I woke up Tuesday morning to a water bill in my email in the amount of $898. Wishing more than ever I had a well rather than a private water company. Being that we live on land and have multiple things that need water from orchard trees, to gardens, bushes, and all the animal waterers, and hose bibs strategically placed around our property, I am no stranger to leaks. With that said, I used my “I can’t control what has already happened attitude” and made a mental note to call the landscaper and the water company to look for a leak to prevent such an astronomical water bill again. Then when we were getting ready to load up the horses to go ride and went in the backyard that evening, I noticed the wash that runs through my property was running…A LOT! It hadn’t rained for two days. The turn out was completely flooded and the orchard once again had water up to the deck. Although I immediately had tears well up in my eyes, I shut the flood gates down and went to shut the water off. My first thought was to skip loading up the horses and heading to Gilbert so Paxton could run calves but decided that there was nothing I could do at that very moment until the water cleared to even see where the leak was. So instead of ruining our plans, we went through with them. I called a friend to keep me grounded as I was determined not to fall apart at that moment, briefly vented and went about our plans.
We had a leak in the same area a couple months ago that was
fixed, or so I thought, I am assuming it didn’t hold up, it was the same pipe,
not cracked this time, just spraying out from where the joints must not have
bonded together enough, slowly leaked causing such high water bills the last
few months and then it just gave way to spraying out in all directions and
filling up the orchard causing a flood through our turnout and down the wash. That
was A LOT of water in a short amount of time, as one of us is out in that area
several times a day.
I couldn’t get the leak fixed yesterday and had to
completely shut off all the water to the backyard, but have someone coming out
today to take care of it, hopefully we will see a future filled with less expensive
water bills and animal waterers that I am not having to flood the orchard to
fill up or haul buckets out that far! I know this can be fixed and I look forward
to getting stuff cleaned up, the orchard trimmed and the plants that Steve planted
and tended to with love taken care of so that I can keep their harvest alive. I
am not a green thumb in the slightest. That is another reason why I think I love
fresh cut flowers so much, I can enjoy them for a short amount of time, and I expect
them to die, rather than having to put so much effort into keeping plants,
trees, a garden, and bushes alive that take so much work and sometimes still
don’t survive! This is exactly why I didn’t keep his real grass- it is not my thing,
and it would look like crap! I love my artificial turf in the front and have never
regretted putting it in after he died. I love enjoying his vision, but it is
not a hobby that I am passionate about like he was.
I had a crazy day with work yesterday, from putting together
a new listing out in Maricopa for a sweet couple who I have learned to love over
the last 10 years through all the different real estate transactions and referrals
they have sent me, this bittersweet moment where they take their life they
built here and enjoy retirement together in Colorado with the grandkids for the
next chapter of their lives, this one was their son’s property I sold to him
back in 2019 a project that he and his dad could fix up together, he passed
away shortly after and they didn’t get to do all the things they wanted so the
dad finished out their vision on his own. It my friends was so beautiful and
came together so lovely I want to buy it, to mentoring a girl through her
interest in real estate, picking the kids up at carpool time, surprising myself for not loosing my shit while at a walk
through for a home that is suppose to close today went sour and I had to
document over 50 pictures of “stuff” both interior and exterior that had yet to
be removed from the home at 4:00 yesterday afternoon and all the back and forth
with the other agent and our clients that goes along with that. For those of
you who follow me on IG or FB, it was the ceiling fan home, not surprising. Mind
you we even wrote into the contract that all the personal effects needed to be
removed prior to close of escrow, even though that should be a given, but I had
intuition at the very beginning of this transaction that I needed to reiterate
this! So glad I did, and we settled on both a hold up on recording until the interior
stuff was removed and some of the sellers proceeds for the exterior stuff if my
clients end up having to have it removed. I confess I didn’t have a chance to make dinner and Paxton had to make himself macaroni and cheese but he did it without complaining. Things may not always work out how we
want, but we can usually always find a solution without freaking out although sometimes the natural human reaction goes straight to negativity and what else could go wrong. It takes a lot of practice and reiteration and reminders to control your emotions and reactions.
Last night in my memories one popped up of my cousin and I
getting tattoos together for the second time last year, the first one was 4
years prior when she came out to interview in AZ for jobs and I got the word LOVE
in my mom’s handwriting. This time while Steve was in the hospital, I had the
word FAITH tattooed in the shape of a cross, it wasn’t anyone special’s handwriting
like most of my tattoos are but the significance at the time held the meaning.
I told myself that no matter the outcome of last year’s circumstances I would
not lose my faith over it. And you know what, I have not! Have I doubted, yes,
we all do at times I am sure, I am no saint… but I would rather stay strong and
believe there is a better place we all go to then not, it grounds me, gives me
hope and allows me to stay focused on a purpose in this life.
Paxton went with the neighbor to a practice roping up in
Apache Junction last night with a bunch of guys and I was home by myself,
mentally exhausted I fell asleep on the couch, when I woke, I went to turn on the
light on the porch and I noticed I had a delivery outside and I waited until he
got home to open the box. He opened it and pulled the quilt out and immediately
said, it smells just like dad. My smell is still a little off, so I wasn’t
sure if it really did or if he was imagining it did. When Steve died, I had no smell, so I was unable
to smell the smells that Paxton has from certain things for a long time now,
and even now most don’t smell like I remember they should. I am not sure if
that is a good or a bad thing, but it is what it is. When I woke this morning,
I asked Amy if she washed Steve’s shirts and sweatshirts before she made the quilt,
she had not, she said it makes it all the more special. Special indeed. Tears
came to my eyes, just a bit as I was a little jealous that I couldn’t smell his
smell as Paxton did, but it is okay, I have lots of other good memories to flow
through my being whenever I need them.
She is a very talented sewist and one of the most considerate people I have ever met. She was supposed to make Steve a custom fishing quilt before he died, they never got it squared away to what he really wanted, and I am not sure he wanted to pay her fee (totally worth it though she is amazing!) I know she would have rather made that fishing quilt for him than this tee shirt quilt for Paxton because of the circumstances, it was a labor of love and couldn’t have been more perfect or arrived at a more perfect time then during this transition of our first year of firsts as we move forward with incredible memories, the support of amazing friends and family and the encouragement of his legacy to help us carry out our purposes.
As I sit here and write this my text pops up to ask if the quilt is officially Paxton's. I replied yes, with all the sport and fishing connections and the shirts Paxton gave him, it makes it his by default. So as she shares with me that she couldn't contain herself and had to tell me that she kept all the scraps of his shirts to make me a patchwork quilt to have and I think she took my breath away. She truly is an angel in a human body and I couldn't ask for a sweeter more thoughtful thing she could have done for me. It isn't finished, but I look forward to enjoying it when it comes and my heart is filled with warmth and gratitude which is just what I need to get me through the next few weeks and beyond.
So I am going to continue to work on accepting the things that come my way, the good and not so good, being grateful for all of the amazing things I still have and have yet to have and do, not allow opportunities to pass me up due to fear, be more flexible, stress less, doubt my abilities a little less, be more spontaneous, less serious, have fun and concentrate on enjoying the journey moving forward, I know that Steve would want nothing more than that for Paxton and I, I can truly feel it today. I am confident I can deliver most days, with the grace of knowing that every day doesn't have to be my best, as long as I try.
In the spirit of not losing my faith during all of this I really take heart with the words to this song. Life happens and sometimes it is shitty and God doesn't always stop things from happening but we can rest in his future promises and find peace in this life.
Taken from Whatever May Come by Jeremy Camp
I will call
I will call upon You
Whatever I face
You are with me
I will fall
I will fall on my knees
For every heartbreak
You will hold me
Whatever I face
Whatever the fear
Whatever the cost
You always draw near
Whatever the pain
Whatever may come
Whatever may fall
Your love overcomes
Your love overcomes
Whatever may fall
Your love overcomes
Whatever may come
You will hold me
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Jeremy Thomas Camp
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