My Space and a Book

 

  I remember when Steve first brought up the idea of the orchard to me. I am able to visualize when it is in front of me, not as much when it is described. My mom always used to describe floor plans to me and I just really needed to see it for myself. Steve had always been a great designer and I had no doubt he would make his vision come true. He designed and researched and drew it out on graph paper. He carefully purchased the trees found out what would flourish in our desert heat and soil and hand picked each one. Some came from Tucson, some from Mesa and others Phoenix, he ordered a few from California even. 

14 trees (in the actual orchard, we have 20 fruit trees in all) , a stuccoed block wall with planters and stone, pillars with slate caps, travertine steps with under lighting, a middle breeze way with a metal arched framed oversize gazebo, and composite decking to house a sectional, firepit and table for eating. The baby trees he planted over 3 years ago have since flourished. Some almost as tall as the shade structure in the middle which if I had to guess (don’t quote me) is at least 10- 12 foot tall. 

All stone fruits various varieties of peaches, pluots, plums. apriums, 2 apples and a pomegranate tree. 

He didn’t get to see the finished product before he died. But his friends came to finish it off by completing the decking he didn’t get around to. I placed wind-chimes ( Steve hated wind-chimes, he thought they were too nosy but this was intended to be my space) A serene and peaceful space, furnished to my liking, to escape the noise and hectic mess of the outside world, the everyday chores of my household responsibility, and any work stress I had at the time. 

Steve knew how much I loved to read and knew how very little time I had sometimes to do it or escape what was going on around me to actually enjoy it. 

He loved the trees he loved researching things and nurturing them to grow and flourish and he wanted me to have a place to feel the calm I needed every so often or as much as I wanted. He new my job was stressful and it caused a lot of exhaustion not physically but mentally. 

He created our yard to be a place that everyone wants to come home to, a safe, serene and beautiful oasis in my own backyard. Who needs a vacation when you can walk out in your backyard and feel your stress levels drop immediately. A place to enjoy on our own, a space to entertain, a great environment for our animals, a pool with soothing waterfalls, gardens to grow whatever we wanted to cook with, and a baseball space and fun trampoline area for Paxton. Our patio almost the full length of our whole house to cook outdoors and smoke the meats he loved to perfect, watch the sunrise as it faces East, and enjoy the gorgeous nights before summer hit and look at the sky full of stars. We are out far enough from city lights we can capture their true essence.  He and I would often lay on the trampoline at night and just look up and gaze at the twinkling of stars. 

I have since November when the boys put down my deck been able to host a lot of girl friends and wine nights sitting by the fire listening to the sounds of nature, talking about all topics and life. 

Tonight was the first night that I actually grabbed a book, made my way out to MY space, lit my fire and lounged on my sectional all by myself ( well 2 dogs included) and listened to the sounds of nature, the crickets, the horses chewing on their dinner over the fence and delved into a book again. ( I really need to find someone to install the sound bar he purchased and play some relaxing tunes as I read so I can drowned out the new next door neighbor noise when I am trying to relax, no offense to them but voices carry out in the middle of nowhere and they come equipped with the cutest little red-headed 4 year old kid. I mean this with love in my heart.) 

In the last 9 months the closest thing I came to reading a book was audible or a podcast in my car. It is really a great feeling to pick up a book, thumb through the pages and escape into a story taking me away from my present situation and bring me into a story someone else has created for my enjoyment.  (thanks Colene for letting me raid your book shelves) 

This is truly what was intended for me and I am so grateful and blessed… no matter what has been taken from me, I am still very blessed. I can’t stress that enough, even in the sad, even in the difficulties and the pain and the unfairness I am blessed for sure. 

A husband who saw to it that I was left an oasis that could never replace him, but in a heartbeat I would trade to have him back, but that was carefully calculated whether he was aware of it or not to get me through all the bad, uncertainty, frustration and new uncharted waters going forward. 

He set me up with Gods help, I am sure,  because there is a plan for me that involves me to be feel Steve’s love and Gods peace, mercy and grace  as I maneuver and adapt to the life I am to live going forward. 

Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

I may not know what my future holds, I am taking it one day at a time, praying that I find courage to move forward with love in my heart, strength to raise a son to become a good adult, the motivation to be of good service to others and the acceptance of a journey that is tailored to me. Trusting God and his timing along the way.