When your day doesn't quite start out on a happy note...how do you turn it around? What kid loves to do chores? I would say most of them do not. But when you live on a mini ranch with lots of animals and land and THINGS there is just stuff that need to be taken care of and can't be put off continuously. Yesterday was the day to get caught up and get things done. We were out of town last weekend and pretty busy this past week. Waterers needed to be scrubbed out, trash thrown away, items put in the proper location, weeds removed, poop needed to be scooped, the house vacuumed, lots of laundry, tack shed swept out, porches swept, things taken out to the shed.... and on and on... Not a 10 minute job. I tried to be silly and make it fun, but I know all he could think about was when we could be done and he could play with his friends, and his irritation with my whimsical attitude showed. Typical kid thing in my book. So as we argued, I was in the chicken coop and noticed an orange out of the corner of my eye. I couldn't help but get excited and decided to completely turn the edgy situation around the best I knew how. I used it as an opportunity to show that you can be grateful in any situation and turn your crappy mood into a slightly more cheery one. The rest of the day went seamlessly, because I chose to reside in the good.
Paxton was reluctantly scooping poop and I went over and grabbed his hand and said, put that scooper down and come with me, with a frustration in his voice he demanded why, I softly said (with love in my heart that I hope reflected in the look I gave him), just come with me. He grabbed my hand and followed me into the citrus grove and I showed him the one blood orange and cluster of lemons on his dad's trees...he showed me the blooms and sprouts of new fruit... a sign of promise. Our first "crop" since they had been planted 3 years prior. He immediately got excited.. He said, I didn't think we would have any until I was like 15! I said that I bet your dad knew we needed them now. He apologized for his crabbiness and I apologized for yelling at him. (sometimes my patience level is low and my expectations of him at only 12 years old, tends to be a little high). I explained as I have had to do several times since his dad passed away, that I really rely on his help, cause I can't run this place by myself... he is normally a really good, caring and helpful child, but sometimes I have to remember he is just a child. They are going to be a little selfish, want to do their own thing and not always want to do what their parents ask... it is just part of being a child. Heck, sometimes as an adult we don't want to do the things we have to do. I do feel he is very mature for his age for the most part, but he is NOT an adult and although I want to raise him to be a good adult, that takes time and I truly believe he is on the right track, but I definitely need to give him some room to be a child.
I remember when my dad died when I was 14 that I grew up fast, my mom got a second job, she worked a lot. I got my driver's license 6 months early at 15 an a half. I made my own dinner a lot or ate at friends houses more often then I probably would have liked. I always thought I made good decisions, was mature beyond my years and had to grow up a little faster than a lot of the other kids I knew, which included much more responsibility. I often felt I was 2nd in my mom's world, at the time, especially to her phone, real estate, clients, her waitress/management job, but now know I was first and that is why she sacrificed so much and worked so hard, because everything she did she did it for me. I just wished what we had was more time. I probably could have lived in a cardboard box but I am glad her standards for us exceeded that.
I have struggled in my pre and post married life, no one lives a fairytale, no matter how hard we try, we have had hard times financially over the years and I am glad that we were able to maneuver through it and be determined enough to reach a different place before Steve died than my parents were in. I am glad that I went to college, glad I made a career for myself for the last 20 years that I am definitely in a different situation and place than my mom was and I am truly grateful for that and for more quality time spent with my son, then perhaps she was able to have for me. I am who I am because of it and I don't think I would go back and choose a different adventure like you could in the books I read in grade school. I remember choosing an adventure and you would skip to page 23 or 34 or 45 and then you could go back and read it differently to the end over and over picking different endings. I think if we knew how things would end we wouldn't always pick the path we chose, but because we can't go back and choose our ending, we just have to make the best decision with what we have and move forward. My story played out just the way it was suppose to and maybe I went through what I did to help Paxton through what he has to go through, no matter how much I could "what if" it turned out differently, somethings are beyond our control.
Remember if you follow my blogs I am a Hallmark girl through and through... Not to brag but I probably could have written 90% of them... hahaha.. We can choose how we react to things we are given without asking for them, because believe me if I wrote this story, Steve would still be here. I am huge romantic and advocate of happy endings, the hero doesn't die. But this is what I was handed and all I know how to do is to make the most of it.
I truly believe that I will make poor decisions and some mistakes along the way raising him, but I pray to God every night he leads me in the right direction for the path that Paxton needs from me to truly thrive and serve his God in the best possible way he can, that I am guided to help him find his passion and purpose, and support that the best I can, and that he is always honest with me (if not at first, eventually), knows he can come to me no matter what and that our bond will never be broken. It's ok young ladies, I know someday he will find someone who he will bond with that will be stronger than his mom bond but in a different way, and that is why I pray for her every night as well, whoever she may be, and that they will have an amazing marriage and her and I will respect one another. My mom had me pray for my future husband every night when I was growing up and I believe God brought me Steve for that reason. I also pray that I am soft but firm, supportive but not too quick to give in to every want, a good teacher, a phenomenal example, a spiritual connector, and his biggest cheerleader. Someone who can teach him to be humble but confident, assertive but patient, joyous but reasonable, faithful but not vulnerable, and passionate but full of self-control.
Galatians 5:22 says: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control
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