself and still be responsible. Being in your 40’s and single is definitely a different game then being in your 20’s. Not that I was even single in my 20’s, I started dating Steve when I barely just turned 19! 19 days into being 19! LOL!

My hardest obstacle is Paxton for sure. I love him to pieces, and I know it is a lot to process in his little teenage mind,  but seeing his mom go out and go dancing and have fun with her friends is all new to him. We always did things as a family. I very rarely did things with just friends except during the day. So, wine weekends with besties and trips to Vegas for concerts and dancing at local bars with friends and getting home late is probably overstimulating and  NOT the norm. And when I did do something in previous years, his dad was here to be with him. I was gone for only 2 days, but I felt like several times he threw in my face since I came back that I was partying it up in Vegas.

 I am not sure what he thought I was doing, but I reassured him, that I had 3 other girls with me looking out for my best interest, we took Lyfts, I didn’t gamble away all our savings (I lost $20) not a single one of us drank and drove, I didn’t do anything crazy or illegal, I never got so drunk I didn’t know what was going on around me or black out, I didn’t get hurt, I didn’t go home with some stranger and I got home to him safely.

 Being his Mom I would absolutely never make stupid choices that would jeopardize me prematurely leaving him. I know that is one of his biggest fears, something happening to me that would cause him to have no parents. I promise him and you that I would do everything in my power to make sure if that happened it would not be something that I caused to happen. I can’t promise everything that is not in my hands, but I can promise to do my absolute best to be here for him for a really long time, based on everything that is in my control.

Half of my battle and duty as a mom is to encourage and reassure him to face his fears and live his life the best he can, as fully as he can, while the other half is there to teach him to be a law-abiding, purpose filled contributor to society, the best that I know how. To pray every day that God guides me in doing a good job of this and that we can rest assured no matter how much we miss Steve and will continue to miss him for the rest of our lives that it is as equally important to live in our NOW enjoy life and find happiness in our day-to-day lives.

Thank you to everyone who is cheering us on, supporting our choices and hoping that it all turns out the best that it can with what we have available to us.