Thanksgiving, Rodeos, Cancer, and New Ice Skates

 

So, Thanksgiving # 2 without Steve, why oh why did I think it could go without a hitch…I mean, the "firsts" are all out of the way... not so much. I don’t honestly know which one was worse, last year when I cried uncontrollably before everyone got here, and teared up while they were here, or this year, where I was on my period, already crabby and irritable, frustrated with stuff that just didn’t seem like it went right. I finally said screw whatever expectations I had that didn’t go according to my plan and drank way more than I probably should have, no judging… I didn’t have to go anywhere. Everyone came to me, and it was actually a pretty ok day as it turned out. I had an interestingly emotional day on Wednesday which probably more led up to my Thursday case of the blues, but that is for the next blog.

Most of you know I loathe shopping and especially Black Friday! I stay home, take down fall decorations and put up Christmas just about every year! I left the shopping to Steve and Paxton… well except for that one year when we still lived in our old house pre-Paxton that Steve begged me to stand in line at Home Depot because they had some crazy sale on T.V.’s, yes T.V.’s weird I know, but he wanted to golf so I obliged. Fast forward to Paxton, the two of them would go fishing in his earlier years or in the past several years made it a tradition to leave at 3:00 AM and go stand in line at Bass Pro shops for their sales then eat at Cracker Barrel. No thank you... have fun was my motto! 

Last year nothing was said, but this Thanksgiving night Paxton and I were watching a movie, he had asked his aunt Tracy to take him to Bass Pro, but she has a tradition with her girls and a niece that she must uphold. So of course, he prefaced by saying he didn’t even know why he was asking because he was sure I would say no, but would I take him? Of course, I said what do you need probably in a less than chipper voice especially since we were just there earlier in the week! Which he immediately got defensive and teared up some. I said what is wrong? It wasn’t that he needed anything really, he just wanted to go, because he missed that tradition he had with his dad. I wanted him to know that I would go for him, but that he needed to know it would not be the same. He agreed and so we went… Let’s start by saying I didn’t get out of bed when my alarm went off at 3:00 more like 3:15 and I tried waking Paxton up about 4 times, he was so mad we were leaving "late" we finally left at 4ish and pulled into Bass Pro Shops at 5AM on the dot- on the way there a boy full of tears, upset that we were going to be late, plus I think he was overly tired saw the line and looked defeated- I am not sure why, but I just let him be angry and crabby. I usually want to teach a lesson or make him think positively. To our surprise we were #361 and #362 into Bass Pro, we only had to wait in the freezing cold, it was about 38 degrees and I had on a sweatshirt and jeans, for about 5 minutes and when we got inside the store it is so huge it didn’t even feel like that many people were there. We picked up a few good deals (did you really think we would walk away empty handed?) and I offered Cracker Barrel, but he just wanted to go home. I am hoping this doesn't become my responsibility in future years....but I guess if so I only have 3 more before he can drive himself... lol. Did I tell you how much I hate shopping???? 

The weekend turned out to be decent. I have continued my new rollerblading routine, I love to work out outside and it is a huge stress reducer as well. I have always loved roller blading, but just as I have confessed before, I am not really good at routines, except of course brushing my teeth, but I am determined to stay active and in good health as much as I can control. The ice-skates I ordered came and I cannot wait to go skating next weekend, this weekend at Schnepf Farms was opening weekend, however we were already jam packed, hanging out at 3 different Rodeo’s, 1 girlfriend’s night including some dancing, 2 nights of live music and family and friends to hang out with and support. I didn’t get any fall décor taken down or put away, or any Christmas stuff up yet, unless you consider the horseshoe snowman I bought at the Jr. Parada yesterday and already gave it a home. But I have decided that I am not going to stress over the little things, spending time with loved ones, was far more beneficial to my soul than how my house looks. Life is short, enjoy the moments. 

So I guess I can finally write about my brother, who now has his very own blog, I wished I could say it was to write about nothing but happy stuff and fond memories. He has told the world of Face Book his news and so I am more comfortable talking about it. To to be honest, blogging doesn't often come with all sunshine and rainbows, clothing or food reviews or the latest trends, many people blog about life experiences, let-downs, tragedies and how to overcome them which tend to be the theme all around. 

About 6 weeks ago he called to tell me he was diagnosed with the same cancer our dad who died at 54 (and a few other of his family members) died of and that he had already been for a second opinion and signed up for treatments (which he has been doing for about the last 4 weeks now). Everyone takes my heart into consideration when they seem to keep things from me until they know more, it is quite annoying, but I get how they want to protect me from heartache any further. But look at it this way, I am a big girl and have yet to actually break, most people couldn't tell me anything that I wouldn't be able to handle, or so it seems they haven't yet. Because I choose to find the good in everything, no matter how hard it seems sometimes. 

The doctors seem optimistic, and we are praying that he makes a full recovery and uses this experience to help others, in his own way. He has had scans every year for awhile now because of our dad and has made it to 60 so I am confident he will fight to beat the odds. He definitely hasn’t had an easy go at life either and struggled through addiction, loss, and now cancer… If you are so inclined, say an extra prayer or two for his treatments to go smooth and his recovery to be short. And if you or anyone you know may benefit from his journey you can look up his blog below. I know that writing for me is huge therapy and I wish him some inner peace from his writing as well as his opportunity to maybe reach a soul or two that needs a sense of hope and a little reminder they are not alone. 

Gregg's blog journey